by Mia Masters
But what does that do to your soul? Is it worth all those lonely nights in the trailer denying yourself, just to get a little bit ahead?
Am I wasting my young years on narcissistic pursuits? I started to wonder. Maybe I should do something real with my life.
Art was real to me, but was this movie we were doing really art? Was it actually going to change lives or beliefs? Or was it just another soulless cash grab that Hollywood could package right?
Maybe this was some of the stuff I could talk to Blythe about. Would she think I was too dark, though? I wouldn’t want to give her a negative vibe, especially when it seemed like her career was on a big upswing. Stunt woman to lead actress was a big promotion.
Fuck, it just occurred to me that while Christian, Monk and I were pursuing Blythe, we might not be the only ones doing it. Typically, directors go down that path too.
Sure, they didn’t do it that often anymore, but it did happen. There was James Cameron and Linda Hamilton.
Could there be a fifth player in this love triangle? Or pentagon, as the case may be?
Hopping into the shower, I let the warm water run over me so I could think. I thought my best thoughts in the shower. It was one of the places where I could definitely relax and leave the day behind.
Maybe I was overthinking this whole thing. What I had to do was just be myself and be honest with Blythe. She seemed to respond to that in the trailer.
I shouldn’t rush into anything with her, but just take each day as it comes. If we had sex, great, but if we didn’t, I would deal with that.
And as far as my friends went, the most important thing was that we remained friends. There was no reason for us to get emotional about one woman coming into our lives.
Until I knew her better, Blythe was just another coworker, right?
That was the way I had to look at things.
But even as I told myself all that, I couldn’t help but picture a wedding between Blythe and me.
God, was I in love with this woman?
That was impossible, since I had just met her.
But still, I was intensely drawn to her. There was something about her scent and her look that just made me crazy. I honestly would’ve said anything to have sex with her.
Am I in love or just mad with desire for her?
Maybe it was a bit of both.
Chapter Fourteen
Blythe
I was trying to think of a way to approach Monk. I figured I’d start with him alone, because his trailer was closest, and I knew he would be inside it. After grabbing a shower and getting dressed, I was feeling more like myself.
For an hour, I flipped through TV channels. I was trying to watch something to distract myself, but I couldn’t settle on anything.
The second they went to a commercial or got boring, I’d find myself flipping around again. And since the studio had even more channels than your average hotel, I was just flipping and flipping endlessly.
The cable in the studio literally had every available channel in the country and some from around the world. I guess it was because the studio had such close ties with the cable TV industry.
Or maybe it was just because giving everyone free cable was yet another tax write-off that studio needed. I mean, when you were making TV and movies, how could watching TV and movies not be required for your job, right?
I pulled out one of the salads in my fridge. Again, it was handmade and wrapped just for me. It was amazing the level of care the studio had for me or people like me. I could be vegan, gluten-free, or prefer free range chicken and they would serve it in a glass bowl.
They would take away my dishes, make my bed and clean my trailer. A movie just isn’t the actors and the director and the crew, it’s an endless support staff.
Did you ever watch the credits in a movie? Look at all the names! And when you literally have hundreds of people working on a multi-million-dollar production, they have to be fed, and sometimes clothed and boarded.
I mean, just think of the facilities alone that are needed for bathrooms for the four hundred or so people working on this production. It was amazing, how it was all coordinated, when I really thought about it.
And at the center of it all was me, the face of the movie. I was the precious diva actress who had to protected and insulated at all costs. Nothing could happen to me while production was filming.
Look at Claire. She broke her leg and poof! She’s gone.
I could get pregnant or get into a horrible car accident. Heck, even if there was just any accident and it marred my face? Oh, God! That’s my money maker!
I couldn’t lose my voice or my hair— Well, I guess they could replace my hair if they had to. But still, you get what I’m saying. I felt like a queen as the lead actress.
But I had to keep it in perspective. When the production was over, they’d be mostly done with me. Sure, I still had to do the promotional tour, but if something happened, the studio would surely just put out a press release and move on.
I was just a product they were selling for a short period of time. I had an expiration date and it ended the moment I wasn’t beautiful enough or popular enough.
God, Hollywood was depressing.
I really needed to think about the future. I wasn’t going to be young forever. Now that I had a lead actress role, I had to start thinking about my career and where I would go from here.
I also couldn’t help but think about the guys. Could one of them be my future, too?
Hollywood romances seemed to be so fleeting in the tabloids, but in real life they were just like any place else.
I suppose, in some ways, it was a lot like high school. As they say, “Hollywood is high school with money.”
I guess the actors were the popular kids because everyone wanted to know who we were sleeping with. I couldn’t answer that question right now if I tried, though.
But at least the tabloids hadn’t gotten wind of the love quadrangle I had gotten myself into. That was the one advantage of living on the lot. The paparazzi were nowhere to be seen. They couldn’t get in and wouldn’t be allowed to take pictures if they got in. Again, more protection for the queen diva.
