CHAPTER IX.
TREVOR'S LEGACY.
Jaquetta bore the brunt of that night, and showed the stuff she wasmade of, for poor Hester had only revived to fall into a most frightfulstate of delirium, raving and struggling so that the doctor and Arthurcould hardly hold her.
So it went on for hours, Alured the only creature asleep in the house,and we not daring to send for any help from without, poor Hester'sexclamations were so dreadful.
Poor Alured! his waking was sad enough! He had loved Trevor with allhis heart, and the wonder that anyone could be so wicked oppressed himalmost as much as the grief. The remnants of the opiate hung upon him,too, and he lay about all day, hardly rousing himself to speak or look,but giddily and drowsy.
Not till the inquest was it perceived how cleverly Perrault had takenhis measures, so that had he not made the mistake between the two boys,he would scarcely have been suspected: certainly not but for Brand'shaving watched him.
The report of the wild swans was traced to him. No doubt it was as anexcuse for a heavier charge, for poor Trevor was wounded with shot thatwould not have been used merely for ducks, and besides, the othershooters it attracted would be likely to make detection less easy.Indeed, Fulk had seen that there were enough men about to spoil theirsport, and but for the boys' eagerness, would have turned back.
Moreover it was proved that Perrault had in the course of the morningmet Billy Blake, and asked him if he meant to bag the swan--if hefollowed the young lord's party and fired when they did, he would besure to bring something down. He did not know that the Blakes neverlet the poor fellow load his old gun with anything but powder.
Then his joining the horrified group, as if he had been merely afterthe ducks, and had been attracted by the cry, had entirely deceived us;and but for Hester's accusation, Brand's evidence, and his own flight,together with all the past, might have continued to do so.
He had gone to his own house, as it afterwards turned out, entered soquietly that the listening, watching servants never heard him,collected all the valuables he could easily carry away, changed hisdress, and gone off before the search had followed him thither.
A verdict of wilful murder was returned against him at the inquest, butit is very doubtful whether he could have been convicted of anythingbut manslaughter; for even if the intention could have been proved,without his wife, whose evidence was inadmissible, the malice was notdirected against his victim, but against Trevorsham. We could not butfeel it a relief day by day, that nothing was heard of him; for whocould tell what disclosures there might be about the poor thing wholay, delirious, needing perpetual watchfulness. Arthur devoted himselfto the care of her, and never left us, or I do not see how we couldhave gone through it all.
Alured was well again, but inert and crushed, and heartless about doinganything, except that he walked over to Spinney Lawn, and brought homeTrevor's dog, to which he gave himself up all day, and insisted onhaving it in his room at night.
The burial was in the vault--nobody attended but Fulk and Alured, noteven Arthur, for though the poor mother was not aware of what was goingon, it was such a dreadful day with her, that he durst not leave usalone to the watch. It was enough to break one's heart to stand by thewindow and hear her wandering on about her Trevor coming to his place,and not being kept from his position; while we watched the littlecoffin carried across the field by the labouring men, with those twowalking after it. Our boy's first funeral was that of the friend whohad died in his stead.
We were glad to send him back to Eton, out of the sound of his poorsister's voice; though he went off very mournfully, declaring that heshould be even more wretched there without Trevor than he was at home;and that he never should do any good without him. But there he waswrong, I am thankful to say. Dear Trevor was more a guide to him deadthan living. Trevor's chief Eton friend, young Maitland, a good,high-principled, clever boy, a little older, who had valued him forwhat he was, while passing Alured by as a foolish, idle little swell,took pity upon him in the grief and dejection of his loss--did for himall and more than Trevor could do, and has been the friend and blessingof his life, aiding the depth and earnestness that seemed to pass intoour dear child as he hung over the dying lad. Yes, Trevor Lea and JohnMaitland did for our Trevorsham what all our love and care had neverbeen able to do.
Meantime Hester's illness took its course. The chill of that icy waterhad done great harm, and there was much inflammation at first, leavingsuch oppression of breath that permanent injury to the lungs wasexpected, and therefore it was all the sadder to see the dumb despairwith which she returned to understanding, I can hardly say to memory,for I believe she had never lost it for a moment.
Hopeless, heedless, reckless, speechless, she was a passive weight,lying or sitting, eating or drinking as she was bidden, but not makingany manifestation of preference or dislike, save that she turnedrigidly and sullenly away from any attempt to read prayers to her.
She asked no questions, attempted no employment, but seemed to care fornothing, and for weeks uttering nothing but a "yes," "no," or amechanical "thank you." Jaquetta tried to caress her, by force ofnursing and pity. Jaquetta really had come to a warm tender love forher, but she sullenly pushed away the sweet face, and turned aside.
