by Lucy Rains
Later in the evening when it was dark, thunder from outside my window woke me. I checked the desk clock and saw that it was almost ten. What time had we worked out? Noon?
From the moment my eyes opened the oppression of anxious worry pressed onto my mind. Footsteps sounded and my door opened. Kyson.
He sat on the side of my bed, his face illuminated from the city lights coming through my window. I waited for him to speak but he remained silent. Staring at me accusingly.
“Do you ever feel the urge to tell someone to shut-up but they aren’t even talking?” I asked. I grabbed at a nearby pillow to pull it over my face.
Kyson’s emotions spiked to frustration and the pillow was yanked from my grasp. “That will not happen again,” he growled.
I lifted an eyebrow, “What? Working out?”
“Letting another man throw punches at you,” he snarled.
My eyes closed and I rubbed at my forehead. “You smell like drama and a headache. Please go away.”
“You think I’m the only one that has something to say about it?” He chuckled, his weight disappearing from the bed. “Just you wait.”
My bladder was screaming and my limbs felt like they had been filled with concrete. I moved my elbows under me to try sitting up, but my movements were slow, clumsy.
Kyson had turned away and left the room, I was relieved that he was missing my struggles to move.
I had gotten myself to a stand, one hand on the dresser, the other on the edge of the bed. My first steps had been wobbly and I was nervous about continuing. It was like my body had been given a high dose of numbing medication and it was slowly wearing off. Had using my energy and fighting really drained me that much?
I was getting ready to lower myself to a crawl when I felt another presence approaching. My eyes closed in embarrassment, not wanting to be the butt of Alex’s jokes or feel his scorn. My thighs were pressed together in an attempt to keep my bladder in check and I knew I looked silly.
His light blue eyes peered around the corner of the door and landed on me. The normal humour gone from his eyes. “Jade? What’s the matter?”
I looked towards the bathroom door, several feet away, wishing I could just lift my head up and walk forward.
His hands came up, “Are you going to puke? Cause I don’t do puke.”
I frowned at him in irritation.
“I mean,” he ran a hand through his hair, “I could, but I just-”
“I need to pee,” I whispered, my eyes going to the floor.
A pause. “So go pee.”
I swallowed, “I can’t, my legs...moving is hard.”
“For crying out loud, Jade.” He scooped me up in his arms like I weighed nothing and walked into the bathroom, kicking the door shut behind him. “Why didn’t you just say so?” His tone held more sadness than exasperation.
He set me down in front of the toilet and placed his hands on his hips. My legs wobbled for half a second and then steadied themselves.
“Do you need help?” He asked.
I couldn’t have been embarrassed if I wanted to. His voice was compassionate, kind. There was no mockery in his emotions, no distaste. I could feel his desire to care for me.
My head shook and I waited for him to leave, my hands going to the elastic on my waist.
He turned away from me and opened the door. When he left the bathroom, the door did not shut all the way and I could see his fingers wrapped around the edge.
I took care of business with a heavy sigh of relief and was able to pull myself up to a stand. The bathroom door opened as the toilet flushed and my shorts were just barely back in place. Alex walked passed me and turned the shower water on.
I stood by the toilet, my skin creating goosebumps and watched Alex pull a towel out of the bathroom linen closet.
“You need to shower,” Alex stated, setting the towel on the counter.
My hands went to my elbows and I eyed the steaming rising above the curtain. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Alex wrinkled his lip and raised an eyebrow. “You stink. Come on, I’ll help you.”
He wrapped a hand around my bicep and helped me walk closer to the shower. My clothes disappeared from my body and I closed my eyes as Alex led me into the near scalding water. I shivered harder, wrapping my arms over my chest and I tried to focus on the heat.
“Will you be okay?” Alex voice sounded over the spray of water.
I turned around, my body moving smoother but still weak. I looked into his eyes that had not yet darkened with the desire I felt in his body. His eyes didn’t roam over me, he didn’t stare at all the soft parts on me, instead he looked at me with concern and worry.
