Two sets of intrigued eyes fell on me.
“Ally, I don’t know if you know—or if he’s said anything to you or Emmett—but Chance has been my patient at my new job. He requested me when he saw that I was working there. So, I’ve been his physical therapist for two weeks… and for the next three weeks.”
“WHAT!” Ally’s screech was echoed more calmly, yet still just as concerned, by Tammy’s voice. “Why… How… I don’t understand. Explain.”
In retrospect, I shouldn’t have brought it up right then since I was just pulling into the parking lot, but my mouth was on a roll this weekend with speaking before I thought.
As I pulled into a spot, I went into the less-shocking story about how Dr. Lev hired me and then the following morning, I walked into my afternoon appointment to find out that it was Chance.
“You don’t think that it was coincidence?” Tammy wondered. Classic Tam. Always giving the benefit of the doubt.
“Tam.” My eyes scooted over to her. “I love you, but aside from his name—there is nothing that happens by chance between him and me.”
“Yeah, that sounds like my brother.” Ally sighed, the familiar twinge of concern returning to her voice.
“I take it he didn’t say anything to Emmett.”
“Not that I know of…” She hummed. “I love my brother—you know that I do—but ever since the accident… He’s lost. Kind of like I was when I moved here. Except, I wanted to get away. Chance wants to punish everyone around him… he wants to punish life… he wants to punish himself… for what happened to him. He’s angry and I don’t know how to reach him.”
I heard the sadness in her voice and I knew exactly what she meant. Ally was the baby sister who’d lived in Florida with their parents for the past five years or so. She was the one to be protected—which is why he’d beat Emmett to a pulp when he realized that they were together. He wouldn’t show his weakness to her; he wouldn’t confide in her for that. That’s why he’d been living with Nick ever since he came home—everyone knew it. At Nick Frost’s, there was no guilt or responsibility to accompany his misery. And there was every deplorable distraction to get rid of it.
“Yeah…” I didn’t elaborate just how much I agreed with her—or confide that his punishment seemed to be solely focused on me. “So, needless to say, for the past two weeks my dream job has been going much differently than I’d envisioned.”
“What did he do? Do I need to talk to him? Because I will…” I loved my bestie, but I could handle her brother on my own. I had to.
We got out of the car and made our way into Peak’s Pub. It was a classier bar scene than Big Louie’s and was known for its burgers and numerous Karaoke nights. It was already pretty filled inside—Kyle’s band must be popular. By sheer luck, we snagged an open table near the stage. Once situated, I volunteered to go get us drinks.
“Just a water, Jess,” Tammy said even though I already knew.
“Gotcha. And a dark ‘n’ stormy, Al?” She nodded.
I smiled and nodded through the crowd collected around the bar, waiting patiently in the cramped quarters until Todd came over to take my order.
“The usual for Ally and me,” I requested. Todd was frequently bartending on Karaoke nights when the girls and I usually showed up here. He nodded with a frantic smile—it looked like a busy night for him.
My stomach clenched and then the tingles began.
No.
The room began to feel smaller—like all of the oxygen was being sucked out of it.
No. No. No.
And then I felt him. Pressing against my back. Not enough for anyone to think there was anything going on except a lot of people crowded around a small bar—but enough for me to feel everything that I shouldn’t want.
I gripped the edge of the counter, fighting not to push back against him. I wanted his body pressed hard against mine. I wanted to feel all of him. More than the guilt I felt for giving into my desire, the last twenty-four hours had been filled with memories that I thought I’d been able to suppress. Smiles. Laughs. Love. Sex.
The last was so potent that my hand had found its way into my panties lying in bed last night just to ease my ache.
“So, this is what Saturday meant,” he drawled. “Are you here to see him?” The edge in his voice was unmistakable and unwavering.
We both knew the answer but he was angry and possessive and he wanted to see if I would defy him in spite of how my body desired him.
