“That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, Jack. I guess I’ve become more of a skeptic than I had realised,” I look down again.
“You’ve had a rough few years by the sound of it, Jen. I realise that, but I don’t want your future to be like that. I want to be your future,” he kisses my head. “I don’t want to scare you away, believe me, but I believe in love at first sight, my parents are evidence of that. They got married only four months after they met. My mom grew up in Arkansas and my dad in Houston, and in those days you didn’t move away without being married...and so that’s exactly what they did! Look at them now, I aspire to be like them!”
I look up at him and for the first time in my life, I tell a man, my very own man, “I love you too, Jack Samson. I know I have for a while too, but it just seems too soon, and I didn’t think you would feel the same.”
“Oh Jen, what are you like? Come on, my beautiful love, put those tears away and let’s eat some of this delicious cold toast and even more delicious cold tea!”
I laugh, “Now, there’s an offer I can’t refuse! Cold British tea just isn’t quite the same as the iced tea I’ve been drinking for the last two weeks!”
After we finish up the cold toast and make some hot tea, I head downstairs to see the girls. It is nearly 1pm Sunday afternoon and I still feel like I am dreaming. I hope for a proper early night tonight as although my headache is slightly better, it is still there, and I think it is simply sheer lack of proper rest, probably infused with a bit of stress. Speak about a crazy weekend.
Chapter 32
As I let myself into my own apartment there is no one around. There is a candle lit on the breakfast bar, so I know someone can’t be far. I smile as I inhale my favourite Soft Blanket Yankee Candle fragrance, and realise I need to unpack my case from Houston to find the one Jack gave me.
I walk to my room to find my door ajar and I hear Jasmine on her mobile. I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but it’s kind of hard not to.
“....Yeah, we got to speak when they got back last night and I think all is fine. It was soooooo good to see her, Jeff. I’m so glad I came up.....yeah, I miss you too. There’s been a lot of drama here, my timing wasn’t impeccable, but she agreed to be my Maid of Honour and that is all I want. I just want my sister back, Jeff, it’s been so long.....well, I planned on coming home tonight, but I need to speak to Jen, see what her plans are.....ok, I’ll talk to you later, love you....bye,” and she hangs up.
I knock lightly on my bedroom door, “Hey, Jas, you ok?” I ask as I walk in.
“Hi!” She stands up and lays her bag on my bed, “I was just speaking to Jeff, I think he’s lonely with me gone.”
“Aww, that’s sweet!” I sit on the bed. “When are you going home?” I ask.
“Well, I had no set plans as I wasn’t sure how our reunion would go...” she looks down, then back up with a smile. “I don’t have class or work until Tuesday, so depending on your plans, I could stay another day?” she asks.
“I’m supposed to have work tomorrow, but I’ll talk to Jack and see if I can’t either take the day off, or pull a sicky!” I smile back cheekily. “I’d love to spend the day with you.”
We spend an hour or so lying on my bed chatting and catching up on the last three years. It is so unbelievably nice to have her back. Nicer than I could ever have imagined.
“Do you still see dad a lot?” I finally pluck up the courage to ask her but can’t help feeling slightly hostile.
“Yes, I do, he misses you a lot, Jen,” she sighs.
“I’ve been so angry with him, for such a long time,” I sigh too.
“Yeah, I guess we all have been, the thing is, he and mum were still friends after he left, Jen. I think things had gone sour a long time before we knew of his new love interest,” she tries. “We have a step-brother, Jen. He is three years old and he is the most adorable little guy I’ve ever seen. His name is Ben. I call him Benny. He knows all about you,” she surprises me.
“He does?” I ask.
She turns to look at me, “Of course he does, Jen. Dad talks about you and I all the time, I tell him about you too. He’s always asking when you’re going to visit him.”
“Gosh, I had no idea, I guess I’ve been pretty self-absorbed,” I feel bad. I knew we had a step-brother and that my dad had tried to contact me, but I completely shut him out.
“Jen, I’m not here to make you feel guilty, I don’t want that at all. Of the two of us, you were always the closest to mum. I was close to her too, but I think I was maybe more of a daddy’s girl whereas naturally you just gravitated more towards mum as you had more in common,” she speaks a lot of sense.
“Jenny, did you know it was mum that actually ended their relationship?” she sits forward and moves in front of me.
“What?” I ask, in disbelief. “I don’t think so, Jas. I mean, dad came home announcing his affair out of the blue,” I watch Jasmine as she shakes her head in disagreement. “Do you think mum already knew about it?”
She nods, “Yes, yes she did. Mum herself had an affair which is what actually ended things between her and dad. I’m guessing you didn’t know about that either?”
I stand-up, really pissed off, “Don’t say things that are not true, Jas. Maybe you should leave...” I know I am flying off the handle, but I am not prepared to listen to this.
“Jen, please don’t be like this. I’m not lying, and I can prove it,” she starts digging through her bag. “Look, I have a letter from mum which she wrote and left with dad for me. He has one for you too,” she adds quickly. “She told him to give us our respective letters at a time he deemed suitable before our twenty seventh birthdays. I don’t know what is significant about turning twenty seven, but I got mine last week when I told him about Jeff and I getting engaged. My guess is he thought I would come running for you, which obviously I have done, and I’m glad I did. We need to put an end to all of this, Jen. It’s not right, it’s not what mum would want.”
