by Rula Sinara
He scrubbed a hand over his face and squinted up at a solitary cloud making its way slowly eastward. To be up there in the clouds again...to feel the lift of a helicopter, and the surge of adrenaline he experienced before a mission... He closed his eyes briefly, noticing for a fleeting moment that he wasn’t in pain. Not in that brief second, at least.
If he didn’t go and something happened at the clinic, something he could have prevented, he’d never forgive himself. Ben wanted him to check out the area? Fine. He could deal with the clinic’s staff gawking at him for a few hours. Maybe he’d scare the children at the clinic enough that they wouldn’t notice they were getting shots. He could see it now. The looks. The finger pointing. Maybe he’d even earn the code name Dubwana. Monster.
He stepped back inside the house, closed the glass door and stopped at the sight of his reflection. His injuries barely showed in the faint and fuzzy image. His dark T-shirt and upper body faded against the dim backdrop of the room and all that showed of the small flecks of scars on the right side of his face was the one that pinched the skin at the end of his eyebrow.
Then his father’s face appeared. Chad turned, hoping Ben would assume Chad had been looking outside and not at himself.
“Take this,” Ben said, pausing expectantly then setting a black handgun case on the dining table near them.
“Like that would be of much use with my left hand.”
“Your aim with your left hand is better than anyone else’s best shot, marine.”
Chad torqued his neck to each side, but it did nothing to relieve the strain. He let out a long, slow breath then stretched his jaw.
“Tell Mom and Mac that I’ll head out with them. Just this once.”
Ben nodded but his expression was otherwise unreadable. No relief. No gratitude.
“When you get back, I want you to meet some people,” Ben said. “A few of my trainees. It’s important for you to talk to others who’ve been through what you’ve been through.”
His trainees were military vets, some very young, who couldn’t find work after they’d served. No one went into a war zone without suffering in one way or another, even if the injury was mental or emotional. But none of Ben’s men had injuries as extensive as Chad’s. They were whole. They had to be to do the work Ben expected of them.
“I’m sure your friends are great, but I don’t want group therapy and I don’t need an intervention. I’m fine. You want me to go to that Masai clinic with Mom? I said I’m on it.”
“Good. One more thing, Chad. Man up. Out there, you’re not anyone’s patient. Hope and Lexi have enough people coming to that clinic for medical care.” Ben started to leave but stopped and looked over his shoulder. “Oh, and if you make your mom cry again, you answer to me.”
His father left the room. Man up. Chad stared after him then rubbed his hand against his shirt. Did his dad even realize what he was saying? What he was asking of him? He was supposed to man up and ignore the pain? That’s what the world expected of him? Pretend nothing happened? Blend right back in?
He pressed the pad of his thumb and forefinger to his eyes. His parents were good people. On some level, he knew that. He got that they just wanted to pull him out of this funk...that they wanted him to be okay. But no one understood. Dealing with the chronic pain, physical limitations and disfigurement was bad enough. But it was more than that. Being a marine had defined him. How in God’s name was he supposed to cope and move on if now, deep down, he didn’t even know who he was anymore?
* * *
LEXI HAD NEVER been so relieved to hear the whirr of Mac’s chopper. After what had happened with the young Masai woman, she was anxious to talk to Hope and assure her that everything was fine out here. She couldn’t imagine Hope shutting the clinic down, at least not willingly. Please let them all be overreacting. If anything, maybe they had found someone to help keep the place safe and secure until the poaching situation settled down.
She waited, watching the dust rise and fall as the chopper landed safely beyond the outskirts of the clinic camp. She spotted Hope climbing out of the chopper, a bag and a box in her hands. Mac leaped out and went around to grab another box. And...there was someone else. She didn’t recognize him. Blond hair. Tall. Broad shoulders and very—very—well built. Maybe they had found a guard.
