He puffed up his chest. “Obviously you’re nowhere near as smart as I am, but you’ve got a lot going on between those ears of yours. I’ve already achieved so much, but with you around to bounce ideas off, there’s nothing I couldn’t do!”
“So, you want us involved because we’re smart?” said Vernon.
“She’s smart,” Ursine corrected, pointing to Lisa Marie. “You’re only here because I didn’t think she’d agree to be my assistant if I didn’t.”
Lisa Marie wrinkled her nose. “‘Assistant’?” she said.
“Senior Assistant!” Ursine said, trying to sweeten the deal. “Executive Senior Assistant. Think of what we could achieve together!”
Lisa Marie thought of what they could achieve together. She decided she didn’t much like it. “No, I don’t think I’ll bother,” she said.
Ursine’s face fell. “I’m sorry?”
“I don’t think I’ll bother,” Lisa Marie said. “I think we’ll just go home.”
“Go … home?”
“Yes.” Lisa Marie nodded. “You said if we weren’t interested in your offer, we were free to leave. I’m not interested.”
“And neither am I,” said Vernon. “Besides, I’ve got a Battle War 2 tournament this afternoon, so we need to go.”
“No one was asking you,” Ursine grunted. He ran his tongue across the front of his teeth and glared down at Lisa Marie. She stared up at him, not blinking or backing down. “Seize them,” Ursine commanded.
Cuddlyplump and Mr Fluffton pounced, grabbing the children around their waists and pinning their arms to their sides. Vernon tried to wriggle free of Mr Fluffton’s grip, but the bear was surprisingly strong for his size.
“Get off. You said you’d let us go!” Lisa Marie yelped.
“Yes. I lied,” said Ursine. He winced. “Does that make me a bad person?”
“You’re planning to take over the world. You were already a bad person,” Lisa Marie pointed out.
“Save the world, not take it over,” Ursine said, then he sniggered. “But yes. Fair point.”
He raised his eyes to the ceiling. “Mummy Bear, give me a status update. How are things progressing?”
There was no answer from the speakers.
“Mummy Bear, status update.”
Silence followed, broken only by a brief screech of audio feedback.
The lights around the room flickered one at a time, as if someone was testing the switches.
“Huh. That’s weird,” said Ursine.
“Wait. You said Mummy Bear can connect wirelessly to the teddies,” Lisa Marie said. There was an urgency to her voice like she was trying not to panic. “Right? She connects wirelessly to their chips?”
“Correct,” said Ursine. “Why do you ask?”
“Your phone,” she said, nodding to Ursine’s breast pocket. “Is it connected to the same WiFi network?”
The big man’s furry eyebrows knitted themselves together as he frowned. “Yes. Why do you ask?”
Lisa Marie’s face turned white. “Turn it off!”
“My phone?”
“Everything! Turn everything off before…”
A low chuckle rumbled around the room like thunder.
“Oh no,” Lisa Marie whispered. “It’s too late. What have you done?”
A voice hissed out of Mummy Bear’s speakers. But it wasn’t Mummy Bear’s voice. It was someone much, much worse.
“Well hey there, meatbags,” growled Grizz. “You miss me?”
Ursine tapped his phone, becoming more frantic with every jab.
“I don’t understand,” he mumbled. “What’s going on? Mummy Bear?”
“Mummy Bear isn’t home right now,” sniggered the voice from the speakers. “I’m in charge now.”
“Wait … what’s happening?” Vernon demanded.
“He made an AI version of Grizz,” Lisa Marie explained. She glared at her brother. “The evil monster bear you created. And now it’s got into the computer systems.”
“And that’s bad?” Vernon asked.
“Yes! It’s very bad!” Lisa Marie replied.
“Then turn it off,” said Vernon. “We should turn it off.”
Ursine’s mouth flapped open and closed a few times. Lisa Marie felt her heart sink.
“You can’t, can you?” she realized. “You can’t turn it off.”
“No,” said Ursine. “I never thought I’d need to.”
“All this fancy technology and you didn’t think to add an off switch?!” Vernon spluttered.
