“Only because we’re making you,” Gloria said. “If we hadn’t called and heard your sex-addled voice and that thirsty voice whispering to you in the background, it would still be a secret.”
“Ignore her,” Jessica said softly. “Tell us how it all happened.”
With both my friends staring at me with rapt attention and goosebumps popping up along my arms, I explained in as much detail as I could remember, from the moment I stepped onto the elevator with Matteo to our dance in the living room.
“Holy shit!” Gloria exclaimed so loudly Coop came out of his room.
“Aunt Glo!” he called down the hallway.
“Sorry, honey, I didn’t mean to say that!”
He gave her an adorably stern look before retreating to his room where he’d been building a fort.
Gloria smiled and shook her head then leaned toward me. “Your ex is the guy who sang that song at the talent show?” They had been sitting beside me in the auditorium, and it had been a miracle I hadn’t broken down in front of them. “Oh, my God! He sang that to you!” She clapped her hands together and held them to her heart.
“That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard!” Jess said, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her satin robe. “God, Flynn, no wonder you were such a wreck.”
And here I’d thought I’d managed to hold myself together.
“We thought you were just upset because you didn’t have anybody,” Gloria said. “We never knew you and that guy—and man, he’d been a hunk, you remember Jess?”
Jess nodded. “So hot. I mean, for a guy.”
“Well, yeah,” Gloria wrinkled her nose.
I stood. “Well, I think this is my cue to leave. Coop and I have things to do.” I called to my son. “Thanks, you guys, for watching him and keeping him overnight on such short notice.”
“Because you had a booty call,” Gloria said slyly before hugging me.
“Ugh, don’t get that silver stuff on me,” I grouched as Cooper ran into the room.
“Daddy, look at the Spider-Man Aunt Glo saved for me from her Happy Meal!”
I admired it. “Cool, buddy!” I looked at Gloria. “You eat Happy Meals?”
“I always order one for a boy and one for a girl and save the toys for Coop, since you’re mean and never let him eat at McDonalds,” she said.
“You’re a good aunt,” I told her.
Jessica leaned toward me as Gloria helped Cooper into his jacket and whispered, “What’s going to happen between you and Matteo now? Are you going to see each other again?”
That was the part I didn’t want to think about. “I don’t know. Everything that caused us to break up in the first place is still exactly the same.”
“Oh, my God, Adele!” Gloria suddenly burst out.
Jessica frowned. “What about her?”
Gloria pointed at me. “He’s been listening to Adele for months. I knew he was pining for someone!”
I ignored her, slipping my arms into my coat and buttoning it up.
“What are the issues between you, if you don’t mind my asking?” Jess asked.
I briefly explained as Coop ran back to his room to choose one toy to take home.
“I can’t believe he’s putting his grandmother in front of you,” Gloria said loyally. “The man might be gorgeous, sing like an angel, and fuck like a stallion, but that’s not right.”
“Family’s important,” Jess said. “She’s all he has, right?” she asked me.
I nodded.
“But Flynn’s needs are important too. He can’t expect Flynn to keep their relationship in the closet their whole lives. That’s not fair,” Gloria argued. “And here he’s come back, starting things up again.”
“To be fair, I was the one who took things there,” I said.
Gloria looked impressed at the fact I could be that bold before her face turned indignant again.
“Yeah, but he’s the one who pushed you to talk.”
“His grandmother must be pretty old by now,” Jess pointed out.
“She could live to be a hundred and ten!” Gloria said. “Is Flynn supposed to sit around and wait for her to keel over? Put his life on hold?”
“Well, no, but—”
Feeling like I was watching a ping pong match and getting slightly depressed hearing Matteo’s and my old argument in stereo, I interrupted. “I see you’re at the same impasse Matteo and I found ourselves seven years ago. Christ, I really should have refused to talk when he asked me to.”
Both of my friends jumped toward me.
“Oh, no, honey,” Gloria said.
