by S. L. Baum
I smiled. “I’ll try not to step on your toes.”
“It’s not the dancing part that appeals to me anyway.”
“Then why dance?”
“To give me a valid excuse to hold you in my arms,” he whispered in my ear.
I grabbed onto his arm. “You need an excuse?”
He looked down at his arm and smiled. “Around all these watchful eyes? Yes, I think I do.” He took a step backward and I followed, not letting go.
“You already held me close, and whispered in my ear,” I pointed out.
Thorn stopped under the glowing blue light of the chandelier. “I seem to remember this as well,” he whispered as he placed a tender kiss near my ear.
“I remember that too.”
Thorn put his arms around me and we started to move to the slow orchestral tune. It was synthesized, as all instrumental music was. There were no real instruments anymore. One of my Trainers in Year Six had shown us pictures of the bulky wood and metal instruments that people used to play. They took up so much room and required too much maintenance. All music was electronically produced now, the sounds simulated to perfection. I closed my eyes and rested my head on Thorn’s chest as we swayed to the music.
“This is nice,” I whispered.
“Yes. It is.” His arms tightened around me. “I’d like to kiss you again. Preferably in private, and not just on your cheek.”
I paused in my movements. “Would you really?”
I felt him nod his head, his chin brushing against my hair. “Absolutely. What do you think about that?”
I tilted my head back to look at him. “I think that sounds perfectly wonderful,” I whispered.
His eyes focused in on my lips. “Maybe just a taste for now.” He brushed his lips against mine. It was quick and soft, a shock to my senses, and sent a tingle down my spine.
I rested my head against his chest again and sighed as we continued to dance under the muted blue lights.
“Thank you, for making me feel like myself again, tonight. Everything felt so off today. But after spending time with you, things feel right again.”
“A thorn’s job is to protect the flower,” he said, holding on to me tighter.
I relived that moment as I was being chauffeured back home. My father and Aspen were sitting across from me, each on their own tablet, frowning and smiling alternately at whatever was on their screen. They were always completely absorbed in those screens. Human interaction was reserved for their friends and associates; it was kept to a minimum when they were with each other. They would even message each other when they were in the same house.
“Concord is all abuzz about us, Bluebell.” Aspen turned her tablet around and showed me a series of pictures. They’d been taken as the three of us had entered the Gala.
The photographer had cropped my father out of several of the photographs, and had enhanced many of the images with glittering gold sparkles all around the edge. Concord’s Lush Family was emblazoned above a picture of the three of us, and Concord’s Lush Girl sparkled above a picture of me alone. There was a zoomed in, cropped shot of my left wrist; the edge of my Citizen Brand peeked out from behind the rows of black pearls that I was wearing. Behind here lies the Brand to be envied! read the caption, along with an image from The Pets’ Gala with my arm in the air, Brand exposed, for all of Concord to see.
“The Pets!” I exclaimed. “I totally forgot about Petunia and Petals. Why weren’t they at my Gala?”
Aspen looked up at me. “You know this. We discussed it yesterday. They were sent to meet the families of their prospective mates. I had your father speak to the person coordinating this whole thing. I didn’t want the curiosity over their broadcast romance to interfere with my Gala. It was enough that we had to share it with another family.”
“I can’t believe I forgot about them. I miss their faces already and I won’t get to see them in person until after my tour.”
“You had an unusually busy day, even for my standards, it is understandable to forget things.”
My father looked up from his tablet. “I agree with your mother. Don’t stress about it.”
“You can see Petunia and Petals, and watch the outcome of those family meetings, tomorrow. There will be a viewing icon on your tablet if you want to see their faces. Some entertainment while you travel,” Aspen responded dryly. “By the way, I’ve had the outfits that we picked out together packed in a bag for you to take with you tomorrow. I know Cimarron explained that there was a wardrobe pre-shipped to each of the Concords, but you will also need travel clothes and extras. So please remember to keep those outfits separate from the ones the other stylist chose for you and had shipped ahead.”
“I will.”
She didn’t look at me again; she just stared at her tablet. But I looked at her, as questions swirled around in my head. Why would she want to take away my memories? Why would my mother want to drug me and make my brain fuzz up to the point that I didn’t feel like myself anymore? It just didn’t make sense. Unless there was something she wanted to erase from my past, or if I knew something that she didn’t want me to have knowledge of.
What did I know?
What was she afraid of?
What in the world was going on?
My head began to pound. I knew it was because I was trying to remember, using my brain too much and thinking about things I shouldn’t be, but I didn’t call attention to myself. I didn’t rub my temples, trying to relieve the pain. I didn’t close my eyes. I didn’t stop thinking. In fact, I forced myself to think more. I could picture myself slinking into my room the night before, closing the door quietly, but I was grasping for details that would not reveal themselves to me. I let my mind spin. I let my head scream in pain.
I stared out the window as we pulled up to our home.
“Are you feeling alright, Bluebell?” my father asked.
“Yes. I’m just tired.”
Aspen closed her tablet’s case. “You should probably have some Sleep then.”
“I’m so exhausted that I’m sure I’ll fall asleep quickly. Sleep won’t be needed.”