He said something to Hope, took the handle of the bag she carried and turned to walk toward the clinic camp. His blue, long-sleeved T-shirt was pushed up to his elbow on one side. The other side was knotted just above the elbow, where his arm ended. An amputee. An ache bled through Lexi’s chest. That had to be Hope’s son, the injured marine. Tony’s old friend.
He looked up and their eyes met. Something jolted in her stomach and she took in a grounding breath. He knew about Tony’s death. No doubt Hope had told him who she was and why she was here. But how much did he know about how Tony had died?
She’d never gone into the details with Hope and Ben. It hadn’t seemed right to bring it up when she’d first been hired. They’d still been dealing with Chad’s own recovery at the time. They’d told her about how he’d saved his troop, including one guy who was only eighteen. So young. But his heroics didn’t make it any easier for his parents to see him suffering. Lexi had wanted to say something to Hope and Ben that showed she understood what they were going through, but she never found the words. It wouldn’t have been right to point out that her loved one didn’t make it when they were still praying for their son’s recovery.
Chad kept his eyes on her, his jaw set too tight for a smile. Maybe he was daring her to flinch at the sight of his injuries. Lexi wasn’t one to flinch. She was a nurse. Or maybe his challenge was all in her head. His brown eyes flicked downward then up again. He narrowed his eyes at her. There was no mistaking why.
Her pregnancy.
Great. Yet one more person who looked at her as if she was vulnerable and out of place. Lexi pressed her lips together to keep from shouting out that her brains were still in her head and, protruding belly or not, she was still more than capable of doing her job. He looked right at her again and she couldn’t shrug off the feeling that his eyes said too much. They saw too much. How much had Tony told him about her?
She broke eye contact with Chad to watch Taj jog up to help carry the supply box Hope had in her arms. Lexi followed suit, doubling her stride and marching over. Well, more like waddling, but she minimized the sway as much as she possibly could.
“Hi, I’m Lexi Galen. I can take that.” She reached out for the bag he was carrying. He didn’t let go of it.
“Chad Corallis. Hope’s son. I can set it down where you need it. It’s kind of heavy.”
“It’s no problem. I can take it in,” Lexi said. She didn’t wait for him to concede. She took the handle and their fingers brushed. He let go abruptly and she almost lost her grip.
She was standing too close to him. He smelled of fresh soap and shampoo, which only made her hyperaware of the fact that the day had been hot and she was sweaty. She’d barely had the chance to put on a clean shirt after their emergency patient.
Her cheeks burned. She was meeting Tony’s closest friend for the first time and this was what she looked like? She swallowed and willed her face to cool down.
This was not about attraction. Yes, he was ruggedly handsome and had a sort of quiet magnetism about him, but he was also Tony’s friend. She was only flustered because of her stupid pregnancy hormones. They made her sensitive to smell. And he smelled good in that manly way Tony used to. That’s all it was. Hormones and embarrassment.
Get yourself together, girl. She tucked her hair behind her ear, cleared her throat and took a step back with the bag.
“Excuse me a moment,” she said, rushing to catch up to Hope who’d ducked into the storage room along the side of the bungalow. Mac was already back in the air.
“Hey, Doc,” Lexi said as she entered the roo
m.
“How are you?” Hope gave her a hug and kept her arm around Lexi until she got an answer. It felt good to be held. Hope had such a soothing nature.
It reminded Lexi of how much she used to long for the kind of mother-daughter relationships her classmates had had with their mothers. The closest she’d come to that kind of bond had been with her last social worker.
“I’m doing great. But we have a patient I’d like you to check in on. Her name is Akinyi. She lost her baby and plenty of blood, but she’s stable right now. Jacey’s in the exam tent with her.”
“I’ll go check on her now. Mac will be back in a couple of hours. Tell Chad he can look around until I’m done.”
“Around the clinic? Do you need me to show him something?” Please say no.
“No, no. Ben wants him to check the surrounding area. News of that injured poacher has him rattled. He wants Chad to report back on the security of the clinic, how easy it might be for someone to sneak up on you unannounced, that kind of thing.” Hope lowered her voice and wrapped her hand around Lexi’s wrist. “Between you and me, Chad is still...adjusting. He really didn’t want to come out here.”
