Almost instantly after I took my seat, class started, and I just knew. I didn’t know how or what, but I knew that, somehow, he was going to make my day hell.
“Yesterday’s fight got a little out of hand when students cheated and interfered. I’m here to tell you, too bad. In real life, if you were to fight someone, tell me they wouldn’t play dirty?”
No one answered.
“Exactly. That’s why I’ve already decided who I think would benefit most from this lesson.” My stomach plummeted when he looked at me. “Ms. Foster, I think today we’ll see you and . . . ” He looked around the room until his eyes rested on someone. I followed his gaze. I was going to throw up. “Ms. Foster.” He pointed at Lily, and motioning for her to come up.
At first, she looked shocked, but then, slowly, she made her way up.
If I could’ve figured out how to make my mouth move, I would’ve gaped at her. No, I would not fight her. He could stick me in there and lock the door, and I still wouldn’t do it.
“The rules are the same as yesterday. Until one of you wins, I’m not letting you out.”
Was that even legal? Was any of this even legal? Maybe not in the human world, but we belonged to a world of our own.
He walked over and opened the door, motioning for us to go through. I walked stiffly, not saying a word, with Lily following behind me.
“Well, don’t just stand there,” he said.
I turned toward the door. Out of nowhere, she hit me in the face. The punch was so weak I didn’t turn toward her or even flinch. I walked to the door.
I reached for a handle, but there was nothing but smooth metal. I pushed against it, but it didn’t budge. I took a step back and kicked the door as hard as I could. It shuddered and moved slightly, but didn’t give.
“Oh fuck it,” I muttered and turned away from the door just in time to see another punch flying toward my face. I grabbed her fist mid-air before it was even close. She threw another one at me, but it was so slow I intercepted it long before I was in any danger of being hit.
I looked her in the face. “What’s wrong with you?”
“What, do you think you’re too good to fight me?” she spat.
“It has nothing to do with being too good. I wouldn’t fight you even if you were better,” I said.
She tried to break free; I didn’t move an inch. “Then what is it? That I’m your sister?” I could hear the struggle in her voice—she was wearing herself out.
“That’s part of it,” I admitted and backed her gently against the wall.
“Why? You fight Alexandra, you box, and you even knocked that girl out yesterday.” Her voice dripped with venom.
“That’s not fair,” I whispered to her. She didn’t understand. It wasn’t her fault.
“Why not?”
“Alexandra and I get in fights because she’s actually dangerous. You’re not. I box because I have to. You don’t. And I dealt with that girl yesterday because she was a threat. You aren’t. So. Get. Over. Yourself.” I dropped her hands and walked away.
I felt a flash of pain when she yanked me back by my hair. I went into a backbend to keep myself from falling.
“Stop this,” I told her.
“Not until you fight back,” she said low in my ear.
I saw her boots in front of my face before she kicked me. My vision turned hazy, even as I reminded myself she didn’t know any better. She went to kick me in the face again, and I tried to grab her boot. I tried to stop her. She slammed her heel down on my wrist. There was a snap, and pain flooded me. I collapsed to the side, bringing my wrist to my chest as I sat up.
It was already purple and blue, and the bone was sticking out at an odd angle. Blood streamed down my arm as I held it up to assess the damage.
Lily had done this. Lily hurt me.
I stared at my wrist with bizarre fascination. Lily. Innocent, golden-haired Lily had done this. She lost her innocence the second I realized that. She wasn’t good, or sweet, or kind. Yet my mantra played in the background, like a sarcastic funeral march.
They come first.
What a load of bullshit.
Lily gaped, covering her mouth. A door opened, and Vonlowsky strode in. The bell rang overhead, and I couldn’t help but think that it always rang when something bad happened in this class.
Lily’s healing power washed over me, but I tore my arm away. I didn’t want her healing.
I rocked back then pushed all my weight forward so I could stand. I was a little unsteady, but Professor Vonlowsky put a hand on my shoulder to keep me from falling. I jerked away from him.
Lily was saying something, but I didn’t hear her, or Vonlowsky, or even Alexandra, who was trying to get my attention. He’d put us in here, said fight, and Lily had willingly gone along with it. She’d kicked me in the face and broken my wrist. She hadn’t just gone along with it. She’d reveled in it.
I looked at her, and it felt like I was really seeing her for the first time. Was this what she saw when she looked at me? I didn’t know. I didn’t care. Everything I’d done had been for her. For them.
She reached for my wrist again, but I jumped back and bared my teeth. The animal inside sharpened its claws on the tattered thing I called a heart.
“Selena, please, I’m sorry—”
Alexandra cut her off. “Just let her heal you, Selena. You can’t box with that wrist.”
That was true, but right now I wanted nothing to do with her. I might’ve been a monster, but even I had boundaries. I’d never truly hurt them. Either of them. Not once in the six years that Alexandra had been fighting with me had I ever knocked her unconscious. I’d never even laid a land on Lily; she was innocent then. Untouchable.
I was too busy processing to realize that Lily had taken my wrist again. When I pulled away, she was already done, and all that was left was a massive migraine.
