“I’m going to put the steaks on the grill. Bring my glass?”
“Sure.” I grab the stem of his wine glass and follow him out to the yard. It’s warm, humid almost, so I pull off my sweater after placing the glasses on the small, wooden pallet-style table under a matching awning. The smell of the grill wafts over. It’s beautiful.
“You have a tattoo, why have I never noticed that before?” His hands are suddenly on my shoulder, pulling my hair to the side so gently I feel chills spiral down my spine.
“The steaks,” I whisper, hoping he removes his hands from my bare skin.
He can’t see much of my tattoo, just the corner, and I’m relieved when he mutters a curse and leaves me alone. I can only just handle him at a distance, if he gets close like that again I might do something I will regret.
I take my seat, pour more wine into his glass and watch him cook like a pro.
Soon dinner is ready and he’s lighting a tealight in a glass on the table as I place a napkin on my lap.
We eat in near silence and oh my Lord the food is amazing. I moan on nearly every bite.
“I never want to eat anything else,” I say to him and he smiles with appreciation. “Thanks for this, Trav.”
His smile becomes a glare but it doesn’t last.
I wonder what he’s thinking about.
“So, you’re definitely coming back?”
I nod. “Most likely. I haven’t formally accepted a position yet but it’s looking like that’s gonna be the outcome. Is that okay?”
“I think it’s great.” He sounds genuine, but part of me wonders if I can live here full-time and stomach seeing him and his woman. Leah. Ugh. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just thought of something unpleasant.”
He laughs and shakes his head and we go back to eating. “What time is Dad coming for you?”
“I said I’d let him know. You want to get rid of me already?”
“Not yet, I’m having fun.”
I smile fondly at him. “Me too.”
He clears away the plates when we’re done and we move to the padded love seat below the kitchen window. I rest my wine on the table which he drags over and tuck my legs under my body. It reminds me so much of the night I tried to kiss him. We’re both sitting the exact same way except there’s more distance between us now.
“I spoke to Brett yesterday for the first time in years,” I say after he connects his phone to a speaker in the kitchen and randomizes a playlist on low volume.
“Really?”
I nod. “We’ve emailed back and forth on occasion but it’s the first time we’ve had a real conversation since not long after I left Cali.”
“How is he?” He finishes his second glass of wine and I wonder if he’s feeling a similar buzz to me.
“He’s great, he had it rough for a while but—”
He holds up a finger when his phone starts to ring, cutting me off. “Sorry,” he mimes at me and then puts the phone to his ear. “Hey.” His voice is so soft and I know who it is without him even saying her name. “I’m busy right now, I’m just having dinner with my sister.”
Sister?
“Yeah. Tomorrow then. I know… of course… I’ll see you tomorrow.” He hangs up and I feel like vomiting up every ounce of the food he fed me.
I’m mad, kind of, even though I shouldn’t be. Suddenly I don’t want to be here anymore.
“Hey, no, it’s cool,” I tell him, picking up my phone to call my dad. “You can hang with her, I’ll just tell Dad to come get me.”
“What?” He looks confused. “You want to go?”
“I’m tired, I had a five-hour flight, then the interview, then grocery shopping, and I just ate my weight in food, plus the wine…” I stand, phone still in hand, and scroll down to Dad’s name. “I’m tired.”
“Dad’s still at work. It’s only four.”
“Yeah, but he can get me when he’s done.”
He stands too and takes my phone from my hand. “What’s wrong? Did I do something to upset you?”
“No,” I blurt, reaching for my phone but he holds it above his head. “You didn’t do… will you stop that? What are you? Five? Give me back my phone!”
He holds it higher and I don’t realize how close I am until my nipples harden against his chest and tingles burn from the tips to my groin. Fuck.
My eyes meet his which are sparkling with amusement.
“Give me back my phone, dork.”
“Make me,” he breathes, grinning smugly.
“Okay.” I reach between us and grab his dick. Now I intended to find soft flesh that I could twist, but instead I find hardness and both of us freeze. “I am so sor—”
Soft lips cut me off, pressing against mine before I can take a breath or protest, or anything for that matter. I groan, my fantasies coming to life.
I hear my phone clatter on the floor as his hands reach around to cup my rear, pulling me tightly to him as my tongue presses against his. He tastes delicious, like wine and him. The him part I remember, the wine part is new and God it’s making me delirious with need.
He moans, deep and guttural. It almost sounds pained but it sure doesn’t feel it.
The tightness in which he holds my body is definitely not painful.
“Trav,” I whisper when his lips move from mine to my neck, nipping and sucking as he walks me backwards and through the kitchen door. I almost stumble on the step but we figure it out without casualties. Thank fuck.
I rip his T-shirt over his head and drop it on the floor as he pushes me up against the wall and rips down my pants. They fall to my ankles where I kick them off, along with my panties, and I squeal when he drops to his knees and buries his face between my thighs.
“Oh my God,” I breathe as his talented tongue works my folds. I forgot how good he was at this. He used to pride himself on how good he was at giving me head and I loved every moment of it.
“You have no idea how badly I’ve missed the taste of you,” he says against my thigh which is hooked over his shoulder.
