Her breathing was still erratic. And she started to push against him.
“Julian, bend down so kitten can see you,” he ordered in a quiet voice, being careful not to make the tone harsh.
Julian startled then crouched down. “Kitten?”
She reached out a shaking hand, cupping the side of Julian’s face. He moved onto his knees, his eyes drifting half-closed. “H-he hurt you?”
“No, kitten. I’m fine. Nobody hurt me.”
“P-promise?”
“I promise.”
“You can see Julian is unharmed, kitten. So now I need you to calm down. No, just sit still, you’re not getting up yet. Keira,” he said in a low, warning voice as she tried to push against him. “Look at me. See who has you.”
She froze. Stared up at him. Then she blinked. “C-Cole?”
“That’s right.” Relief swirled in his gut. To his shock, Julian moved closer to him right as Keira threw her arms around him. She sobbed, shaking against him.
“Easy, little bit. It’s all right. Julian’s right here. Nothing bad has happened.”
“It’s all bad. It’s all wrong. Nothing will ever be right again.”
“Oh, baby. It will.”
Julian draped himself over them. So that he was half pressed against Cole and half against Keira. Her breathing slowed down, becoming more even but he could feel the splash of tears against his neck. He ran his hand up and down her back, soothing her as best he could even as his insides shook.
He moved his other arm, wrapping it as much as he could around Julian’s back, giving them both as much comfort as he could. It took him a moment to realize Julian was shaking almost as much as Keira. Tears stung his eyes at the big man’s show of vulnerability. That the two of them could let him see this, could let him comfort them . . . gave him hope.
He knew he shouldn’t let himself feel that way. They weren’t exactly in their right minds, and it could all unravel in a few hours. But, right then, they needed him. And it filled something inside him that had gone empty for too long.
This was right. This was what he was meant to be. The anchor for the two of them in the storm. If they needed someone to deal with everything else, all the mundane life stuff so they could heal and breathe a little easier, then he was more than ready to do that for them.
He kissed the top of Keira’s head. Her tears had dropped off and, other than a few shudders running through her body, she seemed to be doing better. Uncertain what his reaction would be, Cole leaned slightly forward and brushed his lips across Julian’s forehead in a light caress.
The bigger man took in a deep breath then let it out in a shudder. Then Julian sat back and looked around the empty room. “Well. What do we do now?”
18
She was so embarrassed.
Keira couldn’t believe what she’d done. She’d completely wigged out. In the middle of the club. And she’d attacked a Dom.
She was never showing her face at Saxon’s again. In fact, she was never leaving the house again. Maybe not even her bedroom. Fuck. She leaned against the bathroom wall then slid down to the floor, landing with a thump. She drew her legs up to her chest. She buried her face in her knees.
How could she ever look at anyone again? Saxon had to be furious. Everyone probably thought she was a complete basket case. And Cole . . .
She let out a low moan.
A knock sounded at the door and her stomach threatened to empty its contents.
Please be Julian. Please be Julian.
She couldn’t deal with Cole right then.
“Keira? Keira, are you okay?”
Drat. Her luck really wasn’t holding out tonight.
Answer him.
And say what? Sorry for losing it? Sorry you had to carry me out of the club because my legs wouldn’t work?
“Keira, you have ten seconds to reply before I’m coming in,” Cole told her.
She stared at the locked door, wondering how he was going to achieve that.
Answer him.
She opened her mouth. Closed it again. Squeezed her eyes shut. Was Joel furious with her? He had to be. Would he kick them out? Had she cost them their home? Julian had been talking about moving but it wasn’t really a viable option. They had no money, nowhere to go, and where was she going to feel as safe as she did there?
“Right. Keira, I want you to go to the far end of the bathroom. We’re coming in.”
We? They were working together? Part of her rejoiced. Although Cole had hurt her, she didn’t hold any real anger toward him. Not like Julian did. If they were working together did that mean Julian had started to forgive Cole?
Wait. Why had he told her to get away from the door?
Something knocked against the door and she screamed.
“Wait! Don’t! I’ll open it,” she cried out.
There was silence on the other side. “You have five seconds to get the door open, kitten.”
Oh, that was not a happy voice. And the fact it was Julian who’d spoken made it even worse. She expected Cole to be upset with her. But Julian knew what was going on. He must be worried about her. She scrambled to her feet, almost tripping as she hastily reached the door and unlocked it.
Before she could grab the handle, the door slid open and Julian had her up in his arms. He was shaking, or was that her? Right then, she wasn’t sure. He wrapped his arms around her, holding on tightly.
Then he drew back, taking her by the shoulders to give her a gentle shake. “Don’t do that!”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She wiped at her tears and gathered up her courage even though she wanted to hide. She looked around Julian’s wide shoulders to where Cole stood in the doorway. At least he didn’t look annoyed. In fact, he seemed more concerned.
“I’m so sorry for what I did at the club. How mad is everyone at me? Joel must be furious.”
“Nobody is angry at you, Keira. They’re all worried,” Cole reassured her.
“I embarrassed you guys.”
“You didn’t embarrass anyone,” Cole said, surprising her.
