Chapter 7
May 1902
Victoria woke early the first Saturday in May. It had been nearly a month since she had spoken with Joseph. She caught glimpses of him at church on Sundays; however, he was always gone before she had a chance to speak with him. The job site was not any different. Due to the rain she had had only one opportunity to go out to the job site and he was determined to ignore her. At least it appeared that way.
He had changed greatly in that month. Along with his shaggy hair, he now sported a full beard. His skin was well tanned and his shoulders much broader. While she thought that he would mostly be overseeing the work, his outward appearance indicated that he was doing physical labor. She had yet to touch his hands but was able to see how callused they had become. Hers had started to return to their prior softness since she no longer had to cook and clean all day. Her days were spent looking over the ledgers, reading and learning as much as she could about the feeble-minded so she could manage the home successfully.
Victoria slipped out the front door wrapped in a dark gray shawl covering a lightweight linen blouse. It was still a bit cool in the mornings, but would warm considerably by the afternoon when she would make her way back home. While she had not yet decided what to do about her daughter, she had learned what might have contributed to her behavior. She had met with Dr. Benjamin on several occasions over the past month and he determined the issues were most likely her hormones from being pregnant. At first, she did not want to believe. He provided her literature to read on his second visit and returned a week later to answer questions. Many of the things she felt were described in the information he had provided. It was all starting to make sense and she was desperate to tell Joseph that it was not her fault so that he could forgive her and be friends again.
/ / /
Joseph rose early as usual and started a fire in the small stove. One thing he was not willing to give up was his coffee. He missed the days of being able to just walk into the kitchen and have a cup sitting on the table next to a hearty breakfast. Having someone take care of those things had been wonderful and he was repentant for taking it for granted. The last month had humbled him greatly. It truly was the first time he was responsible for caring for all of his needs. He missed Victoria, but the longing to be with her was starting to fade. At times when he sat down to breakfast with his coffee and bible in hand, he thought that maybe what he loved about Victoria was that he did not have to do for himself. That certainly was not the love he wanted for a wife and was thankful for the time apart.
Breakfast was no different from any other day with plenty of rich coffee and crispy eggs. Wanting to enjoy the chill of the air a bit more, he had slipped on his shirt, but had not buttoned it. The warmth of the day would be upon them once the sun was up over the nearby trees. Sitting down at the small table he built, in the tent he now called home, he leisurely ate his breakfast as he read and prayed. He had just sat back down with a second cup of coffee when he heard a twig break just outside the tent. Before he had a chance to investigate, Victoria was inviting herself into his home.
Upon her eyes adjusting to the light in the tent, Victoria blushed crimson all the way to her ears at the sight of Joseph's bare hairy chest. She could not recall the last time she had seen him like this if ever. Joseph stood there speechless. The last thing he expected was for Victoria to make the long walk and in the dark at that. It was at least another half an hour before the sun was due up.
“Victoria is anything wrong with Mr. Rockford. I certainly did not expect to see you this early in the morning.” Joseph quickly buttoned his shirt, but made no effort to tuck it in. If she blushed at the sight of his bare chest, he certainly was not going to unbutton his trousers to tuck his shirt in. She surely would faint at the sight.
Victoria remained standing in the entrance not sure if she should stay or leave. It took great courage to make the walk in the dark. She longed to hear Joseph's voice. Now, she did not know if she could control her emotions. After all, she was still a married woman. The last thing she wanted to do was cheat on her husband. The sight of him stirred emotions deep within her.
Joseph walked up to Victoria, but did not touch her. Inhaling her lovely scent and perusing her delicate curves caused the feelings he thought were fading to come rushing back. How he missed being close to her and talking with her. He was about to wrap his arms around her when she took a step back.
“Joseph everything is just fine with Uncle Rock. I have missed you so much and could not go another day without talking with you.” Victoria took a step around him and sat on the opposite side of the small table from where Joseph had been sitting. She needed a little distance from him. Her body tingled at his closeness. He smelled of strong coffee and the outdoors.
“Does Mr. Rockford know that you are here?”
“No, he does not. He has been keeping us apart.”
“It is for the best, Victoria.”
“How can you say that?” Tears started to pool in her eyes. She had longed to be near him and now he was agreeing with Uncle Rock that they should stay apart. How could he side with him?
“Victoria are you still married?”
“Of course I am. What does that have to do with anything?”
