I pull away from Will, and as I take a few steps back, I adjust my shirt to make sure no skin is showing. This has become a mindless routine now. Sometimes, I do not even realize I am doing it. Like now, as Will eyes me curiously, watching as I pull down all the edges of my shirt. My cheeks burn.
“I have missed you,” I confide, both in honesty and to distract everyone from witnessing my act.
Will smiles, his dimples piercing his perfectly smooth skin. He was lucky. When Liv died, his link to my coven was severed. For him, it ended with her the moment Hikari killed her. Liv paid the ultimate cost before I was able to hex my coven, so the burden I carry is never on Will. I hold it all, even though he feels responsible for my actions.
Will and I never spoke about that night. He left as soon as I started feeling better, and after that, I never shared my agony over losing Liv with anyone. She might have been molded into the shape of a monster—courtesy of my former coven—but she was once my best friend. We thought we would grow old together.
Looking back, we were crazy to think we would ever grow up. After all, we lived in Darkhaven. We hunted vampires. Nothing about our life was normal. If this place was nothing else, it was a thief of youth.
“Tell me about your travels,” I say as I grab on to his hand and pull him back to the breakfast table. I take my seat and keep my gaze on him. I am smiling so widely, my face actually hurts, but I cannot help it. Will brings joy out of me, and I really need happiness right about now.
As I sit, I rest my arms on the table, noticing the broken glass piled atop my plate. When I stood, I must have knocked over my glass of orange juice, because the pile of napkins are stained orange, and my glass is nowhere to be found. I push aside my plate and return my focus to Will, eager to hear about the wonderful places he has been.
“Well, I have some good news,” he says, side-eyeing Holland, who immediately freezes. He was lifting another forkful of eggs into his mouth, but now, the utensil is hovering in the air, eggs cooling as he waits for Will to continue. Holland drops his fork and wipes his mouth with his hand.
“What have you learned?” Holland asks, leaning forward. He rests his elbows on the table, while I sink farther into my chair.
I cross my arms over my chest, already annoyed by this turn in the conversation. I was hoping for exciting details about exotic places I will never get to visit. I want to live through Will’s adventures and pretend I will one day travel too. The last thing I want to talk about is Will’s discovery.
I want to hear about his trip, but only the fun parts. I want to hear how he is living. Where has he been? Who has he met? What has he seen? Shortly after I spelled my coven, Will made a pact with Holland to help him find a cure. He left the manor that night with the intention of traveling the world, meeting with powerful covens in an attempt to save me. And he takes his work far too seriously. He never writes, he rarely calls, and when I finally see him, he is all about business.
“I met with some witches who showed me how to sever the link to Ava’s mother,” Will says.
This catches my attention. “That is not possible,” I say. “You cannot reverse the effects of black magic.”
I might not be an expert in the black arts, but Holland and I have done more than enough research to know these facts.
Will shakes his head. “You are not understanding. I can sever your connection to the witches by cutting that link. I cannot reverse the black magic. The witches will still suffer those consequences.”
“I—but…” I stutter, losing my train of thought as I consider what he is telling me.
“Black magic is a powerful, evil entity, Ava,” Holland says. “The witches harnessed it, and someone must pay that cost. But it should not be you.”
I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry. I glance at Jasik, who looks happier than I have seen him in weeks. Only moments ago, he looked betrayed, almost jealous of my relationship with Will, but now, that emotion is gone, masked by his outright glee in Will’s discovery.
How can everyone be so sure this is serious?
My chest hurts, and my mind is spinning. So many thoughts are swarming in my head. It feels dizzying when I try to settle on just one.
“Ava, this is good news,” Holland says. He reaches for me, grabbing my hands between his own, but I jerk away. He frowns and sits back, as if I physically lashed him. That is twice now that I have pulled away from him, and though I do not mean to target him, I can’t bear to be touched. I need space.
“I—I don’t know,” I whisper.
“What do you mean?” Will asks.
“Is it a good idea to risk using more magic?” I ask. “I mean, we do not even understand the spell they cast to begin with.”
“But we can still break it,” Will counters.
“What are you afraid of, Ava?” Jasik asks as he crosses his arms over his chest. He eyes me curiously, trying to read my emotions, which unfortunately, is a lot easier to do now that I am human.
“I just… I am scared of the consequences,” I admit.
“I think the consequences of not even trying are far greater,” Will says pointedly.
“Are they?” I ask. “How can you be so sure?”
“Ava, the consequence you are faced with right now is death,” Holland says. “What can possibly be worse than that?”
I break his gaze, looking down at my hands. I play with a hangnail on my finger, flicking the dead skin with my other fingernail. The vampires do not understand the evil inside me. They see glimpses of it, but they do not truly comprehend what it is or what it is capable of.
The evil inside me moves. It grows stronger as it feeds on my very essence to strengthen itself. It wants to live. It wants to take control of my body and never let me go.
Relinquishing my body to a supreme evil force seems like a far worse fate than death.