My father got out of the vehicle and immediately reached in to help Aspen as she exited, and then he held his hand out for me. “Are you sure? I find Sleep quite helpful.”
“No, thank you. It made me a bit fuzzy this morning and I don’t want to feel that way for my travels tomorrow.”
“It will take you most of the day. Cimarron will be here at nine and then you’ll be chauffeured to the checkpoint, after which, you will travel through the tunnel that connects One to Two. There is another checkpoint, and then a short ride to Guest Accommodations. You won’t be finished with your travels until late, until it is time to settle in and change for dinner,” Aspen rattled off, as we walked toward the house side by side. “You could take some Sleep. There would be time to recover before your dinner tomorrow evening.”
My eyes blinked and I stared at her with wonder. “Was that my entire day you just rattled off?”
Aspen shook her head at me as she pushed open the front door. “Your schedule was given to you several days ago.”
“I’m just surprised you can recite it so quickly.”
“It is my business to know what is in store for you, and also for your father. I am aware of his every move. This way, I can help wherever I am needed. You see, everything each of us does is a reflection upon our prestigious family.”
My father closed the door behind us. “Your mother is a great help.”
“I’m sure she is,” I mumbled to myself as I walked up the stairs. “I’m going to bed, now. Thank you both for a wonderful evening. The Gala was breathtaking. I’m a… a lucky girl.”
“You are welcome, Bluebell.” My father smiled up at me. “Sleep well. I’ll be here to see you off in the morning.”
“I’m glad to hear that you appreciated all my hard work. I think that the evening was a great success, the most glorious Gala Concord has seen.” Aspen smil
ed at her own achievements.
“Well, goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” they chorused.
After the door to my room was closed, I moved a chair in front of it. I wanted a warning if either of them decided to come in unannounced. There were two things on my mind, my ring and the secret tablet.
The ring was an easy find. It was in a little box on the table by my bed. Before I opened the box, I tried to picture the ring. An image of a thin gold band with a small flower in the middle came to my mind. When I opened the box, the ring was just as I’d pictured. I sighed and slipped the gold band on my finger. It was good to know that I remembered it. I twirled it around my finger, while I looked around my room.
Thorn had whispered something in my ear at the Gala. He said I had a secret tablet. What was a secret tablet? As far as I could remember, every tablet had to be connected to a single Citizen, and was registered as such with Concord, before the tablet could be delivered. I looked around my room, trying to imagine where I would even put something like that. It would have to be hidden. Where would it not be discovered by Aspen, or by one of the house cleaners? I rubbed at my temples as the throb started again. Work through it, I told myself. Secret tablet meant secret information, stuff that I wanted to hide from everyone. What could it be? Where could it be? I paced around my room.
My bed! A wave of information came flooding back to me, it hit me all at once. The tablet was hidden between my mattress and the headboard and it contained questions about Concord, questions I was supposed to ask myself about Training Tech, and about me not being the first person to be Branded as Lush. Those questions tied into a story I was reading on my personal tablet. That story was about a little girl… that little girl was me… and Aspen was NOT my mother!
My heart began to race. So that was what Memory drugs could do to a person. They’d made me forget about almost everything that wasn’t mentioned, talked about, or right in front of my eyes. And not just things… people too. I’d forgotten about Thorn, Petals, Petunia, and who knew who else had slipped out of my mind. But it was back now, it was all back in my head where it belonged. I remembered it all.
“Oh!” I clasped my hands over my mouth and tried to steady my breaths. Air rushed in and out of my nose, filling my lungs to capacity, my chest rising and falling with irregular breaths.
I balled my hands into fists and brought them down to my sides. “Calm yourself,” I said aloud. I pounded my legs, hoping that the sensation would shake me out of the panic that had seized hold of me. “You’re fine, you know how to break through the fog. You just need to force yourself to remember,” I said in a whisper.
There was a knock on my door. My body stiffened.
“Bluebell, are you talking to yourself?” Aspen asked.
“Um, yes. I, ah, well, I tripped and almost fell…” I hurried over to the door, moved the chair out of the way, and then opened it wide. “Tight gown. I tried to walk too fast.”
Aspen frowned as she looked at me. “You really should be more careful. Turn to the side. I’ll undo the closures. I don’t want you to ruin this gown.” She took hold of my shoulders and spun me around. “It’s good luck to wear your Gala gown a second time. I wore mine to a Council dinner with my father, right after my mother passed. I was seated at his side in her absence. Lovely evening.”
I pulled my hair over my shoulder, moving it out of her way, and raised my arm. I was a bit stunned. Aspen had never spoken of her mother before.
“When did she pass?”
“Six months after my Gala. Sad really, she was a stunning woman, the perfect accompaniment to my father. She dressed impeccably and her appearance was always flawless. I strive to be like her, everyone who knew her envied her. Your grandmother was a sight to be seen.”
She wasn’t my grandmother. You are not my mother. How am I supposed to keep pretending that I know nothing about all of this? I wanted to say all of those things, but I didn’t; I couldn’t. All I could utter was, “What happened to her?”