I was so torn between the boys. Christian was strong and intense, but he also seemed a bit volatile. I didn’t know if it was a good idea to agree to go out with him so quickly. I probably should’ve put him off, but it was too late to back out now.
Zack seemed nice, but he was so… sexual. God, the way he looked at me just was such a turn on. But he also seemed nice and willing to share me until I made up my mind.
Monk was also pretty intense, but in a different way. There was no arguing his dedication to the craft. I had to admire that. Heck, I wanted to emulate him. But was a romance between us going to derail his entire world?
I looked out the window of my trailer. It was finally getting dark. I could see the lights on in Monk’s trailer.
Would now be the best time to talk? This late at night, we might be tempted to do more than talk. But then again, he was dedicated. He resisted me once. He could probably do so again. I managed to resist Zack, so maybe I could resist Monk.
Going into the bathroom, I made sure my makeup was perfect. I fluffed up my hair. If I was going to screw this up, at least I didn’t want it to be because I had a piece of lettuce in my teeth or a weird hair flip going on.
I guess it was also my way of giving myself a pep talk. If I looked good, then I would feel good.
I peeked outside the window. Monk’s lights were still on. Then I glanced out the door and looked around. No one else seemed to be walking around the lot. I made my way to Monk’s door and knocked.
“Come in,” he said.
I went inside. Monk was sitting on his couch, relaxing with a book on meditation.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey,” he replied, looking puzzled. “What’s on your mind? I was about to go to bed.”
Well, actually, that was on my mind, but I couldn’t tel
l him that!
“I just wanted to talk,” I began. “I’ve been having a lot of conflicting emotions about working with you and Christian and Zack. I just— I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
“We’re big boys, Blythe,” he said, gesturing for me to take a seat on the couch with him. “You should say what’s on your mind and speak from the heart. Anything else— It’s just blather.”
“Right, right, but it’s kind of hard,” I said awkwardly. “I mean, I guess it’s easier for you because of— well, the path that you’re on. Being so spiritual.”
“Well, being centered does help,” he said. “I talked to my spiritual advisor today, even. He gave me some good advice.”
“What did he say?” I asked.
“That’s a bit personal, but I can tell you that he told me to meditate, be honest and speak from the heart,” I said. “Basically.”
“Okay, that’s what I’ll try to do now,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I really like you, Monk. And I’m very attracted to you. How do you feel about me?”
“If I wasn’t on this movie right now, no question, we would be together,” he replied. “I just can’t now. The distraction is too much.”
“Would you say the same thing if there was no movie and I was seeing Zack or Christian too. Or maybe both of them?” I asked uncomfortably.
He furrowed his brow and then looked away.
“What are you saying? Are you already dating one of them? Like Zack?” he asked.
“Not exactly. Not officially,” I said. “But all three of you have made advances and to be honest, I’m interested in all three of you.”
“I have to seriously question your taste in men,” he joked. “But I don’t expect you to wait for me. I’d like to see if our attraction is more than proximity, but I won’t feel threatened if you the date the other guys.”
“I’m so glad,” I said, relieved. “I knew you would be cool about it, but I had to be sure.”
“And the other guys are cool with it?” he asked, out of curiosity.
“Well, Zack definitely is, but I haven’t talked to Christian about it,” I admitted.
“Okay,” he said, walking me to the door. “I should really go to bed now because I have to get up early to do my morning work-out.”
He leaned forward and I kissed him. I couldn’t help it. I put my hands on him and tried to make it more. But he took my hands away from his neck.
“I’m sorry, I can’t now,” he said. “I really want to. Understand that, but I can’t right now.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed it,” I said. “I’m just really attracted to you.”
“I hope after the movie is over, you and I can celebrate,” he said, giving me one last gentle kiss.
“I’d like that,” I said.
“Good night,” he smiled.
I stepped outside.
“Good night,” I said.
Rather than going back to my trailer, I walked in the cool night air on the lot. It was essentially one giant parking lot with massive warehouse-sized buildings all over it.
It was kind of amazing, all the stuff they were shooting here. Literally, dozens of TV shows, movies and commercials— the studio was constantly using or renting out the facilities. The enormous task of scheduling everything must’ve been mind boggling.
I walked to an area that had a bunch of houses. But it wasn’t a bunch of houses that people lived in. This was a suburban street set. The houses were empty. Most of them weren’t even completed inside, just on the outside.
If you looked at it at just right angle, you could’ve been in anywhere in America. Even the trees were replaceable, so that you could create the illusion of the Southwest or the East Coast or the South or the Northeast or Northwest.
Most of the trees were gone. The ground just had a bunch of holes where the crew guys would bring in the trees. They were massive pots.
They would be lowered in by cranes, covered up by dirt and grass and used until the shooting was done. Then they would be moved to the huge green house. They had an entire staff whose job it was to water the plants, keep them alive and looking good until they were needed as props.