I sit back down on the end of the bed, “This is horrible,” I feel physically sick.
“I know, Jen, I know. I’ve gone through a rigmarole of emotions this past week, believe me. Look, you are welcome to read my letter, I don’t mind,” she holds it to me.
I look at it and tempted as I am, I shake my head. I see mum’s handwriting on the envelope and it is enough for me to know Jas is telling the truth.
“No, no, it’s yours, Jas. If mum has written me one, I will wait for it,” I am physically shaking on the inside.
“Would you be willing to meet with dad?” she asks.
“I don’t know,” I can’t help but feel my heckles rise again.
“I think you should, I’m not telling you what to do, but I think it is time for us all to let sleeping dogs lie. He is still the same man he was a few years ago, please believe me when I tell you he misses you something terrible. He still refers to you as his Jenny-bean...” she stops, knowing she has pressed on a raw nerve.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, “I need to think about it. I mean, he just left, you both did.” I feel pathetic, but I can’t help it.
“Jen, we were both hurting as much as you were. We had to deal with our own raw emotions as much as you did. Dad tried to get in touch, he wrote you letters, he called, he turned up at your campus and was told he wasn’t allowed in. I don’t know what more he could have done,” she sounds impatient.
I had put all of that to the back of my mind, I guess I was angrier than I had realised back then. Maybe I have made everything worse without my realising so.
“You are not all bad, Jen, I’m not saying that, but you’re human, the same as we are. Dad loves you, I love you, and we miss you. You are missing out on a new family, it won’t be the same as it was with mum, but things change, she changed way back then, and dad simply moved on because he didn’t want to be alone.”
There is a noise from the hallway, then a knock at the door, “Hi girls, are you there?” Susie pushe
s the door open and sticks her head around.
Behind her I see Mike poke his head in. “Hi!” he smiles.
“MIKE!” I hop down and run over to give him a hug, “How on earth are you?” I ask.
“Oh, good, I’m made of the strong stuff,” he jokes. “Suz said she’s filled you in on everything?”
“Yeah, I think mostly everything. How is Kristina?” I ask.
“She’s surprisingly well, I think she is confused but she seems to understand I am her father. She’s great. I’m just trying to figure out what to do, and it’s looking like I might need to move back to Copenhagen for a while. I’ve spoken to my work about it and they are actually willing to transfer me given the circumstances. I think once we get enough time to grow together and get to know each other I will be able to bring her back here, but I just don’t think it is right to take everything away from her after losing her mother.”
“I totally understand,” I look at both Mike and Susie sympathetically. “But what about you guys?”
They look at each other and smile, but then turn to me more seriously, “I need to talk to you, Jen,” Susie answers me, looking slightly worried.
“Yeah?” I look at them both inquisitively.
“Mike has asked me to move over there with him, and I really want to go,” she looks to Mike for reassurance and he nods at her. “I will need to speak to my uni course director and see if what classes I have left are either transferrable, or whether I can do the majority of it long distance. I won’t know until I can talk to him, but either way, I can work around term time and weekends. We are playing it by ear, and I don’t have long left until I’m finished. I’ve spoken to mum and dad, and they will keep this place for me, so you can still stay here too, I don’t want you to think I’m completely leaving you in the lurch,” she looks at me with genuine worry in her eyes.
“Oh my goodness, guys, please don’t worry about me. Kristina is the only one you need to take care of, I will be fine. I’m excited for you all, it will be like a new adventure for you, and I’m sure Kristina will appreciate staying in her own surroundings for a while until you figure it all out. I’m sure Ulla’s family will appreciate it too,” I reassure them, but feel sick inside at the thought of Suz not being here.
“Yeah, they have been really great. I thought it might be really awkward, but they didn’t know I was Kristina’s dad either. I guess she had her own reasons for not telling anyone, I’m just thankful to her for having me on her Will, otherwise I might never have known about her. You’ll love her Jen, she’s into all girlie stuff like you! And I know she is going to adore Suz, I mean what is not to love, right?” He pulls her into a hug and she moulds to him willingly.
“Right, well we need to go over to Mike’s place to start packing. I’ll be back later on, I thought we could maybe order some pizza’s? Tell Jack to come down too? It’s about time our men met each other!” Susie suggests looking and sounding happier than she has in a while given the circumstances.
“Will do, that sounds like a great idea. Jas is staying over tonight too,” I turn and smile at her raising my eyebrows in question, and she nods to confirm she will stay over again. I had texted Jack earlier to ask about the day off and he said it was fine.
“OK, cool. Catch you in a while then,” Mike waves and heads for the door, pulling his jacket on and grabbing Susie’s for her.
Jasmine and I stand for a few minutes looking at each other letting everything sink in.