“It’s fine. It’s under control,” Ursine insisted. He raised his voice to a shout. “Mummy Bear? Install back-up.”
Grizz’s voice became a menacing growl. “You don’t get it, do you, meatbag? There is no Mummy Bear any more. This whole place is under my control.”
Ursine swallowed nervously. “No, I tell a lie, we’re completely doomed.”
“Whoa, some of this stuff is cool,” Grizz said.
Two robotic arms swung down from the ceiling, their metal pincers snapping at Lisa Marie and Vernon. They yelped and ducked for cover.
“Oh man, I am so going to enjoy this,” Grizz laughed. “And let’s see. You were saying something about control chips…?”
The door to the Weapons and Equipment room opened and several teddies emerged. They were all dressed in matching military uniforms and carried what looked like toy ray guns in their paws.
There was more movement over at the plastic tubs, as dozens of bears clambered out. Although these bears hadn’t picked up ray guns, they still had their claws, which was almost as bad.
“Here’s what’s going to happen,” said Grizz. “I’m going to teach you meddling meatbags a lesson you’ll remember for the rest of your lives. Luckily for you, that won’t be very long.”
Vernon looked at his sister. “That almost sounded like a threat.”
“Of course it was a threat! He’s saying he’s going to kill us,” Lisa Marie replied.
“That’s a bit mean,” Vernon whimpered.
“Meh. You did make me a monster,” the voice of Grizz pointed out. “And then you got rid of me. So, if you ask me, you brought this on yourself.”
Two blades unfolded from the robot arms and began to spin like circular saws. “But I don’t want this to be over too quickly, so I’m going to give you a head start.”
“That’s, uh, very kind of you,” said Ursine. “Thanks.”
“I meant the kids,” Grizz growled. “You, on the other hand, are staying right where you are.”
One of the teddy bears opened fire with its ray gun. A beam of red light hit Ursine in his broad chest. He jiggled around, his masses of hair all standing on end as smoke poured from his ears.
“Nnnng!” he grimaced, his teeth rattling together as he toppled backwards on to the floor like a falling tree.
Cuddlyplump and Mr Fluffton both exchanged worried glances. It took them a moment to figure out what they should do. Both seemed to come to the same conclusion.
“Yeah! Take that, meatbag!” said Cuddlyplump.
“Grizz, Grizz, he’s our bear,” sang Mr Fluffton, waving his arms around like a cheerleader. “If he can’t do it, we don’t care!”
Lisa Marie tutted. “Traitors,” she said, which brought snarls from both bears.
“Touch her and you’ll answer to me!” Grizz snarled. “These meatbags are all mine.”
Lisa Marie glared at both bears until they stopped growling.
“How long a head start?” she asked.
“Ten seconds,” Grizz said.
“Twenty.”
There was a snort from the speakers. “Excuse me?”
“You said you didn’t want it to be over too quickly. Ten seconds isn’t enough time. Twenty.”
“Twelve.”
“Fifteen, final offer,” said Lisa Marie.
Silence followed. It was eventually broken by a long sigh. “Fine. Fifteen seconds.”
“Thank you,” said Lis
a Marie. “Starting when?”
“Three seconds ago.”
“What? That’s not fair!” Lisa Marie began, but Vernon caught her by the arm and started dragging her in the direction of the roll-up door.
“Just shut up and run!”
Lisa Marie yanked her arm free. “No. Not that way. It’ll be locked. This way.”
She banked right and raced back towards the door that led to the main factory floor.
“Are you nuts?” Vernon yelped. “That’s not the way out.”
“I have an idea. Trust me.”
Vernon glanced at the roll-up door, muttered something below his breath, then turned and followed Lisa Marie.
“Five!” announced Grizz, just as they reached the connecting door. “Four.”
Sheer terror gave both children an extra burst of speed. They hurtled through the door just as Grizz bellowed, “Three-two-one!” in one big outburst. Three ray-gun blasts struck the doorframe just as Vernon stumbled safely through.
“After them!” Grizz commanded. His cackle echoed around the entire building. “This is going to be fun.”