I can’t reply, I can’t even fucking speak. All I can do is moan and hold on tight as he works me with his tongue, lips, teeth and fingers.
“I’m gonna…” I throw my head back and choke out a cry as my orgasm rips through my body and then explodes with waves upon waves of euphoria. “TRAV!”
He withdraws his fingers and stands unsteadily, wiping his lips on his arm before kissing me again.
I breathe shakily and hold myself up using one of the handles as he hooks my leg over his hip and works his way inside.
I feel so full, the sensation is too much so I squeeze my eyes shut, clenching tight around him and he groans as though pained.
“Sorry,” I breathe, hoping I haven’t done anything to hurt him.
“I’m not,” he replies, and our eyes meet as he finally starts to thrust in and out so fucking slowly.
“Harder,” I beg and he obliges, thrusting his hips so hard against mine my back hits the wall. “Yes… God… Trav!”
He keeps going, grunting with every push, breathing harshly as he fucks me up against the wall. My hands roam over his body, his biceps, his abs, his strong back. He’s all man now in a way he wasn’t before.
I’ve never been so turned on by just the feel of somebody’s body before.
He circles his hips now, slowing down as I put my hand between us and twirl my sensitive clit with my fingers.
“Faster,” I beg, moaning louder now. I’m so close.
So close…
Fuck.
“I’m there, I’m there, fuck, Trav!” I cry, bucking my hips against his.
He growls, gritting his teeth as he fights for control, but he loses it with me. I feel him throbbing inside, growing and pulsing in such a way that I feel it more than I feel anything else.
“Raven,” he bites out, his hips stopping against mine as his body jerks with spasms of the ecstasy we share.
His eyes lock on mine and
his lips smile as his chest heaves for breath. “You okay?”
I nod, wetting my dry lips. “Definitely.”
He pulls out, grimacing at the feeling of it. I snort and point my thumb to the hallway.
“I’m going to clean up.”
“Of course. Take as long as you need.”
I pad away, wearing nothing but a camisole over a black lace bra. My pants are on the kitchen floor with my panties.
When I enter the bathroom, I smile giddily, wondering what this could mean for us now. I have visions of our future, him calling the invisible Leah to break things off, me telling Dad that we come as a package now. It’ll be awkward, our future kids will have only one set of grandparents, not unless you count his useless father. We can work it out.
I wash myself because what I’ve got going on down there isn’t what I’d call fresh as a daisy. Then I opt for a quick shower, just my body, not my hair. I feel better and wonder if he’s up for round two. Maybe if I keep him in bed long enough, he won’t question whether or not this is a good idea.
“Trav,” I call through the door. “Can I have some of your clothes? Boxers and a shirt or something?”
When I don’t get a reply, I pad out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, my braid is resting against my damp shoulder.
I can’t find him.
“Travis?” I call, wondering if he’s gone back outside.
I help myself to his clothes, boxers and a T-shirt that smell like lavender and fresh linen. Just like what Shonda uses.
I pad barefoot to the kitchen. “Travis?”
Where the hell is he? I look out of the window but can’t see him anywhere, and then step out into the yard. The ground is cold beneath my feet though I hardly feel it.
“Trav? This isn’t funny.”
My heart starts racing as I assess the situation.
Reality sinks in, so I turn, hands gripping my arms, and see my pants and panties piled on the worktop. A note is propped on top. I reach for it with trembling fingers and a chattering jaw.
“I’m sorry.”
He’s sorry?
Sorry for what?
I check my phone and sure enough there’s a text from him too.
Travis: I called Dad, he’s on his way to pick you up.
Raven: What the fuck, Travis? Why have you done this?
Travis: It was just sex, Raven. It never should have happened.
Raven: You’re a coward. At least have the decency to say this to my face. You owe me that much.
Was I that bad? Did he not enjoy himself?
Angry, bitter, and with burning eyes, I pull off his clothes and pull on mine.
Is this some kind of twisted vengeance for everything? I knew it was too good to be true.
Raven: We might have been able to stay friends after it if you’d stayed and just been honest. You fucked up and burned that bridge. Or was that your plan all along?
Travis: At least I bothered to leave you a note.
If I were eighteen again, I’d turn to a bottle of vodka and trash his house. But I’m not eighteen. I’m a grown woman, an accomplished one, and this entire time I’ve been acting like a smitten teenager I failed myself. I’ll not stoop to his level and damage his property as vengeance, no matter how badly I want to.
One thing’s for certain though. I will never trust him again.
So I do the dishes, clean up our mess, keep busy, find my Kindle that he never returned, take my female Dungeon Quest figure, and plaster on a fake smile for when my dad arrives.
If Travis wants to think he’s broken me, I’m not going to give him any inclination that he has.
The man is bitter with past memories and I’m not about to be his victim. He was never meant to be my victim. I fucked up so bad and I understand why he’s angry, but I also didn’t mean for any of it to happen.
I don’t deserve this punishment.
I try to be strong, I try to draw strength back into my soul but I can’t. I’m too weak.
I wish I could say that I don’t want to cry but I do. Not only do I want to cry but I fall victim to it and once I’m in my own clothes I drop to my knees and sob. This is my stupid fault.
