The Single Dad and his Soul Mate

by Rebecca James

  But that thing that had snapped—it was my pride—and it lay broken and useless, and, with a fresh sense of determination, I kicked it to the curb and prepared to move on without it. I might not walk in there and do a cave man number on Flynn, but I was going to do something soon. I just had to figure out what.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Flynn

  “Come on, baby,” Tyson’s breath fell warm on my ear. Since picking me up from work and taking Gloria and Jess out for dinner earlier in the day, he’d been in a strange mood. Coop was in bed, and Tyson and I had been watching a movie that I’d been pretty engrossed in until he’d sidled closer and started kissing me.

  Over the past month since I’d gotten drunk and spent the night at Tyson’s and then Matteo’s grandmother had died, Tyson and I had continued to see one another as friends. I’d been distracted, wondering how Matteo was doing and, yes, what his grandmother’s death would mean for us.

  I guess it didn’t mean anything because other than a short text the day she’d died, I hadn’t heard from Matteo at all. I’d gone to the funeral, planning to approach him afterward, and he’d been standing there with Blaze and a woman—I’m pretty sure the woman who had been with him at Flashpoint, although she looked nothing like Julia Roberts—and I couldn’t do it. I’d left, like a coward.

  Although Tyson’s kisses took me by surprise, I had to admit I was enjoying them. Again, it felt nice to be wanted. Over the past month, Tyson had invited me to another Broadway production, and we’d taken Cooper ice skating and to Coney Island. Although it was the off-season and the amusement park had been closed, we’d had fun going to the aquarium and seeing the ocean. Cooper wasn’t afraid of Tyson anymore, but he didn’t seem to be particularly attached to him as he’d immediately been to Matteo. I realized despite the fact I was kissing him back, I wasn’t particularly attached to him either.

  Until now, Tyson hadn’t pushed for anything more, but with his tongue exploring my mouth and now my neck, I was pretty sure he’d changed his mind.

  “Come on, baby.”

  “What?” I asked breathlessly.

  “You know what. We’ve been dancing around this for a while now. Why are you fighting it?” He took my hand and placed it over the hard bulge in his pants. I allowed my fingers to move over the outline of his hard cock, thinking how easy it would be to take it out of his pants and suck it, allow this thing to happen. My heart rate accelerated, and my nipples shrank to hard points while my cock swelled in my underwear.

  I should.

  I sort of wanted to.

  But I knew what I really wanted was the sex, not the relationship Tyson was thinking about. And if I opened myself up to that relationship, I’d be shutting the door on that tiny window of hope that Matteo would come around.

  And, pathetic as it was, I couldn’t do that.

  I pulled back from Tyson’s embrace. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a cock tease.”

  Tyson pushed my hair out of my eyes. “Did I say you were?”

  “No, but you’ve got to be thinking it.” I scooted back on the couch, putting some space between us.

  He looked away. “I take it this means you still don’t want to be more than friends. I thought—” He shook his head. “I guess I imagined it.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s that guy, isn’t it? Matteo.”

  I didn’t answer because I couldn’t lie. God, what the hell was wrong with me? Was I going to throw away something that could work out for something that obviously wasn’t going to? Matteo had had an entire month in which to call me, and he hadn’t.

  Tyson chucked me under the chin, smiling sadly. “I should go. I still want to be friends, but I’m going to need some time to get my head together before I can make that work.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said again, miserable that he’d had hope that we could be more and that I was hurting him.

  When Tyson left, I sat on the couch for a long time staring unseeingly at the movie as it played through to the end.

  ****

  “Gloria, I’m really not in the mood to celebrate Valentine’s Day.”

  “Oh, come on. Everyone loves Valentine’s. Cupid, hearts, chocolate, flowers, all that good stuff.” Over the phone, I could hear activity going on behind her, telling me she was at the office.

  “Wrong. Everyone who has a significant other loves Valentine’s Day. The rest of us hate it.”

  “Don’t be like that.”

  “Who ever heard of a Valentine’s Day party?” I asked, knowing I was being a jerk but unable to help myself. “What is this, high school?”