“I don’t like to think of such things. It’s quite unpleasant, silly actually, such a silly way to go.”
“Obviously an accident.”
“What else could it have been? She wasn’t old enough to expire of age. She slipped as she was getting into a bath, knocked her head, and ended up drowning in the water. My father discovered her when he got home that evening. I was out with friends, thank goodness, I do not think I would have handled that discovery well. There. Now you know. Let’s put that behind us.”
“I’m sorry.” I’m sorry you are a liar. I’m sorry you’ve deceived me my whole life. I’m sorry my father somehow allowed all of this to happen. “Why didn’t Grandfather marry again?” I asked. “Doesn’t The Council want everyone to be paired off? You’ve told me that Thorn’s father should have married again.”
“Oh, he did. His second wife died during childbirth, exactly two years after my mother passed, along with the child. After that, Father said he couldn’t bear another loss.”
“You almost had a sibling.”
“Yes. A brother… but it wasn’t meant to be.”
Sorrow grabbed at my heart. Aspen had lost a mother, a stepmother, and a brother. “That’s so sad. I’m sure that was a hard time for you and Grandfather.”
“The second wife wasn’t a very good fit for him,” she mumbled in a quiet voice. “It doesn’t matter. Some things are better left in the past. There are no reasons to drag out old memories. They don’t have anything to do with my life today.” Aspen finished undoing the closures and opened up the dress. “Step out of the gown and be careful.” She pushed the gown down toward the floor. I stepped my right leg out and then my left. “I said be careful, you are crushing the fabric,” she scowled.
I looked down at the floor and noticed the edge of my foot was covering about an inch of blue fabric, and then I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but icy blue. I saw the loathing that rested just under the surface. She really didn’t care about them, her mother, stepmother, and baby brother… and she certainly didn’t care about me, at all. “I think the dress will be fine,” I said, keeping my gaze steady. “And I think remembering people is a good thing.” I remember my mother now. I remember the worry and the fear in her eyes. I remember that she loved me.
Aspen stared back at me. “All you need in life are the people around you at that moment. Life is fluid, the present and the future are all that matters.”
I slipped the shoes off my feet and then bent down to pick up the dress. “But the future is uncertain.” I have no idea what the future holds for me. I can’t even process what I am supposed to do with everything I’ve learned about myself. It scares me to even think about it.
Aspen turned to leave. “I am quite certain of my future. Yours…”
“What about my future?”
“If you follow the plan of The Council, and listen to Cimarron during this tour, you will be on your way to a comfortable life,” she said, with her back to me, and then she walked out the door.
But what if I don’t, I thought. Isn’t discovering the truth more important than living a lie and convincing myself that a comfortable, Concord approved life is all that matters? I had the feeling I didn’t want to find out.
Chapter Five
To Two
I refused to drink anymore Sleep water, scared that it might be laced with the Memory drugs. I couldn’t forget again, I just couldn’t, I’d have to fall asleep naturally. Before I turned off all the lights and collapsed on my bed, I peeked at the space between my headboard and the mattress. Even though I knew there really was a secret tablet hiding down there, I needed to see it. But I didn’t want to take it out; I didn’t want to touch it. My brain had had enough for one evening. I knew what was on the tablet, and it would have to wait.
When morning finally arrived, the lights in the room came on at the same exact moment my personal tablet started to chime. It was time to wake up and get myself ready for a day of travel. The chauffeur w
as scheduled to arrive within the hour, right after he’d collected Cimarron from her residence.
I sat up, steadied my resolve, and told myself to push forward, do my duty for Concord, but also keep searching for answers. Hopping off the bed, I rushed through the motions of making myself travel ready, and appropriately dressed. My appearance, I’d discovered, was what most people cared about. I was expected to be impeccably groomed at all times. My comfortable clothes and minimal attention to hair and make-up would be frowned upon while I was on tour. Every outfit I would wear was styled from head to toe, with accessories and footwear to coordinate. I was told not to deviate or improvise.
After one last look in the mirror, I snatched the secret tablet from its hiding place and shoved it to the bottom of the bag I would be carrying. I hoped that it would not be discovered because I had no way to explain its existence, or how I’d come to be in possession of it.
When I finally exited my room and descended the stairs, I found my father and Aspen waiting to see me off. It was hard to look at them and not see deception. Actually, it was hard just to look at them. I guess that was the one good thing about the tour… I would be away from them both.
My father stepped forward to give me a hug and I stiffened. “I’m so proud of you, dear girl. You will be a shining example for Concord. I know you will.”
“Thank you, Father.”
Aspen smoothed her skirt. “And remember that all of Concord will be watching your every move. You must behave like the perfect Citizen.”
“I will, Mother.”
My father took hold of my larger bag and pushed open the front door. Cimarron was waiting out front, standing by the open door of a sleek black vehicle with Concord Official stamped along the sides. There was a man standing next to her, who I assumed was the chauffeur. He stepped forward to take the bag from my father and then reached for the small one on my shoulder.
I secured my hand on the strap of it and shook my head at him. “Thank you. No. I’ll be keeping this one with me.”