She glanced up at Julian, biting her lip. He didn’t seem all that happy with her right now.
“Don’t ever put a locked door between us, Keira,” he growled with a fierce frown “You can’t do that, remember? I need to get to you. I couldn’t get to you.”
Oh, God.
“I’m so sorry, Julian. I’m sorry. I forgot.” She hugged him back nearly as tightly as he was holding her. No wonder he was shaking. She’d forgotten. She’d been too busy thinking about herself to remember him. She was such a shit wife.
He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She knew he’d want her close for a while now. All those times Vincento had separated them as punishment haunted them both.
Cole stepped out of the doorway, watching them both closely as Julian strode out of the bathroom. A look of longing crossed his face; a hunger so deep it made her hurt for him. She wondered what he was thinking. She knew he regretted what had happened between the three of them, but she still wondered at the reasons why. As Julian walked past him without a word, she wondered if he’d ever be able to forgive Cole.
Then Julian stilled. Almost as though he’d caught her thoughts. “Cole?”
“Yes? Do you need something? Or would you like me to go?”
She hated the hesitation in his voice. Cole was a take-charge kind of guy. Filled with confidence. Maybe a little bit too much at times. But she’d never been too bothered by it. She’d learned when to pick her battles and he’d always been reasonable. He’d never been an asshole.
Not until that day he’d pushed them out of his life.
Now she wondered if she shouldn’t have tried harder to find out why.
“Could you come with us?” Julian asked in a quiet voice. He was so tense she was worried about him. She knew what it cost for him to ask that of Cole. If Cole rejected him . . .
“Of course,” Cole said immediately.
She blew out a br
eath in relief. Right then, she didn’t want him to leave, even if she hated that he’d seen her completely lose it. That he’d seen her so weak.
Julian walked out into the living room and sat on the sofa. He immediately buried his face in her neck. She could feel his hot breath against her skin as she wrapped herself around him. She turned her head to look at Cole who sat next to them.
“Are you sure Joel isn’t going to be mad at me?” Her voice sounded lost and sad. She stared at Cole worriedly.
“Keira, I promise no one is upset at you.”
“Julian is.”
Julian tightened his hold on her, making a noise in the back of his throat.
Cole stared at Julian worriedly.
“It’s because I locked the door,” she explained. “I promised I wouldn’t do that. He doesn’t like it when he can’t get to me. I messed up. More than once, tonight. That’s some kind of record, right?”
She felt a tear roll down her cheek. He reached over to brush it away then stopped before touching her. She stared at him, his rejection flooding her. He thought she was crazy.
“You didn’t mess up—”
She snorted. “Right. I completely wigged out. I’m fucked in the head. I practically attacked some innocent Dom. It’s a wonder they’re not fucking coming for me with the white jackets.”
“Okay, first of all, I don’t want to ever hear you say derogatory things about yourself, understand me? Second, no one thinks badly of you or is mad at you or embarrassed by you. Third, since when do you swear?” His voice was pure Dom and it sent a small shiver through her. Julian still wasn’t saying anything, he just clung to her.
“Oh, since about the time a madman locked us up and tortured us,” she replied without thinking.
Silence filled the room.
“What?” Cole whispered.
She closed her eyes. She shouldn’t have said that. Why had she said that?
Because this is Cole. You want him to know. You want him to help. But she had no right to say anything, not without Julian giving his consent.
“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”
More silence.
“Keira,” Cole began.
She shook her head. “Please don’t. Please. I can’t. I can’t do it.”
“Okay, baby. Sh, don’t get upset.” Cole reached out and rubbed his hand up and down her back. His touch combined with Julian’s felt like home to her.
“How about I go and make you both something to drink? Do you want some sweet tea? Or if you’d rather I could go and get Jardin for you?” He started to rise when Julian shot out his hand and grabbed hold of Cole’s arm. He didn’t say anything, just held onto him.
Her breath caught. Her gaze went from Julian’s hand around Cole’s arm up to Cole’s shocked face.
“He wants you to stay,” she said unnecessarily.
“Then that’s what I’ll do. For however long both of you need me, I’m here.”
About the time a madman locked us up and tortured us.
Fuck. Those words were killing him. He needed to know what she meant. Had she been serious? Had someone really done that? As much as he wished he could tell himself she’d been kidding or lying or making it out to sound worse than it was, he knew that wasn’t the case.
Someone had done that to them. To his Keira and Julian.
Fuck. Fuck. Shit.
He wanted to hit something. He wanted to scream. To yell. To cry. But he couldn’t do any of that. Because right now, they were on the verge of breaking. Julian had barely spoken since Keira lost it in the club. He was sitting on the sofa with her wrapped around him like a security blanket. His face was hidden in her neck and he didn’t seem like he planned to move anytime soon.
Julian still had his hand wrapped around Cole’s wrist hard enough to bruise. Not that Cole cared about that. If he needed him, Cole was there. Although, he wasn’t sure how much he was helping.
He lightly tugged at Julian’s hand and the other man tightened his hold. Cole had to hide a wince. Not well enough he realized as Keira stiffened.
“Julian, baby, you’re hurting Cole.”