  “Don’t be ugly,” Gloria snapped. “I explained to you why it’s a special night, and I expect you to be there.”

  I groaned, knowing the battle was lost and had been from the moment I’d answered the phone. “What about Coop? I won’t have a babysitter.”

  “Bring him. This is a G-rated party. No booze, just love.”

  “Fine.” I knew Jess and Glo had been putting up with a lot of moodiness and crankiness from me the past few weeks, and I was about to reach the limit of their goodwill. Besides, they were my friends and I should be at their party. I just wished it wasn’t on Valentine’s Day—a day when I’d really like to curl up under my covers and sulk or take my son somewhere and pretend it was any other day of the year. “Do you need any help?”

  “That’s the sweet Flynn I know and love. Haven’t seen him in a while.”

  “Sorry. I’ve just been going through some things,” I muttered.

  “We know that, and we understand. Just show up on Valentine’s Day and be festive. That’s all you gotta do.”

  She disconnected.

  A large part of my dark mood lately was due to Matteo and the fact he’d started calling me. Hadn’t that been what I’d wanted? Yes, and no, and I couldn’t explain that if I tried.

  The first call, he’d said he was sorry. For hurting me. For taking advantage of me so long ago and then doing it again. His words were a balm to my soul, but when our conversation ended, I didn’t feel much better. He hadn’t even asked about me and Tyson and if we were a thing now or if he could see me.

  The second call had surprised me as much as the first. I hadn’t thought I’d hear from him again. I thought he’d said his piece and had decided to move on without me. Maybe decided to go ahead and repopulate the Costa name in his grandmother’s memory.

  He hadn’t brought up our last conversation; he’d just talked. Confused, I’d lain in bed listening to him. He was working for Cane now. He’d sold the house he’d lived in with his grandmother. Listening to the familiar cadence of his voice, I’d drifted off to sleep, waking in the morning to a dead phone. I’d thought about calling him and apologizing but didn’t. I still didn’t know what he was doing.

  He’d called again later that day, asking how Cooper was and telling me he’d talked to Adam and how much Adam liked working for me. He was on his lunch break, so the conversation hadn’t been long. I’d been standing in the back of my shop, Joey having taken over, and before I’d known it, we were hanging up. Nothing had been decided. Nothing had changed. But, as seemed to happen every time he’d called, at the sound of his voice, I’d settled a little.

  I wasn’t wondering anymore. I wasn’t tormenting myself about whether or not Matteo and I would be together. With each call, I was simply reminded of his presence in my life, and that fortified me enough to keep me going until the next call.

  A total of ten.

  And then they’d stopped.

  I hadn’t heard from Matteo in three days, the most time that had gone by since he’d started calling me. What had happened? I’d thought the calls were leading up to something. I felt let down, and my mood plummeted. It was all I could do to be upbeat around Coop. Everyone else got the dregs.

  “Be festive,” Gloria had said. How do you even do that for Valentine’s Day? Was I supposed to wear a diaper and wings and carry a bow and arrow? Paint hearts
on my cheeks? Shoot flowers out of my ass? Yeah, that would be a good trick. Nick could probably find a way to make it happen.

  “I saw an awesome pink suit in the window of Pretty Boy,” Joey told me when I was moaning about the party.

  “A pink suit?”

  “Yeah. You’d look great in it. I’m wearing white with a pink shirt, and Adam said he’s going with the theme too. I’m sure a lot of people will be.”

  “Okay, I’ll check it out.” And because the suit fit and the sales guy clapped his hands and told me I looked amazing, I bought it.

  Gloria and Jess had booked one of the ballrooms of a fancy hotel in Manhattan. Gloria had told me she wanted to surprise Jessica by proposing to her again, but this time it would be at a beautiful party in front of all their friends instead of at Checkers in front of a kid with mustard on his shirt whose voice hadn’t changed all the way yet.