Chapter Four
The house is noisy with vampires. While the others welcome Will’s return and celebrate his hopeful news, I sit alone in the solarium.
The large, expansive sun-room wraps around the right side of the manor, from the front parlor, past the adjacent sitting room, and all the way to the dining room at the back of the house. There is a corner doorway to the parlor, which is almost always shut, and two massive double doorways to both the sitting room and dining room.
From where I sit, directly in front of the walkway to the sitting room, I can peer into the other rooms, where groups of vampires are congregating. I never let my gaze settle on one vampire for too long, because I dread the inevitable connection and thumbs-up that will soon follow.
They are happy for me, for the news we just received, and I am grateful to be loved and accepted as a member of a vampire nest meant for Amicia’s vampires, not Jasik’s. I also appreciate everyone’s enthusiasm, but I can’t help wondering why they care so much. Is it truly because they were fretting over my doom? Or is it because Will brings hope—hope that I might not go insane and murder everyone in their sleep?
I have a feeling the latter rings true for them.
Sure, they are happy for me, but they are still vampires. No one understands the fear of death better than creatures who were supposed to be promised eternal life. Their number-one priority is their own survival, their own safety. My weakening mind and loose grasp over reality poses a great threat to their happy existence. I try not to think about that right now. Instead, I focus on my surroundings, letting the many distractions the manor offers clutter my mind.
I used to be able to sit in this very spot, open both doors, close my eyes, and hear the waves crashing in the distance. I could smell the salty air, feel the tingle of mist against my skin. When I close my eyes now, there is nothing but silence and darkness—much like my future.
I lean back against the wicker sofa I have claimed, pulling my legs up so I can sit cross-legged on the cushion. I teeter, grunting because this simple effort exerts me. When I have finished tucking my feet beneath my legs and finally steady myself so I do not
tumble over, I am breathing heavily. If the vampires notice, they do not say anything. I do not look at them either, because I hate what I see when I do.
Pity.
All I ever see anymore is pity, from the hunters and Holland and Amicia and all her vampires. Everyone feels bad that I am slowly dying. Do they not understand that I can’t bear spending my final days drowning in my sorrows? I am up to my neck in water, frantically searching for the shallows as I breathe in the murky depths.
If I do not want to talk about it or even think about my situation, I certainly do not want to see the anguish in their eyes.
With my hands in my lap, I scratch at my cuticles, picking until another hangnail bleeds. I wince as blood pools into a tiny bubble. It is so small, barely even a speck of a dot, but the black is so bright against my pale skin. I wait for it to seep into my nail bed, but it does not. There is not even enough blood to fill that tiny line at the base of my fingernail. I think about what I am doing right now and come to a stark realization: maybe I really am pathetic.
“Ava,” someone says, and I tear my gaze from my hands, looking up to meet her eyes.
Amicia is standing before me, frowning as her gaze lowers to my hands. I must look pathetic next to her. From where I sit, Amicia looks tall and lanky, and she radiates a powerful essence.
Ever since I cast my spell, I have not felt that innate draw to her that I once did. As a vampire, I could sense her strength even if she was not in the same room as me. It had a smell to it, and the scent lingered in the air. Amicia has a pull, an allure in her aura that makes her formidable. She is probably the oldest, most powerful vampire I will ever meet.
Her black dress looks silky and shimmery as it cascades down her frame. The arms are lacy and pristine. Her hands are collapsed at her waist, her nails painted black. Her hair is shiny and sleek, brushed back and tied tightly behind her.
Jasik approaches us, and I look over at him in time to see his expression change. He is concerned about something—but what? I look back at Amicia, but she is looking over at Jasik now. She shakes her head, waves him away with her hand. Her hair, which is twisted into a bun at the base of her neck, glistens in the light when she moves.
Amicia returns her attention to me, ignoring Jasik until he begrudgingly leaves us. The other vampires back away as well, but I catch sight of them before they go. Their eyes are wide, hungry.
I gasp, glancing down at the speckle of blood that is already drying. How could I have been so stupid? I am a human in a house full of vampires. How ignorant can I be to harm myself in front of them?
“How are you feeling today?” Amicia asks, sounding much more like a therapist than a vampire.
I shrug. “I was not thinking.”
She smiles at me. “It is okay.”
She ushers to sit down beside me, so I scoot over, dropping my legs to give her space. The soles of my shoes land in a thud against the tile floor.
Amicia sits but turns so she is facing me. She eyes me curiously, not speaking.
I begin to gnaw on my lip, waiting for her to say something, until the silence is so loud, I have to speak.
“I am sorry,” I whisper.
“For what?” she asks, seeming thoroughly confused.
“I should not have…” I glance down at my lap. I wipe the dried blood from my hand, flicking the remains to the floor with one quick thrust. I fist my hands and bury them between my thighs. Maybe if the vampires cannot smell my open wound, they will not feel the desire to rip out my throat.
Amicia pulls my arms free and rests a hand atop my wrists, soothing my nerves with one simple touch.
“I know this is difficult for you, Ava,” she says.
