I glanced between my blokes — enemies in wars for centuries, secret or deposed rulers, and love rivals — yet they all had my back.
Because fam was fam.
I sniffled, hiding the tears behind a fake cough and wiping my sleeve over my eyes.
“You all right there, Feathers?” I jerked at Rebel’s soft touch on my arm.
I wasn’t ready for this… Just a couple more minutes…
Finally, I understood Rebel’s willingness to die: being this close to death, I’d never felt so alive.
What use was Godmaker if he wasn’t powered by the blood of a god?
I’d wondered whose blood he’d demand. It turns out, he desired Violet flavored.
Yeah, I’d always known that it’d come down to a sacrifice: Me.
Ancient weapons couldn’t be tricked by trickles of blood: I’d tested it on a slice down my arm.
Nothing.
Angel Me had already shown the way, dying for her Zachriel. My life would save my family, giving them the weapon that Gabriel could swing — and the grief maddened fury — to hack apart Jahael. At last, I’d break the cycle by becoming both death and life.
Yet…I just needed a moment to say goodbye. And this — in the end — was the greatest secret of them all.
Godmaker floated away above the fountain.
“Never better, pretty boy.” Hell, I meant it. “I love you. And I know that we’re going to win.”
Rebel’s smile wavered. “Away with you, kiss me, woman.”
I laughed, as Rebel pulled me into a gentle kiss; he caressed me with his wings.
“Don’t monopolize my jewel.” Mischief yanked me into his arms, spinning me, until I breathlessly pulled back.
When Mischief studied me with sudden concern at the tightness of my lips, I twisted away to Spark and Blaze.
“Foxies,” I grinned, peppering kisses across their cheeks and stroking their ears, until they nudged me away to Firebird.
Firebird lifted my hand to kiss its back.
I swallowed around the thickness in my throat. “Mischief is your Defender, yeah?” Mischief glanced up, startled. “He loves you, as much as I do. Just…don’t forget that.”
Firebird nodded.
I caught Mischief’s gaze; his eyes gleamed with tears, but he mouthed, “Thank you.”
When Lucifer burst tiny dancing sparks onto his palms, I held out my hand; they trooped up my palm but they didn’t burn.
I laughed at the sparks’ jig, before they fizzled out. “I need a helmet like yours.”
Lucifer nodded. “As my daughter, after these high jinks, you shall have one…although, no one has horns as large as mine, missy.”
When I stroked Drake’s wing, he looked up, surprised.
“Be silent.” He clenched his jaw. “I need no mawkish words before a battle.”
“Is that so, Ice Commander?” I bit my tongue. “Then let’s not make this a weepie moment. I only wish that I’d truly known — seen — you from the start. Because I bet the real you is a legend.”
Drake stared at me, but I hurried past him to Gabriel because it was too painful…
Except, Quinn lounged against the glass gate next to Gabriel, with his hand rested on his scimitar. His emerald eyes sparkled with a dark understanding that made my heart clench.
He knew.
I froze, drawing in a panicked breath.
What if he told the others? What if they tried to stop me? Instead of quiet, peace, and love in my final moments, there’d be panic, grief, and rage…
I couldn’t even talk to Quinn to beg him not to tell my secret.
Noticing my fear, Quinn straightened, before casting a spray of ivory like lilies at a funeral.
He wouldn’t tell.
I nodded as I touched the pouch at my neck, which held Jade’s necklace. My sister was Blood Lover to Wings, Rebel’s brother: she didn’t need me. Maybe she never had, and it’d been me who’d simply been desperate to be needed.
I’d bastard got my wish.
I clasped Gabriel, allowing his wings to cocoon me, whilst I rested my head on his chest.
“It’s almost as if you imagine that you shan’t see us again.” Gabriel snuggled closer.
When Anael snorted, I stilled.
Did Anael guess the truth like Quinn?
I tugged at Godmaker, edging him towards me.
“How droll.” Anael sauntered closer, swiping at Godmaker like a misbehaving puppy. “You are stupid like my father.”
I bristled: I hadn’t expected a statue erected in my honor for offering my life sacrificial but I could’ve done without the insults.