“You’ve done your job. Now can you please leave?” Vonlowsky said impatiently to my sisters.
“Excuse me?” Alexandra said, but Lily tugged on her arm, and Alexandra went with her, but only after giving him one last glare and flipping him off as she walked out the door.
He didn’t appear to care.
“What?” I spat at him. I assumed my usual position with my arms crossed and face blank.
“Why did you refuse to fight?”
I didn’t answer; I simply stood there staring at the wall behind him.
“So you refuse to fight and refuse to answer. Is there anything else I should know about you?” he demanded.
“What do you want?” I said, anger heating my voice. I could’ve decked him right now. I could’ve hit him so hard he would never look the same again, even with his Supernatural blood. I wouldn’t, though; not yet. I had to be on my best behavior for Coach Avery or he would pull me from the lineup.
“I want you to fight back. I saw you hit that girl yesterday when you thought your sister was in trouble. There was no hesitation; it was perfect. Precise. Today, I put you in here and you refuse to do anything. She kicked you in the face, and you still refused. Why?”
“Why does it matter? I don’t have to fight if I don’t want to. You can’t make me do a damn thing! You locked us in here and told her to fight me. You put my sister against me. Do you just hate me? Are you naïve? Ignorant?” My head pounded to the beat of the song my blood was singing. It called for murder. It wanted me to paint this room red. “No, I don’t believe any of that. I think you do it because you’re twisted, and you think it’s funny.” I got right up in his face.
The brown eyes narrowed as his jaw clenched.
Try me. I dare you.
“You’re cruel.”
“You think I’m cruel? Let me tell you something about life: it’s not easy. Our world is full of cruel people who do things simply for power. When you leave here and learn something about it, then you can come back and tell me I’m cruel.” He advanced on me, but I wouldn’t step back. Step down.
“I did that
because you need to learn. You need to get past whatever childlike illusions you have of protecting your sisters. You interfering yesterday didn’t help Alexandra. It made her rely on you. It made you in control. That’s what your issue is—you don’t know how not to be in control.”
I didn’t answer.
“You need to let it go, and let them take care of themselves. Don’t interfere again, or your next lesson won’t be so kind.”
His emphasis on kind made me snarl.
“Leave me alone,” I growled.
I walked away, and I realized I didn’t have anywhere to turn.
Not anymore.
Chapter 22
I was already running late when I walked into my dorm, but when I stepped inside my room, I knew there was no avoiding it. Tori was curled in a ball on her bed, crying. Amber was already long gone. How could she have left her like this?
I walked over and took a seat at the edge of her bed. “What’s wrong?” I said softly.
She looked up at me, and moved into a sitting position. “My grandma just died,” she whispered between sobs.
All my anger and frustration faded as I held my arms out to catch her. She fell into them, and her cold hands wrapped around me, holding me tight.
I knew a thing or two about loss. When my parents died, I was in mourning for weeks, crying silently. I never let anyone comfort me. No, I’d thought it was my job to comfort my sisters. I had to be strong.
She didn’t have to be strong because, right now, she had me.
I was still holding her, stroking her hair, when there was a knock at the door.
“Come in,” I called without turning or releasing her. I heard the door open, and soft footsteps.
I was staring out the window when a person I hadn’t expected stepped into view.
His face was sad, and his eyes, normally so green, were reddened and bruised. He didn’t look weak or frail; just guarded. Always guarded.
“What do you want?” Today wasn’t a good day to bother me.
I looked away from him, and rested my cheek on her hair. Maybe we’d never really been friends—mostly because of me—but right now it didn’t matter.
“Victoria.” He said her name softly.
She moved to look at him, and I lifted my cheek. Realization dawned on me as I stared into his eyes—which were fixed on her.
Their eyes. They both had the same bright, emerald-green eyes.
They were brother and sister.
She released me, and I let her go. She looked back, and I smoothed her hair, giving her a small smile before retreating.
When I was at the door, I turned and looked at them. She was sobbing on his shoulder as he whispered words of reassurance. His eyes met mine and with a single nod, I left.
Chapter 23
After that, everything changed. My sisters were no longer my concern. I took Vonlowsky’s advice and left them to their own devices, especially Lily. For so long, I’d drifted through life with no purpose but them. I was my own purpose now.
I started skipping classes, working out to greater extremes, and even going without sleep for days. At first, I was confused about where it had all gone wrong, and then I didn’t care. Lucas met me at the gym every day, and we practiced for hours, but he never mentioned that day in my room. Meanwhile, Tori now waited up for me at night. I would come back around midnight to popcorn and YouTube videos. It was so unlike anything I’d ever done, and yet it felt normal now. Tori had somehow filled up part of the hole that had been ripped out of my chest when Lily kicked me in the face. She wasn’t my sister, but for once, I was glad of it. She was something entirely new to me. A friend.
