“I held our family together. Someone had to.” I feel emotionally raw. Nick knows. That’s why he’s rubbing my back in small circular motions.
My dad points to me. “You gave too much. And for what? To take all this from your own sister?”
He’s got a point, one I didn’t need to hear because I’m already questioning everything I’ve done, all the time and love I gave for someone to throw it back in my face. But not just anyone…my own sister.
“Get out now and have a life.” My dad’s words are rough, like gravel. I meet his intense gaze; he’s staring at me with a ferocity I’ve never seen. “Camille, you’re fired. Effective immediately.”
“You’re firing me?” When did talk of my dad’s fiancée get so out of hand?
“On what grounds?” Mike demands.
Dad now refuses to look at me, studying his shoes instead. “Don’t dwell on the past, Cami. Since you won’t take care of yourself, I’m giving you no choice but to do so now.”
“By firing me?” My hands shake with rage. After all I did to keep us together, this is the thanks I get. “Let’s get out of here. I can’t take anymore. No, I refuse to take anymore.”
I lead Nick through the living room maze of furniture. Mike reaches for my arm and pats my elbow as I pass. When we reach my dad, I halt. My voice is surprisingly calm, but with the ferocity of a feral cat. “You will pay me three months severance immediately or I’ll sue you for firing me without cause.”
“That’s right.” Theo steps forward. “I’m Camille Benetti’s attorney, and based upon the lack of grounds for dismissal, I’m demanding six months. We can discuss her severance further, here’s my card.” She hands her business card to my dad, turning in time to offer me a sympathetic smile.
As Nick and I head to the front hall, I pause, considering my next words carefully. “There’s a baseball in your windshield, Dad. Nick will pay for the replacement, though it won’t even phase you. There’s no use dwelling on the past, right?”
It’s time for him to practice what he preaches. And time for Beth and Matty to learn a lesson. “I’m done, Beth…Matt. Don’t call me for help, or money, or anything. Laugh at me all you want, but don’t think I will ever play your fool again. Lesson learned.”
Yeah, lesson learned. We reach Nick’s truck and I jump in, hiding from my family. Most of whom just humiliated me more than anything a Scorcher profile would ever accomplish. Once behind the wheel, Nick places his hand on my leg.
“Please drive.” I hide my face with my hair as I look out the window. I refuse to cry. It’s something I silently repeat. I refuse to cry. Through it all, Nick’s hand is there, he is there for me.
Something has changed within me, because no matter how much I love Nick, my desire to escape my family is just as strong. Finally the tears flow, because I met this wonderful guy and my life is a mess. I’m not the one who usually runs away, but now would be a good time.
“Please pull over.” I choke on the words as Nick parks on a side street.
Unlatching my seatbelt, I bury myself against his neck. “Hold me and don’t let go.”
He does everything I ask without question. Keeping me grounded, keeping me whole though my life is crumbling around me. I just pray that Nick can keep me in place, can satiate my growing need to bolt. Though I’m uncertain how much time has passed, I am well aware of how fragile our relationship is. It’s being threatened by today’s events.
Can Nick keep me grounded? That’s the million-dollar question, one that places my heart and my mind at war. My heart is with Nick, but my mind tells me to bolt. I’m not sure which will win. All I know is that I’m teetering on a high cliff, about to fall. Replaying all that happened with my family. I hope he can keep me grounded, but my mind continues to churn. My family drama has reached the boiling point. All these years of trying to please them, for what?
Today I lost a part of myself. The emptiness filling my heart tells me so. I’m more broken than before. Is Nick enough to fix it? Shouldn’t that burden fall on me?
Chapter 20
Nick
Though she’s told me she won’t be good company, I still drive Cami to my place. I don’t need good company…just her. There’s been no talking. Not since she fell apart after the clusterfuck of an older-sibling-baseball-game-turned-dad-bombshell-turned-let’s-gang-up-on-Cami.