“Understood.” Lexi gave Hope’s hand a reassuring squeeze. She knew how to deal with patients.
“I’m sure Mac also gave you a heads-up that we’re considering closing the clinic. Obviously, I’d never want to disrupt providing medical care, but I can’t put you, Jacey or Taj in danger. We’re obligated to make sure you’re safe until the injured man is either found or it’s determined he escaped across the border. But even after this threat is over, we have to make the clinic more secure for the future.”
“I really think we’ll be fine. We’ve always been safe. Please don’t shut down the clinic, Hope. Go check on your latest patient and you’ll see why what we’re doing here is so important. We have to stay open.”
“Don’t worry. Maybe they’ll find this guy and things will be back to normal. Or perhaps Chad will convince Ben that he’s overreacting. Let’s see what his impressions are and take this one day at a time.” Hope gave a reassuring smile, then left the storage room and disappeared into the patient tent on the far side of the clinic grounds.
That meant there was a lot riding on whatever Chad said. Between the way he’d frowned at her belly and his general I-don’t-want-to-be-here demeanor, Lexi wasn’t sure she could be as calm as Hope seemed to be right now.
She tightened her grip on the supply bag and started for the bungalow. But the sight of Chad and Akinyi’s husband in the central clearing stopped her in her tracks. The man stood in front of Chad with his palm resting against Chad’s chest.
“Shujaa mmoja hadi mwingine. You understand? We are one warrior to another. Ujasiri wa moja. You are a brave one,” he said, nodding toward Chad’s injury, then in the direction of his wife. “I lost a child today. A precious one.” He touched the bite scars on his shoulder, no doubt inflicted in an encounter with a wild animal. “I must be brave again, too,” he added. “A different kind of brave.”
Lexi’s nose stung and she blinked rapidly to control the tears that threatened to fall.
A different kind of brave.
That applied to her, too, didn’t it? Did she have it in her? She studied Chad’s reaction. Did he have any bravery left in him?
* * *
CHAD TIPPED HIS chin down and nodded to the Masai man.
“I’m sorry for your loss.” He didn’t know what else to say. The man’s words hit home. Chad’s injury hadn’t fazed him. He’d called Chad a warrior. A wounded warrior. Like that put them in a sort of brotherhood. Maybe it did. Only the man was carrying his injuries with pride. He wasn’t worried about himself. He was worried about his wife.
Chad watched him walk over to Hope as she exited the tent. She said something to the man before he left down the dirt path.
Wife. Family. Those were the furthest things from Chad’s mind. He wasn’t relationship material. Not anymore.
The sense that someone was watching made him glance to his right—it was Lexi. She quickly turned her face and headed for the tiny, one-story bungalow with a corrugated tin roof that sat under the shade of a massive old fig tree at the edge of the clinic grounds. Something in her gaze made him feel even more self-conscious than he’d already been feeling.
Not that Lexi Galen’s opinion of him mattered. But she was the woman who’d won Tony’s heart. That had to count for something.
Chad couldn’t help but imagine them meeting under different circumstances... Tony being alive and all three of them hanging out for a casual dinner. But that could never happen now.
Lexi wasn’t what he’d expected. He had assumed she’d seem more fragile and maybe even shy—at least the girls Tony used to date had been that way. But that’s why he’d never dated them for long. Lexi Galen was the stark opposite.
Pregnant as she was, she exuded an inner no-nonsense strength. Pretty and feminine but with a hint of tomboy. The kind of girl he’d always dated. Probably why his relationships had never lasted. His ex-girlfriends had accused him of being overprotective and they’d hated it when he’d tried to call the shots.
But pretty or not, Lexi was the pregnant widow of his best friend. There was nothing wrong with admiring her, but admitting that he found her attractive, or even that he was curious about her and wanted to know more, was off limits.
