“I think you should go back to New York,” Nat said. There was the briefest second of blinding pain, and then she added: “And I’d like to come with you. If you’ll have me.”
It took a second for everything to catch up, for the world to start spinning again, for the words to sink into Kate’s head, for her feelings to change. She blinked.
“Are you sure?”
“If I’m going to change, this is what has to happen,” Nat said quietly. “I need to leave all this behind. The friends, the parties, the drugs, the work. Everything. I know that now. I know that I need you, and I need to find my truth, to live my own life. I need to go. And more than anything, I’d like to go with you.”
Could she really live with someone? Could she really trust someone enough with her whole life? Enough to let her in without reservation? Kate was breathing hard, almost panicking. Then she looked into Nat’s eyes. They had changed. They were not children anymore. And they both needed to learn to be adults, to take responsibility for themselves, to master whatever damage had been done to them, intentionally or otherwise, when they were children. Living with someone would be difficult, challenging, but she realized that she was ready for it. That she wanted to do this.
“You really want to come to New York with me?”
Nat nodded. Kate felt her lips twitch, a smile start to grow, until a wide grin was spreading across her face and her heart was filling up.
“Then let’s do it,” she said.
Nat was standing up, her chair clattering to the floor, pulling at Kate’s hand. And then she was pulling closer and closer and Kate felt herself be drawn in, felt Nat’s body against her own. For a while she just held on, wrapping Nat up, feeling their bodies twined together, silent and happy and hearts beating loud and clear. Then Nat pulled back a little.
“Kate,” she began. “No. Katie Steinhauser. I love you.”
Kate smiled a little. “Katie Steinhauser was a little girl and she’s long gone.”
Nat shook her head. “No, she’s not. She’s still there and she’ll always still be there. Just like Natalie Bingham is still there. We’re all who we are, we just build new pieces on from time to time, but that doesn’t change the essential nature of who we are. You might not like it, but you’ll need to learn to live with Katie Steinhauser just as much as you live with Kate S. And with Natalie Bingham just as much as you live with Nat Lee. Think you’re up to it?”
Looking down into those cat-like eyes, that olive skin, the perfect nose, what could she say?
“With you, I think I could handle just about anything. As long as we do it together.”
“Together,” agreed Nat.
Kate smiled. “In that case, Natalie Bingham, I love you too.”
She had to bend only a little before their lips brushed. As soon as they touched, a current ran through her. She held back just for a second, and then she lost herself in their kiss.
Epilogue
Kate felt like she couldn’t breathe. The long, sleek dress was tight around her chest and she could barely catch enough oxygen to keep her walking down the red carpet. The shoes weren’t helping either, tall and teetering with long, slim heels. Though on the bright side, if she needed to stab anyone in the next four hours she was more than prepared.
“Smile,” Nat whispered.
She formed her face into some kind of grin and kept walking.
“There,” said Nat, when they stepped over the threshold. “That wasn’t so bad now, was it?”
“Speak for yourself,” grumbled Kate. “You’re used to this kind of thing.”
“The cameras weren’t interested in me,” Nat said. “If you’re out of the limelight for more than a month no one cares about you anymore, and I’ve been gone over a year now.”
“Miss it?” Kate asked, grabbing at a passing waiter and taking two glasses of champagne from his tray.
“I’d be lying if I said no,” Nat smiled. “But I don’t miss everything that came along with it. Besides, I love what I’m doing, and there’s a lot to be said for that.”
Kate passed Nat a glass. She’d been afraid that coming to New York would mean boredom for Nat. But Nat hadn’t let that happen. Initially, she’d signed herself up for a twelve step drug program, and from there had begun volunteering with addicts. And then a few months ago she’d called on her contacts and started her own beauty video channel. A channel that was growing by the minute. No, Nat certainly hadn’t had time to be bored.
“I’m proud of you,” she said. “I don’t know if I tell you often enough. But I’m so proud of you.”
Nat took her hand and squeezed it. “Tonight’s about you,” she said. “Not me. So just for once, let me be proud of you, okay?”
Kate pressed her lips together and nodded. “Right.”
She didn’t recognize half the people in the large open foyer. But then she hadn’t really expected to. These were the best and brightest in the world of journalism, people whose work she read but whose faces she just didn’t know. But then she saw a model that she was familiar with and gritted her teeth. Time to play nice.
“Gotta go mingle,” she said. “You’ll be alright?”
“I can look after myself,” Nat said with a grin.
✽✽✽
Nat was talking to someone and laughing and Kate’s heart still skipped a beat when she saw her. The soft profile of her face, the curve of her arm, all so familiar now and yet still so tempting. She was smiling to herself, making her way across the room towards her when she saw Nat picking up another glass from a tray and her stomach flipped a little. She took a breath and then forced a smile before walking up to Nat.
“Would you excuse us for a moment?” she asked the tall man that Nat had been talking to.
She pulled Nat by the arm, not harshly, but enough to turn her.
“How many of those have you had?” she asked, pointing at the glass in Nat’s hand.
