“Yeah, pretty much.” I glanced at Mom and grimaced. “And it may take a while, but at least the dialysis will keep me alive in the meantime. I can probably do that for a few years.”
“A few years?” Easton stood to his feet, a look of horror on his face. “What happens after that?”
“One step at a time,” Mom said, firmly, but she looked pained. “We’ll pray that the Lord provides, and I know He will.” She pressed her lips together as if she were trying to be strong, and her eyes watered. “Besides, I’m getting tested today to see if I’m a match, and if I am, I’ll donate one of my kidneys.”
“I want them to test me too,” Easton said.
Charlotte cleared her throat. “Me too. Count me in.”
My heart swelled in my chest and warmth flooded through me. Easton and Charlotte meant so much to me, and I couldn’t ask for better friends. Mom was family, and she’d do anything for me, but Easton and Charlotte didn’t have to make that kind of sacrifice. Most people would need time to think about a decision like that, but they’d volunteered without a second thought. I loved them for it, but I couldn’t let them do it. It was hard allowing Mom to do it, but I knew she wouldn’t take no for an answer, and she wouldn’t rest until they completed the test.
“Look, Charlotte. Easton. I love you guys, but I would never ask you to give up one of your organs for me. Just being here and supporting me like this is enough.”
Easton brushed his knuckles against my cheek and leaned down, planting a kiss on my lips in front of Mom and Charlotte. “This is happening, so don’t argue. It’s a done deal.”
Charlotte squealed. “I knew it. You two are a thing, aren’t you? Tell me you’re a thing.”
Easton smiled. “Uh, yeah, that’s obvious, isn’t it?”
“Don’t forget, I’m the one who set you up,” Charlotte said.
“I owe you,” Easton said, glancing at her. “Big time.”
Mom’s eyebrows flew up, and she placed a hand over her heart. “Wait a second. How come I wasn’t told about this setup?”
“It’s a long story,” I said. “Can we talk about it later?” A wave of fatigue washed through me, and I lowered the head of the bed so I could lay back more. “I’m really tired.”
“Sure,” she said, “but we have all the time in the world after you rest, and don’t think I won’t bring it up.”
I managed to convince Easton and Charlotte that I needed to sleep and it was better for them get dinner since we wouldn’t be able to talk, anyway. They said they’d honor my wishes, but they would return in a couple of hours as visiting time wasn’t over until eight. It was hard to get Mom to agree to go home as well, but I told her I’d sleep better if I was in the room by myself.
After they left, I laid back in bed and thought of Psalm 9:10, a verse I’d memorized long ago. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.
I closed my eyes and poured out my feelings to God, my heart breaking from this sudden turn of events. The doctor had shared statistics for life expectancy in regards to receiving a kidney from a living donor versus a deceased donor. Length of life was much higher for those who received a kidney from a living donor, so my best bet was to find someone who was a match.
But even if I did, it was almost certain that my overall life expectancy wouldn’t be as long as a normal healthy individual. Sure, anyone could leave their house in the morning and die in a random car accident since life wasn’t guaranteed to anyone. But still…it was scary and unsettling to think through what those statistics meant for my life.
Lord, I trust you, but I’m scared, and I don’t know what the future holds. I’ve always believed there’s nothing I can do to shorten or lengthen my days because you already planned that out before I was born. But I’m asking Lord…please provide a kidney transplant for me. Please sustain my life.
A tear slid down my face, but I didn’t move to wipe it away since I was alone and didn’t have to pretend to be strong.
I didn’t feel ready to let go of this life, not that anyone ever did, but I was prepared to meet the Lord face-to-face if that was what His will entailed. I just didn’t know what to do about Easton.
Lord, I love him so much, but is it fair to hold onto him? We’ve known each other for a long time, but we’ve only recently gotten to know each other more, and he’s already offering up his kidney. I don’t doubt his feelings, but our love developed quickly, and it would be hasty for him to make a decision right now. I’m concerned it won’t work out between us and he’ll resent me later.
My eyes began to droop, and I’d planned to continue praying, but the muscles in my body relaxed, and I found myself drifting off. Before I knew it, sleep overtook me, and all my worries fled for the moment. But that didn’t mean they were gone. They were far from gone.
Chapter 24
Easton
Several weeks had passed since Maya was hospitalized, and I tried to make each day count. I took time off from work while she was in the hospital, and I stayed with her as much as she would allow. Eventually, the doctor released her, saying she was okay to go home, but she wouldn’t be able to return to work for the time being. As far as income, she qualified for disability, and I told her I would make up the difference in her salary, plus anything else she needed. The doctor said to come back if her symptoms returned, and she received services to continue dialysis.
I got tested to find out if I was a match to donate a kidney, and Charlotte and Maya’s mother did as well. We were still waiting to get the results, but I felt confident that between the three of us, one of us would be a match. At least, that had been my continual prayer for the last few weeks. I’d been praying specifically that God would allow me to be the one to donate my kidney as I was more than willing.
There were moments when I sensed Maya pulling away, almost as if she worried she was making my life difficult. I tried to reassure her that I was ready to take on “difficult” as long as we were together, but I got the feeling she was afraid to believe that.
