Everything.
Who was she kidding? Maybe she was weak, maybe she was stupid. Maybe she was a lonely idiot, but she wouldn’t shove him away. Never.
Her dream had come true. More than one. The boom, and now her Sir, back in her arms.
“Good girl,” he growled, raking his teeth against her neck as he fucked her, hard and fast and catching up with her, adding that load to her pussy.
One slight difference from before. They’d always used condoms, even though she was on the pill, just to make sure there were no oopsies.
It was so nice feeling his shaft inside her, owning her, nothing between them anymore.
He rolled to his side, arms around her. “I missed you so much, sweetheart.”
She nibbled the hollow at the base of his throat, his stubble scratching her lips. “Missed you, too, Sir.”
She crashed back into sleep.
* * * *
When she awakened the next morning, he was sitting up next to her in bed, his laptop open.
With a smile, he leaned in for a kiss. “Good morning.” She stared at him without speaking until the smile faded from his face. “Are you all right, sweetie?”
She nodded.
He closed his laptop and stretched to lay it on the other bed. Then he turned to her, caressing her cheek. “Talk to me.”
“Just…absorbing.”
Boom.
“This is going to sound stupid,” he said, “but is Vinnie okay?”
She struggled and won against the tears that wanted to start again. At least they were happy tears this time. “She’s good. She’s a little shit sometimes if I don’t follow her schedule. She’ll clear my desk and shred paper if I don’t get into the office when she thinks I should be there.”
He chuckled. “I missed her.”
“I think she missed you, too. You were her daddy.”
Silence settled between them.
“I’ll understand if you don’t want to tell anyone about this at first,” he said.
She let out a snort. “That’ll be hard to hide considering you’ll be seeing Mark and Terrie on Monday.”
“Oh. True.”
“And Justin. I’m not going to ask him to keep a secret from his sister.”
“So Rachel and Andrew, huh? He was dating someone last I knew.”
“She threatened to set fire to his car, so he broke up with her.”
“Ah.
“Actually, they were up here for Justin’s graduation a little while back. Got stuck up here in an ice storm. This hotel.”
“I bet he didn’t like that.”
“There was an accidental hand sanitizer incident and a run-in with an attack vibrator.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah. It’ll be going into a book. In fact, he took a spill walking over to the Walmart over that way.” She pointed out the window. “Their Monday flight got cancelled because of the ice storm, and the soonest they could get out was the next Friday. Apparently, that’s when things got hot between them.”
“And now they’re getting married?”
“December. They received the Tilly seal of approval.”
They lay there, Lynn catching him up with events.
“Oh, man. Tony died?”
“Not Shayla’s Tony. I don’t even know if you knew him. His nickname was Basco.” She quickly detoured her thoughts around that emotional speed bump. “Gilo and Abbey are married now. And Tilly, Cris, and Landry are parents.”
“They…what?”
“They adopted a gorgeous little girl. And you’ll never guess who she works for now.”
“Tilly?”
“Yeah. She works for Lucas and Leigh and Lucas’ slave, Trevor Nichols.”
“Oh, like the movie star?”
“The movie star.”
She explained the situation to him, loving the way his jaw dropped.
“So Lucas and Leigh got married? How did I miss hearing about all that in the news then?”
“They handled it really fast. And that wasn’t long…after. So you were probably busy. You never pay attention to entertainment news anyway.”
“True. How’s Leah doing?”
“She’s good. She actually won a rope rigger contest at one of the private parties. She tied Seth.”
“He’s her bottom?”
“Just for that.” Her smile faded. “Did you hear about June?”
He nodded. “That one I did hear about. I was hoping it wasn’t her involved, and then I saw the news story. Is she doing okay?”
“Yeah, she seems to be. But don’t ask her about what happened. Scrye asked everyone not to talk about it around her unless she brings it up.”
“Understood.”
It felt good to be able to talk to him again. It touched her that he’d read her books, caught up with her backlist.
One of the hardest things had been not being able to even text him and bounce ideas off him.
Sometimes, he’d come back with ideas even better than her original ones.
“I missed this,” she softly admitted. “All of it.”
“Me, too.”
“So what do we do now?”
“Showers and breakfast?”
She reached out and stroked the stubble along his cheek. “How many days since you’ve shaved?”
“About four, I think.”
“Can you shave before we go down for breakfast? You know, to shape it the way it used to be?”
He leaned in and kissed her. “It’ll take a couple of weeks to really grow back the way you liked it.”
“I know.”
“I’m probably going to have more grey in it than I did.”
“That’s okay, too.”
* * * *
Lynn checked in with Terrie while Paul dug his shaving kit out of his suitcase and set up at the sink vanity. After Lynn got off the phone with Terrie, she walked over and slipped her arms around his midsection, watching him in the mirror.
