by Doug Lutz
Grandma pushed her way in front of the food executive, holding her hand out. “By strange coincidence, ownership is on sale today. Twenty dollars it is.”
A few seconds later, I was a sole proprietor and financially anchored to Seaview, Virginia for the foreseeable future.
I thanked the man for his time and sent him on his way with a few cinnamon rolls to go. I also suggested he update his résumé.
As the door closed, Grandma gave me a hug. “Why don’t you go down to the station and tell Parker the news. And, by the way, did you really expect Bailey and Cosmo to go off and get hitched right away?”
I laughed. “Yes, but I also asked her about her award–winning brownies. It was the one thing I did not see her make back in the caboose’s kitchen.”
“The brownies? They were delicious, I agree. How did she make them?”
“Grandma, you have your apple pie; Bailey has her brownies. If you promise not to tell, I’ll give you a hint.”
She crossed her fingers and motioned an X across her heart.
I leaned in, looking left and right as if to prevent the nonexistent customers from hearing my reply. “They’re from a box.”
Grandma gasped. “No! Really?”
“As real as the apples in your apple pie, Grandma. Claimed her mother taught her it was the only way to bake them right each time.”
“I guess we all have an alibi or two. And speaking of secrets, I think it is about time you and Parker figured things out, especially since it looks like you will be staying around town for a while, Miss I–Own–a–Café–Now.”
“I suppose so,” I said. “Plus, as I recall, I still need to explain to the man how lipstick works.” I picked up my purse, checking to make sure a tube of the reddest red lipstick was inside.
“One more thing, Grandma. Are you available to open up tomorrow? I may be coming home a bit late tonight.”
SECRET RECIPES
My grandmother tried very hard to turn me into a good cook. Sometimes it worked—many times, not so much. I still keep a few packages of dried noodles in my room, just in case I get hungry when she isn’t around.
Once the case was solved, Parker asked me if I could cook up some of the dishes we had seen in the contest. After a little flattery—and yes, at least one outright bribe of jalapeño poppers—I managed to get the recipes. Making the food, however, would be another matter entirely.
French Toast Casserole
Courtesy of me, Winnie Kepler. Who else?
Prepare the night before; bake and serve the next morning.
Dry Ingredients
1 loaf plain white bread
4 tablespoons cinnamon
1 tablespoon nutmeg
Wet Ingredients
8 eggs
2 cups milk
3/4 cup white sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 tablespoons cinnamon
For the Topping
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 stick (1/2 cup) butter, room temperature
(later) maple syrup
Directions
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Tear the bread into pieces, about the same size you would feed to a duck. But don’t feed any ducks. Unless your duck is hungry. Then give them freshly shucked corn instead. But use bread for this recipe. Not corn. Nor ducks.
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Place torn bread pieces into a greased 9x13–inch baking pan or casserole dish.
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Sprinkle 2 tablespoons of cinnamon evenly across the bread. Save the other tablespoons.
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Sprinkle the nutmeg on top of the cinnamon.
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Toss the bread pieces a bit to mix up the cinnamon and nutmeg.
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Even the bread out again and sprinkle the last 2 tablespoons of cinnamon on top.
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In a large bowl, lightly whisk the eggs.
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In a separate bowl, mix the milk, sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon.
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Add the milk mixture to the eggs and lightly whisk until mixed.
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Pour the liquid onto the bread. If you miss a piece or two of bread, it’ll be okay.
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Cover the casserole dish and refrigerate overnight.
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Before you pour that wine and go watch television, mix the dry ingredients for the topping, and then cut the butter in until crumbly. Crumbly is a technical culinary term, I think. Keep separate from the casserole, but refrigerate overnight, as well.
The Next Morning
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Preheat the oven to 350°F.
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Sprinkle the crumbly topping evenly across the top of the bread. See? There’s that word crumbly again.
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Bake at 350° for 45 minutes.
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When the casserole is nearly done baking, warm up the maple syrup. And make coffee. Strong coffee, if you drank that wine last night. You better add another scoop of grounds.
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When the timer dings, remove the casserole from the oven, and using a spatula or knife, slice into 18 to 24 pieces, but do not remove from casserole dish yet.
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Drizzle the warm maple syrup over the casserole, tracing the slice marks.
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Turn off your oven and pour yourself a cup of coffee. It’s time to eat!
Faux Apple Pie
Courtesy of my grandma, Velma Kepler
Ingredients
2 premade pie crusts, unbaked
25 plain round crackers (plain and lightly salted variety works best, nothing with added flavorings)
1 1/2 cups cold water
1/4 cup white sugar
2 teaspoons cream of tartar
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper (can you believe it?)
6 tablespoons cold butter, sliced into pats
Directions
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Preheat the oven to 450°F.
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Treat a pie plate with cooking spray, and then carefully place the pie crust in it, leaving the edges flapping over the side. Set aside to rest. The crust, not you!
