by Vesper Young
He snorted at that. “If being an adult stopped people from being stupid, the world would be unrecognizable. And that doesn’t strictly mean better. No, I just think you should ask yourself if you want to be a little stupid and young. And I want to tell you no matter how bad you think it is, it really is a lot better than that.”
He smiled at me. “Now, I think I’ll head out while the taxis are still running.” He took out his wallet and slid forty dollars over, well more than his bill. Marco never took change, so I thanked him sincerely.
He nodded to Lucas on the way out, which had Lucas looking at me. I smiled and shrugged, a kind of what can you do? gesture.
Marco’s words stuck with me for the rest of my shift. I knew being with Lucas would be stupid. It would also be wonderful, and that was what really scared me.
9. Lucas
The last of the bar patrons had left twenty minutes ago. The tables were wiped down, the glasses all put away. Kara had wrapped herself in the puffy red coat she wore on chilly days before heading out to the bus stop ten minutes ago. It was dark out. Snow-covered the streets, only slightly marred by tire tracks. It was funny. I hadn’t experienced an East Coast winter in years. I hailed from Maryland, meaning it was never that cold when I went home for the holidays.
I thoughts turned to the winter we’d spent together, Kara and me. My crappy apartment’s heating didn’t work half the time. We’d huddle for body heat and resolved not to leave bed any more than necessary.
It was more of an excuse because I hated when she left my bed. One day we’d made a giant batch of hot chocolate and drank and drank that while we streamed Kara’s favorite Christmas classics. I’d heard Linus give his poetic speech about the meaning of Christmas so many times I could’ve recited it even now. I’d teased Kara for it, but I didn’t stop her from restarting it over and over because it made her happy.
Memories like that were constantly at the forefront of my mind, despite the amount of time I’d spent repressing them. I’d thought I’d lost Kara for good with the move, and I’d regretted it a thousand times. Maybe a million.
When I’d caught her in the stockroom, fear forced me to act on instinct. My body moved to catch her as she lost her balance before I even processed what I was doing. The reward of feeling her against me was torture as she shifted. It was something I paid for even now, with my jeans stretching over me painfully.
I would’ve sworn she was about to kiss me. I’d almost closed the distance myself.
Instead she’d run away. It was a nasty habit she’d developed. Every time I thought we got closer, she pulled away. Last week at the diner, it had almost been like old times. Except now she’d catch herself laughing and then cut off, looking guilty. It was driving me insane.
Throughout all of this, I watched through the large glass panes that made up the front of the Rattler, waiting to see her safely get on the bus. She’d grouse if I went out to her, given her new skittish nature. So I was stuck waiting.
Another five minutes passed, then ten. She’d wrapped her arms around herself. Her arms flitted up and down, trying to contain her shivering.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I pushed open the door, and crossed the distance in a matter of seconds. She turned at the sound of my boots crushing the newly fallen snow. Her cheeks were almost as red as her coat. The wind blew the snow sideways, dusting her lashes with little flakes that she blinked away.
“Let me give you a ride home.”
I was ready for her to argue. She could put aside however she felt about me if it meant not catching pneumonia.
She pursed her lips, considering. “That’d be great. Thanks.”
Damn. If I’d known she was going to agree I would’ve come out sooner.
I led her to my car and wasted no time cranking the heat. She reached her hands out to warm them against the vents. She was so cold, they were still shaking.
Reflexively, I reached for her hand. Shit. She was half frozen. I placed her hand between my palms, trying to transfer some of my warmth to her. She surprised me for the second time. She didn’t pull away. Her eyes were watchful, taking in every movement, but she didn’t seem as skittish as she had before.
Once her hand wasn’t quite so cold, I started to drive. I mostly remembered the way to her place, but I asked for directions anyway.
“Left, next block,” she told me. It was slow-going. Even though it was late and snowing, there were still cars out, and New York drivers don’t stop being assholes just because it’s the holiday season. What had been a twenty-minute drive took at least twice that.