Jessica touched my arm. “Don’t be hasty. True love doesn’t come around every day, and the fact you found each other again, seven years later—”
“Let’s not romanticize this too much, okay?” I called to Cooper that it was time to leave, and he returned with a pirate action figure.
“I’m gonna take Captain Kyle so I can play pirates.” He looked up at me. “Aunt Glo and Aunt Jess played pirates after I went to bed last night. A big wave rocked their ship, and Aunt Jess screamed!”
When I looked up at my friends, their faces were beet red.
“Really?” I said. “You’ll have to tell me all about it on the way home.” I grinned at them and ushered my son outside after he’d thanked them for a fun stay.
Late in the day, just when I’d decided Matteo wasn’t going to contact me, I got a text from him asking me and Coop to go to the park with him on his next day off.
Hesitating briefly, I agreed and tried to go about the rest of my day without smiling like an idiot.
****
The shop was unusually crowded for a Monday, and I’d had to call in Joey on his day off.
“Has the Christmas rush started already?” he asked after he’d sent the last customer of the latest burst out the door with their packages. “It’s not even Halloween yet.”
“I don’t know, but I’m glad for the business. Thanks for coming in. You can take Wednesday off. Your brother mad you had to dip out on him?”
“Nah. I think he was glad to be able to postpone moving. He’s probably drinking beer and watching movies.”
“I really need to get some part-time help,” I said, wiping off the fingerprints on the counter. “Oh, and please get something environment friendly next time you buy supplies.” I held up the cleaner. “Preferably not in plastic. Look for glass.” I paused. “Or maybe I can mix something up myself. I recently saw a DIY video that was doing something similar.”
Joey shook his head. “I gotta hand it to you; you try to make a difference.”
“We all should,” I mumbled. At one time in my life, I would have launched into a diatribe about the importance of reducing waste, but I’d learned most people didn’t appreciate being lectured on the state of our planet.
Joey was an excellent employee, and I appreciated how easygoing he was, considering my idiosyncrasies. I probably wasn’t easy to work for. He was also gay, which gave us something in common. I’d considered us friends, but after talking to Gloria recently, I’d realized that wasn’t really the case. And it was nobody’s fault but mine because I didn’t put forth the effort.
Remembering something he’d mentioned a while back, I decided to start now and asked, “Are you seeing that older man you hooked up with for coffee?”
Joey frowned. “Oh, you mean about a year ago?”
I felt my cheeks color. Had it really been that long? I must seem like a real douche asking about it now.
“We never actually dated, just went out the one time,” Joey said.
I cleared my throat and pushed on. “Oh. You didn’t like him?”
Joey sat down on the stool. “I did.” He smiled. “Hell, he was gorgeous, sweet, and, well, just all around perfect, really.”
I stopped wiping. “Was he married or something?”
Joey shook his head and looked down at his hands. “He’s HIV positive. He told me right off—said he wanted to be up front about it.” He met my e
yes. “I sound like a jerk, don’t I? I really liked him, and I guess it shouldn’t matter. But it did.”
“I’m sure you know his being positive doesn’t mean you’d contract it,” I said.
“Yeah. In theory, but—”
Of course a customer chose that moment to walk into the shop, and Joey turned to help them while I went in the back to check on Coop. Then another rush hit, and I wasn’t able to pick up the conversation with Joey until we closed up the shop at six. I thought about dropping it, but if I was going to try to make a real friendship between us, I needed to try harder.
“You want to go to the deli with me and Coop for a bite to eat before you head home?” I suggested.
“Sure.” Joey looked surprised, and for the second time that day, I felt like a jerk. Why had I never asked him to do it before?
Coop was thrilled. He loved the deli, and I’m sure he was tired of being inside all day. With a pang of guilt, I realized he needed to be in the fresh air around other kids more often. A weekly trip to the playground wasn’t cutting it.
He held my hand, skipping along beside me as we crossed the street with Joey and walked a block down to Mike’s Deli.
“Can I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?” Coop asked. One of the things I liked about the place was they used the natural kind of peanut butter that didn’t contain a lot of sugar and offered healthy side items.