Staying silent at her brother’s home was difficult for me—shit, it was fucking torture. I wanted to tell her sister off, tell Matty what a little shit he is, tell her dad to go screw himself. Instead, I supported Camille as best I could while she weathered the storm and brought hellfire down on them. Because she’s strong, brave, and doesn’t need me swooping in to rescue her. No, she’s a badass in every sense of the word. I couldn’t be prouder of her.
When we get to my home, I busy myself in the kitchen while she freshens up. Making hot chocolate and pouring it into two thermal Nighthawks tumblers allows me time to google which real estate agent is selling Benetti’s on my cell and make an offer via email. All cash. In a matter of minutes, the real estate agent calls me, wanting me to sign some paperwork and make my offer official. We set an appointment for tomorrow morning.
I won’t tell Cami, at least not yet. But I’ll buy it in the hopes that someday we’ll reach that point in our relationship where I can gift it to her. A part of me thinks I’m doing this so she won’t leave town for another opportunity. That’s the selfish part of me who is counting down with an invisible ticking clock until the day she gets an offer and leaves. I don’t want that to happen. If buying the restaurant gives her another option, I’m all for it.
Shoving the shit-show of today aside, our time at the park showed me how great Camille is with kids and solidified that it’s what I want…a family. With Camille. Only Camille. I don’t give a crap about how much time has passed since we first met. I love this woman and want a future with her. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Having had a few relationships crash and burn, I embrace this terrifying thing called love. It’s new to me. I thought I could love a few of my past girlfriends, even thought I loved one at the time. Now I realize Camille is my first love. She’s my only love. Restaurant or not, I’m not letting her exit my life.
She treks down the hall and splays her hands on my waist from behind. “I’m sorry that today turned into such a mess.”
“It’s not your fault.” I turn around, facing her. Her eyes have lost some of their luster. She’s hurt. There’s no shaking off what her sister said, or ignoring the fact that her sister wanted to hurt Camille’s feelings. I can’t relate. Not really. Sure, my dad’s a cheating dick, but my mom and stepdad raised me in a loving environment. Chris is a brother to me and would never pull the crap Beth did with her sister. I kiss Camille’s wrist, inhaling the exotic scent of her perfume that lingers. “As much as I’d love to stay here and help you feel better in the bedroom, I’ve got other plans. You wanna see my view?”
Nodding, Cami agrees, and we head to my shed with our hot chocolate and a couple of blankets. When I open the shed door, Camille clutches her heart. “A tractor? How beautiful.” Turning to the right, she studies the riding mower. “Are we mowing your lawn? Grass clippings can be quite the rage. Oooh! We can make crop circles in your backyard.”
I toss a couple of blankets into the bucket of my large tractor, along with our mugs—the lids are tight so nothing spills—then I take a seat behind the wheel. “Sit on my lap, smart-ass.”
“More romantic words have never been spoken,” Camille teases, her eyes having regained some if not all of their unique spark that is undeniably Camille.
Settling on my lap, Cami and I head toward my favorite spot, where the sunset sinks into the tree-lined horizon. I come out here to think and recharge. I’m hoping it will have the same effect on her. When I turn the engine off, I help Camille to the ground and we si
t in the bucket, blankets wrapped tightly around her to ward off the mild late-day chill.
“Spring has arrived on Long Island.” Camille looks upward, to the sky. “The days are getting longer. This is a nice time of year. A time for growth, and hope for the future. I used to get so excited when I was a kid, knowing that summer would be right around the corner.”
“Yeah, me, too.” I sit beside her, and she snuggles against me, laying her head against the curve of my neck. I wore my leather jacket, so she could snuggle in this spot. This place where she fits so perfectly, melding against my body. The sweet scent of her hair and her warmth permeates my skin, warms my senses. “There is still hope, you know.”
Cami is silent for a long moment. “Sure, there is. You’re heading to the playoffs and I know you’ll win the cup. Plus this view is gorgeous. I’m glad I saw it.”