“Mind yourself,” Rebel growled, “or I’ll boot your muppet arse.”
“You’ll try,” Anael’s eyes darkened. “Perhaps first my sister should answer this: how long has it been since J last spoke to you?”
I stared at Anael: how long had it been?
J hadn’t answered me when I’d called.
So…since the Angel Games? Since I’d received Godmaker and hadn’t been able to use my past versions’ blood…
What the hell did that mean?
J, you’re taking this Silent Chicken game way too far. Where the hell are you? You’re freaking me out: This is Official Freak Out Day.
How can you abandon me?
You promised that you’d never leave... That you loved me.
I trusted you.
I have been bastard stupid. You’re the same as Jahael: you raised me and now you’ve betrayed me.
I squirmed in Gabriel’s hold, but his wings pinned me. He glowered at Anael. “You’re not my sweet prince: distressing our current Empress will lead to worse than a scolding.”
Quinn drew his sword with a deliberate flourish.
“Your brother is a drama queen like you, sister.” Anael raised his eyebrow. “J crossed over to me through our blood link because he understood the meaning of Godmaker and its sacrifice.” I held my breath: please, don’t let him say it, not whilst I was nestled in Gabriel’s arms. “Or was I merely confused, and you weren’t about to fall on your own ax?”
Gasps, howls, bellows.
Caught in Gabriel’s hold, I shook, reducing the horror to white noise. I hadn’t realized that I’d been shaking, until my teeth chattered. Gabriel stroked my back, whispering nonsense onto the crown of my head.
And that was why I’d wanted to say my goodbyes in secret.
I yanked through my bond with Godmaker, swinging him closer. My eyes burned.
Hell, this wasn’t what I wanted, but if I slipped out of Gabriel’s hold, I could leap onto Godmaker and choose death.
And life for my family.
I trembled, waiting for the right moment.
“Enough!” Drake roared.
Silence, apart from the tinkle of the fountain.
Drake marched to Anael, gripping his head until their gazes met. Then he massaged his other hand through Anael’s feathers. “If you will not curb your savage spirit for anyone else, then do so for me and speak plainly about why our Queen would…spill her blood.”
Anael blushed. “I’ve missed you, cherub.”
Drake blinked, before smiling. “As well you should.”
Anael looked down at his hands. “Once J told me what my sister was concealing about Godmaker, I considered how with her martyrdom complex she would likely be foolhardy.”
“Standing right here,” I complained, muffled in Gabriel’s wings.
“Permission to speak denied.” Mischief was ghostly pale; Spark wound around him, with his tail drooped between his legs and his ears pressed to his head. Blaze stood close over him in guard mode. “You fight for us, you do not die for us.”
“Noted,” I muttered.
“Ready to live.” Rebel watched me with wounded eyes.
Anael shrugged one elegant shoulder. “Interesting how ironies work: the Godmaker makes a ruler of gods, by killing a god. Yet unlike my sister, I grew up in such isolation that I learned to reshap
e the world into my own playground. Why must the blood be hers? Wouldn’t we rather kill Jahael?”
Drake arched his brow. “I apologize for stating the obvious sentiment but…duh.”
“I repeat,” Anael said, meeting my gaze, “how long has it been since J last spoke to you?”
Suddenly, the silence in my mind was devastating. Despairing, I reached for J.
Please, J?
Please, please, please…?
I shivered, grasping onto Gabriel in the sudden fear of being alone — fully and terrifyingly — for the first time in my life. J wasn’t simply the voice in my head. He’d raised and loved me in a way that no one else ever had….and I loved him.
He’d always been there… I couldn’t lose him.
A surge of grief overwhelmed me, far greater than the sharp pricking of my own sacrificial death.
Had Anael already murdered J…?
I struggled in Gabriel’s hold, bursting free and storming towards Anael. “Why can’t I hear J? He’s not the same bloke as Jahael, just like I’m not my past selves. If you’ve done something to his sassy arse…”
I snatched Anael away from Drake, but Anael twisted in my hold, dragging me towards the fountain. My back protested the rough treatment, whilst I scrabbled against him. Godmaker growled, swinging in an arc around Anael.