“Can’t leave,” Julian rumbled.
“I’m not going anywhere, Julian,” Cole told him quietly. “But I thought I might make the two of you something to eat.”
Keira shook her head, looking ill.
“Not hungry,” Julian rumbled.
Cole scooted a little closer and tentatively laid his free hand on Julian’s knee. The other man shuddered.
“Julian, Keira needs to eat. How about we all go into the kitchen? You can both sit at the counter and watch me. I’m not going anywhere. There’s nowhere else I want to be.”
He thought pulling at Julian’s protective side when it came to Keira might work. But he was also truly worried about Keira’s health. She’d felt so slight in his arms as he’d carried her.
“I know neither of you trust me. You’ve got every right to hate me, but right now I need to be here with you both. To help you. Will you let me stay?”
“You want to help us?” Keira asked, looking surprised.
Maybe he should leave and let someone better than him help them. But so far no one else had been able to. And just look at what had happened tonight. If he’d been in charge of them, he’d never have allowed them to put themselves in such a vulnerable position.
“Yes,” he told her. “I want to help you both.”
He didn’t trust anyone else with them. Jardin could be the best guy in the world. The best Dom. But he wasn’t Cole. And he didn’t care about Keira and Julian the way he did.
“What do you need from me, Keira?” he asked her.
“I . . . well, I . . .” Keira trailed off, looking miserable.
Fuck. She should be able to ask him for anything. She should be completely secure in the knowledge she was loved and adored. That the world was hers for the asking.
“Keira, you don’t have to hesitate. The two of you . . . you can ask me for anything and I’ll do my best to give it to you.”
Keira gave him a faint smile. “I wouldn’t go promising that. You have no idea what we might ask for.”
He grasped her chin, staring into her eyes. “Anything. At. All. All right?”
“All right,” she whispered. “Will you stay with us tonight?”
“Julian?” he questioned the other man. “Is that what you want?”
Nothing came from the other man. He waited patiently. No way would he force anything. That wasn’t what this was about. Consent and communication were important. Although communication had never been Julian’s strong suit. He kept his cards close to his chest.
But then a deep sigh escaped Julian. And he lifted his head, looked straight at Cole and whispered, “Yes.”
Okay.
“All right. I can do that.” Even though he felt like he was walking in a minefield. “But I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not saying you have to tell me,” he said hastily as they stiffened. “You don’t. But I don’t want to do anything that might upset or harm you. So, I need to know what I can and can’t do. Is there something I would do that might remind you both of what happened to you?”
“You can’t take Keira away from me,” Julian said after a few seconds. “I can take anything else.”
“I’d never take Keira from you.”
“He means . . . right now, he can’t even let go of me,” Keira whispered. “Sometimes when he gets like this, when he’s stuck back in the darkness of those memories or when he just needs me more, he’ll carry me around like this. Everywhere.” She said the last part in a whisper, almost as though she was worried he’d be horrified.
“Okay.” It made sense with what he’d seen. The way Julian was always close to Keira. How he’d reacted tonight in the BDSM club when Keira had lost it.
“All right. What about you, baby? Anything I need to be careful of?”
“Oh, maybe everything.” She let out a small noise he guessed was meant t
o be a laugh but came out more like a sob. “We’re so messed up, Cole. And nothing we do seems to fix it. Therapy doesn’t help. Trying to be normal doesn’t help. Nothing helps. Julian . . . he spanked me the other night and it was the first time I really let myself just cry. I mean, I’ve cried but not like that. Not with all the barriers down and the emotion pouring out. I just want to go awhile without thinking or worrying or anything. And he gave me that. I want that for him too. I mean, I don’t want you to spank him. Well, not unless he wants that. That could be kind of hot.”
“Keira,” he said in a low voice. Not a chiding one, he wasn’t scolding her. Just trying to get her on track.
Heat filled her cheeks. “Right. Sorry. What I mean is, if he could stop worrying over me for a little while, then maybe he could concentrate on himself. I want him not to be so worried all the time. So stressed. He hardly ever sleeps. He does nothing for himself. I just want to see him smile.”
She asked nothing for herself and everything for the man she loved. Some things hadn’t changed, at least.
“And I’m sure he wants the same thing for you, little bit.” The name rolled off his tongue. God, how many times had he wanted to call her that these last few weeks? Yet he’d been terrified she’d reject him. Push him away.
“I . . . I guess he would.”
“I’m here for you both. I’m going to tread really carefully and I . . . I won’t let either of you down.”
“All right,” she whispered.
Julian raised his head, proving he’d been listening. He looked at Cole but didn’t say anything. Then he shook his head.
It was a stab to the gut. Something he knew he totally deserved.
“Julian?” Keira whispered.
“Can’t trust him. He left us. Promised one thing. Did another.”
Keira closed her eyes, looking pained.
“I know neither of you can trust me fully. I don’t deserve that. There are reasons for what I did, but I don’t think either of you are ready to hear them. And, besides, actions speak louder than words. Can you trust me at least enough to know I’ll back off if you need me to? That I’ll do my very best not to harm either of you?”
Cole's Mistake (Haven, Texas Book 8) Page 19