  I had Jack cut my and Coop’s hair. I dressed Coop in a shirt with hearts on it and red pants. He was excited for the party, so I tried to be too. I could have fun. I could mingle. I wasn’t going to lose all the hard work I’d done to be more social in the past few months.

  “You look adorable! Both of you,” Gloria gushed when we entered the banquet room. “Oh, my God, I’m gonna cry.”

  “Don’t do that, you’ll ruin your makeup. You look beautiful.” I kissed her cheek. “And this place is awesome.”

  Gloria wore a red dress with a white corsage and had her nails done in pink and gold. Jess wore a red pantsuit and her long dark hair was pulled up in a complicated braid with rosebuds intertwined with the strands.

  “You guys are a beautiful couple,” I said sincerely. They both started crying.

  “Stop! Oh, my God.” I pulled a handkerchief out of my pocket and handed it to them.

  The banquet tables beneath the huge chandelier were covered in white cloths sprinkled with pink rose petals and small bouquets as placemarks. The chairs were draped in pink fabric, and glittering pink, silver, and gold hearts hung from the ceiling. In the corner sat a small stage where a band played, and the moderate-sized room was filling fast with guests.

  “How many people did you invite?” I asked, looking around.

  “Oh, just about everyone. I told you it was a special occasion.” Gloria winked at me and rushed off to tend to something. I turned to Jessica.

  “You really know this many people?” I caught sight of a familiar dark head. “Oh, my God, there’s Blaze. And Lake. You know them?”

  “As real estate agents, we meet a lot of people,” Jessica said. “We just sort of went through the Rolodex. Who doesn’t want to go to a good party? Have fun, okay? I’ve got to go talk to the caterer.” She rushed off.

  I thought about walking over to Blaze to talk to him, but Matteo was sure to come up, and I just couldn’t. Instead I walked in the other direction. Coop quickly spotted Tafari and her parents, and I chatted with them as the room kept filling. We took some pictures of the kids, who looked adorable together. Tafari’s pink dress and shoes made her look like a little princess, and coupled with Cooper’s outfit, they were sure to rock our Instagram accounts.

  Abruptly, the band stopped playing, and the lights dimmed.

  “Are we about to eat?” I whispered to Rikki, who shrugged and toasted me with her champagne glass before taking a sip. After New Year’s, I was forgoing alcohol. I never wanted to feel that sick again. When Gloria stepped onto the stage, I realized she was going to do the whole proposing thing first.

  A hush fell over the room.

  “Welcome everyone, and thank you for coming. Before we start tonight’s festivities, we’re going to have a song.”

  The band began to play again, and I wondered if this was Jessica and Gloria’s song. Then I recognized the first strains, and my eyes shot to Gloria, but she was climbing down from the stage and not looking my way, and my attention was snagged by the person taking her place.

  I stilled, heart stopping only to restart again with a harder, faster rhythm. My pulse thrummed, and my hands got sweaty. What was going on?

  Every person’s attention was on the stage. Beside me, Cooper said loudly, “That’s Mad!”

  Someone scooped him up, and I turned to see Jeo with Cooper in his arms. Jeo winked at me. Behind him stood Nick, wearing a red skirt and knee-high boots with a billowing white blouse. When I sent him a pleading look for some clue as to what was going on, he gave me a wobbly smile and wiped tears from his eyes. Then I heard Matteo say, “This is for Flynn,” and he began to sing.

  My eyes shot back to the stage where he—along with the rest of the room, I was sure—was now completely focused on me.

  Hot color rose from my chest to my hair, and my knees went weak. Jeo’s arm shot out to wrap around my waist, and a moment later, I felt Nick’s arm join his on my other side. Matteo was singing Adele’s Make You Feel My Love in his beautiful, rich voice. And he was singing it to me. My heart lifted while my mind still struggled to comprehend what exactly was happening. Was this not really a re-proposal party for Gloria and Jess? I wanted to look for them, but now that my eyes were locked on Matteo, they refused to disengage.

  When the song ended and applause filled the room, I blinked and realized I was crying, and there were several ohs and aws as Matteo made his way from the stage to where I stood. The band began to play something else slow and romantic as Matteo wrapped his arms around me.