I was getting both better and worse as the weeks wore on. I had my own life, but one day, out of nowhere, I reached the day I couldn’t go without pills. At first, it was Tylenol here and there. Then I found Hydrocodone in the bathroom. It only went downhill from that point on. The bottles were prescribed to Amber, and after the first week of me getting into them, she started giving me sly looks. She never said anything, so neither did I. Tori was either the most oblivious person I’d ever met, or she’d turned a blind eye to us.
On the first day of November, Professor Vonlowsky told me to stay after class. After that afternoon, he’d never called on me, and I’d never volunteered. I didn’t know why he would want to talk to me now. When I saw my sisters staying as well, I had a feeling.
I picked up my notebook and walked to the front of the classroom.
“What?” I demanded. I had places to go and people to hit. The gym was both a haven and a prison. The clarity I felt nowadays, the way I could breathe freely. I wouldn’t let that go. I enjoyed being there—it gave me purpose.
But it was always a question of just how hard I could hit—how much I could hurt—before Avery pulled me. Sometimes I wondered if he saw the darkness inside me, or if he chose to turn a blind eye like Tori.
“We’re worried about you,” Lily whined.
I turned to her. It was the first time since that day that I’d really looked at her. I laughed humorlessly. It wasn’t me talking to them, but the monster inside me.
“Isn’t this what you guys wanted?” I gestured to myself and laughed again.
“No, this isn’t what we wanted. Selena, you need help,” Lily persisted.
“I don’t need anyone’s help, especially yours,” I said. Somewhere inside, something whispered that this was wrong; that it shouldn’t be this way. I was worse today than usual. Amber had run out with us both raiding her stash, and she wouldn’t have more for another day or so. I clenched my fists to keep my hands from shaking. They couldn’t know. No one could.
She covered her mouth and started to cry, turning toward Alexandra, who just stared at me.
“Ms. Foster, your sisters have a valid point. I’ve noticed it over the last few weeks. You’re emotionally cut off. You need help. Maybe with the guidance of a close friend or—”
“No one asked for your input. In fact, I never asked for any of yours, so just fuck off, why don’t you?” I stormed out of the building.
Chapter 24
The next day Coach Avery approached me. I was done warming up, and Lucas was waiting out front for me.
“Has something been bothering you, Foster?” he asked.
I just shook my head.
He watched me for a moment before sighing. “If something’s bothering you, you know you can tell me, right?” he said uncomfortably.
I nodded.
“Okay, well get going.” He sighed again.
As I walked away, part of me wished I’d told him, or that I could tell someone. The monster raged inside me. I was a prisoner.
Outside, the cold air whipped at me, and I shivered. My usual tank top and shorts were definitely not November clothes.
“You’re confused,” a voice said from behind me.
Seriously? I yelled, “What did I say about reading my—”
“I didn’t,” he said.
“Oh,” was all I could manage. Strangely, after everything that had happened, he was the person I had the most respect for. I preferred training with him over anything, and the silence between us was welcoming. He understood me better than most.
“It was your expression—the way you hold yourself.” He shrugged.
“Mm hmm . . . really? Since you know me so well, how do I hold myself?” I glared.
“Well, if you insist, you’re very . . . guarded. Generally, whenever you’re around people, you appear hostile. I don’t think you are, though.”
“What do you think I am, then?”
“I think you close people out because you’re scared of getting hurt.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snapped and broke into a run. Unfortunately, he caught up. I guess we weren’t done talking.
“See? You run away from confrontation.” He gave a half-hearted laugh.
I turned and glared at him, but he only raised his eyebrows and smirked.
“How do you know this anyway?”
Stalker.
“Hardly,” he growled with a somewhat annoyed expression.
“How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of my head? I don’t think you realize this, but the longer I have to block you, the less energy I have.” Increasing my speed, I closed my eyes and imagined building a brick wall around my mind, using my main emotions to keep him out—a technique I’d learned long ago.
“It’s hard not to hear when we’re the only two people out here. It goes from silence to quick thoughts that are just thrown at me. You don’t exactly make this easy on me,” he grumbled.
I vaguely remembered something my dad had told me about that, but before the thought could fully form, he spoke again.
“I know this about you because we’re partners. It’s my job to know.” He paused. “Whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me.”
“Yay me,” I said sarcastically as we rounded another corner.
“You agreed to train with me,” he reminded me.
“It’s not you . . . it’s just . . . I work alone usually,” I admitted.
“That’s because you’re scared to get close to anyone,” he repeated.
“Is that such a bad thing?” I found myself saying.
“When it keeps you from the people you love most.”
I stopped dead in my tracks. The knowing look in his eyes told me everything. He saw a lot more than he let on.
“What if those people have changed, and you don’t really know them anymore?” I asked him.
“Think about it. Is it really them who have changed? Or is it you?”
The problem wasn’t that I didn’t know the answer; it was that I didn’t want to admit it.
Chapter 25
After that day with Lucas, I cleared things up with my sisters. The things I’d said to them when I was dealing with withdrawal bothered me, and I needed to make it right. This past month had taught me several things. They were no longer my purpose for living, but they were the most important people in my life. There was blame to share on both sides, but if we could find it in ourselves to forgive each other, maybe we could get past this. First, we had to come to several agreements.
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