I don’t know if I’m ready to have this conversation yet. I haven’t had a chance to wrap my mind around everything that happened last night, the words that were spoken.
I love you Liz.
I love you too.
My fingers press against my lips again which causes Hailey’s eyes to grow big and her mouth to form an "O."
“I knew it!” she shrieks, bouncing up and down on my bed. “If you don’t tell me right now what happened last night, I will never speak to you again Elizabeth Penelope!”
“Yeah, right,” I scoff, not believing that for one second.
“Elizabeth,” she whines.
“Fine.”
I sit up in bed and Hailey stops bouncing to sit cross-legged in front of me, clapping her hands together like she’s five years old and is about to get ice cream.
What do I tell her? How much should I share? Once I say the words, once I acknowledge what happened, there’s no going back. Am I ready for that? Am I ready for what’s to come?
“He kissed me.”
Hailey nods her head, waiting for me to continue. But that’s all I can get out. My thoughts simply shut down for a second and focus on that one thing. Jayson kissing me. The feel of his mouth on mine, the heady sensation that followed of my body firing to life, both hot and cold consuming me at the same time. I relive it all in that one second.
“You are such a bitch,” she laughs. “That’s all you’re going to say?”
She pushes me over and my head lands on my pillow, so I take that opportunity to snuggle in. Hailey lays down to face me and tucks my hair behind my ear, waiting patiently for me to find my words.
“It was Jayson,” I whisper to her.
Her eyes get big again.
“I wish I could explain exactly how I’m feeling. I wish I had your way with words, to be able to express myself in a poem. That’s what it feels like right now to me. A poem filled with romance, beauty, angst, life, heartbreak.” At heartbreak, my voice hitches. “He said he loves me. He said he’s loved me forever.”
“And what did you say to him? Do you love him back?”
“Yeah, I do. You know that. I’m ecstatic, over the moon. Then I picture Ryder and feel like shit.”
She cups my cheek in understanding. “Because you love him, too.”
I nod, a single tear sliding down to melt into her fingers that are pressed against my face.
“But that’s what you said you wanted Lizzie. You said you wanted them to choose for you. It sounds like Jayson chose and Ryder didn’t. And knowing you, you also told Jayson you loved him. So you chose as well. The next step is to talk to Ryder. Talk to Julien. Clear things up before next week because your teenage drama is not going to ruin our beach vacation!”
“Ryder said he wanted to talk to me this afternoon and is coming over.”
“Well, then, there’s your chance.”
She hops off my bed and smacks my butt. “Now, get a move on. Breakfast is ready. Mom sent me up here to get you and is probably wondering what’s taking us so long.”
Hailey skips out of my room. A warm summer breeze floats through my open window. I stand up and walk over, making sure to straighten out my tank top and boy shorts I wore to bed last night. My heart flutters as I approach the window wondering if Jayson and Julien are awake and if I’ll see Jayson standing at his window looking back at me. I peak over and notice that for the first time in nine years, their window is closed, curtains drawn. Does that mean something? Is Jayson regretting what happened last night? Uncertainty settles over me, but I can't keep standing here worrying, so I focus on taking a quick shower and head downstairs for breakfast.
“Mornin’, sweetpea,” Mom chirps at me from the kitchen island where she is plating pancakes and bacon.
I go over to give her a hug and a kiss before sitting down on the bar stool next to Hailey.
“Morning, Mom.”
“I need to go to the store this morning to pick up the stuff we need to take with us next week. I figure we can wait to do the grocery shopping once we get to the beach house. Did you want me to grab any snacks to take with us in the minivan?”
She hands me my plate and I grab the bottle of syrup and pour it over my pancakes. I'm allergic to dairy so she uses almond milk in the batter. I dip a piece of bacon into the sweet gooey goodness and pop it into my mouth.
“My usual. Candies and diet soda.”
“Mom, I’ll come with,” Hailey suggests. “Do we have time to stop at the electronics store? The charger for my phone broke and I need a new one.”
“Yes, sweetie. We can do that. Do you want to come too Lizzie-bear?”
“No thanks,” I say licking syrup off the side of my thumb. “I’m supposed to meet up with Ryder later.”
Hailey gives me a knowing look, but Mom doesn’t notice. I finish with the bacon and dive into my pancakes.
“Thanks for breakfast, Mom. I’ll clean up so you guys can head on out. When’s Dad coming home again?”
Daddy tries very hard not to tour with his band during the summer months so he can be home with us. Since we’re older and don’t rely on him as much as we used to, he agreed to do a few gigs this summer and has been on the road for the past two weeks touring. Dad sat us all down for a family meeting beforehand and we agreed that Hailey and I were old enough now so he didn’t have to worry about us as much, or about missing time with us because we were out with our friends most days during summer vacation anyway.
We also understand that money will get tight with the extra expenses of college coming up for me and Hailey, and Mom and Dad agreed that the extra money from his summer gigs would help with our family’s finances a lot.
“He’s heading back tomorrow and should arrive the day after. Their last show is in Austin.”