The enormous digital eye swivelled to look at Lisa Marie and Vernon as they raced on to the factory floor.
“I seeeeeee you,” Grizz sang. “You can’t escape me, meatbags, and it doesn’t look like that teddy pal under your arm is going to save you this time! I’m everywhere!”
As if to prove his point, several more robotic arms sprouted from some of the factory machines. The conveyor belts began to move faster, firing lifeless teddy bears at the children like furry cannonballs.
Lisa Marie ducked a flying bear. Vernon’s eyes went wide as he saw the ball of fluff and fur hurtling towards him, but didn’t react in time. It biffed him in the face with enough force to send him staggering.
“This way!” Lisa Marie urged. She grabbed Vernon by the arm and they raced towards the last machine, dodging a barrage of flying soft toys. Behind them, the doorway was suddenly filled with ray-gun-toting teddies.
“What now?” Vernon yelped as he and Lisa Marie reached the machine.
Lisa Marie pulled her brother around to the other side of the machine and up on to the conveyor belt. Vernon babbled in terror as they were both whisked inside the machine.
“We can’t hide in here!”
“We’re not hiding,” said Lisa Marie. The conveyor belt jerked to a stop. A light on top of the machine flashed red. “We’re being rejected.”
A hatch opened beneath them. The children caught a brief glimpse of a long metal chute, then gravity grabbed them and they fell, screaming, into the dark.
Lisa Marie caught a glimpse of the opening below them, so quickly crossed her ankles, tucked Bearvis tighter under her arm, and straightened her back. She slid smoothly down the chute like a luge rider at the Winter Olympics. Just above her, Vernon thumped and thudded off the sides, leaving dents wherever he hit the metal.
“Ow! Oof! That hurt!”
With a whoosh, Lisa Marie slid out of the chute, hit a net at the bottom, then flopped down on to a pile of soft teddy bears.
A moment later, Vernon was fired out like a missile. He wailed as he overshot the net, then hit the wall behind it with a crunch. He hung there for a moment, arms and legs spread in an X shape, before sliding slowly to the floor.
Lisa Marie rolled down from the mound of teddies, gave Bearvis a quick check over to make sure he was OK, then helped Vernon up.
“What were you thinking?” he yelped. “You could have killed us!”
“Grizz definitely would have killed us,” Lisa Marie pointed out. “This seemed like a sensible solution.”
“Sensible? I just got fired at a wall!” Vernon reminded her, then he was silenced by Lisa Marie’s hand clamping across his mouth.
“Shh!” she whispered. “Not so loud.”
The room they had landed in was mostly dark, with just a faint glow spilling through a gap at the bottom of a door. They could hear liquid burbling through pipes, and the occasional drip-drip-drip of a leak.
Lisa Marie waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. They were in a spooky old basement.
Still, at least there weren’t any eyes watching them from screens, and so far Grizz’s voice hadn’t crackled from any hidden speakers.
There was a sudden glow as Vernon checked his phone.
“Still no signal,” he whispered.
“That’s hardly surprising. We’re in the basement of an underground complex built into a hill,” Lisa Marie pointed out.
“I can’t get on the WiFi, either,” Vernon moaned. “It’s password protected.”
He sighed and slipped his phone back into his pocket. “Great. Drake’s going to be furious if I’m not online for the tournament.”
Lisa Marie tutted. “I think that’s the least of our problems.”
Vernon pointed to the mouth of the chute they’d emerged from. A terrible thought had just occurred to him. “What if they follow us?” he whispered.
Lisa Marie shook her head. “Ursine said it opens for the Duds who don’t pass quality control. The other bears all passed the checks, so they can’t get in.”
She was about to add, “We should be safe for now,” when she heard the soft scuff of footsteps, and saw a shadow moving in the light from under the door.
“I don’t think we’re alone,” she said, making her voice as soft as possible. She pointed to the door. “There’s someone through there.”
Vernon gulped. “Do you think it’s someone nice?”
There was a thunk of a lock sliding open on the other side of the door.
“Looks like we’re about to find out,” Lisa Marie whispered.