“I’ve been working on the website,” I said. It was the only thing I could think of, and I was desperate to somehow engage Kara.
“We have a website?” Surprise colored her tone, making me chuckle.
“We do now. I’m not going to add images until we actually remodel the bar, but I’ve got the bare-bones down.”
“Is that what you were working on tonight?” she asked.
“Yeah. By the way, what were you and that guy talking about?” Not the smoothest subject change, but whatever. That had driven me crazy, and admittedly I hadn’t actually gotten that much website building done since I was stuck wondering. I knew Kara would resent me coming over there if I had. She was a big girl and could handle things herself, though as evidenced by her impression of a spider-monkey in the stockroom, she sometimes tried to handle too much.
“Oh, that was Marco.”
I nodded, recalling the name. “What were you talking about?”
I would’ve sworn I saw her red cheeks get even redder. “Nothing serious. Right turn at this light,” she directed.
I obliged, recognizing we weren’t more than a block away from her building.
“It seemed intense.”
She shrugged. “Marco likes to drop pearls of wisdom. He’s been coming to the Rattler since before I was working, and he’s lived a lot more of life. He was, ah, encouraging me to live a little more than I have.”
I pulled in front, putting the car in park. I turned in my seat to face her, trying to gauge her thoughts. “Do you want to live a bit more?”
She stared at me for a long minute instead of answering. She leaned in, nostrils flaring slightly. Her nose had turned a rosy color from the heat of the car. “Sometimes I remember the winter we spent marathoning Charlie Brown and chugging hot chocolate. I liked living that. I miss it.”
The glow of the street lights reflected on the snow, lighting up an otherwise dark night. Despite the late hour, I could see her clearly. Her lips were half-parted, soft and inviting. Her gaze was flicking over my face, waiting and willing me to understand.
“You don’t have to,” I told her.
I closed the distance between us and kissed her. God, she was everything I remembered. We were tangled in coats and seatbelts and without ever breaking contact maneuvered ourselves so she was straddling me. I held her tight against me as if she might disappear at any minute, one hand on her waist, another on the back of her head. It was familiar and yet at that same time, it was electrifyingly new. She was still Kara, but she wasn’t the same nineteen-year-old I’d known in college. She was all woman and I craved every part of her.
Kara responded instantly, her hands raking through my hair, desperate to not let go of me either. Oh, baby, I’m never letting you go again.
I wanted her. I needed her. From the way her body moved against mine, she needed me too, and while I had no plans to deny this woman anything, screwing in a sports car in the middle of the city wasn’t something I would do.
I was the one who broke apart, to breathe one word. “Inside?”
She nodded furiously before pulling me back down against her lips. I groaned. God, she knew how to kiss. No woman kissed like Kara. No woman smelled like her, no woman tasted like her. She was special and unique and anything else was a shit substitute.
We somehow managed to get out of the car and into the elevator, heading up to her apartment. We couldn�
�t get there soon enough. Even in the elevator we were touching each other, feeling each other’s bodies in a way we hadn’t been able to for a decade.
“You’re gonna get a ticket,” she told me, pulling away as if that was somehow something important enough to stop kissing for.
“Don’t give a fuck.” I recaptured her lips and that was the end of that.
10. Kara
I’d gone on, at most, a dozen first dates since I’d ended things with Lucas, maybe half as many second dates, and a small handful of third. There’d been no spark, not even a flicker of desire. The first couple of years, I’d justified it as being too soon after Lucas. Then I’d wondered if I was broken. All the guys were guys I should’ve liked. But when I’d kissed them, it was almost clinical. You do this, right? To show affection? Lips on lips? Maybe tongue? Yuck. It didn’t make sense, because I didn’t remember it being that way with Lucas even in the beginning, but then again I’d been young and dumb and maybe I’d imagined how good it was.
