Phoebe gasped, stunned into silence. She wept until her chest hurt. “But our marriage was scheduled for one month’s time. Now it will not happen?”
“The vicar and our peers would view it as immoral for you to renege on your vows to Evan.”
“And what of my vows to Owen?”
“A miracle has occurred for the sake of you and Evan.”
“Let him be some other lady’s miracle.” Phoebe stood and paced her room in a rage, throwing out her arms as if she were performing on stage. Her heart was so full of anger she could not control her body. “Let me be happy. For God’s sake, Father—let me be loved!”
The Earl stood before her and drew her to a stop with strong arms on her shoulders. “You are hysterical, Phoebe. Sit down.”
He led her back to the bed and pushed her down. She sat, breathing heavily and shaking in anger.
“I won’t marry him.”
“I didn’t want to tell you this, Phoebe. Lord knows I wanted to allow you some peace of mind, but I am dying.”
Her head shot up and she stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. “What did you say?”
The Earl took her hands in his and squeezed them tightly, tears now welling in his own eyes. “I am not long for this world. The physician has confirmed it but there was no need. I feel it in my bones. I have felt some illness taking hold for some time now. There is pain, and I am weak.”
“It cannot be.”
“It is so.”
Phoebe shook her head and cried. “This cannot be. It cannot be! As one returns from the grave, another goes. My heart can endure this torture no longer…”
“Now is not the time for tears. Now is the time to plan for when I’m gone.” He turned her face toward him so she would look into his eyes. “You stand to lose everything when I am gone. There are those who will take advantage, who will give you poor advice, who will use your grief against you.”
“Father—”
“Listen to me, Phoebe. I need to see you married before I die. I must know that you are under someone’s care. There is no gentleman I trust more than the Duke. It is my dying wish that you should marry into his family. You would have had my blessing to marry Owen, but if the church and the peerage is against it, then it may never be. Yet you could take Evan’s hand before the month is out.”
She lifted her chin and made sure to catch his eye with determination. “I need no gentleman, Father. I would be shrewd with your assets if I lost you. I would protect the fortune you have built. I don’t need to marry to be safe.”
“I beg you to do this for me, Phoebe. It is the last request I shall ever make of you.”
“What you ask is no small favor. It is a lifetime of sacrifice.”
“All I want for you is a good life.”
“Then let me marry Owen.”
“It will not be!” He stood and shook his fists with frustration. “My darling daughter, do you not believe I wish you could marry for love? Do you not think I yearn for you to have it all—the protection of a good family and the husband your heart desires? Of course, I do, but time is short and the time I have to protect you is almost at an end.”
“If you think I need protection, you underestimate me.”
“What do you know of business, Phoebe? Of trade routes? Of weights? Of currency exchange? Of the value of tea or jewels?”
“I would learn.”
“Not before some thief in the guise of a friend should steal it all away and leave you destitute.”
“I am not ignorant.”
“You trust in people easily. You are naïve. And when you are sick with grief for losing me, you will be at your most vulnerable.”
“I will not marry Evan.”
“Then you break your dying father’s heart.”
* * *
Miss Bennet stroked Phoebe’s back patiently. “There, there, my dear. Everything is going to be fine.”
“How can it be? I am where I was when I was sixteen, except now it is far worse because I have known what it is to be Owen’s.”
“Your father is only trying to make sure you are safe.”
“The only thing worse than losing my father is to lose Owen at the same time.”
“I don’t know what to say to you, sweet child.”
“There is nothing to be said, Miss Bennet. I am destined to be kept from my dear Owen forever. Fate has conspired against us.” She sat up and wiped her eyes. “Unless we run away.”
“Lady Phoebe! Do not even think such things. It would break your father’s heart.”
“He is already breaking mine.”
“And what of Evan? He thought he was all alone in this world, then suddenly was blessed with the memory that he was loved. What of his grief if you deny him now? He would have lost you twice.”
“I was never truly his. Yes, I may have accepted his proposal a long time ago but it was back when I thought duty mattered above all else. Now I know that love is everything. I would give up everything to be with Owen. Everything.”
* * *
It was the dead of night when Owen met Phoebe in the grove. Earlier that day, she had paid a young boy to deliver a handwritten note to him telling him to meet her here at this time. She had told him to pack his most beloved possessions and several changes of clothes.
When he arrived, he found her standing like a spirit by the lake, dressed all in white, her hair loose and blowing in the wind.