Besides, he’d caught the way she’d stared at him then couldn’t seem to get away from him fast enough. He didn’t need anyone’s pity. She was a beautiful woman and he was...he was whatever was left of him. He was well aware that he made people uncomfortable. People didn’t seem to know whether to console him, thank him or pity him.
He tucked his left hand in his pocket and walked toward a copse of mango trees that flanked the west side of the camp.
You’re supposed to be scoping out the area.
He scanned his surroundings with a more critical eye. Wood smoke rose from several Masai enkangs in the far distance. Acacias and thick brush stretched to the northwest and outcroppings and boulders dappled the landscape of the grasslands to the southwest. Potential cover for a criminal, at least in those directions.
The borders of Tanzania and Uganda lay west. Tanzania was a notorious haven for poachers. Anyone headed into the Masai Mara from there would probably just slip back over to Tanzania once their gruesome business was done, unless they couldn’t withstand the trip on foot. Would an injured man on the run be able to make it to the border?
If he couldn’t, there were still plenty of places to hide. He shaded his eyes and squinted toward the tribal villages in the distance. The Masai were good people, but growing up here, he’d heard plenty of stories about desperate villagers aiding and harboring poachers for the sake of money when drought threatened their crops.
The sound of footsteps behind him had him spinning on his heel.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” Lexi said.
“You didn’t.”
She had, but he wasn’t about to let on. A lot of things startled him lately.
“Okay. I, um... Dr. Hope said you needed to see the area.” She held up a set of keys. “I can drive you around the perimeter so you can take in more of our setup before you leave.”
Leave it to his mother to put him on the spot. It was clear from her lack of eye contact and hurried, let’s-get-this-over-with attitude that Lexi was being forced to do this.
He glanced over at a dust-coated jeep parked at the side of the clinic’s concrete walls. The steering wheel was located on the right side of the vehicle, since Kenyans drove on the left side of the road. That meant his right side would be facing her as she sat in the driver’s seat.
He scratched at the back of his neck and yearned to work out the stiffness. He really didn’t care what she thought of his injuries, did he? Her eyes would be on the road, not him or his stump or
his fleck-like facial scars. And she’d never have to set eyes on him after today anyway. It would also give him the chance to convey his condolences about Tony.
He owed it to Tony to keep Lexi safe. Which meant he also needed to find justification to close the clinic for security reasons.
“Sure. Let’s go,” he said.
“Hey, you two.” Hope hurried over and took a second to catch her breath. “I’m worried about the patient. I think we should stay the night. Do you mind, Chad? I know Akinyi is in good hands with you, Lexi, but Taj is leaving with Mac, so you’re one person short. If she takes a turn for the worse, you’ll need extra hands. I told her husband he could go home and that we’d keep her here for observation, but I’m concerned she could start bleeding again.”
“Of course. I’ll change Taj’s sheets for you, Chad. It’s a small cot but it works,” Lexi said.
He’d slept on plenty of cots, for God’s sake. He’d slept on barren floors. Did she think he was soft? Weak?
“And we can set up the spare cot for you, Hope, in the room I share with Jacey,” she added. “Whatever you need, consider it done.”
“Chad, do you mind?” Hope asked again. “That way Mac wouldn’t have to fly back to Nairobi for no reason. He could return home and pick us up tomorrow. I’d rather not waste his time and gas.”
He gave his mom the look and she gave it right back to him. Fine. It was the right thing to do, but so much for a brief visit. Had he been set up? Were they trying to get him out of the house and around other people? He felt a phantom twinge where his arm should have been and he gritted his teeth to keep the pain from escalating.
“No problem,” he muttered. “I could even lend a hand.”
Had he really just said that? For some reason, the sound of his words left a bad taste in his mouth. Sarcasm and self-deprecating humor around his parents was one thing, but in front of Lexi and the others?
While part of him felt like he’d earned the right to lash out, he knew he was being a jerk. If his parents—and the marines—had taught him anything, it had been respect. But it was like a different soul had taken over his mind and body. One that was angry and didn’t care who he offended.