We never ventured to leave her alone, and this, after a time, began tovex her. She bade us go down once or twice, and tried to send awayMrs. Rowe; and at last, when she found it was never permitted, shebroke out angrily one day, "You are very absurd to take so much troubleto hinder what cannot make any difference."
It made one's blood run cold, and yet it was a relief that the silencewas broken. I can't tell what I said, only I implored her not to thinkso, and told her that her having been rescued was a sign that Heavenwould have her repent and come back, but she laughed that horriblelaugh. "Do you think I repent?" she said; "No, only that I left it tothat fool! I should have made no mistakes."
I was too much horrified to do anything but hide my eyes and pray. Ithought I did not do so obviously, but Hester saw or guessed, stampedat me, and said, "Don't; I will not have it done. It is mockery!"
"Happily you cannot prevent our doing that, my poor Lady Hester," Isaid.
"All I wish you to do is, what you would do if you had a spark ofnatural feeling."
"What?" I asked, bewildered at this apparent accusation of unkindness.
"Leave me to myself. Send me from your door. Not oppress me with thisridiculous burthensome care and attention, all out of the family prideyou still keep up in the Trevors!" she sneered.
"No, Hester. Sister Hester, will you not believe it is love?" I said,thinking that if she would believe that we loved her and forgave her,it might help her to believe that her Father above did. I had nevercalled her by her name alone before; but I thought it might draw hernearer; but it made her only fiercer.
"Nonsense," she said, "I know better."
And then she fell into the same deadly gloom; but I think she hadalmost a wild animal's longing for solitude; for she made a solemnpromise not to attempt her life if we would only leave her alone!
And we did, though we took care someone was within hearing; for she wasstill very weak, and we had not a bell in the house, except a littlehand one on the table.
So the Easter holidays drew on, and she was still far too weak andunwell for any thought of moving her; so that we were in trouble aboutAlured's holidays, not liking him to come home to a house of illnessthat would renew his sorrow, and advising him to accept someinvitations from his schoolfellows; but he wrote that he particularlywished to come home--he could not bear to be away, and Maitland wantedto see the place and know all about dear Lea, so might he bring himhome?
We were only too glad to consent, and I had gone to sleep withJaquetta, so as to make room--feeling very happy over the best schoolreport of our boy we had ever had, though not the best we were to have.
He spent two or three days at Mr. Maitland's in London, and then he andhis friend, John, came on here
.
The railway did not come within twenty miles then, and they had to postfrom it in flies. How delightful it was to see the tall hat and widewhite collar, as he stood up in the open fly, signalling to us, andpointing us out to his friend. Only, what must it have been to thepoor sufferer in the room above?
Oh! did not one's heart go out in prayer for her!
Out jumped Alured among all of us, and all the dogs at the garden gate;and the first thing, after his kiss to us all, was to turn to the flyand take out a flower-pot with a beautiful delicate forced rose in it.
"Where's Hester?" he said.
"My dear child, she has not left her room yet."
"She is well enough for me to take this to her, I suppose?" he said."He always did get some flower like this to bring home to her, youknow, she liked them so much."
It was just his one idea that Trevor had told him to take his place toher. We looked doubtfully at each other, but Fulk quietly said, "Yes,you may go." And added, as the boy went off, "It can do no harm to herin the end, poor thing!"
"To her, no; that was not my fear."
There was Alured, almost exactly what Trevor had been when last she sawhim, with his bright sweet honest face over the rose, running up thestairs, knocking, and coming in with his boyish, "Good morning, Hester,I do hope you are better;" and bending down with his fresh brotherlykiss on her poor hot forehead, "I've got this rose for you, the budwill be out in a day or two."
If ever there was a modern version of St. Dorothy's roses it was there.
That boy's kiss and his gift touched the place in her heart. Shecaught him passionately in her arms, and held him till he almost lostbreath, and then she held him off from her as vehemently.
"Boy--Trevorsham--what do you come to me for?"
"He told me," said Alured, half dismayed. "Besides, you are my sister."
"Sister, indeed! Don't you know we would have killed you?"
"Never mind that," said Alured, with an odd sort of readiness. "Youare my sister all the same, and oh--if you would let me try to be alittle bit of Trevor to you, though I know I can't--"
"You--who must hate me?"
"No," said he, "I always did like you, Hester; and I've been thinkingabout you all the half--whenever I thought of him."
And as the tears came into the boy's eyes, the blessed weeping came atlast to Hester.
He thought he had done her harm, for she cried till she was absolutelyspent, sick, faint and weak as a child.