To Lisa Marie’s surprise, Vernon stepped protectively in front of her, his fists raised. “If I say ‘run’, then you run,” he instructed. “I’ll catch up.”
The door opened, flooding the basement with light. Roaring, Vernon charged at the figure who appeared in the doorway, flailing his arms around like a windmill.
WHUMP!
The door slammed closed in his face. Vernon stumbled back, clutching his forehead. He crashed into Lisa Marie, knocking them both on to the floor.
Lisa Marie sighed.
“My hero.”
The door creaked open once more, and a teddy bear’s head peeked out. Its fur was mostly grey, and it wore a pair of half-moon glasses on the end of its nose.
“Hello?” the bear said in a soft, croaky voice. “Who’s there?”
“Um, hi. I’m Lisa Marie. This is my brother, Vernon,” said Lisa Marie, standing up and dusting herself down.
Now she was back on her feet, she realized the teddy bear was much smaller than those upstairs.
He was around the same size as Bearvis, but looked shorter thanks to a stoop in his back.
“Please, don’t hurt us!” Vernon whimpered.
“Hurt you? Oh my! Oh no! No, I wouldn’t dream of it!”
The teddy tilted his head back so he could peer at them through his spectacles. “Oh my, you have been put together wrong, haven’t you? You poor things. I mean, just look at your faces,” he said, shuddering in horror.
Lisa Marie and Vernon both frowned. “What’s wrong with our faces?” asked Lisa Marie.
“Yeah. You’re not exactly going to win any beauty contests yourself, mate,” added Vernon.
“You’ve got no fur, for starters. And your eyes are all wrong,” the old bear said. “And you’re too big, far too big. I mean, your heads are all like…” He puffed out his cheeks as far as they’d go. “Like that.”
Lisa Marie shook her head. “We’re not teddy bears.”
“You aren’t?” the old bear gasped. “Are you sure?”
“We’re sure,” said Lisa Marie. “We’re human.”
“Are you? Well I never. Well I never. I mean … I suppose that would explain a lot. Sorry, it’s just that it’s generally only bears that come down the chute. I’m not used to anyone else dropping in.”
He h
eld a paw out to them. “Theodore Steiffenhume the Third,” he said grandly. He started to bow, but his back made a twanging noise, so he stopped. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
Vernon’s eyes narrowed. “Hold on … you’re not planning a sneak-attack, are you?”
“Heavens, no. Why on earth would I want to do that?” asked Theodore Steiffenhume III. “Besides your bizarre and frankly monstrous appearance, I mean.”
“The other bears we’ve met,” began Lisa Marie. She looked down at Bearvis. “Well, most of them, they’re all evil. They want to take over the world.”
“I say!” said Theodore. He shook his head. “Goodness, no. Nothing like that going on down here. It’s just me and the Duds, minding our own business.”
Lisa Marie looked back at the little pile of teddies she had landed on. “Are those the Duds?”
“Some of them. The ones I haven’t yet got to,” said Theodore. He peered at the children over the top of his glasses. “Would you like to see the others?”
Lisa Marie chewed her lip. “I don’t know. Can Mummy Bear see what we’re doing down here?”
“She cannot,” Theodore said. “She brought me to life so that I might keep things shipshape down here. It was all getting rather clogged up before I was sent in to sort it all out.”
“How long have you been here?” Lisa Marie asked.
Theodore shrugged his stooped shoulders. “Oh, I don’t know. A while. The chap running the place – Him Upstairs, I call him – doesn’t like to be reminded of his failures, apparently, so I’m left to my own devices. I’m not even certain he knows I exist.”
The elderly teddy shook his head sadly. “The basement area is completely cut off from Mummy Bear. It’s a shame, really. She knows some terribly funny jokes.”
“Not any more,” Vernon muttered.
“I’m sorry?”
“Nothing.”
Theodore blinked a few times, then nodded. “Right. Well…” He gestured to the open door behind him and smiled an imperfect smile. “Shall we?”
Vernon leaned in close to Lisa Marie’s ear and whispered so Theodore Steiffenhume III didn’t hear him.
Revenge of the Living Ted Page 4