I nod, my mind flashing to the last time she and I spoke alone in the solarium. She ended up forming a blood promise with me, which still has not been broken. There are so many strange quirks to magic. These are the moments I realize how similar vampires and witches truly are. Both creatures use blood to form unbreakable bonds.
“I hope you know that I still consider you a member of this family, even if you are no longer a vampire,” she continues, and my heart swells.
I smile at her, genuinely, purely, relishing in the familial love she showers over me. Amicia has only known me for a short time, but she has already shown me more support and greater trust than the witches ever have. It is strange that the people we love most are not necessarily sharing our life’s blood.
“Will told me about his trip,” Amicia says.
I frown, casting my gaze away from hers. But the moment I look down, Amicia’s hand catches my chin, bringing my gaze back up to meet hers. She taps the bottom of my chin lightly but firmly, a clear motion in an order to keep my chin up, my head held high.
“Throughout life, we are tested during times when nothing seems fair,” Amicia says. “Your choices in these moments reflect your character. I know you are scared. Never in all my years have I met someone quite so—”
“Stubborn?” I interrupt.
“Selfless,” Amicia corrects.
“You are a generous soul, Ava,” she says. “You give all that you have to everything you do and to everyone you love, even if they are undeserving of such devotion.”
I swallow hard, nodding. Amicia has never been fond of my link to the witches, and now it must just kill her to know there is an actual bond formed. Their claws are rooted deep now, and she knows I may never escape.
“Yes, you are rash and impulsive, but your tenacity is impressive. You have an unshakable will to protect those less fortunate than you. You might be reckless and relentless in your pursuits, but you are young. As much as you do not want to hear this, you are still a child. You have so many years ahead of you. Promise me, if you grow up, you will never lose the strong, independent woman you are becoming. Hold on to her, because she will never lead you astray. The warrior within you is worth your admiration and your loyalty. She is who you should devote your life to protecting. She is who you should nurture.”
“If,” I whisper, echoing her words, my voice broken. “You said if I grow up, not when.”
Amicia smiles softly, but it does not reach her eyes. “I will not force you to choose. This life is yours, and you should do with it what you want, not what someone else forces you to do. I have made it clear to every vampire in this house, including Jasik, that you are not to be pressured into completing Will’s spell. If you wish to sever your link, you have my full support. But if you wish to stay this way, I hope you know how much I have greatly enjoyed getting to know you.”
As Amicia speaks to me, it feels as though she is saying goodbye, like she already knows which path I plan to walk. The realization of her words begins to settle over me. I do not want to die, but I am terrified of using even more magic. Every day, the evil within me gets stronger, stealing my life bit by bit. What if I am too far gone now? What if using this spell will be the boost it needs to finally take control? I will lose these last few weeks of sanity in one moment of empty promises.
“Enjoy yourself today, Ava. Do not worry about curses or magic. Just have fun. Think about your options, and remember, this is no time to be impetuous. Consider things carefully before you make your decision. Either choice comes with a cost. You must be prepared to bear that weight regardless of how you plan to spend your remaining days.”
With her final words, Amicia stands and walks away. The moment she crosses the threshold into the sitting room, she begins to glance back, but as soon as I see the corner of her eye, she stops. Maybe she whispers something, maybe she does not. My senses are too dulled to know for sure. She continues walking away, more hastily now, until she disappears among the vampires.
“She is pretty intense,” Will says as he walks over to me. He glances back, gaze trailing the path Amicia cleared as she left the room. The other vampires part for her without hesitation or request. I wonder what it feels like to have such a devoted following.
“A little,” I admit.
“Can I
join you?” Will says. He tips his head at the vacant seat, now even cooler after Amicia left.
I nod, and Will sits down beside me. He settles in a huff, dramatically stretching out as if this were the first time he has taken a break in days. For all I know, it has been. He still has yet to provide details regarding his travels.
“Are you ever going to tell me about your trip?” I ask, not bothering to hide my annoyance.
“We did talk about it,” Will says. He glances over at me and chuckles as I roll my eyes. “You want to know about the fun stuff.”
It is not a question, so I do not respond. We sit in silence, both watching the vampires mingle. It almost feels like a party, but I am not sure even they know what they are celebrating. Normally, the vampires of the house keep their distances from the hunters. I am not sure if this is by choice or by order. I suppose no one wants to get too close to someone who is one bad battlefield move away from death.
“It is strange, isn’t it?” Will asks.
I blink away my thoughts, following his gaze. Several feet in front of us, I watch as Holland and Jeremiah laugh at something inaudible. Holland leans against Jeremiah, and the vampire opens for him, holding him closely. When he thinks no one is looking, Jeremiah softly kisses Holland’s forehead and runs his fingers through his hair. He says something, and they both laugh. My heart burns as I watch them. While I am happy for their reunion, I can’t help my jealousy.
I frown, looking at my friends more closely. “What is strange?”
“The last time I was here, they were not exactly on friendly terms, were they? I could tell something was there—the ice was beginning to thaw. But isn’t it strange how one day, one thought, one action can decisively change your life?”
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