“Se-Selena,” she choked out. The tendrils started down her arm, reaching into the air for me like wisps of smoke.
“Control it, Lily,” I whispered into her ear, easing up ever so slightly.
The black faded as she struggled to pull my arms away. Only when I saw my blood under her nails did I stop. I expected her to drop to her knees and weep. I thought she was going to feel sorry for herself.
When she came back swinging, it was one of the proudest moments of my life. Her form was good, and I watched in slow motion as her fist steadily approached my face. She needed this; she needed the power.
I took the punch.
The darkness in her eyes receded as my pain washed over her. She moved in to strike again, the killing gene taking control. The neverending madness had gotten a taste of blood, and wanted more.
“Control.”
She blinked, and her fist stilled not even inches from my face. I stared down at her, blood and snot dripping from my face. Making her take in the sight. If she was going to survive the gene, she needed to live with the consequences.
“Control,” she repeated. She stepped back, her knees wobbling. Her eyes betrayed the worry seeping into her expression.
“Stop that,” I reprimanded. “Your emotions will get the best of you, and that’s something you can’t afford. Not anymore.”
She clicked her tongue in dismissal, but her eyes changed as she watched me in fascination. “Your nose…”
“It’s nothing.” I stepped away, hastily wiping the blood and guck from my already healed face.
“That’s not nothing. That’s imposs—”
“Yes, it is. Just as it should’ve been impossible for you to manifest a second ability four months ago, but here we are.”
Her mouth snapped shut, as she turned away. “What’s wrong with me?” Her voice was thick with some unnamable emotion. This was the meltdown I’d been waiting for, and I suspected we’d do it another hundred times before she even started to understand.
“Control,” I repeated.
“That’s not an answer, Selena! I don’t even know what you mean—”
“But you will. One day it will click, and until then, we train. You told me you’d train harder than anyone before you. It hasn’t even been twenty minutes, and you’re falling into yourself. Into the abyss.”
My words pulled her back, as she frowned at me.
“You think I can’t tell when you’re falling into it? You think everyone else can’t see you falling apart?”
Her eyes pricked with tears that betrayed the thin line of anger that was her mouth.
“You must have control in all things. I gave you the summer to feel bad for yourself, and what happened in the warehouse. You’ve had three months to get better, and you can’t even control your emotions.”
Tears now rolled freely down her cheeks. “I’m sorry—”
“I don’t want your apologies, Lily! I need you to be better. I-I am leaving, Lily, and I won’t be able to take care of you. So, I need you to take care of yourself for me, until I get back. Can you do that?” My voice softened, but I clenched my fists. How did I make her see this? How did I make her better? I didn’t know, and the impossibility of this situation had me desperate.
Lily looked at me, and the tears stopped. Her eyes were like glass, fragile but clear. She closed them, and the girl who opened them again wasn’t brittle and crumbling apart. She was stronger, because she had to be.
“Again,” she said.
I didn’t question it, and we went round after round. Sweat trickled down my back, and she flung droplets off her face with every shake of her head. The sun climbed higher into the sky, but true to her word, she trained as hard as Blair. I was impressed by her strength, and any would-be wound on her body healed in minutes. She had the potential to be great, but it wasn’t greatness that pushed her forward. It was an insatiable urge to cause pain, because it was the one thing that would quiet her own, if only for a moment.
“Enough,” I said eventually.
The sun had reached its apex hours ago, and the world would be looking for me. I held out a hand and pulled her to her feet.
“You think you can run?” I asked, walking back to the worn path by the wall.
She nodded, trudging after me.
“You did good today, but you’re slow and your endurance isn’t there. You need to run everyday. I’ll meet you here at six every morning.” I didn’t wait for her response as I took off down the path. My blood pounded like a battle cry through my veins, urging me forward.
“Wait!” she called, and I slowed to a stop.
“What, Lily?”
“You didn’t teach me how to keep the darkness away. If anything, I just want to kill—”
“I did, but control takes time, and you have to learn moderation,” I reminded her, already turning away.
“But—”
“You need to shut the emotions out. Don’t allow yourself to feel, because feeling is dangerous for people like us. Feeling is how someone dies. Your mind is what will save you, and as long as you don’t let your heart get in the way, the clarity will come.”
I left her with those words, and hoped I was right. Rome may not have been built in a day, but it also wasn’t built in a month. Like it or not, time was of the essence, and the clock wasn’t on our side.
Chapter 71
“Where have you been?” Lucas snarled the second I rounded the corner of the stairs.
Standing in front of my room, he looked every bit as pissed off as I’d expected he would. The sleep had done him good, and the bruise was already looking better, but definitely not gone. His eyes were practically feral.
“Good afternoon to you too,” I said sarcastically, stepping around him. I opened the door to find my room empty, and the clock on Tori’s nightstand read a quarter after four in the afternoon. The bedroom door clicked shut.
“We need to talk,” he said. He was doing a better job at controlling the anger, but his eyes betrayed him.