“Everything okay?” He could tell Lynn dodged around things from the way her side of the conversation with Terrie had sounded, but he hadn’t heard the whole thing. He felt bad she was having to lie to Terrie because of him.
When their gazes met in the mirror, she gave him a smile. “Do you still have those boots?” she asked.
“You mean the ones like Tony’s that you and Shayla both drooled over every time we wore them?”
“Yeah. Those.”
“Not with me.”
Her smile faded. “Do you still have…your stuff?”
“I didn’t get rid of anything. I packed it all away. I even still have Fred.”
She blinked, like she struggled not to cry. “You do?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t going to get rid of him. Right now, he’s sitting in my bedroom, on my dresser.” Fred was a little stuffed cat she’d given him one Christmas. They’d always kept their gifts small and inexpensive, opting more for fun and meaningful. Vinnie had gotten a toy very much like Fred.
“I figured she’d make you get rid of all that.”
“I packed everything away. She wasn’t allowed to touch my stuff like that, just like I wouldn’t have done that to her.”
She ducked behind him, her cheek pressed against his spine. “Do you still have the clear paddle?”
He couldn’t help smiling as he resumed shaving. “I still have the clear paddle.” The one she’d “lovated.” Loved and hated at the same time. “And I have that hexrod cane, too. Everything.”
He knew he didn’t imagine the shiver he felt run through her. “Good.”
Still, he wouldn’t rush. He hadn’t brought anything with him anyway.
Plus they had to get through the stress of telling Terrie and Mark.
And he had to survive them telling Terrie and Mark.
It took him a few minutes to carefully shave the way he used to. He had gone back to shaving everything because Sarah hadn’t really liked the look on him and would make snide remarks about it.
One more way he’d tried to change to make her happy.
One more way he’d failed miserably at it.
After their shower, they’d ended up back in bed. By the time they made it down to the lobby, the hotel’s breakfast had ended, meaning they had to go out to eat. He held her hand as they walked to the car, still unable to believe he was here, with her.
Sometime that morning, Sarah had texted him again.
Answer me. This isn’t funny.
He ignored it.
Eagle-eyed Lynn, however, noticed. He handed her the phone after unlocking it, and her face schooled into an impassive mask. “When do you tell her?”
“When we get back.”
“I want to be there when you do.”
“Okay.”
She sat back and stared down at the table. “Part of me wants to be the one to tell her, but I know that’s because I’m feeling vindictive, and that’s not healthy. But I want to be there when you tell her.”
“Okay.”
Her gaze darted up to him then back down again. “Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“Not going to fight me on it? Not going to say that’s not what’s best for Sarah?”
He knew exactly what was going on now. It was funny, in a way, how some things never changed.
And how delicious it was to see they hadn’t.
He templed his fingers on the table in front of him and leaned in, dropping his voice so only she could hear. “Pet, what did I say?”
Her gaze darted up and away again, but she didn’t answer.
“Pet.”
“Okay,” she whispered. She seemed to almost be tucking into a ball, and he mentally swore. He thought she was heading down a familiar path they’d walked countless times, her testing him, wanting him to come down on her, firmly taking her in hand.
He changed sides, sliding into the booth next to her, where he put his arms around her. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He kissed the top of her head, wishing he could take it back.
She buried her face against him.
Too soon.
Too. Fucking. Soon.
“You can’t push me away, pet,” he whispered. “Nothing you say or do will push me away. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. And we do this your way, and at your speed. However you want to do it.”
He felt her relax against him finally. By the time the waitress returned with their orders, Lynn had recovered and was finally responding to him again.
Won’t do that again.
This was only the start of what he suspected would be a very long and rocky path. Once they returned to Sarasota and could settle into a routine, he suspected there’d be a lot of similar showdowns between them.
Eventually, he’d be able to handle them the way he’d been able to handle them in the past, by taking her in hand. The firm boundaries she’d craved from him in part because of her childhood.
Another reason she’d loved the rough and primal play with him. She’d wanted him to be able to take her down and control her because she knew he’d immediately let her go if she safeworded.
She rarely safeworded. Not for primal play, at least. The rougher, the harder, the better she’d liked it.
So had he.
It was obvious, though, that, in some ways, he needed to take a far lighter touch with her until he was sure he’d regained her trust.
If he ever fully regained her trust.
* * * *
Lynn knew it was hypocritical of her to require full disclosure from Paul when she was holding back one whopper of a secret from him.
Boom.
Big boom.
When she’d talked to Terrie, she’d been trying to do so with a double deception going on, keeping Paul from hearing about the boom and keeping Terrie from finding out about Paul.
She also suspected he didn’t understand why she’d almost broken down there in the restaurant. It wasn’t that he’d pushed too hard or scared her.
It was that it had felt sooo close to the old days that it hit her like a concrete mixer on the highway.