“I’ve only done what J asked. Don’t you remember that my blood is as special as yours? It resurrects, and I’ve been working on whether it also brings seeds to life.” Anael snatched my hand, crushing his nails hard enough into my palm to draw blood. I howled, but Anael smeared our blood together. “Grant J this choice: to protect you.”
“You killed him?”
Anael shook his head sadly as he stepped back. “He has requested that you undertake that duty.”
A moan.
I glanced behind the fountain, before stumbling to my knees in shock.
Jahael – nope, never Jahael, my J — but made beautiful flesh, knelt naked, huddled on the floor. His wings were wrapped around himself, and his hair tumbled around his shoulders. His jaw-line was harder than Jahael’s normal appearance with higher cheekbones: this was his more masculine form that J, rather than Jahael, must favor.
Because J wasn’t Jahael.
I understood that now…when it was too late and all that was left was to swing the ax.
I knee walked closer, whilst J tentatively touched at his face, before running his hand over his wings in child-like delight. “I really am fabulous.” I didn’t miss the way that his lip quivered. “You have a shady dick Emperor to go kick in the snaky ass, let’s not turn this into a soap special.”
“Stop it,” I whispered, taking J’s hand in mine for the first time, just like I’d craved to do for so many years. He jumped at the touch, over sensitive: his first taste of life, and I’d be taking it away from him. “Please believe me: I love you and I can’t…”
“All my existence, I’ve been Jahael’s shadow and slave.” J wrapped his fingers tighter around mine. They were soft and warm and so unlike Jahael’s that I craved to protect such innocent new life: not destroy it. This was the angel that I loved…and always had. “You’ll be freeing me, girl.” He rested his forehead against mine. “Blood is love: mine for yours. I’ve been hiding scaredy-cat in you, thinking of nothing but saving my own hide. But now it’s time that I die for you.”
I stopped J’s words with a kiss: he tasted of our salty tears mingled down our faces, as well as of an unconditional love that I hadn’t even understood existed within me, until I had to kill it.
I hesitated for a long moment within the kiss because when it was over, my childhood would be too, and I’d be alone.
At last, my lips drew away, I closed my eyes, and Godmaker cleaved through J’s neck.
Silent tears streamed down my cheeks, whilst crimson rivers of J’s blood sprayed me warrior painted for the final battle. J’s blood burst through Godmaker in scarlet tendrils lighting it spectral, whilst Godmaker thundered a war cry.
And J died.
I shuddered, whilst my hands tightened into fists on my sticky lap.
Then my eyes snapped open.
I leapt to my feet, answering Godmaker’s call with a roar of grief and rage; the ancient powers slipped free of their leashes, overtaking my mind and combining in a tempest of sensations that made my tongue heavy and words fuzzy in my mind.
My family’s awe-struck pale faces stared back at me. But nothing registered, except the silver and violet flames, which raced through me; they exploded out, blazing up Godmaker and drawing the weapon in a fizzing arc into my palm.
I thirsted for my quarry. Godmaker quivered, pointing towards the glass doors.
I prowled to the gate, lifted the ax, and struck.
Smash — like the walls of Jericho, the gate came tumbling down.
I howled in the wild berserker flame of battle, as I stormed into the Holy Audience Chamber with my family at my back, J’s blood on my cheeks, and Godmaker blazing in my palm.
It was time to unmake my own creator.
30
No Acolytes chanted holy, holy, holy or beat their wings bloody in worship on the floors of the silver domed Holy Audience Chamber. No incense burned in choking clouds. No fae swarmed in clouds.
Silent, empty, abandoned.
The chamber was as hollow as the Crown…and the Emperor who was settled back in Seraphim form on the divan as casually as if he’d summoned me for a picnic.
I blazed high on the blood haze, flaming with a primal thirst that reached beyond words, twining with the magics inside me and both sides of my nature, which welcomed Godmaker’s rage and grief at J’s sacrifice. Violet lightning exploded in erratic bursts from Godmaker across the room, blasting the grand murals, as I stalked towards Jahael.