Had I not been so riddled with exhaustion and nervous about my muscles failing me, I would have pulled him in with me. I would have demanded his clothes come off and wrapped myself around him.
I nodded slowly, leaning against the tile wall. “You can stay.” I offered softly, “I will be quick.”
The bump of his Adam’s apple moved and I knew he was fighting for control. He didn’t move a muscle, didn’t twitch, didn’t blink. But as I moved and cleansed myself I knew his eyes would roam my body. The heat of his emotions washing over me as he allowed himself to see me completely naked under the water.
I was in the middle of washing my hair when Alex disappeared from my sight, I heard the bathroom door open and close. I paused, holding on to him with my sixth sense, smiling when I after a few seconds I felt his desire rise into a soft ecstasy. My fingers ran through my hair to remove the rest of the soap and I shut of the water. The pull of exhaustion was back and my eyelids wanted to lower again.
Alex came back into the bathroom and helped me towel off. He fetched me clean clothes and made me promise to eat something before I fell back asleep. I promised, but only if he hurried.
He left me in the bathroom as I finished squeezing water from my hair, going to get me a plate of food. I wasn’t alone long though. Gavin appeared and shut the door behind him.
The look on his face tensed my entire body and froze my hands. Barely controlled rage simmered in his mind, in his chest, and in his eyes.
I was too stunned to say anything, holding still as he came to stand right in front of me. His body pressed to mine and I was forced to lean against the counter.
“Gavin,” I gasped breathless.
“Don’t,” he uttered through clenched teeth. His hand came up, his fingers rounded like claws, but relaxed as they wrapped around my face. He pressed his nose to my neck, inhaled deeply. His fingers slid back into my hair and gripped it firmly. I let him pull my head backwards, submissive to his needs to feel in control. To own me.
“Never again,” he whispered into my hair.
I swallowed, not wanting to speak.
His other hand slip under my shirt and pressed into my lower back. My hips rocked into him and I felt his hard need.
“Gavin, I can’t right now,” I whimpered in apology.
“Say it,” he said into my neck, his teeth grazing my collar bone.
I opened my eyes opened, looking at the ceiling in confusion.
His mouth went lower, his hand holding my hair to restrain my head. His teeth grazed the swell of my breast above my shirtline. “Say it.”
“Never again,” I rasped.
My words triggered his hand to release my hair and my head came forward. His dark hazel eyes met mine, his face hard as stone, but still beautiful in its masculinity. “I promise,” I whispered.
His mouth came onto mine and the hand on my back slipped lower to squeeze me. He did not try to push his tongue into my mouth and I didn’t open my mouth to offer. His lips pressed onto me, as if pressing out his frustration and replacing it with my touch. The feel of my skin, of my lips, of my body.
The muscles in his core relaxed as he kissed me, and I brought a hand up to press against the vibrations in his chest. They warmed me, sending a warm sensation into my own chest. Gavin pulled back,
his thin lips wet with my saliva, his jaw relaxed.
When his body left mine, my entire frame trembled and my legs threatened to give out. I gripped the counter behind me and looked away in embarrassment. Gavin cursed and lifted me into his arms.
His anger had turned calm, now forming into a shot of anxiety as he laid me on the bed. Alex came through the door holding a plate of cheese and bread. His eyes widened at the sight of me having to be carried.
“What the hell man? Were you molesting her?”
Gavin told Alex where to go and settled on the bed beside me.
I was too tired to reply and simply held out my hand for the plate. Both guys waited and watched me eat, no doubt counting every bite, measuring every mouthful in their minds and logging it away to report back to Kyson and Pierce.
I was able to finish most of the food on the plate and drain a water bottle, before the act of holding my head up became too difficult and I settled back into my pillow. Gavin stayed on top of the covers but wrapped an arm around me and pulled my face into his chest. The act was nostalgic, memorable. Taking me back to my first week at the house when I had laid with Gavin to comfort him.