  “Will you dance with me?” he asked into my ear.

  I nodded, trying and failing to rein in the crying.

  “What’s going on?” I finally mumbled into Matteo’s shoulder as we swayed to the music. I felt as though I’d just been through something crazy, like a tornado that had ripped through here and left me dazed and inside out. Jeo dancing with Cooper. My son was standing on the biker’s big feet and grinning up at him as they circled in time to the music.

  Matteo kissed my head. “I just wanted to do something public. I wanted everyone to know without a doubt how I feel about you. I wanted you to know.”

  I looked up at him. “I think I’ve always known how you feel. I just didn’t think I was important enough for you to tell the world. But lately I’ve been thinking maybe that was unfair of me.”

  Pain lanced through Matteo’s eyes, and he dropped his forehead to rest against mine.

  “God, Flynn. I love you. And you are important to me. I didn’t fully realize how much the first time we were together. It took you leaving to bring it home to me how much I missed and needed you. But I thought I’d lost you for good. Then suddenly you were back. When I heard about Coop, I thought you’d married someone. I knew you wanted the whole family deal. It hurt so bad thinking of you that way with someone else.”

  I watched his face. “But you found out that wasn’t true.”

  “Flynn.” Matteo shook his head. “I’ve gone over and over what to say to you, and I still don’t know how to make this right. I don’t know if I can. Would I have ever told my grandmother? I don’t know. Maybe. I wanted to. But you know how afraid I was, and lately she’d seemed so frail. When she died, I blamed myself. Not just for not taking good care of her, but for—” he took a deep breath, his face screwing up—“for wishing it.” The last word came on a rasp of raw emotion, and I wrapped my arms around Matteo’s neck, fingers digging into his soft, thick hair, and brought our mouths together. I kissed him like there was no promise of a tomorrow or even a five minutes from now. I kissed him with all the love I had for him in my heart. And that was a fucking lot.

  “It’s not your fault,” I said when I finally pulled back and looked into his wet eyes. “You loved your grandmother.” I tried to smile. “No one knows that more than I do.”

  He started to cry then, and I held him, still swaying to the music, people dancing around us and the music thankfully covering his sobs.

  “I loved her. And I just wanted her to be proud of me,” he croaked.

  “Shh, I know, sweetheart. And I wasn’t very understanding about it, was I
. I’m sorry.”

  Matteo held me tighter. “You were. It was just too much and not enough at the same time. I get that. Flynn, I loved her, but I love you too, and I wanted to be with you. To give you that dream. And then—”

  I petted his head, shushing him, but he went on.

  “Then, when she died, the first thing I thought was now we would have our chance. Isn’t that awful? That I would think that in that moment? What kind of person does that? I felt horrible, and not just because of Nonna. Because of you. Going to you after her death would be like putting a Second-Best stamp on your forehead.”

  Matteo’s face crumpled again, and he cried bitterly into my shoulder while I tried to soothe him.

  “I’m sorry,” I said over and over again. “I’m sorry I turned it into a choice you had to make.”

  I caught Jeo’s eye and jerked eyes toward the door. He nodded and gave me a thumbs up, his quick glance at Matteo filled with concern before turning back to Coop. I took Matteo’s hand and led him out of the banquet room and down the hall to a restroom with a quiet sitting area.

  We sat on the dark blue velvet couch, and I clasped his hand in mine. Gloria still had my handkerchief, but there was a box of tissues on the table. I handed a few to Matteo, and he mopped his face.

  “I loved my song,” I said. “Even though everyone was staring at me.”

  Matteo choked out a laugh. “I knew you’d hate that part.”

  I smoothed his hair out of his eyes.

  A little more under control, Matteo said, “I saw you and McCormick going into a real estate office a few weeks ago. I was sure you were planning your life together.”

  I chuckled. “No. We were taking Gloria and Jess out to dinner. I broke things off with Tyson. Not that we were dating or anything. We were just friends. But he wanted more, and I decided that I didn’t.”