When Charlotte and I went to visit after she was hospitalized, I’d asked her to be my girlfriend, but she hadn’t given me a definite answer yet. I’d brought it up later, and she’d said she wanted to take care of her health issues before she committed. If she thought that would deter me, she was wrong. I was in for the long haul, and I planned to prove that to her by my actions. Honestly, I’d never had a love like this before, and nothing, not even the threat of kidney disease, would change my mind.
I finished a series of squats, lunges, and bear crawls and then headed inside to take a shower. That race was coming up soon, and even with everything that had happened recently, I still managed to keep to my training schedule. I was more fit than I’d been in my entire life, but I wasn’t doing it for the physical benefits. I was doing it for Dad, and somehow, I knew he would’ve been proud if he were alive.
Once I showered and dressed, I was about to leave for work when I got a call.
“Hello?”
“May I speak to Easton Radcliffe, please?”
“This is him.”
“Mr. Radcliffe, this is Dr. Harbor calling you back about your test results.”
My heart began to pump harder, and I sucked in a breath. “Oh, yes. I’m glad you called.”
“Unfortunately, Mr. Radcliffe, your kidney isn’t a match for Maya Anderson.”
Shock washed over me, making me almost numb. I’d been so sure that God would allow me to donate my kidney to Maya that I’d starting mentally preparing myself for the procedure. I opened my mouth, but there were no words.
“Mr. Radcliffe? Are you still there?”
“Yes. Sorry. Thank you for letting me know. What about her mother? Or my sister, Charlotte Radcliffe? Are they matches?”
“We’re unable to disclose that information due to confidentiality.”
“Oh…right. I’ll talk to them on my own. Thank you. Goodbye.” I ended the call and sa
t down on my bed, burying my head in my hands. A crushing weight pushed down on my chest, and it felt as if I couldn’t breathe.
It wasn’t until that moment that I realized why it had been so important to me to donate my kidney. I’d wanted to ensure Maya would be around for a long, long time, and that was my way of guaranteeing it would happen. I’d wanted control, but clearly, I didn’t have it.
I called Charlotte and then Mrs. Anderson, and both shared that they had also gotten results and neither were a match. It would have been easier if someone had punched me in the gut and knocked me down. That, I could handle. I threw my phone across the room and sunk to the ground, unable to hold my limbs up any longer. Despair and grief and a sensation of hopelessness filled my soul. It felt as if my entire world was crumbling around me, and I was helpless to do anything about it.
No, Lord. This is not cool. I thought we had this covered. I thought we had an easy solution.
Angry tears formed in my eyes, and I clenched my teeth. This is so wrong, God. So. Very. Wrong. You gave me faith to believe in You, and the first time my faith is tested, You let me down.
The tears slid down my face, and I wiped them away, feeling sick to my stomach. Worse than that, I was terrified I might lose her.
I didn’t know what I would do if that happened.
Losing my dad had been hard enough. Losing Maya would crush me. Devastate me.
Someone else had to be a match. We just had to find the right person.
I stood and walked to the other side of the room, retrieving my phone. Thankfully, it hadn’t died, and the screen wasn’t even cracked. That was a miracle in itself.
I let out a breath and tried to reframe my thinking. The situation wasn’t hopeless. It only felt that way. I had to believe that.
Remorse filled me as I considered my angry response to God. All my life I’d done what was best for me, and I’d never once looked to God for what He thought was best. Maybe that was the lesson He wanted me to learn. I’m so sorry, Lord. Forgive me for not trusting you. Help me to deal with this. I don’t know how to handle it.
I sensed the presence of the Lord in the room, comforting me, giving me strength. And then Charlotte’s words came back to me. In a fight-or-flight situation, you’ve always been a fighter.
That was who I was, and I would fight to find a solution to the very end. I had connections all over, and people who would be more than willing to go to bat for me. It was time to call in some favors.
The first person who came to mind was Ron Simmons, an old college buddy who was now a doctor at the Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We used to talk a lot, but it had been a while since we’d connected. I found his number in my phone contacts and called. It went straight to voicemail, so I left a message letting him know I needed his advice.
I called Maya after, wanting to hear her voice, and I wanted to find out how she was dealing with the news. The phone rang five times before she answered.
“Hey, Easton.” She sounded weary and a little down.
“How’s my girl?”
“Hanging in there.” There was a long pause. “I know you aren’t a match. Mom told me she spoke with you and Charlotte.”
“Yeah, we talked a few minutes ago. I’m sorry, Maya. I was hoping there would be a quick end to this. I really wanted that.”
Her breath shuttered, and she coughed as if feeling awkward. “It’s for the best. I know you wanted to help, but I didn’t want you to make a sacrifice like that. Honestly, I wasn’t comfortable with it.”
“It’s my decision, Maya, and we’ve known each other a long time.”
“But we just started hanging out, and relationships are hard enough without the added pressure of someone giving up an organ. I joked about it that one time, but I wasn’t serious. You don’t owe me anything, and I don’t ever want you to feel like you do.”