Saw. Past tense. She’s discussing the playoffs. Not us. This doesn’t bode well for me. “That isn’t the future I was referring to.” I kiss her head, my mouth lingering over her hair, the scent of strawberries mixing with her spicy perfume, a dangerous combination of sweetness and sin. I want more of both, as much as she’ll allow me for as long as she’ll allow me. “Regardless of what happened today, families can be good. That love, that devotion. It’s a gift.”
Inhaling a sharp breath, Cami adds, “It also brings pain and disappointment.”
“Our family wouldn’t.” I rest my chin on her head, watching the pastel pinks, blues, and corals mingle in the horizon. “Like my view, this view, we can have whatever we want.”
“Oh, how I wish that were true.” Cami’s tone is detached, and a spark of concern ignites my pulse, sending it skyrocketing. She’s gone dark, too dark.
I don’t pull away, no matter how much I want to look at her. I’m afraid to let her go, afraid she’s slipping away. “Our family can be anything we want it to be. I know your medical history, but we can adopt. If we want a family together. I do—don’t you?”
Silence, long and thick, envelops us. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”
“Of course it does. It matters to me.”
She snuggles closer to me, then closer still. “How is it that you can be so unbelievably sweet?”
“You bring it out in me, because I sure as hell wasn’t sweet before you met me.” Though I tease her, I’m completely serious. Camille brings out the best in me.
“You know what I learned today?” It’s a rhetorical question. She isn’t waiting for an answer, but is thinking, trying to find the right words, or trying to gather the courage to say what I don’t want to hear. “I learned that no matter what I do, or how much I care, it’s never enough. It wasn’t with my ex, it wasn’t with Beth or Matt. It will never be good enough for my dad.”
With her last statement, I do pull away, meeting her eyes, which have a hardness to them now. “I’m not them.”
“No, you’re not. That’s what I love about you.” Her words linger. Love…“You are a lot like Chris, though. So much like him, in fact.”
She stares at me, like she’s searching my soul for something…some proof that she’s wrong. Cami’s not. “You’re right. Chris and I are a lot alike. We’ve spent most of our adult lives with each other, from college to the NHL.”
“When I was upstairs, I watched an interview he gave after your last home game. Chris said feeling his child kick was like nothing he’d ever known, and he’d never be able to live without it, he wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
Shit. “You can’t judge me based upon my best friend’s weepy sentimentality.”
“It’s not judging, Nick. It’s an observation. You’re both too much alike for you not to want the same thing. Surely, you can admit that.” Again, Camille stares into my soul and my heart lurches.
The intensity of her stare is enough for me to question everything I ever thought I knew about myself. “I don’t know, Cami. It isn’t something I’ve thought about. I mean, my biological father was a cheating asshole and my stepfather was amazing. He didn’t feel me kick, yet he loved me all the same.”
Grinning, she raises her brows. “Cami…not Camille. You haven’t called me that in ages.”
For the first time in a long time, I called her by her nickname. It’s significant to her. I see it as she pulls away from me, her body language telling me everything she won’t. She’s frightened and vulnerable. Her family, or a huge chunk of it at least, turned on her. Add to that her insecurities and Chris’s fucking interview and she’s protecting herself. From being hurt. From me.
“I’m right, Nick.” She flattens her palm against my beard, against my cheek. “And that’s okay. You’re allowed to want something more than I can give you.”
“All I want is you.” Camille scoffs, which causes my frustration to mount. “Don’t do that. Don’t act like you’re not worth it, or like I shouldn’t want you.”
She shakes her head. “Nick. My family is a mess. So am I. I’m unemployed. And according to my own family, I’m bossy, barren, and trying to replace my mom to the point that Beth and Matt set me up on Scorcher to humiliate me. Nothing good can come of that.”
“We’re good and we came from that.”
Her jaw clenches. “But should we have?”