I laid there debating whether life was harder now or then before falling asleep while inhaling the spicy smell of Gavin and feeling his vibrations on my hands.
******************
“The Heli-pilot will drop you off here,” Matteo pointed at a spot on the map that was laid flat on his office desk. “It is the closest we can get you without being detected and alerting them of our presence. Any closer, we risk not only blowing your surprise visit, but also being shot at.”
I eyed the space between his well manicured nail and the square symbolizing the compound. It looked like we would be forced to cover at least four miles.
“How far away is that from the compound?” Pierce asked, voicing my thoughts. He stood close to me, his arms folded across his chest. But his hip, his arm, his shoulder was always touching me. I leaned into him, pulled like a magnet to his touch.
Matteo looked back down at the map, scanning the images, “About 8 kilometers.”
“In english?” Alex asked.
“5 miles,” Pierce and Gavin answered together, both with a low pitch that showed their displeasure at the news.
Kyson swore under his breath and my head jerked to look at him. Kyson rarely swore. He glanced at me and then back to Matteo, “Where will we be picked up? Do we have to go back out to the same spot?”
“I will give you a cell phone programmed with one number. You call the pilot when you are ready, and he will give you a location based on your current coordinates. But,” Matteo shrugged, “it will be at least a few miles from the compound where Roman is kept.”
Pierce and Kyson looked at each other, communicating unspoken words.
“Who is he?” Alex asked, “This pilot?”
“He is a friend,” Matteo answered. “Someone I trust. He has helped me before.”
“Oh yeah?” Alex lifted an eyebrow. “Did you poison him too?”
Lettie walked up at that moment, her low kitten heels clacking on the hard tile. She placed a white piece of paper in front of Matteo and then stood back with her arms folded.
Matteo slid the paper across the map to Pierce, “This is where Harold will take you for weapons. He will have everything you need.”
I glanced over Pierce’s hand to see the address printed on the white paper. A place in a city that I could not pronounce.
“Why don’t we just pick up weapons here?”
Matteo frowned, “You can not travel with the type of artillery that you are in need of.”
“I get a gun, right?” I looked up at Pierce. His jaw clenched and his eyes remained forward. My fingernails dug into my palms and I resisted the urge to yell at him.
“Does he know we’re coming?” Gavin asked quietly.
“Who? Roman?” Matteo asked. “My inside contact will try to let him know by tomorrow when she goes in. But,” his chin dipped down and he glanced over the map in front of him, “he is very closely watched. So it is possible he will not know.”
Clive walked up behind Lettie and set a few papers down onto the table. More maps, more outlines and diagrams of two buildings. Matteo began explaining the layout and pointing at different points of the structure and places we needed to be aware of. Windows, fire escapes, holding cells, the security control room, where Roman’s room was on the fourth floor, and what areas to avoid.
“What is in the other building?” Pierce asked, pointing at the smaller building that lay adjacent to the large compound.
“Maintenance, utility, storage, and also the garage for the all-terrain vehicles.”
“Can we cut power to the main building from there?” Gavin asked.
Matteo rubbed a hand over his upper lip, then nodded. “Yes, but there could be a backup generator in the main building.” He pointed to a section on the diagram, at the base of the building. “It would be somewhere in this area.”
Gavin looked up and into Pierce’s eyes, sending him his thoughts. Pierce nodded and looked back down.
“Here,” Matteo said, sliding over an envelope to Pierce. “Your airplane tickets.”
I glanced at the white envelope and then up at Pierce. His eyes widened, “You didn’t have to purchase our airfare.”
Matteo shrugged. “I didn’t. Nara did.”
Pierce looked hesitantly at the tickets, almost unsure about accepting them. “What about after?”
“After?” Matteo asked.
Pierce nodded, still not having touched the envelope full of our fate. “After we have him, and the chopper picks us up. Where do we go?”