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Combine the water, sugar, and cream of tartar in a medium saucepan. Set the stove to medium heat and stir the mixture with a wooden spoon until the sugar has dissolved.
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Add the crackers; turn up the heat and bring the mixture to a boil for 2 minutes. DO NOT STIR.
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Remove the saucepan from the heat.
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Sprinkle in the cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice. Again, DO NOT STIR.
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Pour the contents of your saucepan into the crust that has been resting in the pie plate. This will mix the spices without causing undue damage to the “apples.”
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Put the pats of butter on top, evenly dispersing them around the top of the pie as best you can. It is not an exact science; it’s just butter. It’ll melt.
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Place the second crust on top; fold the edges of both crusts together to form a decorative seam around the perimeter of the pie plate. Sprinkle some leftover sugar on top if you want. Some people also brush the top crust with a wash of egg whites. Your choice.
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Using a fork, poke a few holes in the top crust to allow steam to escape during the baking process. You can be as creative as you want—make designs, spell out words. Or just poke it four or five times.
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Bake for 10 minutes in your preheated, 450° oven. Reduce the temperature to 350° and bake for 20 more minutes.
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Once the crust has turned a nice tan color, you are done!
Breakfast Sammich
Another favorite of my grandma!
My grandma always said that this will “put the zippity back into your doo�
��dah.” Not in the normal recipe format; it isn’t that hard to read, and it does make sense.
Reprinted verbatim from our conversation: “The breakfast sammich is really quite simple, dear. First, set your toaster’s temperature control to low. Then, insert a plain sliced bagel and push the lever down. Watch the toaster; you want the bagel warmed, not toasted. If there’s smoke, you’ll just have to start over. When done, drizzle the top of each bagel half with honey, not too much now, and finally top it with a single swirl of your favorite salsa.”
I tried this one, using black bean and corn salsa for my topping. For a deluxe sammich, I added a cheese omelet on top of the salsa. I prefer this version, actually, since—in one bite mind you—the soft bread texture is followed by the sweetness of the honey. The bite of the salsa and the creaminess of the cheese omelet? Pure heaven!
Oh, and by the way, don’t even think of using a microwave oven to heat your bagel. Turns them into hockey pucks before your second sip of coffee. And no one would want to eat a hockey puck. I mean, really. Have you seen the front teeth on those hockey players? Me neither.
Brand X Seasoning
I have discovered that one of Grandma’s “go–to” spices is a little jar of cayenne pepper. In fact, she has two versions. One is just straight cayenne, but a second version contains a one–to–four ratio of cayenne pepper to cinnamon. You’d never know it by looking at the label, though. Stenciled on the side using a black laundry marker are the words Brand X Seasoning. Probably what adds more “zippity in the doo–dah.”
And what does Grandma use the spices for? Almost everything she cooks, but to set her breakfast muffins apart from the store–bought, she adds a pinch or two of Brand X seasoning. The customers love it, and now so do I. Give it a try once and see what you think. Have a cold glass of milk on hand, just in case.
Mini Cinnamon Roll Muffins
One of the most popular items at the café.
For the Dough
1 package dry yeast
1 cup milk
1/2 cup white sugar
1/3 cup butter
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
4 cups flour
For the Filling
1 cup light brown sugar
4 tablespoons Brand X seasoning (see notes above)
1/3 cup butter, melted
For the Topping
1/3 cup confectioner’s sugar
Directions
•
Make the dough first. In a large bowl, warm the milk to a temperature no greater than 110°F. Add the yeast and stir gently to dissolve.
•
Add the sugar, butter, salt, eggs, and flour. Using a large wooden spoon, mix well until a large dough ball has formed. You may want to use your hands after a point, to help knead the dough into that ball. Do yourself a favor and dust your hands with a little flour first.
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Clean your hands, and then preheat the oven to 400°F.
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Cover the bowl with a clean kitchen towel and let the dough rise for 1 hour. I place the bowl on the stove top (note from lawyers: not on the stovetop burners) and crack the oven door slightly to let the heat warm the air just enough to help the yeast rise.
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Once the dough has risen, transfer it to a lightly floured surface. Roll it out into a large rectangular shape, fairly thin—no less than a quarter–inch thick, certainly not a half–inch thick. These are “mini” muffin rolls, after all.
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In another bowl, combine the brown sugar and the Brand X seasoning.
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Now, take a pastry brush and spread the melted butter over the rectangular dough.
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Sprinkle the brown sugar mixture over the butter.
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From the long edge of the dough, tightly roll the dough into a long log.
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Cut the log into sections just large enough to fill your muffin tin spaces swirl–side down. A typical mini muffin pan would require sections about 1 inch in height.
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Place your dough sections swirl–side down into a greased mini muffin pan.
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Bake at 400°F for about 8 minutes. Start checking them around 6 minutes. Time will vary depending on the thickness and height of your muffins.