My family marched at my shoulder. I could sense them all now: a nerve rubbed raw, until even their breath rose the hairs on the back of my neck. But still they were separated from me by Godmaker’s howling; he’d been awoken and he couldn’t rest until he’d unmade a god.
I scanned the chamber. Where was Ariel? Had Jahael thrown him into Monster Hall to torment him? Had he eaten him?
Jahael curled one leg onto the divan, allowing his other to swing in a child-like parody. Then he laughed. “Well, aren’t I just shaking in my fabulous little boots, darling.” Then he tilted his head, thoughtfully. “You’re a traitor, but you’ve also worked your thing with enough underhanded crookedness to make me blush.” A firebolt whizzed from Godmaker over Jahael’s head, and he ducked, before smoothing his hair. “Take a compliment, girl. Your father is offering forgiveness.”
When I faltered, Godmaker whined.
Jahael could forgive me, even after my betrayal? He still wanted me to rule by his side? The godhead inside hungered for that power; Jahael’s smug smile told me that he knew.
Godmaker swung in agitation.
“Do you extend the same amnesty to your cunning Adviser?” Anael brushed my elbow, and I glanced at him, shaken out of the blood trance.
Anael’s steely smile steadied me.
Jahael tossed his hair, although I didn’t miss the way that his lips pinched and he couldn’t meet Anael’s eye. “You know naughty boys don’t get treats, my cutie pie prince. And you’ve been very, very naughty.”
Anael pouted. “I’m wounded.”
Then Gabriel’s fingers curled around my right shoulder, whilst Mischief’s curled around my left. Their touch anchored me — melding Godmaker’s divinity with my other natures — whilst we clattered the final steps to Jahael’s divan.
“How strange that you imagine you can make terms,” Gabriel’s voice was harder than I’d ever heard it; his gaze boldly met his dad’s, “grant amnesty, or offer forgiveness. You should be down on your knees begging forgiveness from us.”
If Gabriel had broken into Rebellion: The Musical, dancing and rocking out to a Jesus Christ Superstar angst, Jahael wouldn’t have looked so shocked.
When
the lion cub grows into the lion, he doesn’t only roar…he bites.
Jahael opened his mouth to say something, then swallowed, and finally tapped his long fingers on his chin. His gaze became frosty, as he turned away from Gabriel. “I’m the Burning One: love isn’t gentle, it burns. Yet remember this, sweet things, I offered you the choice.”
Jahael flicked a tiny scuttling thing, which he’d trapped in the folds of the divan. I tensed, tightening my hold on Godmaker. Next to me, Gabriel drew in his breath.
A scorpion darted out.
Yet even as Rebel launched himself forwards to one side of me, and Lucifer to the other, the scorpion had transformed into Ariel.
Ariel glared at Jahael, who simply raised a mocking eyebrow. Then Ariel sat straight backed on the divan and stared out balefully at us: a sovereign surveying his disobedient subjects.
Bastard, no…
In a single scorpion move, Jahael had changed the entire game. Now Ariel wasn’t snake din-dins or Jahael’s enemy: he was once again his ally…against us.
What the hell had Jahael offered him?
Gabriel surged forward, only to be dragged back by Blaze who stroked across his shuddering back. “I suffered, risked, betrayed…and always in your cause’s name. I trusted you.”
Ariel shrugged, like Gabriel’s devastation was no more than a kid’s tantrum. “You’re a pampered puppy, of course you did. Throw you a scrap of affection, and you always came whining back for more. Only now you yowl because you’re kicked. Sorry, lad, but there are no more belly rubs.”
“Why?” Gabriel whispered.
“My brother offered me something better: to rule by his side.” Ariel leaned forward, resting his large hands on his knees.
I shivered: now there were two brothers playing Emperor to bring down. I slashed Godmaker through the air. “All he offered was the chance to die at his side,” the words tore from my throat in a growl.
“Not today Satan, not today.” Jahael slithered closer to his brother, who tensed, as Jahael wound his arms around him. “Look at you all — such a pretty righteous army of bastards, toys, Addicts, vampires, whores, and monsters — puffed up in your own self-importance. You’re nothing but a speck in time to me. Disposable. You think that I can’t replace my Firstborn or Empress? I can birth or seed a thousand more.”
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