But I don’t deserve this. No matter what happened between us, I didn’t deserve this.
I want to run back to the city, away from him, and never return. But that wouldn’t be fair on Dad and Shonda.
I sit in the yard, on the love seat, with a glass of water by my side.
I hug my legs and rest my chin on my knees.
It hurts.
It hurts so badly.
I bury my eyes into my knees and sniffle gently. I need to get this out of my system before Dad gets here.
I fail at that too though because I feel a hand on my back as the seat dips beside me.
“I’m sorry,” Travis whispers and he pulls me onto his lap. I go willingly, crying even harder now. Crying for the life I lost, for the pain I put us both through, crying because he just broke my fucking heart too.
I wonder if this was how he felt when I left him and didn’t come back. I wonder if he felt as used and as abandoned as I’m feeling now.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles against my hair, holding me against his chest, rocking us both. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Then why did you?” I pull back and look at him through shining lashes.
His hands come up to cup my face and his thumbs brush away the wetness from my cheeks. “Because I’m a horrible person.”
“Yep,” I agree and he almost smiles, his eyes move with it, his lips tip up at the edges.
“I don’t want to be angry anymore,” he utters, adjusting my position on his lap. “I want…” He looks up at the sky as his hand slides down my side to rest on my thigh. “I want a future with you, I just don’t know what kind of future.”
“You’ve got to give me more than that, Trav.”
“No, you have. What do you want from me, Raven?”
I hesitate, terrified to put my cards on the table, especially after what he just did. “How do I know this isn’t another trick to hurt me?”
His expressions twists with genuine remorse. “I shouldn’t have done that. I regretted it the second I did it and then I had to talk myself into coming back. I’m a coward. I wanted to hurt you, but now I just never want to see you hurt again.” He shifts again and looks away, his own eyes full of shame and remorse. “I keep telling myself that if I don’t hurt you first you’ll destroy me. You have the power to do that, Raven. You’re the only woman who ever has had the power to do that. You’re the only woman that will.”
“I’m in love with you,” I admit, rushing the words out as his penetrate my weak shields. “I always have been. I can’t stop thinking about the wedding and how I didn’t say it and how badly I wanted to. I wish I could go back and do everything differently, swallow my pride and be there for you. I hate myself for what I did, more than you could ever hate me.”
“I don’t hate you. I hate myself for wanting to hate you. I hate myself for not kissing you on your couch that night. You’re not the only one with regrets.”
“You wanted to kiss me?”
He nods and presses his lips to mine so suddenly I jolt on his lap. I pull back, not because I don’t want to kiss him but because I need closure before we continue.
“Are you going to run again?” I ask quietly.
“Are you?”
I falter. “I have to go back to the city. I can’t just leave.”
“But you’ll come back? You’ll take the job and move here?”
This time I definitely don’t falter. “Will you be waiting for me when I do?”
His smiling eyes hold mine and his hand squeezes me reassuringly. “Without a doubt.”
I smile, my earlier woes a dim murmur in my heart in comparison to the roaring need that now overshadows it. Our lips collide as I climb from his body. Our tongues tangle like before but this time the kiss is different, it’s slower and less desperate.<
br />
It’s just as good as the one before but this time it has more meaning to it. It’s not just two sex-starved adults making new memories, it’s two long-lost lovers finally finding their hearts again.
We move to his bedroom, hands exploring each other, dropping clothes and pulling free hair. It’s sensual and romantic. Especially when he covers my body with his, claims my mouth and makes love to my body like he used to. He still remembers how to make me feel good. I still remember how to make him feel good.
It’s perfection and bliss all rolled into one.
I moan his name and he moans mine. I kiss his neck, taste his mouth, explore his body with my hands and we fall apart, me first and then him, both of us crying out with the pleasure of it.
Then we lie together, him on top, his forehead against mine. I’m too warm, sweaty even, but I don’t care.
“You’re the first girl I ever loved,” he whispers, a breath against my lips. He moves to kiss my ear. “The first woman I ever loved.” When he comes back up his eyes are shining with affection and happiness, the same he can hopefully see in mine. “I want you to be the last woman I ever love. Promise me you’re coming home.”
“I promise.”
He looks so vulnerable. No longer guarded and determined to push me away.
“Did you really call Dad to get me? Because if you did he’s gonna be arriving any time now,” I ask, giggling when his eyes widen.
“I don’t want you to go.”
“I don’t want to go either.”
“Then we’ll tell them.”
I choke. “Tell them? The parentals?”
“Yep.”
I hesitate. “But what if you change your mind before I come back? What if Leah steals you away from me?”
“Leah doesn’t exist, she’s my boss. She called me about coming into work tonight for something. I just wanted to make you jealous.”
I slap his arm and he laughs, rolling off me, pulling me onto his chest. “Not funny, dork.”
“No, you’re right. No more games. I’ve wasted too much time being bitter and playing games.”
“Me too,” I reply and twirl my finger around his nipple. He shivers and kisses my clammy forehead. “I’ll never stop being sorry for what I did, though. You know that right?”
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