“And if I am?” I managed to say even though my mouth felt like a sandbox.
“Seeing is all you better fucking be doing because you are mine, Jessa.” I felt his breath coming harshly on the back of my neck.
It was pointless to argue with him—especially when he might be right.
“Well, right now I’d just like to order my drink in peace.”
“And I’d like to order another taste of you, J-bird,” Chance rasped into my ear. “Just say the word and I can have my fingers up under this dress and inside of you.”
My throat constricted and my eyes focused on his right hand, his fingers gently stroking over the wood of the bar just like they could be doing to my sex, curling just like they would inside of me right into that spot that shattered my soul. “You know I can make you come before they are finished making your drinks.”
And he could, too. I shivered, hating to admit it.
At least I couldn’t see his face, knowing that it was etched with the confidence he felt in what he was saying. I stared at the lights flickering off the alcohol bottles that lined the back of the bar. Mini-flashes almost like it was a wall of cameras catching this moment between us and imprinting it for eternity.
“Sorry, Chance.” I sighed even though my mouth watered for another taste, too. “I’m no longer on the menu.”
Grabbing the drinks before Todd could even set them down, I turned and walked towards our table—and away from my downfall.
Tammy was watching the band set up, but Ally’s eyes were narrowed on me.
“What else happened?” she asked as soon as I set her drink down on the table.
“What do you mean?” My brain was still foggy knowing that Chance was here.
I didn’t even want to think about how he knew. Maybe Monroe. All I knew was that I couldn’t turn to look at him. If I did, I would be the only thing that he was drinking tonight.
“With my brother. Something else happened. Which is why he is here… and looking at you like you’re his next meal.” I gulped. Busted. Ally smiled sweetly at me, knowing that she was right before adding, “Not to mention, you are blushing.”
Tammy sat silently, not needing to add anything to the request. Jerk. I’d spared her earlier and now she was letting me roast.
Alright, I was going to tell them anyway. I think…
“Yesterday, he kissed me after work.” Ally began to choke on her drink—and I didn’t blame her; I was choking on the memory, too. They both stared at me. They both knew how big this was. How I’d avoided Chance and all mention of him for so long. And how he hated me for what I’d done.
“Jessa!” Kyle’s voice broke through the heaviness of my confession. I turned to see my co-worker jog over to our group, guitar around his neck. The band was supposed to start in a few. “I was trying to get your attention.”
He pulled me in for a hug that I awkwardly returned. “I… uhh…” Forgot that I was even here to see you? “Sorry, it’s crazy here. We were just getting settled.” I looked to my friends. “Kyle, these are my friends, Ally and Tammy.” I kept my eyes focused as they greeted each other even though I could feel Chance’s gaze on me—a warning that I better not be giving away what was his.
“Nice to meet you guys!” He reached out and shook their hands. “Alright, well I gotta get back up there but maybe I’ll catch you after the show, Jessa?” His eyes were hopeful that the answer would be ‘yes.’
“If your throng of fans hasn’t overwhelmed you,” I teased, not wanting to make
any promises. In my defense, there were a lot of people here to see them.
With a grin, he disappeared into the crowd. I let my eyes stray too far following him and found myself caught in Chance’s glare. He was with Nick. And Monroe. At the bar. It looked like she was being shared between them—something I knew that Frost wasn’t opposed to.
In my periphery, I saw Monroe trying to get his attention—because Nick wasn’t enough for her. She was practically plastered to Chance’s side—like white on rice. Only Chance didn’t seem to want anything to do with her; he was completely focused on me.
And not in the ‘he wanted to devour me’ way, but in the ‘he was about to rip someone’s head off way.’ I felt my skin warm underneath the flames of his anger pulsing off of his body; he’d seen me hug Kyle after he’d warned me that I better not even look at him.
I knew that stare—that anger. The only way to appease it was to appease his possessiveness. Eight years ago, that stare meant that we’d better find someplace quasi-private because Chance was about to remind me to whom I belonged.
