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And then all of us, the whole world, might be lost.
From somewhere deep within, I found the strength to say words that would make him hate me for ever. “It’s true,” I said. “I never told you, but the dream I had about the Council – Seb was in it, too. I dreamed about him before I even met him. It’s why I wanted to come here, because I knew it’s where he would be. ”
Slowly, Alex’s hands fell from my shoulders. “What?”
“I dreamed about him,” I said levelly. “That’s how he found us; he saw my dream in my shirt. And in my dream, I didn’t want to leave you, but I knew that I never wanted to be without Seb. That. . . he was the one I really loved. ” Except for the most important words of all, everything I was saying was true – and I knew Alex heard it in my voice. He stared wordlessly at me.
My throat was sand. “I do care about you,” I said again. “I’ll never regret anything that happened between us. But Seb and I are both half-angel, and. . . I just can’t fight that. ”
Seb put his arm around me. “Sorry, man,” he repeated to Alex with a shrug. “She didn’t want to hurt you, but I guess it’s just fate, you know?” And even though I could sense how much he wasn’t enjoying this, I had a stab of hatred for him, that he was playing his part so well.
The expression on Alex’s face made me feel like I was being battered inside. To keep myself from throwing my arms around him and taking it all back, I reached up and gripped Seb’s hand as hard as I could. “We. . . found the information about the Council’s visit,” I said shakily. “It’s in that file. ” I nodded at the table.
Alex didn’t look at it. He put his hand over his face, rubbing at his temples. “Get out, both of you,” he said finally.
I licked dry lips. “But what about the Council? We still want to help; you’ll need everyone you can get—”
Alex dropped his hand, and my chest clenched at the utter hatred in his eyes. “You have got to be kidding me,” he hissed. “Do you think you’re actually going to stay here in this house and still be part of the team? I’ve got news for you; the team doesn’t trust you, neither of you. And you know what? I don’t trust you now, either. Just get out – get your things and get the hell out. I never want to see you again, Willow. ” His gaze fell on Seb. “And if I ever see you again, I swear to god I’ll kill you. ”
He turned and left the room. I stood motionless, staring after him, taking in his dark hair; the firm line of his shoulders. The way he moved. Alex. Alex.
Seb gave me a quick shake. “Hold yourself together,” he ordered, letting go of me. “I’ll get our things. ”
I shook my head, stunned. Somehow, I hadn’t expected this. “But Seb, we can’t actually leave,” I said in a small voice. “What about the attack?”
“We’ve seen all the information,” he said. “We can go there, we can still help them. But for now—” His mouth twisted grimly as he glanced in the direction Alex had gone. “I think he means what he says. ”
The world was crashing in my ears. “All right,” I said after a pause. “I’ll get my own things. ”
No one was in the girls’ dorm; it was a relief. I changed out of Liz’s clothes and sandals, leaving them neatly on her bed – she’d probably burn them or something, once she heard what had happened – and pulled on a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, my hooded sweatshirt. My purple Converse sneakers. I remembered buying them with Alex; the way he’d grinned and said, This is a girl thing, isn’t it?
No. Don’t think about it.
I didn’t have a bag any more, but there was a plastic carryall in the closet that looked like it had been there for ever. I shoved the rest of my things into it. The necklace with the crystal pendant Alex had given me lay at the bottom of one of my drawers. I hesitated and then took it out, slipping it into my jeans pocket. Its chain felt cool against my fingers.
When I returned to the kitchen, Seb stood waiting for me with his knapsack over his shoulder, wearing jeans and his long-sleeved grey shirt. I was keenly aware of how silent the house was. Somehow I knew that everyone knew – I could just feel them all sitting back in the TV room, talking in low whispers. Alex was in his room; I could tell without even trying. And he thought Seb was the one I was in love with. That the two of us had. . . I swallowed; I could hardly even complete the thought.
Suddenly the only thing I wanted was to leave the house by myself and not have to be with anyone, not even Seb. No – especially not with Seb. The thought of being alone with him now, knowing what Alex believed – and knowing the grain of truth that had been our kiss – made me cringe.
All of this came and went in a second. Seb stiffened as he picked up on it; I sensed his pain in a quick stab. Responding to my unspoken thought, he said quietly, “I’m not leaving you on your own. Even if there were no angels, el DF’s a dangerous place for a white girl who doesn’t speak Spanish. Once all this is over, I’ll go away if that’s what you want – you’ll never have to see me again. But I’m not leaving you by yourself in this city. ”
I felt cold, locked away from myself. “Okay, you’re right,” I said finally, my voice dull. “And I didn’t mean that I never wanted to see you again. It’s just. . . everything’s really complicated right now. ”
“With you and Alex, yes. With us, it’s only as complicated as you’re making it,” said Seb shortly. He took the carryall from me and wrestled it into his knapsack. The material bulged as he zipped it shut. His face was expressionless as he swung the bag over this shoulder again. “Ready?”
I almost asked where we were going, then realized I didn’t actually care that much. Slowly, I reached into my jeans pocket and drew out the necklace. I gripped it in my hand, feeling its facets against my palm and remembering the look that had been in Alex’s eyes when he gave it to me. Then I lay it on the kitchen table beside the file. The teardrop crystal rolled a little as I put it down, sparkling like a diamond.
“Ready,” I said softly.
SOMEHOW THAT DAY PASSED – Alex wasn’t really sure how. Once Willow and Seb had left, he went over the plans on the memory stick in detail; ran target practice with the team; ate a dinner that tasted like sawdust. From the forced conversation and concerned sideways glances, everyone knew that Willow had been busy spending the night with Seb while he, like a complete idiot, had risked his life looking for her on the riot-choked streets. He supposed Kara must have told them – he’d run into her as he’d headed to his bedroom, and told her what had happened. The look of shock on her face had been almost gratifying.
“Oh, Alex,” she’d breathed. “I am so sorry—”
“Yeah, well don’t be,” he’d said. “I’m better off. ”
The muscles in Kara’s slim arms were taut; she was as furious as he’d ever seen her. “God, I don’t believe it! And I actually sat there and smiled at her! I’m going to—”
“Don’t do anything, just let them go,” he’d broken in coldly. “I just want them gone, okay? That’s all. ”
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