This could be hers.
She could have them back.
Only better. This time, there’d be no having to say good-bye to him. No carefully scheduled time.
No interruptions by Sarah.
Before, she’d been fine sharing him.
She’d also thought they’d have years together like that. She honestly hadn’t minded it before.
In the lonely expanse of time between that night she’d never get out of her brain and seeing him in her doorway the other day, she’d realized that if he ever did come back, sharing him wouldn’t be enough for her.
She wouldn’t share him again.
Not with Sarah, not with anyone.
If she wasn’t enough for him, that was his problem.
And now, she had him again.
But before she could finally put all that into words—ironic, since she was a writer—as they walked out to the car, he’d gently squeezed her hand when they were outside, making her turn to face him before he opened the car door for her.
“I’m sorry I pushed too hard, sweetheart.” He kissed her. “Please don’t let me do something stupid and run you off. I don’t want to lose you again.”
She reached up and palmed his freshly shaved cheek. Already, he was starting to look like hers again, even though it’d take a while for his beard and mustache to grow back.
“You’re not going to lose me,” she said. “We’ll figure this out.”
* * * *
Part of her wanted to talk to him. To catch up.
The rest of her—most of her—wanted to spend what time they had that weekend in bed with him.
Which was what they ended up doing. If they weren’t making love, they were twined together, naked, in bed, watching TV or talking.
Just…being there with him was a relief.
Except she hated keeping this secret from Terrie. And it still felt somewhat tentative in some ways. Like he was being wary, overly cautious.
She hadn’t even been able to talk him into giving her a spanking yet, something she’d longed for him to do.
“Does this mean we finally get matching tats?” she asked at one point late Sunday.
He glanced at his left shoulder, where she’d traced the place he’d talked about getting it before. “Eventually, yes. I need to budget it in. I have to be careful with my income. I’m doing okay, but she came out better than I did in the divorce. I need to make sure I build up my retirement account.”
She thought about the secret she was sitting on. A tattoo?
Hell, she could sneeze that in spare change out of the interest from the boom in a few hours of what the money was earning her.
“I thought you made more than she did, though.”
“I do. But I wasn’t going to cheat her out of what she inherited from her parents. We’d used some of that for the house and paying down the mortgage and for the investment properties and stuff. I wanted to be fair.”
This was one of the reasons she loved him. Some men would be vindictive, mean.
Suck it up, buttercup, or leave. They wouldn’t have done what he did.
He wasn’t like that. She’d never known him to be petty.
It was nice to see he still was, in many ways, the same man she’d fallen in love with.
“How’d we get from there to here?” she asked.
“From where?”
“From a list of rules a mile long to right now.”
He nuzzled the top of her head. “You did have a lot of rules.”
“I had more rules than Sarah did.”
He chuckled. “You sure did. Couldn’t even take my shirt off, at first.”
“I warned you about my trust issues.”
“Yes, you did.”
She stroked his chest. “You were always so patient with me. Thank you for that.” She looked up at him. “Even when I blew up at you.”
“Why wouldn’t I
be patient?”
“I was high-maintenance.”
He snorted. “Not really, it turns out. Not so much. Not by a long shot.”
Florida. I’ll tell him about the boom when we get to Florida.
Because she’d have to deal with Terrie and Mark first, and that was a confrontation she wasn’t looking forward to.
Chapter Nineteen
Paul wouldn’t let Lynn carry her bags out to the car Monday morning. She got them checked out and then they hit the road with her navigating their way down to Vermillion. She’d already exchanged texts with Justin and told him she was on the way.
She’d explain who Paul was when they got there.
“What are you going to tell Justin?” he asked.
“The truth.” She glanced over at him, still trying to process that he was here.
With her.
“And how are you going to explain me to Terrie and Mark?”
“You mean before I throw myself in front of you so they don’t kill you?” She smirked at his arched eyebrow. “I’m going to pray that being in a public place will keep their homicidal rage down to a manageable level.”
“I don’t blame them for hating me,” he said. “I wouldn’t blame Mark if he wanted to take a swing at me.”
“You’re lucky we all flew up here and Terrie has no access to firearms,” she only half joked.
“Yeah.”
“Hopefully they’ll have calmed down by the time we get back to Florida.”
“I think that’s very optimistic of you. I have a feeling they won’t be as charitable.”
“Well, it’s not their life. They love me. They should understand.”
“I suspect that love for you is exactly why they’ll be upset.” He reached over and patted her thigh. “If they want to yell at me, I don’t want you getting in the way. Let them.”
“I’m not going to have them doing that.”
“I want them to. It’ll make them feel better.”
“If she’s still speaking to me when she finds out what I hid from her,” Lynn said.
Justin looked curious when he opened the apartment door and saw Paul standing there behind Lynn.
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