But she was like a child, and when her head was on the pillow shebegged for Trevorsham to wish her good-night. I think she tried tofancy his kiss was Trevor's.
Any way the bitter black despair was gone from that time. She believedin and accepted his kindness like a sort of after glow from Trevor'slove. Perhaps it did her the more good that after all he was only aboy, sometimes forgot her, and sometimes hurried after his ownconcerns, so that there was more excitement in it than if it had beenthe steady certain tenderness of an older person on which she couldreckon.
She certainly cared for no one like Trevorsham. She even camedownstairs that she might see him more constantly, and while he was athome, she seemed to think of no one else. But she had softened to usall, and accepted us as her belongings, in a matter-of-course kind ofway. Only when he was gone did she one day say in a heavy dreary tone,that she must soon be leaving us.
But I told her, as we had agreed, that she was very far from wellenough to go away alone; for indeed, it was true that disease of thelungs had set in, and to send her away to languish and die alone wasnot to be thought of.
My answer made her look up to me, and say, "I don't see why you shouldall be so good to me! Do you know how I have hated you?"
I could not help smiling a little at that, it had so little to do withthe matter; but I bent down and kissed her, the first time I had everdone so.
"I don't understand it," she said, and then pushing me away suddenly."No! you cannot know, that I--I--I was the first to devise mischiefagainst that boy. Perrault would never have thought of it, but for me!Now, you see whom you are harbouring! Perhaps, you thought it allPerrault's doing."
"No, we did not," I said.
"And you still cherish me! I--who drove you from your home and rank,and came from wishing the death of your darling, to contriving it!"
I told her we knew it. And at last, after a long, long silence, shelooked up from her joined hands, and said, "If I may only see my childagain, even from the other side of the great gulf, I would be ready forany torment! It would be no torment to me, so I saw him! Do you thinkI shall be allowed, Ursula?"
How I longed for more power, more words to tell her how infinitely moremercy there was than she thought of! I don't think she took it inthen, but the beginning was made, and she turned away no more from whatshe looked on at first as a means of bringing her to her boy, butby-and-by became even more to her.
Gradually she told how the whole history had come about. She hadthought nothing of the discovery of her birth till her boy was born,but from that time the one thought of seeing him in the rank shethought his due had eaten into her heart. She had loved her husbandbefore, but his resistance had chafed her, and gradually she felt it aninjustice and cruelty, and her love and respect withered away, till sheregarded him as an obstacle. And when she had spent her labour on thevoyage, and obtained recognition from her father--behold! Alured'sexistence deprived her of the prize almost within her grasp.
A settled desire for the poor baby's death was the consequence, kept upby the continued reports of his danger. Till that time she had prayed.Then a sense that Heaven was unjust to her and her boy filled her withgrim rebellion, and she prayed no more; and Perrault, by his constantreturn to the subject and speculations on it, kept her mind on it farmore.
But Alured lived, and every time she saw him she half hated him, halfloved him; hated him as standing in her son's light, loved him becauseshe could not help loving Trevor's shadow.
That day, when Emily met them--it had been a sudden impulse--Alured hadbeen talking to her about his plans for Trevor's birthday; and, as hespoke of that street, the wild thought came over her how easily a fevermight yet sweep him away. And yet she says, all down the street, shewas trying to persuade herself to forget Emily's warning, and todisbelieve in the infection. After all, she thought, even if she hadnot met Emily, she should have made some excuse for turning back, sucha pitiful thought came of the fair, fresh face flushing and dying.
But it was prevented, only it left fruits; for Perrault had heard whatpassed between her and Trevorsham. "Did you take him to the shop?" heasked. And when she mentioned Miss Deerhurst's reminder, he said, "Ah!that game wants skill and coolness to carry it out."
She says that was almost all that passed in so many words; but fromthat time she never doubted that Perrault would take any opportunity ofoccasioning danger to Trevorsham; and, strange to say, she lived in acontinued agony, half of hope, half of terror and grief and pity, herlonging for Trevor's promotion, balanced by the thought of the grief hewould suffer for his friend. Any time those five years she told me shethought that had she seen Perrault hurting him, she should have rushedbetween to save him; and yet in other moods, when she planned for herson, she would herself have done anything to sweep Alured from his path.
And the frequent discussion with Perrault of plans depending on thepossession of the Trevorsham property, kept the consciousness of hispurpose before her, and as debt and desperation grew, she was more andmore sure of it.
That last day, when Trevor had been driven away, lamenting hisinability to go out duck shooting, Perrault had quietly said in thelate evening, "I shall take a turn in the salt marshesto-night--opportunities may offer."
