“What’s up with Gina?” Brooke asked. “And who’s Todd?”
Lauren drummed her fingers on the table. “Gina’s right. Maybe we could go on a walk when we get the tables cleared away. I haven’t had enough sunshine lately. This is my favorite time of year. You should see the Christmas lights in Dogwood Heights Park. Thousands of lights sparkle from the trees, all different colors. People drive from as far away as Branson and Springfield to cruise through the park after sunset during the Christmas season. I came from Knolls last year to see it.”
Grant watched Lauren. What was she suddenly so nervous about? He leaned back, stretched, and stepped from the bench on which he had been sitting. “I like Christmas lights and I love autumn colors but I think this is God’s favorite holiday.”
“Thanksgiving?” Lauren asked. “Not Christmas?”
“Think about it,” he said. “When do we pay the most attention to Him? Not when we’re busy shopping for presents to put under the tree. I think God’s signature holiday is Thanksgiving. That’s when we take time to thank Him for all our blessings.” And he had so many of those. He needed to remember them more often.
He picked up his plate and cup and carried them to the recycle bin.
“So that would mean that His signature season is autumn,” Brooke said. She took a deep breath and looked around at the brilliant leaves covering the ground. “And His signature color is what?” She frowned. “Brown or burnt orange?”
“Blue,” Lauren said after a moment of thought. “It’s the color of the sky and it represents eternity to me. Besides, it makes a great backdrop for the clouds and the treetops.”
“Green,” Grant said without hesitation. “It’s the color of life.” Particularly the color of Lauren’s lively eyes, which always held so much kindness and vitality, reflecting the lush beauty of an evergreen forest after all the other trees had dropped their leaves. Ever green.
“If we’re talking about God, though,” Lauren said, “maybe it’s white. You know, purity.”
“Green is the promise of continual life,” Grant said. It had been a week since the hit-and-run attack on his kids. That was what he called it—an attack. He wanted them near him. And he wanted to be reminded of that promise of eternal life. He had so much to be thankful for.
“If you’re looking for promises,” Brooke said, “rainbows are God’s reminder of His promise never to destroy the earth with another flood.”
What Grant wanted was a promise from God that his family would be safe.
“Red,” Beau said softly. “Blood red. The color of God’s sacrifice.”
Lauren placed a hand over his. “Beau, why don’t you preach the sermon for Archer when he and Jessica are on their honeymoon?”
“Archer wouldn’t have a church left when he got back,” Beau said.
As Lauren, Brooke, and Beau continued the conversation Grant returned to his work at the clean-up table and allowed the peace of the moment to flow over him. How long had it been since he’d felt this much enjoyment of a simple picnic? Thank you, Lord. You are so good to me. I need to pause more often during my day to talk with you.
In spite of the fear Grant felt after last week’s attack, the Volvo had already been repaired and all three kids were healing. Grant’s mother was spending the Thanksgiving weekend with his sister in Kansas City and his father was out traveling somewhere instead of stirring up trouble with the family, as was his habit at least once a year.
“Yoo-hoo. Dad.” Brooke called.
He turned to find everyone watching him.
“Your mind is somewhere on the far side of the galaxy,” Brooke said. “What are you thinking?”
“I think I need more days like this.”
Brooke gave a theatrical sigh and grimaced at Lauren. “See? I told you he wasn’t listening.”
“Dad,” Beau said, “I was just telling Brooke you’re suffering from burnout. You need more days off.”
“He’s not burned out,” Brooke said. “You could learn to be a little more encouraging.”
“I’m not trying to discourage him, I’m just pointing out—”
“I didn’t say you were but—”
As brother and sister tangled in one of their famous debates, Lauren stood from her place on the bench and joined Grant at the cleanup table. “You haven’t burned out. Anyone who works with you can see that. Your patients can see it. You still care. You do your best and go above and beyond your job description.”
“I don’t think I’m handling the complaints as well as I did ten years ago.”
“I doubt you had the patient load you have now.”
“Actually, the emergency department in St. Louis handled about three times the number of patients we get here. Higher acuities for the most part.”
“But you had more staff to take care of them.”
“I have great staff here. If not for the financial catastrophe with Honey Spring we’d have the money to pay for a couple of nurse practitioners.” He pulled out the pecan pie Lauren had baked for dessert and placed it next to Norville’s offering of pumpkin pie. “Lately I’ve found myself wondering if I sold out when I moved the kids out of St. Louis,” he said when he returned to Lauren’s side.
“No.” Though spoken softly, Lauren’s reply was immediate and firm.
Grant looked into eyes that held so much assurance for him right now. As he held her gaze he felt another stirring of some of the joy he’d experienced many years ago when he was young and idealistic and convinced he could take on the world.
“You came here because you were meant to come,” she said. “God’s using you here and you continue to touch lives. Don’t forget you saved my life.”
Grant recalled in vivid detail the wee morning hours in June when he and Archer conducted a panicked search for her after they discovered that Dogwood Springs had been attacked by mercury poisoning. They’d found her lying unconscious out by Honey Creek, her favorite fishing spot. Had they been any later...