Joseph took a moment to collect his thoughts. He walked over to the shelf next to the stove, grabbed the only other cup, and proceeded to pour Victoria a cup of coffee. Being with her was not an option. She was married. Setting the cup on the table next to her, he sat down in his chair. Tension was building as he sat there silently sipping his coffee. Victoria had yet to drink hers or look away.
“Victoria you being married has everything to do with it. I will not have a relationship other than friendship with you. You are not available. That is the truth of it. You must still care for Lawrence or you would have already sought him out for a divorce. “
“I will always care for Lawrence. Joseph, I needed time to think everything through. There is more at stake that just Lawrence and I. I have my daughter to think about.”
“The daughter you abandoned.” Joseph regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. There were likely many reasons she gave her daughter up to her mother. It was not his place to judge.
“So that is how you want to be. Fine! I thought you missed me as much as I missed you. There are reasons that explain why I did what I did. When you are ready to listen, come find me.” Victoria stood with as much calm as she could and walked out of the tent. This certainly was not how she had expected it to go. She had hoped to explain all that the doctor had told her and what she had read. Between her hormones and grieving the loss of her father, she did not have the control over her actions that she needed.
Before Joseph could find the words to apologize, she was gone. He was not going to chase after her. Her reasons may be valid; however, until she was single again none of it mattered. Courting a married woman no matter how much he wanted to be with her was just not an option.
Their conversation was rehashed repeatedly in her mind as she rushed home in half the time. Today was not turning out as she hoped. She hoped to explain that it was not her fault, that she was not ready to make a decision and that she sought his forgiveness. The guilt was pressing down on her like a heavy leaden weight, especially with him reminding her that she was still married and would not have anything to do with her. If that was the case, maybe she should seek out Lawrence and Gloria and rejoin the life that she left behind now that she was better. But, would they take her back?
Uncle Rock was enjoying a cup of coffee when Victoria entered the kitchen with flushed cheeks upon her return. Victoria sat down at the table in her usual spot. Miss Jenny placed a plate of food and a cup of coffee in front of her.
“Good morning, Miss Victoria. Would you be needing anything else this morning?”
“Good morning, Miss Jenny. This will be just fine. I am sorry I am late for breakfast. Do you have any plans for the day?”
“Just m
y usual cooking and cleaning. I will be stopping by the job site later to bring Mr. Holmes a fresh batch of cookies.”
Miss Jenny Walldon was a wonderful addition to the household. Besides her cooking skills far exceeding her own, she was always polite and full of energy. She was a lovely woman who was just as slender as herself, although a head taller with short black hair and dark gray eyes. Victoria guessed by the slight crow's-feet and her remarkable wisdom that she was at least ten years older. While she did not share much about her personal life, Miss Jenny did inform them that she never married. Victoria could not get the courage to ask why. Miss Jenny did not live on the property, but arrived early in the morning and left just after preparing the evening meal. There certainly was not any reason to be jealous of her baking cookies for Joseph; however, she was feeling jealous nonetheless.
“Miss Victoria is everything OK. I can fix you something else if you would like.” Victoria quickly schooled her features. She had not realized that her emotions were showing.
“Everything is wonderful as usual, Miss Jenny.” Victoria smiled as brightly as she could. Miss Jenny smiled back and then went back to the sink to finish washing the dishes.
Uncle Rock lingered in the kitchen. He was on his third cup of coffee before Miss Jenny left the room.
“Victoria, I need your help with something.”
Victoria was puzzled. What would Uncle Rock need her help for.
“Certainly Uncle Rock.”
“I need help understanding why you risked your safety to defy my wishes.”
“I do not understand.” Victoria decided she was not going to admit to anything. It was not as if she had a pleasant talk with Joseph anyway and was best forgotten.
“Victoria you are a smart woman; however, you are controlled by your emotions at times. You are well aware that I do not want you seeing Joseph by yourself, yet you snuck out like a thief this morning and did just that. Should we be expecting another child in nine months time?”
“How could you say such a thing? I am not like that and you know it.” Victoria was stunned. He implied she was a thief and a whore. “I will have my bags packed and out of here before the end of the day. It is clear you do not trust me.”
“On the contrary. It is you who does not trust me. I certainly do not believe you are a thief or with child Victoria. I had to know you were listening to me. You were not in the past or you would never have had such disregard for my feelings or your welfare to run off like that.”
“The walk was perfectly safe and you know it.” Victoria was not ready to back down or admit that the walk had terrified her at times.