Nat’s eyebrows rose in surprise.
“Really? You’re going to do this now? Here?” she asked.
“How many?” Kate felt the anger building up inside her, angry because she was scared because she wanted so badly to protect Nat and knew that she couldn’t always.
“Five,” Nat said. She paused, then added: “But only the first was champagne. The other four were sparkling water. Care to check?” She held out the glass for inspection.
Kate closed her eyes for a second then breathed out.
“Jesus, I’m sorry.”
Nat stroked her arm. “I get it,” she said quietly. “But you’re going to have to trust me at some point, Kate. We’ve got to be partners, this can’t just be you looking after me. We’re equals in this relationship, and that means trusting each other. Trusting me not to drink when I’ve told you I won’t. Trusting me to put away your pictures properly. You can’t control everything, you can’t control me.”
“I know, I know.” She saw the hurt on Nat’s face. “I know,” she said again. “I’m working on it. Promise.”
“That’s all I ask,” Nat said, smiling. “Now, I think they’re going to start giving out awards soon. Think we should go grab our seats?”
Kate sighed. “I’m terrified I’m going to fall over on stage,” she confessed. “These heels are killer.”
“You’ll be just fine,” Nat said, taking her hand.
They were walking towards the double doors into the theater, following the flow of people, when a photographer stepped towards them. Kate vaguely recognized him, she’d seen him around, paparazzi, a freelancer who sold shots mostly to the tabloids.
“Excuse me,” he said. “But you’re Nat Lee, aren’t you?”
Nat glanced at Kate, then nodded. “Sure I am.”
And the clicking started as the guy grabbed a few shots. Kate stepped back, out of the pictures, but before she could disappear, Nat was pulling on her arm, pulling her closer, wrapping an arm around her waist.
“And who’s this?” asked the photographer, still clicking away.
“This is Kate S.,” Nat said. She glanced once more at Kate, then stared firmly back at the camera. “My girlfriend.”
The floor wobbled a little as Kate’s body seemed to go weightless. Girlfriend? Really? Not that she wasn’t. But this was the press, this was the public. And this was absolutely the first time Nat had ever called her girlfriend in public. Nat was holding her close enough that she could feel her shaking a little. She turned, pulling Nat with her, making her way towards the doors as the photographer took his last shots.
“You didn’t have to do that,” she said as they walked into the theater.
“I know I didn’t,” Nat said, guiding them towards their seat. “I wanted to do that. I’m not hiding anything, Kate. Not anymore. I love you and I don’t care who knows it.”
Kate said nothing, but her heart was hammering in her chest. She’d been waiting, for what she didn’t know, but right now she understood that the time had come, was coming. She said nothing, letting Nat find their seats. One thing at a time. Get this damn awards ceremony out of the way first.
✽✽✽
“And now for the award for fashion photographer of the year. And the nominees are...”
“Take your shoes off,” Nat hissed.
“What?”
“Take them off. Go barefoot. You can’t fall over barefoot.”
“I’m not even going up there.”
Nat looked at her and even in the darkness of the theater she could see those dark eyes sparkling.
“You’re going to win. Trust me,” said Nat. “So take off the damn shoes. It’s better that you go up there confident. No one will see your feet under your dress anyway.”
But Kate was already kicking off her shoes. Her name had already been announced as a nominee. The MC was already opening the envelope. And she knew with a certainty even before he spoke that she’d won. She trusted in Nat’s instincts, she realized, even as she was preparing herself to look surprised. And when her name was called she jumped up, Nat squeezed her hand, and then she was going, walking up onto that stage, climbing the stairs in her bare feet, accepting the cold award in one hand and bending towards the microphone.
“Thank you,” she said. And she wasn’t even thinking about anyone else in the room. She didn’t care that there were hundreds of people watching her. All she cared about was that Nat was out there, watching her.
“I’ve got a lot of people to thank and not much time,” she said. “The magazine, obviously. The model you can see in the pictures here.” She gestured towards the backdrop behind her. “That’s Chloe, and she’s amazing. Remember her name. Jeannie Tulane, of course, for taking a chance and hiring me.”
She took a brief second to take a breath.
“But most of all, I need to thank Nat Lee.”
There was the smattering of applause at the sound of a familiar name. And Kate owed everything to Nat. It was Nat that had come to shoots with her, Nat that had talked her down. Nat that she called when she thought a shoot was going badly. Nat was the reason that she’d not only kept her job but thrived at it.
“Nat.” She leaned closer to the microphone. “You’re my inspiration, my calm, my light. But more than that, you’re my love. There is no one in the world that I’d rather have standing beside me. I love you, and thank you for everything.”
✽✽✽
“That was quite the speech.”
They were back in the foyer, Kate’s shoes firmly on her feet, her award firmly in her hand.
“I meant every word.”
“Ah, Kate, congratulations!”
“Uh-oh,” Kate said under her breath.
Nat took her arm as Jeannie Tulane swept up to them.