“She’s right, Dad,” Brooke came over to stand beside them. “If not for you, Lauren wouldn’t be here now.”
Once again, Grant allowed himself to enjoy the moment. He knew without doubt that he was feeling an emotion he hadn’t experienced since he was a teenager falling in love with Annette, his best friend.
Green was definitely God’s signature color.
***
Levi and Cody screamed with delight as Brooke and Beau pushed them on the merry-go-round at the playground downhill from the picnic area.
Lauren could feel Gina’s gaze on her and wondered at the uneasy truce they had silently called today. It hurt to have this wedge between them. It was painful to be at odds like this. She could tell Gina still felt it too. Still, how did one avoid addressing the elephant in the room?
Seldom had Lauren confronted someone the way she had done last Friday with Gina but a friend helped a friend even if the help wasn’t particularly welcome.
Gina took a container of Grant’s barbecue sauce from the table and walked over to the cooler beside Lauren. She leaned against the bench. “My boys were asking about their father last night.” She opened the lid of the cooler and found a place to put the sauce.
“I didn’t think they knew him,” Lauren said.
“They don’t. Levi was a toddler and Cody was a newborn when their father divorced me. But the kids in Levi’s class at school talk about their fathers. He’s started asking questions and Cody’s picked up on it.”
Lauren felt a rush of sympathy. “I know that’s got to be hard on you. What have you told them?”
“As little as possible. How do you tell your children that their daddy left because he didn’t want them?”
Lauren was quiet long enough that Gina looked at her with a silent question.
“Levi asked me last night if Todd could be his dad,” Gina continued.
Lauren ripped two squares of paper towel from the roll. Maybe this wasn’t any of her business. She probably didn’t have
a right to be speaking to Gina about this. But as a friend and confidante, didn’t she need to speak the truth?
“I know that look,” Gina said. “What aren’t you saying?”
Lauren wiped down part of the table, stalling. She hated confrontation. “I was wondering why you didn’t tell me everything last Friday but I guess I know the answer to that. You didn’t want to hear the truth from me. Which means you already know it.”
There was a swift intake of air. “What?”
Lauren met Gina’s glare without apology. “You told me you were only meeting Todd for lunch in a private conference room at the hospital. If you’re just having lunch with him at the hospital why do the kids seem to know him so well?” It hurt to ask the question and Lauren braced herself for Gina’s fury.
Gina looked away, closed the lid of the cooler, and fumbled with the handles. She folded the foil over some of Grant’s homemade whole-grain rolls and placed them into a plastic bag. She glanced over her shoulders then leaned closer. “We had lunch at my house a few times when the kids were home. I didn’t think it was a big deal. We’ve visited with William Butler like that.”
“When Mr. Butler befriended you it was as a grandfather figure for the boys. Huge difference.”
Gina raised a hand. “This is something I have to deal with myself. Why can’t you just be a sounding board for me?”
“So you’re saying that sounding boards can’t make any sounds?” She forced a grin and took Gina by the arm, glancing at the others. “Let’s take a walk.”
Gina made her reluctance obvious but she went.
They strolled a few yards away from the picnic area before Lauren released her grip. “Your life as a believer has just begun. God’s making something beautiful out of your life but please be patient.”
“I’ve been patient. I don’t know why you’re getting all hot about a simple friendship I have with a guy.”
Lauren took a few steps in silence. She didn’t want to tangle with Gina again. Maybe she was wrong. After all, she was buddies with Grant and his kids and that didn’t cause a lot of controversy.
But Grant wasn’t married and his kids were old enough to enjoy a friendship with her without thinking she’d be their next mother. Weren’t they?
Still, she didn’t hide in a back room to meet on the sly with Grant for lunch instead of the cafeteria. Didn’t she owe it to Gina to warn her of the danger she was in? As a friend, wasn’t that what she should do? Maybe she didn’t even know how to be a good friend.
“I know you’re lonely,” she said.
“I don’t think you know the meaning of the word,” Gina snapped.
Lauren gritted her teeth. “I’m single, aren’t I? With no children.”
“You have parents who love you, brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews in another town and yet you chose to move away from all that. If you’re lonely why did you give that up so easily?”
“You know why I moved.”
“You mean because you made a fool of yourself over a guy in Knolls who chose someone else?”
Gina’s words had a bite. Lauren resisted her reflexive urge to snap back. “Not exactly.” Not completely, anyway. She’d grown tired of all the family interference in her love life—or lack of one.
“Maybe you should have left here too after making such a fool of yourself over Archer.”
Lauren’s steps faltered. She cringed from the caustic words. All this time she’d thought she and Gina were building a solid friendship. She’d thought she could trust a friend not to bring up confidences and spitefully throw them in her face.
Time to try turning this thing around. “I’m simply doing what you asked me to.”
“I didn’t ask you to run my life for me.”
Lauren hesitated. Maybe she should give it up and turn back. Why ruin Thanksgiving for everyone with a catfight? But even if Gina wasn’t behaving like a friend, Lauren needed to. She swallowed back the hurt and anger. “Remember when we had lunch together for the first time? And we talked about the kind of men who attracted us?”