Matteo leaned forward on his elbows on top of the map, obscuring our view of the terrain surrounding the compound. “After you have completed your mission, and assuming all is well, you will take a train back to Yakutsk, and return here to Paris.”
“What?” Alex shouted, “Why don’t we just keep going up to the Northeast corner of Russia and hop into Alaska? We’ll already be up there! Why the hell do we have to take another long ass train ride across the country?”
“Because you would be shot dead if you tried to enter zat area,” Clive answered for Matteo. “There iz no free travel for foreigners in zat area of zee country.”
“It is closed,” Matteo continued in a softer tone, “barriers that were put in place during Soviet times still apply.”
“So, across the country we go,” Kyson muttered with a sigh.
At this point, Pierce picked up the envelope and pulled out the tickets. I peered over his hand to glance over the thick slab of printed paper with our false names on them.
“Four days?” I exclaimed. “We don’t leave for four days?”
“After you land in Moscow, you will board another plane that will take you to the eastern part of the country. From there, you will take a train up to Chersky. The helicopter pilot will meet you there.”
“But why four days?” I asked again. “Why not tomorrow?”
Matteo looked at me like I was whining child, crossing his arms over his chest. “Because Harold will not be ready to meet you until five days from now. Between the flights, layovers and the train ride up north will take an entire day. This is how it will work.”
I was about to open my mouth to protest again when a sharp stab of pain in my lower abdomen caused me to freeze and slump into the chair behind me. My eyes closed as I breathed through the pain and I could hear Pierce thanking Matteo for his help and generosity.
I smelled Kyson near me, his hands coming to my knees. The pain had dissipated and I sat up straight. “What was that” I whispered, thankful that Alex had begun asking Matteo questions to pull his attention away from me.
Kyson’s eyes turned heavy with emotion, sadness pushing over me. “I’m sorry little jewel.”
I raised an eyebrow in question, watching him glance at my stomach and then back to me. “You mean…” the realization hitting me like a
bucket of rocks in my head. “No.” I shook my head, the word almost a whimper.
His perfect, soft lips pinched into a frown and he nodded. A ‘v’ creased between his eyes and I shook my head again.
“I can’t,” I whispered. “Not here.”
Pierce turned towards us, his body blocking any view of me for Matteo or Clive.
Kyson glanced up at him and then back down to me. “Pierce will take you to a hotel.”
“But, I haven’t….” I racked my brain, remembering last month’s symptoms. “Has it been four weeks? I haven’t been as hungry. Tired, yes, but…”
Kyson shook his head, “I can’t help. I have no point of reference or…” he searched for the right words, “someone to compare you to.” The sympathy in his eyes was heart melting and I almost said it was okay.
But it wasn’t.
“We should go,” Pierce said, holding his hand out for me.
Instead of grabbing his hand I pushed my fingers through my hair. It was late in the morning, I was hoping to go for a swim. But knowing I would start bleeding at any moment scared me into submission.
“Just Pierce? Will everyone else come?”
Kyson smiled sadly, “Of course.”
“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” I asked Kyson, searching his eyes. “You gave me warning last time.”
Kyson sighed, his shoulders dropping. “I didn’t want to invade your privacy. This is not really my business. But if you prefer-”
“Yes, please.” I said quickly, not all embarrassed of involving Kyson in my misery of menstruation. “Next time, just let me know.”
Kyson’s hand tightened on my knee and I felt his emotions spike with something I had felt in Gavin. A deep, pure sentiment...love. “You and Pierce go ahead, I’ll go pick up the necessary items and meet with you in a couple hours.”
He kissed me on my cheek and stood up, sending Pierce a message with his eyes. Pierce’s anxiety spiked which sent my stomach into a fretting mess.
I stood without grabbing Pierce’s hand, determined to carry about on my own as long as possible. It was a childish, stubborn action. But I was about to humbled of all my pride while my body broke in the most horrible misery.