“I knew I was not wrong about you,” she said, dropping air kisses on everyone’s cheeks. “Pencil yourself in for lunch with me on Thursday.”
Kate didn’t say a word, she didn’t have time. Talking with Jeannie was quite often like being attacked by a tornado. You just stood there open-mouthed and let it happen, powerless to do anything.
“And Nat, my dear, so lovely to see you again,” Jeannie was saying. “Do say that you’re going to do a shoot with us. You’ve been out of the public eye for long enough.”
“I don’t model anymore,” Nat said quickly.
“Such a shame, with a face like that. Do it for us. Do it for Kate. Her work with you is really exceptional.”
Nat just shook her head, but Kate turned to her. “What about the channel?” she said.
“What about it?”
“Well, what about if we did a spread on the channel, you’d be in it, obviously, but you wouldn’t be modeling.”
Jeannie’s mouth pursed in thought. “Yes, yes. I like that,” she said. “I’ve been hearing good things about this channel you’ve started. I’ll be honest and say I dismissed it at first since you weren’t in front of the camera yourself. But your name could sell it. Let’s talk. I’ll have my assistant call you.”
And then she was sweeping away again leaving Nat staring after her.
“It’s a good idea,” Kate said. “The channel could use the publicity. And you can’t hide away forever you know. As soon as the channel takes off you’re going to need to do interviews, all kinds of things. You can’t stay anonymous.”
Nat paled a little but nodded. Kate took her hand and held it tight.
“But I’ll be with you the whole way,” she said. “You won’t have to do it alone.”
She knew that Nat had found the calmness and serenity she needed away from LA, and that she was afraid of becoming a public figure again. But she also knew that Nat was stronger now than she’d ever been. And that she loved the attention, missed it.
Nat shook herself, then grinned at Kate. “So what now, Ms. Winner? After-party? Drinks? You call the shots.”
“What about a walk?”
“A walk? In those shoes?”
“Humor me,” Kate said.
She knew what she wanted to do, and she knew that it couldn’t be done here. So she escorted Nat out of the front door and into the warm city night. They walked the streets, neon lights shining, people talking and laughing, cars zooming past them. Hardly romantic. But this couldn’t wait.
“Nat, I love you,” she said.
“And your feet hurt?”
Kate grinned. “Let me finish up here, ‘kay?”
“’Kay,” Nat said, taking her arm.
“Nat, I love you. And without you I’m half a person. You complete me and I don’t know how or why, I just know that it’s true. Once, a long time ago, you destroyed me.”
The arm tightened around hers, but Kate kept going, kept walking, kept talking.
“But now you’ve come full circle. You’ve put me back together again. I don’t know why things had to happen that way. I don’t care, not really. What I care about is you.”
She stopped now, turned so that she was facing Nat, so that they were standing in the middle of the street, people parting to move past them. Kate took a deep breath.
“Nat, will you marry me?”
Nat’s eyes widened a fraction.
“Marry you?”
“Yes.”
Nat took her hand, pulled her along, kept them walking.
“I don’t know the first thing about being married,” she said.
“Me neither,” said Kate.
“And even the idea of it terrifies me. I mean, excites me, but also terrifies me. It’s such a big thing.”
“Me too. Committing like that, it’s scary. But, and here’s the thing, I think I can do it with you. I know it’s going to be hard, I know we still have things we need to work out. But I trust you, I don’t always show it, but I honestly do. So I’d like to trust you with my heart. I’d like to marry you, Nat.”
“Together. Forever.”
“That’s the idea.”
This time it was Nat that stopped. She stopped and stood on tiptoes and planted her lips right onto Kate’s and kissed her until Kate was dizzy wi
th the taste of her.
“It’s crazy. And scary. And exciting. And it’s going to be hard work,” murmured Nat against her lips. “But yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”
And New York carried on as though nothing had happened. Taxis honked and people yelled and lights shone down and no one cared. But Kate felt the last piece of ice drop away from her heart, felt it melt down inside her. Alone wasn’t better. Alone was never better. She kissed Nat with everything that she had, wanting to disappear inside her, and Nat kissed back.
Thanks for Reading!
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If You Liked this Book...
...then you might want to check out some of the Oakview Series of Lesbian romance books:
Coffee for Two
Saving the World
Rescue My Heart
Dance with Me
Learn to Love
Away from Home
Picture Me Perfect
Or turn the page for a sneak preview of Full of Grace, the next book in the Monday’s Child series from Sienna Waters!
Full of Grace: A Monday’s Child Romance
Chapter One
She could hear the footsteps crunching over the gravel parking lot. A shadow flitted across the ground. Sam’s heart beat hard enough that the sound filled her ears. But her training kicked in and she stifled her ragged breathing, eyes wide and sharp, waiting for her opportunity.
The car she was crouched behind had patches of rust around the wheel arch and she had an overwhelming urge to scratch her nose. Focus. Focus, she told herself.
It came slowly, not suddenly. A change in the direction of the sound, a twisting noise that meant that the man had turned. She glanced under the car, saw his feet pointing away from her, and knew that this was her chance.
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