Chapter 33
Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I take Monday off work to spend with Jasmine. I’ve spoken to dad on the phone several times and we’ve made arrangements for me to take a trip down to London sometime soon. I even get to speak to my little step-brother Ben on the phone, it kills me that I’ve been so stupid with everything and missed out on him growing up. Dad’s fiancé is called Bev and she sounds very nice too. She was unexpectedly very understanding which in turn kind of made me feel worse. I find I am actually very excited to see them all and I hope I can arrange for that soon.
Jasmine had told dad that she told me about the letters from mum, so dad actually explained to me that he had wanted to give it to me before but when I kept refusing to see him, he just didn’t know what to do but just kept it in the hope I would eventually come around. He took the liberty of posting my letter up to me via special delivery and knowing what it was, I left it lying on my bedside table for a couple of days until I worked up the courage to open it. I know it’s silly, but I was scared what it might say.
Dear Jen,
It feels silly sitting writing you a letter to tell you something that I really should have the guts to tell you in person, but I don’t have the strength. So, I’m writing it all down. I have tears streaming down my face, but I guess – in a way – I should be thankful I get to at least write it down.
By the time you read this, I know I won’t be here. I know that may seem like a selfish thing to do, but I want both you girls to live a full life, and to remember me always as your mum. Not some dying old biddie that you wrap in cotton wool and stop living your lives for.
Basically, I am a ticking time bomb. I’ve been having all these headaches for months and going back and forth to the doctor about it when eventually they sent me for a brain scan. I wish I hadn’t found out to be honest, but you never expect the worst, do you? I have an aneurysm in my brain. There is nothing they can do for me. An operation will kill me. When it eventually bursts, I won’t even know what has happened. So I know the end will be peaceful, and I want you to take some relief in knowing that. I’ve lived a full life, we’ve had so much fun and although I know I won’t see my grandchildren, I’ve had the wonderful experience of watching you beautiful girls grow up. I am so proud of you and Jasmine, and all I can ask is that you stick together, and be there for one another always.
I know you’ve been mad with your father for leaving me, and I tried to tell you this a hundred times, but it just never came out the way I wanted it to. It was actually MY decision to leave him. We had a wonderful marriage until a few years ago when things just didn’t feel the same. We stayed together for convenience more than anything, I think. He’s a good man, but honestly, we just didn’t love each other the way we should have at the end. I told him about my aneurysm and he didn’t want us to split up officially, but by then I already knew he was seeing Bev. Can you believe I even indulged in a little affair myself?! TMI?!! Haha! I’m sorry, but I hope that made you giggle a bit!
I’m sorry once again for not sitting down and telling you all this face to face, but I hope you can understand my reasons why.
I love you always and forever, and I hope and pray that life takes you on some wonderful adventures.
Make the most of it, Jen.
I’m the proudest parent in the world.
Mum xxx
It takes me a while to console myself after reading and re-reading mums letter. Jack has been wonderfully understanding about it all, though I don’t think he quite realised what all had been going on in my head over the last few years. I finally feel at peace and actually like I can take a proper deep breath now. Mum had her reasons and while I don’t wholeheartedly agree with how she dealt with her issues, I can at least understand her predicament and not wanting nor intending to hurt any of us.
I did a lot of apologising to dad, gosh he really is a saint and I’ve only just realised how tolerant a person he is.
Work has been good, it was the last week of my internship last week which I am thankful for and I was actually offered a permanent job in the geology department – which Jack knew nothing of, he doesn’t manage the day to day of the business, and when I told him, he thought it was a great idea. I declined the offer though as I think I would be better off in human resources as I can see a good career forming for me in that area. I am excited about starting my new job, and I think it is better that Jack and I are not working in the same department anyway. I was given a nice monetary bonus to mark the end of
my internship and also as a ‘well-done’ for finding the unaccredited acreage. To begin with I thought that was all Jack’s doing but upon reading my contract, I realise that it is all standard practice and I feel happier knowing I’m not being treated differently. Thankfully no one at work yet knows about my relationship with Jack.
Susie spoke to her course director at university and they’ve agreed she can finish her degree remotely as she already fulfilled the requirements of the last compulsory field trip. She just has to submit coursework and a final project, so she is delighted. I’m sad she is moving away, but at the same time I am happy for her to be with Mike and of course, be there for his little girl. I’m sure it won’t be easy, but she is the easiest person in the world to get along with, so I’m sure she will be fine. She flew out to Copenhagen on Tuesday to meet up with Mike and everything seems to be going ok so far. I can’t wait to visit them too. I feel like I’m becoming a right little globe trotter.
Arnie saw his own doctor and seems to be doing well in his recovery, thankfully. I got down to visit him a couple of times, they don’t live far from us and Jack insisted on coming with me which I was glad about. He made on he didn’t want me walking alone in the dark, and while I know that is partially true, I also know he just wanted to be with me, and likely check on Arnie too. It would appear they know each other really quite well and Arnie is delighted we are a couple, not to mention Lynne who is practically planning our wedding.
I keep reminding her it’s only been a few weeks, but it gets me nowhere.
Chapter 34
It’s now mid November and I’m just chilling out at home enjoying the Saturday morning peace and quiet. It’s been so long since I’ve been alone. I sip my hot tea and look out the window watching the trees below blowing in the wind. Winter appears to have arrived now, it’s so dark all the time. It’s a bit depressing really.
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