Well, now that I was doing stupid full-throttle I could say beyond a doubt: no, I wasn’t broken, and, holy crap, it was better than I remembered. To answer my earlier question, he did taste the same, and my body responded instantly. And now there was also something new. Something a little edgier, a little mysterious. After one taste, I was addicted all over again.
We barely made it in the apartment before our clothes went flying. My legs were wrapped around his hips, his arms supporting me and holding me close while I made sure he didn’t stop kissing me.
There was something incredibly sexy about a man who could carry you. Lucas did so effortlessly.
He moved half blindly through the apartment since he wasn’t familiar with the space, and because I kept getting annoyed every time he moved away. I wanted him savagely. I hadn’t felt like this in…well, maybe never. But least of all had I allowed myself to truly go after what I wanted. I’d been responsible. And more importantly, I’d never known want until I was with Lucas.
Our chemistry had been simmering for weeks between us, sparks in every look, and now it had boiled over. I couldn’t deny myself forever. I needed to get it out of my system. I reached up to stroke his chin, the slight prick of his five o’clock shadow sending a jolt of desire through me.
Mild panic hit me when he reached for the wrong door. I grabbed his wrist.
“Closet,” I told him, then directed him over to my room. A moment later we were in.
Lucas pulled back, as if to take in my room.
Somehow that felt too personal. I wanted to be stupid and have a wonderful night and feel all the passion that had been simmering under the surface for weeks. But Lucas was observant and he didn’t miss many details. There were too many details in my apartment and I almost regretted bringing him here.
I didn’t want regret though. I dropped out of his arms and pushed him onto my bed, straddling him and resuming kissing him.
Lucas didn’t argue. My hands roamed across his covered chest.. His chest, that same chest that had caught me this afternoon, was covered by his stupid t-shirt and I wasn’t doing stupid t-shirts tonight. I practically ripped it off him. Lucas seemed shocked by my ferocity, but was willing to get rid of the offending shirt. Then he helped me remove my own. My bra disappeared shortly after that, and suddenly I was baring myself to the only man I’d ever felt this vulnerable with. I rose up, moving against his hips. He groaned beneath me. The sound was guttural, unrestrained, and hot as hell.
His hands held my hips firmly against him. The warmth of his palms made my skin tingle underneath. I liked that he touched me, and I wanted to feel even more of him.
“That’s it, baby,” he said, and I moved faster and faster. His voice, rough, hard, was the biggest turn-on I’d ever heard. I dropped down, planting my arms on his chest so I could kiss him again.
God, I was drunk on his kiss.
Unable to take any more, he flipped us over. His arms caged me in, a possessive look on his face. I stared back. That look promised something intense and a little bit dangerous. Tonight, it was exactly what I wanted.
I arched to reach his face, but he stopped me.
“My turn,” he said.
I was mute for the first moment, my breath caught in anticipation. He caressed my hand, then thread his fingers through my hair. He slid lower on my body, his face between my breasts.
Then he moved over to one of my nipples and sucked.
I gasped, the silence broken. His hand teased the other one between his fingers, tugging, twisting, pulling in delicious contrast to his mouth. I arched against him, moving my hips in hopes he’d take a hint. But Lucas wouldn’t be rushed. He seemed to be savoring every moment. When I thought I could’t take anymore, he switched sides and started anew.
I moaned in pleasure, too caught up in sensation to feel self-conscious. More than that, this was Lucas. The same man I’d known, though it seemed he’d picked up a few tricks from the way he possessively gripped me.
The flare of jealousy that rose was gone in a flash because without removing his mouth he’d begun to unbutton my jeans. I lifted my hips to help him, desperate to have him.
He moved a hand between my legs. I was more than ready to receive him, my body slick with arousal. I tried to thrust, to get something deeper in me but he was slowly torturing me.
“More,” I begged him.
He didn’t say anything, just slowly continued his exploration of my body.
I was going to lose my mind. “Please, please, more.”
His gaze flickered to meet mine. I was desperate and there was no way he could miss that. Seeing my need, he slid in another finger.