“You know the walk is not perfectly safe. Anyone one or thing could be roaming around out there looking for an easy target.”
“There you go again calling me easy. That is what you think of me. Some cheap whore.”
“If I thought that Victoria, I would never have asked you to stay in my house or take over my business. I feel at times you must think of yourself that way or you would not be so sensitive to it. I love you like a daughter and only want the best for you. You need time to heal and decide on your own what you want. You need to keep your distance.”
Tears started to stream down her cheeks. She certainly was in an emotional state today and had to learn how to deal with it. A decision needed to be made before Joseph found someone else.
“Victoria, why did you go see Joseph this morning?”
“I wanted to tell him that it was not my fault. It was my hormones. That is what the doctor said. I am not a crazy woman who abandons her child.”
“Did he not believe you?”
“I never got the chance to tell him. He is hung up on the fact that I am married.”
“Can you blame him for that? It has been more than a year since you last saw your husband.”
Victoria took the linen napkin from her lap and dried her face. The tears had slowed and she started to settle some. Uncle Rock was right. Who could blame him? I am holding on to a man that I left while I desire to be with someone else. Why can I not follow through with the divorce?
“You are right, Uncle Rock. I just do not know why I have not followed through with the divorce. I long to be with Joseph. I miss our talks and the way he wrapped his arms around me, gentle yet firm. I could feel the strength and comfort in his arms”
Uncle Rock started to blush.
“Have you prayed about it?”
“Not recently.”
“Then that is where you need to start. I will talk with Joseph today about your visit this morning. It is important for him to know that there were factors in your behavior; however, you still have a decision that you must make. You cannot stay in the past.”
/ / /
Joseph was still in his tent berating himself when he felt the cool air from the tent flap moving as Mr. Rockford gingerly entered. He had not managed to motivate himself after the confrontation with Victoria.
“I hear you had an eventful morning.”
“Good morning, Mr. Rockford. Would you like a cup of coffee?”
“No thank you, Joseph. I have information to share.”
“Victoria informed you we squabbled this morning.” Joseph was trying to belittle the event even though it affected him down to his soul. Formal and structured was the key anytime emotions needed to be held at bay.
“I am just here to share information not make any judgments. I also wanted you to know that I knew she was here. From the looks of both of you, you are both distraught. I will get to the point. Victoria wanted you to know that when she was pregnant and after giving birth it was her hormones that contributed to her actions.”
“That does not explain why she has not sought a divorce.”
“No, it does not.” Mr. Rockford had no desire to dwell on the issue. “How is the main house coming along?”
“Splendidly. I will be thankful when it is done in two months so that I can move in.”
Mr. Rockford chuckled. He could imagine how difficult the last month had been living in a tent.
“I know it is comical. It has also been humbling. I am a better man for it and thank you for putting me in this position. I am also thankful that you have kept me apart from Victoria. After all, I am a man with primal urges; however, the good Lord would not want me acting on them in the current situation. This distance has been a blessing.”
Mr. Rockford rapped Joseph on the back and chuckled loudly.
“I am delighted the good Lord prevailed. Will I see you tomorrow for church?”
“No, sir. I have decided to attend a different church that is a little closer. Mr. Fredrick, the carpenter, invited me to attend with his family.”
“I am sure it is for the best. I will let Victoria know.”
/ / /
Victoria had watched from her bedroom window as Uncle Rock strode off toward the job site. She needed to follow Uncle Rock's guidance and pray. Would it make a difference? She prayed all the time and still no answer came. Should she continue to trust in a God that failed to answer prayers?
“Mrs. Victoria sometimes the answer is no.”
Victoria held her breath. Had she been talking aloud?
“I know you are struggling Mrs. Victoria. I cannot say I know what it is like to be married. I can only tell you just because you do not have the answer you asked for does not mean the Lord did not answer. Maybe it is not time for Lawrence to be divorced even though it may be time for you. The decision does affect more than just you. God has a plan. You need to trust that he knows best.” Miss Jenny did not wait for a response. She moved down the hallway at her usual quick pace.
Miss Jenny just may be right. Again, Victoria looked out the window. Uncle Rock was no longer in sight. She hoped that Joseph would understand. Of course, it did not change the fact that she was still married and would be for a long time it seemed. Keeping busy with the business was the key along with not see Joseph at all for a while. The thought tore at her heart. She yearned for him,
desired him. “Lord, help me.”
Victoria's Family Page 6