Mom and Hailey gather the things they need to take with them to the stores, and I decide to head to the music room before I clean up the kitchen and put away the dishes. There’s a piano piece I’ve been working on that I want to finish before Dad comes home and I feel inspired right now, my thoughts going to Jayson. I enter the room located in the back of the house on the first floor where Dad keeps all of his instruments and pull the piano bench to sit. I get comfortable, propping my feet up on the piano pedals. Dad bought me a laptop with music software already downloaded that I use to compose my pieces with. I place the laptop on top of the piano - an old upright that belonged to my grandmother that my dad refuses to get rid of - and open the file that contains my latest composition.
I don’t know how long I sit in front of the piano, composing, changing notes, playing, adding parts. I get to the end and decide that the piece is finished, so I play it from the beginning to hear it in its entirety. Flexing and wiggling my fingers over the keys, I begin. Instantly I’m lost to the melody, being pulled into the music I created which is filled with every emotion coursing through my veins. The pattern and flow of the notes, the way my hands float over the white keys, all combine together to create something magical.
As the song finishes and my fingers still, I shut my eyes to exist in the brief moment of silence that follows. I hear a noise behind me and am surprised when I turn around to see Jayson. He’s leaning against the frame of the door, shoulder propped, hands in his pockets, ankles crossed, looking as handsome as ever.
“That was beautiful, Liz.”
Jason’s wearing a Carolina University t-shirt over dark shorts, hair damp and swept back off his forehead. We have an open-door policy and the boys know they are welcome to come into our home anytime they want. Years ago, Mom gave Freda and Faith keys to our house and vice versa.
My heart soars as my eyes take Jayson in from top to bottom. That lean, muscled body was pressed up against mine last night, I tell myself, and a blush spreads across my chest and up my neck before uncertainty weighs me down.
Jayson must see my body language change and immediately walks over to kneel in front of me. He brings my fingers to his lips and begins kissing each
and every one. This boy. Once he finishes, he drapes my arms around his neck.
“Hi,” he smiles.
Shyness overcomes me.
“Hi,” I say back.
With my arms still around his neck, he grabs my hips and pulls me down to straddle him on the floor where he’s kneeling. He moves his hands from my hips to my butt and tugs me forward so that I am pressed intimately against him.
“I thought last night was a dream,” I confess.
“No dream,” he places a kiss to my nose. “I talked to Julien last night.” He watches to see my reaction.
“Oh?”
“Yeah. We stayed up all night talking.”
“And?”
“He’s good with us. Everything’s ok just like I promised.”
“What about Ryder?”
Jayson doesn’t answer and decides to bring my lips to his instead. It’s a claiming. He’s making sure I know I am his and he is mine. The kiss starts simple, sweet, but turns into more as we lose ourselves in each other. I thought my first kiss with Jayson last night was the kiss to end all kisses. I was wrong.
Our mouths break apart, but Jayson pulls me in for a hug. I wrap my legs around him to get more comfortable and melt into his embrace. He doesn’t move or try to get up. He just holds me. His face tilts to press against my cheek as he softly nuzzles me. Minute prickles of warmth scatter along my cheek at the contact.
“That’s why I came over. I know you said he was dropping by at one to talk to you. I wanted to see you first.”
“Do you know what that’s all about? What he wants to talk to me about? Did he say anything to you guys last night when you were over there?”
Jayson takes my face and lifts it.
“Last night I promised you, Liz, I would make everything right. You will not lose any of us. I swear to you. I’m going to head over to his house right now and talk to him.”
Something is not right, something is off. I can feel it. I can sense Jayson's holding something back. He lifts me off of him and helps me up before entwining our fingers together. He looks down noticing the time on his watch and pulls me out of the room.
“It’s half past noon. I want to make sure I have a chance to talk to Ry before he comes over here.”
We walk to the front door, hand in hand, and down the steps to the front walkway.
“Everything’s going to be alright, princess.”
Jayson pulls me to him one last time and kisses me softly.
His words and endearment reassure me. They fill me with promise. Yes, everything is going to work out. It has to. I won’t settle for anything less. The four of us - Jayson, Julien, Ryder, and I - a family, together, united. My best friends by my side which now include my boyfriend. I take a deep cleansing breath, one filled with hope. But that hope shatters when I hear a deep voice yell from behind me.
“You piece of shit!”
Chapter 7
Elizabeth
Before I can register what’s happening, Jayson’s body is torn away from mine and thrown backward. I watch in horror as Ryder tackles Jayson to the ground. They roll over in the grass a few times before Ryder gains the upper hand and pins Jayson down, right fist smashing into his face.
“You son of a bitch!”
Ryder hits Jayson again.
“You knew! You fucking knew and you stabbed me in the back!”
Another blow.
Why isn’t Jayson fighting back? What the hell is going on?
After standing like a statue, completely frozen not knowing what to do, I finally find my voice.
“Ryder, stop! Ryder, you’re hurting him!”
I run over and try to pull Ryder off of Jayson, but it’s no use. He either is not hearing me, or if he is, he doesn’t care.