“What the hell are you doing?” The words fumble from my mouth before I can filter myself or check my tone. The genie’s out of the bottle and there’s no stopping me at this point. “It seems to me like you’re sabotaging us because some of your family are assholes and treated you like crap. You didn’t deserve the way they treated you any more than I deserve this interrogation.”
“I got an offer, Nick. In Florida. It’s a good job, it’s a chance for me to start over.”
Now it all makes sense. “So that’s why you’re sabotaging us? To make it easier for you to leave. Well, I’m not giving you an easy out, Cami.”
“You already have.” Camille returns her attention to the horizon, watching as the tree line envelopes the sun, swallowing it whole while my life turns to shit. “I can’t make you sacrifice, Nick. You deserve more than to settle. You deserve what Chris has.”
“Fuck what Chris has, what about what I want?”
She rises from the bucket and my romantic plan has now gone straight to hell. Instead of walking away, like I expect her to, she kneels in front of me, her hands on my legs, rubbing the denim. “You don’t know what you’re missing, so how can you know what you want?”
Camille makes it all sound so simple. For me, it is. “I want you. No matter what. I love you.”
“I love you, too. Which makes this so damn difficult. Because I want to be selfish and ignore your similarities with Chris, I want to keep you to myself no matter what. But I can’t be selfish. Not with you.” She squeezes my thighs. “Never with you.”
My knees tremble as I get out of the damn bucket and kneel in front of her, joining her on the manicured lawn. “You’re never selfish. That’s what I love most about you. You’re also not a fool. Don’t throw away something amazing because your confidence has taken a hit.”
Camille leans into me, and my hands tremble as she laces her fingers in mine. “I’m sorry, Nick. If I let this go on any longer, it will only hurt worse. And you’ll have the playoffs to concentrate on soon enough.”
“Fuck the playoffs—”
“Stop. That team is your top priority. Not me. That’s as it should be.”
No it shouldn’t. This is wrong, but she refuses to see it. “What if we compromise? I concentrate on the playoffs and you give the job in Florida a try. We’ll do the long-distance thing for a little while. It’s not ideal, but if it means we’re not over, I’m good with it.”
“I love you too much to allow you to settle.” She’s adamant.
I’m more stubborn than she is. “Then give me a chance to convince you that you’re what I want. Let’
s take a break and revisit this after the playoffs. You can see if you like Florida, and I’ll think about what you said. No concrete decisions, just a pause.”
Even though I won’t change my mind, I know she won’t relent either. We’re at a standstill. Cami agrees. My gut tells me it’s to appease me. Nothing more. She thinks she’s doing this for me. I believe Cami’s intentions are good, though misguided. I just don’t know how to convince her of it. Not when her family has fucked things up so royally.
* * *
—
While driving Camille home, I decide to see her dad. Yep. I’ll meet with him. It’s time I do something. I’ve already decided my next move by the time we reach Cami’s condo. I kiss her. It’s goodbye. I know it, I feel it in our kiss.
I taste her, I devour her. This is what I want her to remember…the inevitability of us. It’s special. It’s worth fighting for.
“Camille Benetti, you are going to realize that giving up what we have is the biggest mistake of your life.” I press my forehead against hers, my breathing labored. “I’ll wait for you, but only for so long. Don’t be late.”
The clock’s always been ticking for us. Now the alarm is blaring. So, we hit snooze. Why do I feel like nothing I do will overpower Camille’s sense of duty and sacrifice?
She walks into her condo and shuts the door without a second glance. I want to run to her, to refuse to give in, but I can’t. This is her decision. One I can’t make for her.
Who knew meeting her family would be such an epic fail?
I should have. I’m the Dominator, after all. Fuck, I’ve gotten soft.
Chapter 21
Nick
Turns out I didn’t have to do much research to find Mr. Benetti. I went to the restaurant and asked Matty, explaining I wanted to discuss his windshield. I may have glared at Matt and put the fear of the hockey gods in him. After all, he was part of Beth’s…what? Prank or malicious attempt to humiliate Camille. I’m still leaning toward the latter.
Ice Hard Page 19