“No,” I said.
Yanking my hand through my hair, I freed it from the hair tie and walked to the bathroom. I kicked the door shut, but he caught it before it could lock.
Fine, you want to play this game?
I turned my back to him and stripped out of the sports bra then hooked my thumbs in the waistband of my pants and shimmied them down slowly. I knew his eyes were on me, as his heart sped up, so much louder than it ever was before. His breath hitched, and I cast him a coy look over my shoulder. The fire in his eyes turned icy as I continued to strip.
“See something you like?” I smirked.
Whatever obsession I’d had with him over the summer was long gone, replaced by a cold, almost cruel indifference because of what he’d done—or really, failed to do. I wanted to be friends, but I needed time to figure it out. Time to not hate him.
“You really want to play this game? Because twenty-four hours ago you were telling me—”
“Get out, and close the door behind you,” I snapped. I didn’t need a reminder of what I’d told him, or that I shouldn’t be screwing with him like this just because I was in a pissy mood.
“I’ll be in your room.” The door slammed behind him, and I let my pants drop.
Not even bothering to wait for the water to warm, I stepped into the cold shower and welcomed the chill as my emotions washed down the drain.
What are you doing, Selena?
I’d cut him loose because he cared too much, and I cared too little. That was the honest thing to do. The right thing.
I scrubbed the shampoo into my scalp even harder, until the water ran pink. Sigh…
You need to stop screwing with his head. You don’t want him? Fine, but don’t rub it in. That’s just bitchy.
Crack. Without thinking, I’d squeezed the conditioner bottle too tightly, and it had exploded everywhere.
“Selena?” Even through the door, his voice was terse.
“I’m fine. Give
me a sec.” Groaning, I rinsed under the water and did my best to wipe off the walls and shower curtain. I flipped the shower off then paused before the door with a towel wrapped under my arms. I’d forgotten clothes, but thankfully my sweatpants and tank top from last night were still on the floor.
Welp. I guess I’m going commando.
My own movements in the mirror distracted me, drawing my attention to the scars, which nearly glowed. I pretended not to be bothered by the violet in my eyes that took longer to fade every time this happened, but I worried that, eventually, it wouldn’t fade at all. I turned away from the mirror, brushing my hair out slowly, until I was unable to delay any further. I opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom to face him. His back was to me as he stared out the only window in the room.
“Why are you here, Lucas?” I said. There was no point beating around the bush, and the longer he stuck around, the more likely I was to get pissed again.
“I only have a few hours of freedom left before you give Anastasia our names, and I’d like to spend them with you,” he said slowly. His words were sweet, but felt…off somehow. Too caring. Too kind, for the expression he wore and way he acted. Something wasn’t adding up.
“You said we needed to talk. I’m here, so talk,” I said.
“You want to have this conversation where they can hear?” he asked. His eyes never left mine, making his meaning abundantly clear. He wanted back into my mind. Where he could listen to every thought and figure out how to play me like a fiddle. After all, who was better at mind games than the boy who’d erased his own sister’s memory?
For you!
Did it matter?
Either way, I had to keep him out of my mind, because Anastasia held my leash. Funny how him attempting to save me from her was how she’d managed to rope me in. If there was anything I could rely on in this world, it was that karma and irony were never far where I was concerned.
“I’m not letting you back in, so either spit it out or leave,” I said.
“Fine. You want to be like this? Have it your way.” He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Why did you agree to do this?”
Without realizing it, I’d frozen instinctively. I’d given them a reason. It might not have been a good reason, but why did he have to question it? Why couldn’t he just take it at face value?
“I told you guys everything. You’re being paranoid,” I said lazily.
His gaze never left me as he lifted an eyebrow. “Really?” It was only a single word, but it was a challenge. Nosy bastard could take his challenge and shove it up—
“Really,” I repeated, cutting my own rant short.
He blew out a breath, shaking his head in frustration. “Why do you lie to me at every fucking turn—”
“Because you can’t accept the truth when I tell you to stay out of it!” I yelled over him. I sighed and turned away, running both hands through my hair.
“But lying to me fixes nothing,” he said.
The anger that filled me quickly fizzled into nothing more than bitterness and resentment. Lovely. At least I understood these feelings. The familiarity was comforting, the cold a welcome reprieve from all the heat.
“If you don’t like how I do things, you shouldn’t have signed up to work with me,” I said.
“You know why I did,” he whispered.
I closed my eyes, wanting this to end already. Why must he care like this? Why couldn’t he accept my boundaries like everyone else?
Because you already let him past them once.
And it was one time too many.
I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm—one last ditch effort.
“I don’t want you in my mind. Some things are better left alone,” I said, tearing my arm from his grip.
“You’re keeping secrets. Why? You know what happens when you do this!” He raised his voice, near desperation.
“It’s my choice what I do and do not tell you. Just like it’s your choices that led you here. You once called me heartless. Maybe you should’ve heeded your own warning.”
He laughed, a sad, sardonic sound. “Maybe I should have,” he murmured.