“May I, and yes.”
“And chips?”
“A few,” I said. “If you eat your carrot sticks.”
The place wasn’t as crowded that time of day as it was at lunchtime, and we easily found a table. The waitress provided Coop with some crayons and a paper placemat with puzzles and mazes on it, and once I’d gotten him busy with that, I turned to Joey.
“Going back to what we were talking about earlier,” he said, looking like he’d been thinking about it, “I know having HIV isn’t the death sentence it used to be. But I’m twenty-three. The only real relationship I’ve had was a long one. With Brett, remember?”
I seemed to recall he’d had a boyfriend when I’d hired him. Christ, I hadn’t even noticed when they’d broken up. I nodded.
“We were exclusive and stopped using condoms. I liked that, you know? Feels a whole lot better without them.”
“Yeah, I get that.” Condoms were a necessity when hooking up, but in the case of long-term relationships, if both parties were clean and trusted one another to be exclusive, many gay men dispensed with their use. Matteo and I had. And now we had again.
“But finding someone special is so rare,” I said, that old longing I got when I allowed myself to remember being in a relationship with Matteo building in my gut. “And condoms have changed a lot. Some are so thin, they feel like nothing. And you could take PrEP.”
“I’m not big on taking medications,” Joey said.
“What’s a com-dom?” Cooper asked, not lifting his head from his work.
Joey widened his eyes at me and mouthed, Oh shit.
“It’s something for grown-ups and hard to understand,” I told my son.
“Harder than math?” Coop asked, tilting his head and still concentrating on his coloring.
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” Cooper selected a blue crayon and colored the dog next to the maze.
“He does math?” Joey asked me.
“We bought a workbook with addition and subtraction. What is it about taking medication you don’t like?” I asked before realizing I was probably being pushy. This date happened a year ago, and it really wasn’t any of my business.
The waitress brought us our drinks, and Joey fiddled with his straw.
“You don’t have to answer. I’m just talking.”
“No, it’s okay. I was thinking about the guy recently, to be honest. I’d been really attracted to him and so disappointed things didn’t work.” He glanced up at me. “And that was all because of me. How hard must it be for him to tell every guy he takes out he’s positive? Knowing they’ll more than likely back out.”
“I can’t imagine,” I said.
“I guess the medicine thing is just that I hate putting something foreign and man-made into my body. Something new and untried. Honestly, I’m a little surprised you’re taking it, the way you are.”
I understood what he meant. I liked to stay as natural as possible, and although I hadn’t exactly gotten close with Joey, he’d worked with me for years and knew my habits.
I tried to explain. “It took me a while, but I came to the conclusion that, when weighed against getting a disease like AIDS—which I could contract from any partner if I wasn’t vigilant—taking the medication is the lesser evil. I’ve been on it for a few years now with no side effects. A lot of people, especially gay men, use it. But it’s your choice, of course. I’m not trying to get you to do something you don’t want to do. I just kind of feel, in this day and age, being HIV positive shouldn’t be a deterrent when you really like someone.” I shrugged.
Joey looked like he was running all this through his brain, and I realized he really had been thinking about this before I’d brought it up. “He lives all the way in Bakersville.”
“Everywhere is a pain-in-the-ass commute when you live in New York City,” I pointed out. “Sorry. I don’t know why I’m pushing this. I guess it’s just that it’s so hard to find people you connect with, and I’m kind of a romantic.”
Another surprise for Joey. “I don’t think I’ve ever known you to date. I didn’t even realize you were gay until months after I started working for you. I don’t even remember now what clued me in.”
Wow. Okay. Now I really felt weird for going so long with a big fat barrier around me.
“And, yeah. The guy was great. A fireman. So much muscle. And such a Daddy.”
I raised a brow. “You into Daddies?”
Joey shrugged. “Kind of. I don’t know. That’s what I think of when I think of him.”
“I have a friend who definitely is into that.”
“You’re my daddy,” Cooper said, looking up at me.