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Once the muffins are lightly browned on top, remove from the oven.
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Put the confectioner’s sugar into a wire mesh strainer. Holding the strainer a foot or more above the muffins, tap the strainer. This will cause a light snowfall of confectioner’s sugar.
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Eat two for yourself—otherwise you’ll miss out once you serve the guests!
Velma’s Fried Chicken on a Stick
Courtesy of—well, who else?
Ingredients
4 boneless chicken breasts, split lengthwise to give you 8 strips
2 cups milk
4 cups flour, divided equally in gallon–sized ziplock plastic bags
8 tablespoons chili powder (divided equally in each bag of flour)
4 tablespoons smoked paprika (again, split between the two bags)
2 tablespoons white pepper (yes, you got it—1 tablespoon per bag)
2 tablespoons salt (Do I need to say it? Yes, 1 per bag. Come on, now. Keep up.)
peanut oil (vegetable oil, if there are allergy concerns)
8 bamboo skewers
Directions
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Preheat the oven to 350°F.
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Pour the milk in a bowl and soak the chicken in it while you get the rest of the ingredients together.
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In a gallon–sized ziplock plastic bag, combine half of the flour, chili powder, smoked paprika, white pepper, and salt. You can adjust the seasonings up or down, depending on your own tastes. Repeat with the second half of the ingredients in a second gallon–sized bag.
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Now that the chicken has soaked for a while, take one piece and place it in the seasoning bag. Close the bag and shake it up until the chicken is thoroughly coated.
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Remove the coated chicken and set aside for the moment.
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Continue the same process with the rest of the chicken. Since the wet chicken will tend to cause clumps of flour to form in the bag, after the first four pieces, switch to the second bag. Grandma once told me, “The last piece must taste just as good as the first piece, right?” Hence, the two–bag system. Don’t worry about waste; it’s just flour and spices. You have more.
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With the chicken seasoned and sitting off to the side of your workstation, get a large, heavy–bottomed stock pot. Add to the pot a few cups of peanut oil (use or vegetable oil, if you or a guest have a peanut allergy) and turn the heat up to medium high.
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Use a cooking (candy) thermometer to check the oil’s temperature to see if it is around 350° – or you can carefully drop a little ball of damp flour into the pot. If it starts to sizzle up, the oil is ready.
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Get some tongs for safety’s sake and carefully put a few pieces of chicken into the hot oil. (Grandma puts a wire mesh grease screen on top of the pot when she does this. Claims it helps later when it is time to clean up. I think it is a more preventative measure against a grease fire. Take your pick, but I vote for fire prevention every time.)
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Turn the chicken over a necessary, allowing all sides to brown up. We aren’t cooking the chicken all the way through here, just browning.
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Once the chicken has a nice crust forming, remove from the oil (use the tongs, remember?) and place on a paper towel or two to drain the excess grease.
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Repeat the process with the rest of the chicken. The oil temperature will decrease as chicken cooks, so you may have to wait until it heats back up before you put more chicken into the pot.
&n
bsp; •
Now that your chicken has been browned, place them on a baking sheet and put into your preheated oven.
•
Bake at 350° for 30 minutes or until the juices run clear when you poke the largest piece with a toothpick.
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When the chicken has finished baking, remove from the oven. Like a pirate in a sword fight, run each piece through with a bamboo skewer, leaving enough out to act as a handle.
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Serve with your favorite barbecue or honey mustard sauce!
Chocolate Pecan Pie in a Jar
Courtesy of Chef George Harrison Windsor
George Harrison Windsor, as you may recall, had to come up with one recipe on the spur of the moment. I think he did rather well. The nice thing about this recipe is that it is served cold, meaning you can prepare each of the three parts a few days in advance, and then assemble them just before serving. Anything that can reduce the stress in the kitchen during the day of a social event is a winner in my book. This is my personal favorite of all the recipes. And no matter how you pronounce the word pecan, your friends will long remember the time you served this awesome dessert!
For the Crust
2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/2 cup sugar
1 stick (1/2 cup) butter, melted
•
Mix the graham cracker crumbs, sugar, and melted butter in a bowl.
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Spread evenly on a baking sheet.
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Bake at 350° for 8 to 10 minutes, or until the crust starts to become noticeably more brown. It needs to be thoroughly baked, but not burnt.
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Once baked, set aside to cool.
•
Once cool, cover with wrap and save for later.
For the Chocolate Filling
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
2 eggs
6 ounces chocolate chips, either semi–sweet or dark (your choice)
1 stick (1/2 cup) butter, melted
2 tablespoons milk
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 tablespoon flour
•
Mix the brown sugar, white sugar, eggs, and chocolate chips in a large bowl; stir until it starts to look like an off–color creamy peanut butter.
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In a separate bowl, mix the melted butter, milk, vanilla, and flour. Fold into the dry ingredients, then pour into an oven–safe casserole dish or something similar. You could even use a pie plate.