She turned and ran to him, pressing her hands against his chest and kissing him with a passion so intense Owen almost believed he must have been dreaming.
“Phoebe. Is everything all right? I received your message.”
“Did you bring what I asked?”
“Yes. Why?”
“You might believe me to be mad, Owen, but I cannot lose you again. I simply cannot marry Evan. My heart cannot bear it.” She showed him the large travel bag on her arm. “I have brought my things, too. I think we should leave together. Tonight.”
“Leave?”
“Elope.” Phoebe stood before him, her eyes shining with love and determination. “I want to marry you, Owen Boltmon. It is the only one true desire of my heart.”
“If we leave, we’ll have nothing and we’ll lose everyone who is dear to us.”
“If we stay, we’ll lose each other.”
Owen’s heart felt light. It began to pound with anticipation and excitement. He took her hands fervently. “You would leave with me? Like this, in the dead of night?”
“I have left a letter for my father to tell him I love him, but it would kill me to stay.”
“Are you sure this is what you want? If we left, there would be no going back. We would never be forgiven. We would be disgraced.”
She drew in a deep breath, shut her eyes, then nodded. “I can’t live without you.”
“Then let us go while the moon lends us her light.”
It was the most beautiful night. The moon was glowing most powerfully, casting white light across the grounds of Wycliffe House. Owen felt as if he and Phoebe were some woodland creatures as they dashed through the forest path at the back of the estate toward the town.
“I cannot believe we’re truly doing this!” Phoebe exclaimed. She grasped Owen’s hand and run with him as fast as her legs could carry her with her long skirts and bag upon her arm.
“I’ve dreamed of this night for years.” Owen was breathless from moving so quickly but there was joy in his voice. “From tonight, we shall be free.”
They reached the town shortly thereafter and Owen commissioned a carriage to take them to the nearest village outside of Wycliffe. From there, they would travel north to Scotland.
In the carriage, Phoebe rested her head against Owen’s shoulder. He loved the feeling of the weight of it against him, her hair beneath his cheek where he could smell its fragrance.
She was so small in his arms, but an endless source of warmth and comfort. The protectiveness and love he felt for her was at times overwhelming. His
desire was equally as powerful.
As they sat in the carriage and began to leave all the life they knew behind, he pictured their future on some distant Scottish moors where they could walk hand in hand through nature in the day, and make love near the fireplace all night.
The sound of the horses’ hooves drowned out their words from the ears of the coachman so that they could talk in private within their carriage as they watched the town disappear behind them.
“We will start again in this new town,” Owen told her. “We can invent for ourselves any story we so desire. We will tell them we were childhood sweethearts raised in the country; we will tell them nothing of our peerage. They will think we are ordinary people.”
“Ordinary people can do so much we cannot.” Phoebe looked up at him with a warm smile. “We can even tell them we eloped and they will think it romantic. Romance has always been for the lower classes.”
“Our love will inspire them. They will wonder how any pair could be so blissfully happy together. They will wonder how a husband who never raises his hand has found a wife who never raises her voice, and how they managed to bear children who know only how to laugh and who never cry.”
“I’ll collect my flowers from the moors to become the florist I dreamed I’d be.”
“There will be no need for a lawyer in the moors. Perhaps I will become a shepherd.”
Phoebe laughed gaily. “A shepherd? I cannot imagine it!”
“A shepherd I shall be. I’ll tend my flock during the day and return home to my loving wife.” He leaned in and kissed her throat, kissing her the length of her neck, behind her ear, and then finally on her lips while he trailed his hand down her outer thigh. “We will make love in a place where nobody watches and nobody can hear. We will cling to each other in the light and warmth of the fire and fall asleep on the rug before it until the morning sunlight and sound of birdsong wakes us.”
He heard her breath catch in her throat at his touch and words. Desire swelled between his legs and his own breaths became husky with longing. He turned her face toward him and kissed her again.
Phoebe tilted her head back so he could better let his kisses fall upon her throat and allowed his hand to travel upwards to rest on her waist.
“We will go where nobody will find us. It will be only the two of us for the rest of our days.”
She pushed his hand away all of a sudden and sat upright. Her eyes very quickly became wet with tears and she shook her head. “Only the two of us. And my father will die alone after being both father and mother to me all my life and loving me so well.”
Owen felt as if his heart were being squeezed by some cold grasping hand. He sensed Phoebe’s resolve weakening.
“You are having second thoughts?”
“I am all my father has in the world and I am leaving him to die with nobody at his side to even hold his hand, nobody to kiss his forehead and thank him for all he has done, nobody to say a prayer for him and wish him safe passage to Heaven.”