But this wasn’t eight years ago.
I ripped my eyes from his and turned back to my friends whose focus was sitting squarely on me.
Reluctantly, I prepared to continue my explanation. Or at least the important parts.
“Why did he kiss you? What does he want?” she demanded.
“Me. On a silver platter.” I groaned.
“Like as his girlfriend again?” Oh, Tammy. I shook my head.
“No. Like he wants to make me remember just what I gave up. He wants to remind me just how much I want him and then he wants to crush me the same way that I crushed him,” I admitted pitifully.
“How do you know that?” Tammy said, unwilling to believe someone capable of wanting something like that.
“Because he told me, Tam,” I replied, frustrated that she would still try to think otherwise. “He wants to break my heart—as if leaving him hadn’t done that already.”
“What if you tell him the truth?” Ally interjected. She didn’t know how that wouldn’t be enough and he was still her brother, so I wasn’t going to elaborate.
I swallowed the last sip of my drink. The alcohol settled into my blood and made everything about the hardness of my words slightly fuzzier for the short term.
“I think it’s too late for the truth, Ally.”
The bar turned up the volume since it was getting later which meant that any further conversation was impossible. My foot tapped on the ground and my head nodded and swayed. Neither of which was to the beat of the music, but to the beat of my heart as it thought about the man who refused to let me out of his sight.
At this point, even the truth wouldn’t free me from his anger.
Ace of Cups (Reversed): Repressed feelings. So many bottled up emotions that a general ‘numbness’ sets in, seeping into every void. Withholding emotions for fear of being hurt. It’s time to let them go.
WE’D LEFT THE BAR ABOUT half-way through Kyle’s set the other night. Emmett stopped in and picked Ally up on his way back from Denver; her whisper in my ear as they went to leave informed me that this wasn’t the last of our discussion about her brother.
At that point, I could tell that Tammy was starting to feel drained so I didn’t want to push it. Not to mention, I wasn’t in any condition to put on a nice face for Kyle. Sorry, bud. I waited until Chance, Nick, and Monroe got up from the bar and disappeared—I told myself it was to go grab a smoke because the other potential option made me nauseous—before I nodded to Tammy that we could head home.
Tammy hadn’t said much on the way back aside from a few words of caution. She’d been there the first time. She’d seen what breaking him and then leaving him had done to me. She knew the depths to which this could drop me.
Sunday, I stayed in the apartment—too afraid of who I might run into if I ventured outside. Instead, I worked on prepping exercise programs for my patients for the next few weeks. I was starting two new clients this week, on top of the two that I already had. Thank God, my schedule was starting to fill out. Maybe that would keep my mind off of him.
I was nervous to see Kyle this morning since we’d bailed before his show was over, but he didn’t seem to be too upset. He was grateful and excited for the turnout that they’d gotten, telling me that the bar had invited them back to play again next month. With that weight off of my shoulders, I went into my morning appointment with Betty in better spirits.
“I see you are trying to steal my man from me while I’m not looking,” she accused after seeing me chatting with Kyle just before the start of her appointment.
“I would never.” I feigned outrage for her. “Although, I should for what you did last week.”
We walked over to the mats to start her session with some hip and leg stretches.
“What did I do last week?” she asked innocently.
“Oh, just cornered my afternoon patient to see for yourself who I was confiding to you about.”
“Me?” Her hand came to her chest in shock.
Faker.
“Yes, you.” I watched her face scrunch as I reached the limits of where her hip flexors would stretch.
“I-I don’t remember, dear. I must have had a senior moment. You’ll understand when you get to be my age.”
I huffed and rolled my eyes with a wry laugh. She was a piece of work.
“But…” she continued as I moved to her other leg, “if I did meet such a man, I might understand how you wouldn’t be interested in my sweetheart, Kyle.”
I burst out laughing. “Yeah, well you don’t know him like I do.”