It wasn’t enough. I kept pleading, not even sure what for except that I wanted more. More touching, more feeling, more Lucas.
Suddenly he broke away from my breasts. The cold air kissed my tender peaks. At the same time, he withdrew his fingers and I nearly sobbed from the loss. Before I could protest, he moved lower on my body.
Then he pressed his lips lower, just once, just a hint of what’s to come. I lifted my knees, spreading open wider to let him in.
“Do you want me to kiss you here?”
I nodded, barely able to think straight.
He pressed a small kiss against my clit, then repeated his question. “Tell me what you want, Kara.” His voice was ragged, as though this slow, sensual game tormented him as it did me.
“Kiss me there, Lucas, please,” I begged. “I need you.”
His expression changed, softening slightly, though it could have easily been a trick of the light. “I’ll give you what you need. Always,” he vowed.
I told myself I didn’t need always, just now. Those thoughts evaporated when he set his mouth against me.
His tongue scorched me, hitting every nerve ending, sending me soaring with desire. I continued to plead and Lucas obliged—to a point. He kept me at the edge for what felt like ages. I wanted to scream at him to make me come. In fact, I did, more than a few times.
Lucas wasn’t persuaded by any of that. Right when I was on the brink of coming again, he drew back completely.
“You ready for me, baby?” he asked.
“Yes,” I told him. “I need you in me. Now.”
He flashed a cocky smile. “You sure?”
In answer, I lunged for him. Or rather, for his jeans.
He laughed and took that as a hint to stop playing. A second later his pants were gone, off to wherever mine had disappeared to. None of that mattered because he was here, naked in my bed, and, hot damn, did he look mouth-wateringly good.
“Condom?” he asked me.
Crap, how had I almost forgotten? (Seriously, of all the people not to learn this lesson.) I looked around my room wildly, trying to think where I might have them.
Seeing my panicked look, Lucas said “I’ve got it” and slid off the bed to sort through his pants. When he turned back around, he was ready for me.
The awkward pause didn’t dampen my excitement one b
it. I was hot and ready for him and increasingly impatient to feel him intimately.
Lucas moved on top of me once more. I pulled him close and he slid inside me, filling me completely in one movement. He was huge, and it was perhaps a good thing he’d spent the past half hour teasing and warming me up because that was the only way I could handle him after so long.
He groaned. “You feel so good around my cock.”
Before I could say anything he began to move. And oh my Lord, could he move. He rocked against me faster and faster. I closed my eyes to enjoy the sensation. My eyes jolted open when he stopped moving and paused within me.
“Keep your eyes open,” he ordered.
I obeyed. Normally I had an independent streak a mile wide, but the authoritative note in his voice was yet another turn-on. Irresistible
He continued thrusting, even faster than before. Terrified he’d stop, I kept my eyes open, looking right at Lucas. Sweat covered his chest, highlighting his muscles. His scent was all around me. His eyes were alight with desire and they seemed to scorch me within my very soul. I was getting closer and closer to the point of no return.
“You’re mine,” he said, possessiveness raw in his voice. “Mine. Always.”
Hearing the intensity in his voice pushed me closer to the edge. “I’m gonna come,” I moaned.
He slowed, pulling me back from the brink once more.
“Say it: You’re mine.”
“I’m yours, I’m yours,” I said in agreement. I’d give him anything he wanted as long as he didn’t stop.
“Always,” he vowed. “Kara, I’m yours, too.”
His words sent me over the edge as I came. I felt him still inside me, not to torture me but because he was having his own release. The intensity of my orgasm was blinding. I closed my eyes and savored every moment. Waves of pleasure crashed into me, tingling sensations dancing all around my body as I basked in the moment.
His, his, his, my mind repeated. Sometimes you hit that point where logic is all gone and all you do is feel and your mind latches on to something and that’s your reality. That was now for me. All I could hear was his voice repeating over and over, You’re mine.