He held her hand. “This is the only way we can be together, Phoebe. Your father will understand when he truly realizes what he was asking of you.”
“Whether he understands or not, he will still be alone on the day he draws his last breath.” She pounded her fists against the carriage wall to get the attention of the coachman. “I have to go back.”
“Phoebe, if you go back to him, you seal our fates.”
“He says he is gravely ill. He may only have weeks left.”
“He may have months. In which case, he will live long enough to see you marry Evan. Then what will happen?” Owen turned her to face him. “Will we skulk in the shadows and become the adulterers they believe us to be? Will we continue this while you are Evan’s wife? For you and I both know we have no means to resist this love now it has taken hold.”
“I owe my father too much to let it come to this. I’m sorry, Owen. I’ve made a mistake in asking you to meet me tonight.” She shook her head. “Eloping…what was I thinking?”
“You were thinking precisely as I was thinking—that I love you and you love me, and we deserve to be happy.”
“If I abandon my father after all he has done for me then I deserve nothing.”
The carriage came to a still and Owen reluctantly instructed the driver to return to Wycliffe.
“We’d best hope nobody noticed we were gone,” he said. “Or else we need to think of some extraordinary explanation for why we are gone in the night together with our bags packed.”
“Father will not have noticed I left.”
“And Miss Bennet?”
“She has no cause to come into my room at night.” She looked over at Owen and her expression was full of remorse. She kissed him softly with her palm upon his cheek and tears in her eyes. “Forgive me, Owen. I know you would have run away with me tonight. I know you would do anything to protect the love we share.”
“You would not be the lady I fell in love with if you were not as loyal as you are. Your integrity and kindness are the qualities I adore in you. If only you were selfish enough to leave once and for all.”
“When my father has passed. I cannot let him die alone.”
“He will convince you to marry Evan. You know this.”
“Let us return, Owen. This was a foolish endeavor.”
They made the return journey in silence, arriving back at Wycliffe barely an hour after they left. They bid each other farewell in the grove and then Owen made his lonely journey back to his accommodations.
His stomach was heavy with the weight of his disappointment. For the shortest of times, he’d held all his dreams in his hand—now they’d vanished in the wind once more.
Chapter 26
The first banns had been read. Evan and Phoebe’s engagement had been announced to the world.
Phoebe stayed stoic and silent throughout the ceremony, feeling as if beasts were feasting upon the flesh inside her; her body and soul ached with what she had done.
Her father placed his hand upon hers, seeing the sorrow in her eyes and kissed her forehead. When the service was over and they were in the daylight on the church grounds, he spoke to her gently.
“I know you have made a great sacrifice in agreeing to marry Evan but I can go in peace, knowing you are safe and well.”
She couldn’t bear to answer. When she had awoken the morning after she had almost eloped with Owen, her father had met her at breakfast. There, he had told her again how sorry he was, how he loved her, and how seeing her married was his dying wish.
Phoebe had told him she would marry Evan, precisely as Owen had predicted she would. She couldn’t bear to know her father would suffer in worrying for her.
“I owe you too much to refuse, Father, but it is the most painful thing I have ever done.”
“You will need Evan when I am gone.”
“I need Owen now.”
They took her father’s carriage home where Phoebe was surprised to find Evan was waiting them on the steps of the manor.
He walked down to the carriage to meet them when they arrived and helped Phoebe down. He was a gentleman in every respect; he was so courteous and polite in every situation—but Phoebe didn’t long for courteous and polite. She longed for someone who would kiss her in the grass and talk of making love in front of fires; she wanted the one who would run away with her without a second glance back.
“Phoebe, I’ve been waiting for your return.”
“I trust everything is all right?”
“I simply wanted to see if you were excited for the reading of the first banns. No objections.”
“I’m surprised. Was your mother not at the service?”
“She has been keeping her head low since certain information about her was shared at a recent ball.”
Phoebe realized she had not even spoken to Owen about the ball since it had come to pass. In fact, she had forgotten all about it.
“What kind of information?”
“Rumors that she ha
s been speaking falsely of one of her own.”
“I’m sorry to hear it.”
“As am I. Family is very important to me and it grieves me to see them shamed or fighting one another.”
She stepped down onto the gravel and accepted Evan’s arm to walk up to the manor, her father a step behind them.
An Immoral Dilemma For The Scandalous Lady (Steamy Historical Romance) Page 23