Then I walked onto the urban street set. This was the same set we had been shooting on with the bar scene. Architecture wise, it looked like New York. However, it could pass for almost any street in most major American cities, if you didn’t look too closely.
Up close, it looked amazingly fake. The road led to nowhere and the buildings were still only half finished.
But if you saw this street in a TV show or movie (and you have, probably dozens of times), it looked great. They’d just move a few cars in, shoot at the right angles and you’d never know half the buildings weren’t finished and the manhole cover was just for show.
I kept walking. The sky was clear, and the stars were out. The California night sky was great. With all the hills, you usually didn’t have tall buildings blocking the view.
Making my way to the wave pool, I noticed that it was still full of water. Someone must have just been using it for a scene. The giant pool was used to shoot close ups of people on boats. This way, you didn’t actually have to go to open water.
The background was a huge wall painted to look like blue sky. These days, they didn’t use the wall. They would digitally remove it and replace it with actual footage of empty ocean going off onto the horizon.
I reached one of the guard gates to the outside.
“Ms. Kelly,” greeted the guard. “How are you doing this fine evening?”
“I’m fine,” I said. “Do we know each other?”
“My name’s Mac, and no,” he said. “I just read your name on that.”
When he said “that,” he pointed to the massive movie poster of our movie, “The Love Gambit.” I was surprised to see myself on the poster, along with Christian. Zack and Monk were on it too, but much smaller.
The guys were right. They must’ve taken a still from the first day of shooting to make the poster. God, the studio was fast. And there was my name in three-foot-high letters.
“Wow,” I said. “Nice to meet you, Mac. I hadn’t seen the poster. That’s pretty crazy.”
I took out my phone and took a picture of it. Then I took a selfie with it. This was definitely going up on Facebook. Although, I looked at the picture again and it was a little dark.
You could see the poster clearly since it was lit by two massive lights. I posted it and then started to head out of the gate.
“Where are you going?” asked Mac.
“What? Oh, I’m just going for a walk,” I said casually.
“Ms. Kelly, this neighborhood isn’t exactly… walkable,” said Mac carefully. “Do you want me to get you a car?”
“Really? Is it that bad?” I asked.
“Take a quick peek,” he offered.
I stepped out past the gate. In either direction, there was a massive cement wall, twelve feet high, that surrounded the lot. On the street, there was nothing. There were parking meters and pieces of trash blowing around, but that was about it.
Across the street, there was another twelve-foot-high wall. It looked absolutely desolate.
“Jeez,” I said. “I guess there’s nothing to walk to, huh?”
Mac laughed, despite himself.
“No, ma’am, this is Los Angeles,” he smiled. “You’d probably have to walk several blocks before you found a store or something. And I wouldn’t recommend it. Would you like me to call you a car?”
“Thanks, but no,” I said. “I guess I’ll stay on the lot. It’s safe in here, right?”
“Oh, yeah,” he assured. “We got cameras and guards all around. No one gets past us. If someone gets in without us noticing, someone’s gonna get fired! That I can promise you.”
“How many guards do you have working now?” I asked. “I mean, it’s nighttime. Everyone’s gone home.”
“No, they’re shooting a few things,” said Mac. “This studio runs tw
enty-four seven. There are millions of dollars of equipment in some of these buildings. Nighttime makes it more crucial to protect it. We have probably over a hundred people on staff.”
“Just for security?” I said, amazed.
“Oh, yes ma’am, sure,” he assured me. “We need at least three dozen security officers to watch this place. That’s minimum. There’re eight gates, we have several guys patrolling. We have officers watching the cameras and we have a night supervisor who controls the whole thing from central command.”
“Wow!” I laughed. “You guys sound like a private army.”
“That’s pretty much what we are, Ms. Kelly,” he said. “We are armed and licensed. Normally, we handle things, but if it escalates, we alert the cops and they’ll come right over.”
“But what’s the major threat?” I asked. “Is it just fans?”
“Sometimes,” he said. “But they’re not much of a threat most times. Just crazy people that wanna be in movies, ya know?”
He laughed. The movie business was just silly to him in some ways.
“What’s the most serious threat you ever had to deal with?” I asked.
“Gangs,” he nodded somberly.
“Really? Street gangs try to break in?” I said in disbelief.
“A few times, yes,” he said. “Four of them broke in and tried to steal cars right off the lot. One of them managed to get out of here before we could stop him. The cops caught him later, but it was pretty crazy.”
“Should I be worried?” I asked, already mildly worried.
“No, no,” said Mac. “Those four guys, we were following them on video camera the whole way. The only reason we couldn’t stop them was that they got in the car and drove right out. We don’t have cars, just golf carts.”
“That must’ve been some high-speed chase,” I joked.
“No, not really,” he laughed. “And once in a while, someone slips past security with the tourists and tries to steal something. Usually they’re after a prop or some such nonsense. One time, a group of burglars tried to steal some expensive lighting equipment. But we caught ‘em.”