“This wasn’t about me owing you. It’s about the fact that I love you and want you to get better.”
She sniffed, and I could tell she was crying but trying to muffle the sound.
“We’ll get through this together,” I said. “We’ll find someone else who is a match.”
“Thank you, Easton.” Her voice sounded strained and extremely tired. “I’ve been thinking about our relationship, and I think it would be best if we take a break.”
I inhaled sharply, her words slicing through me. “What? Why would you say that?”
“We weren’t even able to get to the dating stage, the part that’s supposed to be fun. My health issues are a downer, and you don’t need that in your life. You have other—”
“Maya—”
“Just listen to me for a moment, Easton. I know you want to be there for me, and I appreciate that, but this isn’t fair to you. The last thing I want is for you to feel obligated to be there for me because of what I’m going through. It would kill me if you felt that way.”
“I don’t. Not at all.”
“Maybe not now, but this is just the beginning. It could take years before I’m able to get a transplant, and eventually, you’ll grow tired of this.” She hesitated, and I knew what was coming next. “I love you, and that’s the reason I’m letting you go. Please don’t try to change my mind. I’m doing this for you. You have so many other things you should be focusing on. The Warrior Obstacle Challenge, for instance.” I could hear the pain in her voice. “You should focus on that.”
“Maya, no.” All the agony of the last few weeks weighed down on me, crushing me on the inside. “Don’t do this.”
“I’m setting you free. It’s a good thing. You might not see it now, but you will later.”
“I don’t want that.”
“But it’s what I want. I’m sorry. I really am, but it’s for the best.” She ended the call, and I placed a hand over my stomach, feeling as if she’d just gutted me.
Lord, what do I do? How do I convince her that I’m all in?
My eyes landed on my Bible and I picked it up, needing answers. It fell open to a place I’d bookmarked, the Philippians two passage I’d been meditating on lately. That was it. That was how I’d prove to her that I was all in.
I sent a text to Verity to tell her I was running late and then I got in my car and drove to Maya’s apartment. After I parked, I grabbed my Bible and ran up the stairs, adrenaline racing through my veins. Once I was at the door, I knocked, and waited for her to answer. After another minute, I pounded my fist on the door. “Maya, I know you’re in there. I’m not leaving until we talk face-to-face.”
She opened the door, looking pale and exhausted and like she’d been bearing the weight of the world on her shoulders. “I meant what I said, Easton. We can still be friends, but I can’t see you right now.”
“We need to talk. You said your piece. Let me say mine.”
She glanced at the Bible in my hand and her eyebrows flew up. “Okay.” She let me in and gestured for me to have a seat on the couch. She sat next to me and turned to face me, her face drawn and almost expressionless as if she were trying to put on a false mask to hide her feelings.
I opened my Bible to Philippians 2:3-7 and read the passage to her.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.
“Do you believe this passage?” I asked.
She nodded. “Of course, I do. It’s God’s word.”
Leaning forward, I pressed my lips together, preparing to argue my case, knowing I had to make each word count or she would dismiss everything I had to say. “I told you when you first started working for me that I’m a selfish man, and it’s true. That was the pattern of my life, but I’m trying to change that.” I let out a
breath, the heaviness of this conversation weighing on me. “Pastor Steve taught on this passage, and since then, the Lord keeps showing it to me over and over again as if He wants me to get the point.”
She bit down on her bottom lip and studied me, her brown eyes filling with so much emotion that I wanted to pull her into my arms and comfort her, but she wasn’t ready for that yet.
“I’ve already had worldly relationships, Maya. Relationships that were built on shallow concepts of fun and amusement. No commitment. No sacrifice. No love. And I don’t want that anymore. I want to be like Philippians two. Like Christ, who gave up everything. He’s calling me to put others’ interests above my own, and that’s what I plan to do.” I swallowed hard, the tension in my shoulders tightening. “I’m not saying it will be easy or that there won’t be times of struggle, but I am saying this is what I want, and I want it with you.”
A tear slid down the side of her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away. “You’ve grown a lot.” She smiled, her eyes welling up with more tears. “It’s amazing to see what God’s done in your life.”
“I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming.”
She didn’t respond right away but stared at her hands for a long moment. “I need to know you’ll be honest with me. If you ever feel like you can’t do this, like this relationship isn’t for you…” She lifted her head and met my gaze. “Promise me you’ll tell me if you want out. That you won’t be afraid to do that because of my illness.”
I reached across the distance between us and took her hand, holding it firmly. “I promise I will tell you. You can count on me to always be honest with you.” I smiled, the joy returning to my heart once more. “But I know without a shadow of a doubt, Maya, that this is where I’m supposed to be. Right here with you.”
She let out a strangled cry, pulling her hand away and covering her face, but there was a note of relief in her tone. “I love you so much.”
“And I love you.” And then I did what I’d wanted to do from the beginning. I drew her into a hug and didn’t let go. We sat like that for the longest time, and then I called Verity to let her know I wouldn’t be in to work. I had other priorities that were much more important.
Blind Date with my Billionaire Boss (Blind Date Disasters Book 5) Page 20