I ruffled his hair. “You’re right. I am.” I played a game of Tic Tac Toe with him while Joey and I continued talking.
“You probably think I’m a real jerk,” he said.
“What? No. Not at all. You have to think about your own well-being.”
“I did give dating some thought. But I’m only twenty-three, and taking on something like that—”
“Hey,” I said, raising my hand, “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. Of course it’s your choice, and I don’t blame you for avoiding a big issue like that.” I decided we needed to change the subject. “Speaking of being a daddy and of Henry, I’m going there later this week to look into a single dad’s group.” Mick’s friend Liam had called me the night before and invited me to the next get-together.
We chatted about that, and then about our Halloween plans. I didn’t have any other than to take Coop trick or treating, but Joey was going to some kind of all-night haunted house slash bar crawl.
“Be careful,” I told him before realizing how it sounded. “Sorry. You’re a grown man.”
“It’s okay. Parenting’s what you do, right?”
I looked over at Cooper, who had peanut butter and jelly all over his face, and smiled.
“Yeah. It is.” And I loved it. But it didn’t have to be the only thing I did. I needed to make some changes.
CHAPTER TEN
Matteo
I spotted Flynn right away. The playground he’d chosen had a huge jungle gym shaped like an elephant with multiple slides, a swing set, sandboxes, and an enormous tree house.
“Wow,” I said, approaching him where he stood watching Cooper play. “Why couldn’t they have had this when I was a kid?”
I know, right?”
The smile Flynn flashed at me melted my insides. He looked so sexy in jeans, a yellow and brown flannel shirt, and brown high-cut, lace-up vintage military boots. I took hold of the brown cashmere
scarf around his neck and tugged him closer, planning to kiss him, but abruptly stopped, remembering someone might see us. Someone Nonna knew.
Flynn was onto me, I could tell. As a compromise, I took his hand and laced our fingers together, pretty sure no one would likely notice. Besides, how likely was someone Nonna knew to see us? “How’s your week been so far?”
Flynn glanced over the jungle gym until he spotted Cooper coming down a dual slide while holding a little girl’s hand.
“Good. Yours?” he asked.
“Pretty good.” I shrugged. My life was always the same. Work. Club. Nonna. “I’ve spent a lot of it thinking about you.”
Flynn’s expression clouded. “Did we make a mistake, Matteo?”
“No.” I said firmly. “What we did was not a mistake.”
Flynn didn’t argue. He looked back at Cooper scrambling up the ladder to slide again. After a few minutes, the little boy ran over to us. Flynn gently disentangled our fingers.
“Hi.” He looked up at me before evidently remembering I was a stranger and stepping back toward his father.
“Cooper, this is my friend, Matteo,” Flynn said. “He rides a motorcycle.”
Cooper’s dark eyes widened, and he looked me over like I had just risen to superhero status. “Really?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I ride a Harley.”
“Can I see it?”
“May I,” Flynn softly reminded him.
“May I?” Cooper repeated.
“I don’t have it here today, but I’ll show you another day. I promise. Do you like this park?”
Cooper nodded.
“I don’t blame you. It’s really cool. I saw you going down the slide.”
“I’m scared to go down the real big one.” Cooper pointed to the winding slide that came out of the tree house at the top of the jungle gym.
“That one looks fun. You want me to slide down it with you?” I asked.
Cooper looked at me again, wide-eyed. He certainly was cute. With his coloring, he could be my kid. My heart flipped.
“Would you?” Cooper asked.
“Sure.”
The little boy glanced at his dad to make sure it was okay before taking my hand a little shyly and leading me to the base of the jungle gym. I crawled in after him, knees cracking as we made our way through a maze of tunnels until we came out at the top inside the tree house. Coop grinned and ran from window to window before motioning me to the door. When I ducked outside, I saw Flynn standing below, shaking his head at me and smiling. I grinned and sat down at the top of the enormous slide, which seemed a lot higher now that we were up there. Cooper looked at me, unsure.
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