Finally! Finally, he was getting it—that this chase wouldn’t repair whatever was broken inside me. He wouldn’t be the one to fix me, if anyone even could. I needed to fix myself, and the only way I could do that was with space.
Throwing the door open, I came face-to-face with Blair.
“Do I even want to know why you’re here?” I sighed.
She looked over my shoulder. “I was just going to get dinner and wanted to see if you were busy, but if you have company—”
“Oh, for the— There’s nothing— Ugh, nevermind. Let’s just go,” I snapped.
A smirk ghosted her lips, but she said nothing as she turned on her heel down the hallway. I followed her without looking back once. I’d made that mistake last time I walked away, and I wouldn’t make it again. The cool air hit my skin pleasantly, and I twisted my hair up into a bun, pulling it tight with my own long black ends in the absence of a hair tie.
“Am I supposed to ask what that was about?” Blair asked. She had excellent conversational skills—the girl could schmooze with the best of them—but we both knew that wasn’t her. Not anymore, anyway.
“No, you’ve got enough to worry about. I can handle another…” I paused, not sure what to call Lucas. “Boy.”
“Boy? That’s what they call eighteen-year-olds with abs like that now?” She pursed her lips, trying to hide the smile and failing.
“Boy. Man. What’s the difference?”
“The way he looks at you.” Her smile faltered as she looked away.
“You sound like you know something about that,” I prodded. The summer air kissed my cheeks as we strolled across Daizlei.
“I’m not dumb enough to tell you to stay away. Just be careful with him,” she said, her braid blowing behind her in the wind.
“What makes you say that? Did he do something to you?” I wasn’t sure if it was curiousity that fueled my interest, or this dying need to know if there was something dark and twisted in him too. Maybe then it would be easier to blame him, maybe then I could chalk this all up to karma.
“Lucas has always been kind, but so was his brother once. All I’m saying is be careful.”
“So much for dark and twisted,” I grumbled.
“Hm?” she asked.
“Nothing.” I shrugged.
Campus was still quiet as we made our way across the grass. Fireflies twinkled against the dying sun, and when the light was gone, six people’s freedom would be too.
“Do you hate me? For dragging you into this?” I blurted out the question that had been at the back of my mind since last night.
“You didn’t do this. You were just the messenger, and to be honest, there are worse things in life than fighting Vampires who would enslave us all. If we win, we save millions, and if we lose, I’m either dead or hiding. Besides,” she paused, resting her arm over my shoulder, “there’s no way to know how good I really am now until we put it to the test. Vampires are just a step below demons.”
I laughed with her, but, truthfully, I didn’t even want to think about that statement. If Vampires were just a test, what would stop her from going after the real monsters when this was all over? Then again, was I really any different?
“This must be strange for you, being back here and knowing you won’t be staying. Have you told Elizabeth?”
Blair stiffened at the mention of her sister, who’d betrayed us all. She’d apparently gotten here early this morning, but no one had seen her since.
After the incident last year, she’d been moved to a different dorm on the other end of campus and banned from any and all outings. Technically, I was too for beating the shit out of her, but it hardly mattered anymore.
“No. Telling my mom was hard enough. I haven’t seen her, and I don’t plan to,” she said.
I nodded in understanding. “I don’t know what
I would do if one of my sisters betrayed me like that.”
“Hopefully, you’ll never have to find out,” she said grimly.
I pushed the cafeteria door open, and tried to ignore the whispers as we passed by.
“Do you see her scars?”
“I heard she got them fighting Vampires.”
“I heard it was demons.”
“Does it really matter? She may as well be one. I saw what she did to that girl last year.”
“Aren’t they related?”
“Didn’t she kill her?”
“I thought she died.”
The words continued to flow like vomit from their mouths. Hundreds of whispers, and I was the subject of them all. I hated it, but said nothing. What was the point, when all they saw was the monster? May as well let them fear it.
“They sure love to talk, don’t they?” Blair muttered, as they began to speculate about her own scars.
It was funny, in a way, that a year ago I’d stepped out as a stranger to this world and they’d challenged me. Now they knew me, but in my quest to protect my sisters, I’d become a villain overnight. Typical.
“Let’s just get our food and get out of here,” Blair said.
The line was short, and it only took us a few moments to get to the counter. We collected our dinner and hurried to leave the cafeteria whispers behind.
“Selena.”
I looked up sharply at the blond-haired, golden-eyed manservant. Alec took up most of the door, blocking our exit.
“What do you want?” Blair snapped.
His jaw tightened, but he didn’t even glance her way.
“I’ve been sent to collect the names for my mistress,” he said tersely. The way he avoided Blair’s glare would’ve been amusing for almost any other reason.
“It’s not even six,” I replied coolly.
“It was an order, Selena, not a request,” he said.
Blair ground her teeth, and her fingertips turned blue.
I fished the paper out of my pocket and handed it over. “Luckily for you, I always come prepared.” I smirked.
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