The wretch! Fulk thinks he said so to implicate her.
At any rate it left her shuddering with dread and remorse, yet halftriumphant at the notion of putting an end to Fulk's power over theestate, and of installing her son as heir of Trevorsham.
; She had no fears for him, she trusted to his lame foot to detain him,and said to herself that if it was to be, he would be spared the sight.She was growing jealous of his love for Alured and of us, and had afierce glad hope of getting him more to herself.
And then! oh! poor Hester!
No wonder her desire was to be
Anywhere, anywhere, Out of the world.
But out of all the anguish, the remorse, the despair, repentance grewat last. Love seemed to open the heart to it. The sense of infiniteredeeming love penetrated at last, and trust in pardon, and with pardoncame peace. Peace grew on her, through increasing self-condemnation,and bearing her up as the bodily powers failed more and more.
There is little more to say. She was a dear and precious charge to us,and as she grew weaker, she also became more cheerful! and even thatterrible, broken-hearted sense of bereavement calmed.
She found out about Jaquetta and Arthur, and took great interest in hisarrangements for getting a partnership at Shinglebay.
"And Hester," said Jaquetta, "it is so lucky for me that I came downfrom being a fine lady. I might never have known Arthur; and if I had,what an absurd creature I should have been as a poor man's wife!"
As to the Deerhursts, the mother sent a servant once or twice toinquire, but never came herself to see her dear friend; and Miss Priortook care to tell us that there were horrid whispers about, that Hesterhad known, and if not, Mrs. Deerhurst could not have on her visitinglist the wife of a man with a warrant out against him! She thought itvery unfeeling in us to harbour her.
But Emily came. Hester had a great longing to thank her for checkingher on that walk to the scarlet-fever place, and asked Jaquetta one dayto write to her and beg her to come to see a dying woman.
Emily showed the note to her mother, and did not ask leave. The whitedoe had become a much more valiant animal.
Hester had liked Emily even while Emily shrank from her, and she nowrealized what she had inflicted upon her and Fulk.
She asked Emily's pardon for it, as she had asked Fulk's, and said thatwhen she was gone she hoped all would come right. Of course the oldposition could not be restored, but she knew now why Joel Lea had suchan instinct against it.
"I feel," she once said, "as if Satan had offered me all this for mysoul, and I had taken the bargain. Aye, and if God's providence hadallowed our wicked purpose, he would have had it too. My husband! heprayed for me! and my boy did too."
She always called Joel Lea "my husband" now, and thought and talkedmuch of their early love and his warnings. I think the way she hadsaddened his later years grieved her as much as anything, and all heraffection seemed revived.
She lingered on, never leaving the house indeed, but not much worse,till the year had come round again, and we loved her more each day wenursed her. And when the end came suddenly at last, we mourned as fora dear sister.
Perrault wrote once--a threatening, swaggering letter from America,demanding hush-money. It did not come till she was too ill to openit--only in the last week before her death, and it was left till wesettled her affairs.
Then Fulk wrote and told him of the verdict against him, andrecommended him to let himself be heard of no more. And he took theadvice.
We found that dear Hester had left all the fortune, 30,000 pounds,which had been settled on herself and Trevor, to be divided equallybetween us three. Nor had we any scruple in profiting by it.
Trevorsham had enough, and it was what my father would have given us ifhe could.
It was enough to make Jaquetta and her young Dr. Cradock settle downhappily and prosperously on the practice they bought.
And enough too, together with Emily's strong quiet determination, tomake Mrs. Deerhurst withdraw her opposition. Daughters of twenty-nineyears old may get their own way.
Moreover a drawing-room and dining-room were built on to Skimping'sLawn, though Alured declares they have spoilt the place, and nothingever was so jolly as the keeping-room.
We had a beautiful double wedding in the summer, in our old church, andsince that I have come to make the old Hall homelike to my boy in theholidays.
We are very happy together when he comes home, and fills the house withhis young friends; and if it feels too large and empty for me in hisabsence, I can always walk down for a happy afternoon with Emily, or goand make a longer visit to Jaquetta.
And I don't think, as a leader of the fashion, she would have been halfso happy as the motherly, active, ready-handed doctor's wife.
But best of all to me, are those quiet moments when Alured's earnestspirit shows itself, and he talks out what is in his heart; that it isa great responsibility to stand in the place such a man as Fulk wouldhave had--yes--and to have been saved at the cost of Trevor's life.
I believe the pure, calm remembrance of Trevor Lea's life will be hisguiding star, and that he will be worthy of it.
Lady Hester; Or, Ursula's Narrative Page 9