“Oh, honey, I wish I did…”
Well, in that sense… maybe…
I helped her up—still laughing—as we moved into the pool room where the majority of her exercises today were centered.
“Well, if you want my opinion,” she was going to give it to me anyway, “I’d start including yourself in some of his exercises. Mmm… mmm… mmm…”
“You just don’t want any competition for Kyle.”
I helped her into the pool. “Well, that is an added benefit.”
“Unfortunately, Miss Betty, it’s not that simple.” I turned on the treadmill. “He doesn’t want me and I shouldn’t want him.”
“Oh, psh.” She waved her hand, splattering me with water drops. “I saw the way that boy looked at you. Saying he doesn’t want you is like saying that Kim Kardashian doesn’t have a big butt. I mean, have you seen that thing? Anyway, that is the biggest falsehood if I ever heard one.”
Oh. My. God. This time there were tears in my eyes.
“Ok, I’ll admit that you aren’t completely wrong, but in the end, all he wants is to break my heart.”
“Sometimes, dear, there is beauty in the breaking.” She paused for a few moments letting her words of wisdom linger.
I wasn’t sure about that. There was no beauty the last time that I broke. The last time I broke, I ended up losing even more than just Chance.
Betty continued just as my eyes started to collect tears from the memories that suddenly assaulted me. “What do you want, Miss Jessa?”
To be his. Whole. Broken. In any way that he would have me. In any way that I could manage to survive.
“I don’t know. I just don’t know that I can do this… with him… again. It’s all so frustrating.” She didn’t even know the whole story, so I wasn’t sure who exactly I was admitting that to. But hearing the words felt good. Telling them to an unbiased ear felt good.
“Well, dear, all I know is that you don’t know until you try. If you are frustrated that he is making this difficult, then don’t let him continue to have the upper hand.”
“Upper hand?” My eyebrows shot up like a freaking Whack-a-Mole. “Is that what you think I’m doing?”
Pretty sure that I wasn’t letting him do anything. You don’t let a SnowmassHole do something; they do what they want and everyone else deals with the consequences.
&nb
sp; “All I know is what I see—and what I see tells me that that boy wants to be in your pants just as much as you want him there. So, don’t fool yourself into thinking that wanting him is only putting you at risk.”
“I can see you aren’t one to mince words.” I felt like my grandmother was telling me that Chance wanted to bang me. On the one hand, it didn’t seem right. On the other… I kept talking. “You are playing pretty fast-and-loose with my heart there,” I said wryly, turning off the HydroWorx and handing her a towel, our session done for the day.
“I have been in this world a long time, missy, I know what a man who is completely captivated looks like. What I’m telling you is that just because he might never admit to that weakness, doesn’t mean it’s not there. So, stop letting him frustrate you and maybe return the favor a bit.”
“I—“ I wanted to tell her that Chance didn’t really want me—he just wanted to hurt me. She cut me off before I could.
“Whether he really thinks he’s going to break your heart is irrelevant. When a man has something… someone… in his sights like this, he will stop at nothing. Men aren’t that smart, dear. Especially when they are being influenced by what’s in their pants. He hasn’t realized that breaking your heart will take you down with him.” She sighed, walking ahead of me towards the door. “The way you look at each other, dear. It’s inevitable. So, why miss out on the fun of the ride?”
Oh, Betty…
She was a bad influence. That was what I knew.
Betty’s words stirred up every rebellious cell in my body, every thought that whispered to me just to give into him—and everything that I wanted. I couldn’t eat lunch I was so anxious to see him after Saturday. The way my body vibrated, you’d think I was having the delirium tremens from being deprived of alcohol, or in this case, my drug of choice… of Chance.
Ups. Downs. Highs. Lows. Doing this ride again with him might kill me.
His expression when he walked into the facility managed to be even harder than his jawline—an impressive feat; one that I knew meant that I was in trouble.
The Winter Games Page 81