“How could I forget?” Gina looked up at Lauren. “That was when you told me about your crush on Archer. Fiona Perkins overheard you and spread the rumor that you were carrying his child.”
Lauren didn’t need the reminder. “And you told me—”
“Yes, I know what I told you but—”
“You said you were attracted to the undependable ones.”
“I know.”
“Then you understand that there are some things worse than being alone.”
“Wait.” Gina stopped at the edge of a spring that trickled from a cliffside covered in kudzu vine. She placed her hands on her hips. “You don’t have any idea what it feels like to be dumped by the one person who knows you more intimately than anyone else.”
“You’re right.” Lauren never gotten to that place in a relationship. She was happy for Archer and Jessica. She was happy for Lukas and Mercy. She just felt as if something was lacking in her because the men who attracted her didn’t return her regard.
“There’s someone right back there at that picnic table who would do anything to get to know you better and all you can do is run away,” Gina said.
Lauren strolled around the spring in silence for a moment. She didn’t feel like baring her soul again to someone who might use her words against her the next time they disagreed. This wasn’t the Gina she thought she knew. “Neither you nor anyone else can force emotions that aren’t there. I have a good friendship and I’m there for him and his kids. He knows that.”
“So you can have a perfectly innocent friendship with a man but I can’t.”
“Grant’s wife died two and a half years ago. He’s single. He didn’t leave his family so he could be ‘friends’ with me.”
The flush that spread across Gina’s cheeks matched the fire in her eyes. She crossed her arms over her chest. Lauren thought she might storm away but instead she sighed, closed her eyes, and sank down onto one of the flat rocks that had thus far avoided the thick growth of kudzu vine.
“Like I told you,” Gina said softly, “you don’t know what the rejection is like, Lauren. I thought you understood about my family. Everyone I’ve ever loved has left me or rejected me. When my husband left me for another woman I felt so ugly and unlovable. I felt such a deep need to feel approval, reassurance that somebody somewhere would still want me.”
“Someone does.”
“You don’t understand. I mean that way. Attractive. Desirable.”
Lauren took a deep breath and sat down on the rock beside her. “You don’t think I want that too?”
“You’re just a little too choosy.”
Lauren bit her tongue. She looked up at the kudzu that covered the cliff behind them and trailed into the pool of water that sparkled from the spring.
She broke off a leaf and held it out. “Pretty isn’t it?”
“It’s a leaf.” The resistance in Gina’s voice was stifling.
“Years ago someone believed it would be a cheap way to prevent erosion and so they introduced it here in our country. They soon found out that it was the worse of two evils. Now it covers a huge portion of land in the South and starves out the native plant life. It spreads voraciously and it’s become so prevalent it can’t be wiped out. Someone told me that ragweed was introduced the same way. Now look how many people are miserable every summer and fall because of those weeds.”
“You’re comparing Todd to a weed,” Gina said.
“You’re trying to battle loneliness by seeking a relationship that looks inviting at first but it can kill you on the inside and cause destruction to everything it touches, including his children and eventually yours when he decides to move on.”
Gina stood up. “You think it’s all cut and dried but it isn’t that easy for me. You don’t get it at all.” She turned away and marched back to her children.
Lauren sighed and shook her head. She’d thought Gina would become one of he
r best friends. Now it seemed she was an enemy.
Chapter 8
On Black Friday, a week after his body first betrayed him, William Butler made his way to the ER once again. The mystery remained. The symptoms were back.
He’d spent the first three days this week enduring test after test, consulting with Branson specialists, waiting for results. Nothing. He’d tried to follow the doctors’ orders—surrendering much of his work to assistants and attempting to avoid Jade Myers.
What if he couldn’t continue doing his job? What would happen to the hospital? To Jade and the town?
Not that he was irreplaceable but he felt responsible for so many things. Now all he could do was concentrate on placing one foot in front of the other with great caution, avoiding curious glances from hospital personnel. Fear threatened to paralyze him. Or was this numbness a precursor to a stroke? What was happening?
He staggered for the first time when he reached the staff entrance to the ER. His hair felt matted to his forehead with perspiration and his hands looked pale gray as he reached up to open the door. He stepped into the flurry of activity and apparent confusion that was always evident at this time of day in this section of the hospital—particularly on a day when family practice docs weren’t in their offices because of a long holiday weekend.
How he loved this hospital—his hospital. If anything happened to him, Mitchell Caine was sure use that chance to throw his weight around as chief of staff. That would be a nightmare for everyone.
Caine’s delusion of self-importance, his constant demands for public funding that wasn’t available, and his complaints about imagined slights from other staff physicians would damage the morale of every department in this building. He must not be allowed that control.
Mitchell could get away with a certain amount of attitude because he was a hometown boy and the townsfolk still remembered him as the smiling young man of his youth. But William had recently been the recipient of more than one report about Mitchell’s nasty flares of temper. Patients were looking elsewhere for the mild-mannered family physician they had expected when they called his office.
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