I hear a car pull up the driveway, but I don’t look over to see who it is. My only concern is preventing Ryder from killing Jayson. Jayson’s cheek is red and beginning to swell and his mouth is bleeding. If I don’t do something, anything, right now, I honestly think that Ryder might put him in the hospital. So I do the only thing I can think of, and that’s to throw myself bodily onto Ryder and wrap every part of me around him. My instincts tell me that even in his uncontrollable rage, Ryder would never hurt me or cause me harm. I start to cry, begging Ryder to stop.
Like a switch being flicked, his fists still and he stiffens. With me still wrapped around him, sobbing, he stands up but doesn’t try to disengage my stranglehold on him.
My mom comes marching up the walkway to where we are, Hailey in tow, both with a look of utter shock on their faces.
“Ryder! Jayson! Elizabeth! What the hell is going on here?” she shouts at us.
I see Freda running over from their house next door.
“Ann? What’s going on? Jayson?”
Freda stops abruptly beside my mom and gasps, horrified by the scene in front of her. Her son on the ground, blood on his face, bruises starting to appear. Ryder standing over him, me wrapped around his side. If this wasn’t the worst moment in my life, it would look a bit funny.
Silence.
“I’m so sorry, Elizabeth. I’m so, so, very sorry,” Ryder chokes out.
He gently removes my hold on him, looks around in a daze, and then runs off.
“Ryder! Ryder!” I yell after him, but he’s already gone.
Ryder
I don’t think I have ever felt such rage. I want to hurt something as bad as I am hurting right now. How could he do this to me? I poured my fucking soul out to him last night. I told him my intentions. He fucking knew I was going to tell Elizabeth today how I felt about her. I knew that finally telling him and Julien my feelings toward Elizabeth would cause problems, would hurt him, but never in my life could I have imagined he would do what I saw him do.
He was fucking kissing her out on the front lawn! His arms were wrapped around her and he was kissing her.
I didn’t know where else to go. Forty minutes after fleeing from Elizabeth’s front yard, I find myself storming into my dad’s garage. He’s bending over the engine of a station wagon, checking the oil when I stomp in.
“Hey, Son. Since you’re here, mind handing me that work light over there?”
I reach to pick up the light, but it slips from my hand and drops to the floor with a crash. I bend over to pick it up and my legs give out like dead weights. I drop to the floor, hands over my face.
“Son, are you ok?”
I shake my head.
“Talk to me. What’s going on?”
I shake my head again.
My dad squats down next to me, rubbing his large, grease-stained hand up and down my back, helpless in knowing what to do for me, how to comfort me. He doesn’t know my life just exploded apart. My best friend betrayed me in the most awful way. The girl I love to the depths of my being has been taken from me, stolen. I haven’t cried since I was four years old when I fell off my bike for the first time. But the anger, deception, and hurt eviscerating every pore of my body has me broken.
“Dad,” I choke out, turning to grip his shirt. And I cry.
Several minutes pass. My dad continues to rub his hand on my back trying his best to soothe me when I feel another presence arrive.
“Hey, man. Thought I might find you here,” Julien says, tone sober.
My dad says nothing, only gives a short head jerk at Julien and quietly gets up and leaves the garage bay to give us some privacy.
I rub my hands over my face a few times.
“Did you know?” My anger is like tinder, ready to combust with the tiniest of flame.
“No, man. I had no clue until several hours ago after he got home.”
“What do you mean after he got home?” Julien shrinks back a bit. Then it hits me and that ember of anger flares to life again.
“You’re fucking kidding me! That’s where he ran off to last night? He ran straight to Elizabeth’s? He went to her right after I poured my goddamn heart out to him! Motherfucker!” I jump up and pace angrily a
round the garage.
“Ry, it’s a difficult situation for everyone.”
Julien, always the peacekeeper.
“Like hell it is. I’m the one who manned up. I’m the one who put it all on the line. I didn’t go sneaking around his back, your back,” I jab my finger at him. “I put my friendships with you first. What he did... he’s a fucking coward.”
“Hey, I’m not going to stand here and justify what he did. I agree with you. What he did is wrong. I told him that. But what’s done is done. Elizabeth chose him last night. She chose, Ryder, and if you want to keep her in your life, if you want to keep me in your life, if you want to someday rebuild any type of relationship with Jay, you’re gonna have to accept it and learn to deal with it.”
“What choice did Elizabeth make, huh? She was only given half the information. She didn’t know how I felt, how I feel. If she knew, she may have chosen differently.”
I start walking out of the garage bay, planning on going back to Elizabeth’s house and telling her everything, but I'm stopped by Julien pulling me back.
“Ry. Just take a minute and think about things before flying off. She might not have heard the words coming from your mouth last night, but she knows. She knows you love her. Deep down she knows, and she loves you too. But she also loves Jayson. She loves me.”
I scowl at him.
“Look,” he continues, “I hate what Jay did. We actually got into a fight about it,” he smirks and that’s when I notice his cut lip that has scabbed over. “But I also listened to him explain everything to me. Ry, man, he is torn up about it all. He knows he fucked up, but he panicked. All he could think about was her leaving him, her not being in his life anymore because she would be with you, and he freaked out. You remember how he reacted last night. He was scared out of his freaking mind.”
My dad walks back in with an ice pack and hands it to me.
All Our Next Times: Fallen Brook Series: Book 1 Page 8