Dot laughed. ‘You don’t have to defend him, he was drinking a lot when I left. The problem was we weren’t grieving together, the loss of our son took us down separate paths.’
Annie nodded. ‘Do you think you can both find your way back onto the same path again?’
‘I don’t know, it was such a long time ago, and I’m not the same person anymore.’
Annie rested her hand on Dot’s arm. ‘That’s the thing, neither is he. You know he showed me so much kindness when he brought me home and I now know that was a big thing for him to do as well.’ She gave a little smile. ‘The other thing is that when you both think no one is looking you are watching each other, so I think you both still love each other. And, of course, he’s now a dab hand at making a cup of tea. What more could you ask for?’
Dot giggled. ‘I didn’t realise he was watching me too?’
‘Everyone is watching everyone in case we all fall down with grief.’
Dot nodded. ‘How are you managing?’
Annie lowered her eyes. ‘I’ve cried so much I don’t think there’s anything else to come out. I don’t want to ever forget her smell, her voice or her kindness. Sadly, I probably didn’t appreciate her enough when she was alive but I hope she realised how much I loved her, do love her.’
‘A mother knows, she doesn’t need to be told all the time. It’s the actions that are more important.’
Annie blinked rapidly to stop the tears from forming. ‘Oh yes, Dot, and what was my action? To leave the farm.’
Dot shook her head. ‘Don’t do that to yourself. Your mother supported your actions, she gave you money to have your adventure. How brilliant is that?’
Annie nodded. ‘I know but I truly wouldn’t have left had I known she wasn’t well.’
‘And that’s exactly why she would never have told you.’ Dot took a deep breath. ‘You know I only had William for seven years but I know there was nothing I wouldn’t have done for him. He was my life and I would have supported him in anything he wanted to do.’ She paused. ‘Well, I say anything, but I wouldn’t have supported him in becoming a killer or anything awful like that.’
Annie laughed. ‘You are funny, Dot, that goes without saying.’ Colour rushed up Annie’s face. ‘I suppose I had better get used to calling you Auntie Dorothy.’
Dot shook her head. ‘Dot will do. I haven’t earned the right to be called Auntie yet.’
‘You have. You came back, which has made my father and grandfather very happy at a difficult time.’ Annie tucked her arm through Dot’s.
Dot patted Annie’s hand. ‘You’re being too kind to me. I left the village without warning at what was a hard time for your parents.’ She sighed. ‘My mother had just died and I was distraught, but unfortunately I wasn’t thinking about anyone else, I was only thinking about me and my problem and how my father would have disowned me.’
Annie shook her head. ‘It was a different time then. It must have been heart-breaking for you to have to make that decision so stop being so hard on yourself. As we now know, things can change so quickly and life is too short to hold onto the bad things that happen to us.’
‘You have an old head on those young shoulders, Annie.’
Annie’s lips straightened into a thin line as she thought about Matthew. She had never told anyone about him kissing and slapping her that day in Kitty’s dressing room. ‘I’ve learnt a lot since I left here to follow my dream.’ She looked across at Dot. ‘Let’s go and gather the eggs and feed the chickens.’
Dot’s lips formed a smile that didn’t reach her eyes; something was going on with Annie and she guessed it was something to do with the theatre and her dream. She would have to talk to Tom.
20
Annie and Margaret stood either side of their father, each clutching one of his hands, and each staring at the dark wooden coffin that was being lowered into the ground. There was a hushed silence all around them, intermittently broken by the sound of sniffing. The villagers had all turned out in their Sunday best to say goodbye to Ivy Cradwell. Tom couldn’t think about his wife on her own, trapped inside the box being put in the ground. He looked out at the sea of blackness that everyone was wearing. He wore the only suit he had, which only saw the light of day on Sundays. There had been no letter from David. Tom hoped and prayed he was safe.
Annie could see Rose wiping away her tears as she stood next to her parents and Sam; they hadn’t had a chance to talk since she had arrived with Dot.
Rose blew her a kiss, and Annie blew one back.
Dot held on to Arthur’s arm and her father’s. She murmured to a few mourners before leading them away from the graveside. Annie watched Rose hang back for a moment, but she seemed to suddenly have a change of heart and walked off with her family. Others followed until only the three of them stood there.
A sob escaped from Margaret.
Tom let go of her hand and put his arm around her and whispered, ‘Let it out.’
Margaret sniffed. ‘What about you, Pa? When are you going to let it out?’
‘Don’t worry about me, Margaret. Your ma is with us, and she wouldn’t want us to be miserable now, would she? We need to celebrate her life and keep trying to muddle through as best we can.’
Margaret nodded.
Annie squeezed her father’s hand. ‘We’ll be all right, Pa, we’re all looking out for each other and that’s what Ma would want.’
Tom nodded, his thoughts once again flying to David but he kept them to himself. ‘We’d best get back to the house. Dot and Arthur are holding the fort but your ma wouldn’t want us to be rude by not being there.’
The three of them turned round in silence.
Annie gasped.
Margaret ran towards the tired-looking solitary figure in front of them, dressed in his army uniform. ‘David, thank goodness you’re here.’ She flung her arms around him. ‘Have you just got here?’
‘No, the service had just started when I arrived.’
Tom studied his son, taking in his ashen face and the dark circles under his red bloodshot eyes.
David hugged Margaret, trying to give her comfort but his watery eyes were on his father. ‘Thank you for writing that letter, Pa, I know it was always Ma that did all that stuff so it must have been hard for you to do.’
Tom nodded as he stepped forward. ‘Did you go to the house?’
‘Yes, I guessed where you were when there was no one around.’ David let go of Margaret and walked towards his father. He threw his arms around him. ‘It’s good to see you.’
Tom nodded as he held onto his son. ‘And you, even if you do look haggard.’
David pulled back. ‘You don’t look much better yourself.’ He held out an arm. ‘Annie, how are you doing?’
Annie gave a weak smile and walked towards him. ‘All the better for seeing you. When we hadn’t heard anything, I started getting a bit fearful.’
David hugged his sister tight. ‘I know you are wishing you hadn’t gone to London because I also wish I hadn’t enlisted. If I’d known…’
Annie rested her head on his chest, not caring that the khaki uniform scratched her cheek. ‘I know I’ve had similar thoughts, but we can’t think like that. If ma knew she wasn’t well she didn’t tell us for a reason and we have to respect that. She let us go, as always without a thought for herself.’
David kissed the top of her head. ‘I know, it’s just hard.’
The four of them were suddenly bundled together, their arms entwined as they tried to give each other comfort, grateful to have the time alone.
Several minutes passed before Tom pulled away. ‘I need to get back to the house, Arthur and Dorothy are looking after everyone.’ As he spoke his breath came out in grey swirls in the cold air.
Annie rested her hand on her father’s arm. ‘We need to get back to the house, Pa. You’re not on your own with all this, we’re all adults now.’
Tom patted Annie’s hand. ‘If you three wish to stay here for a while
then that’s all right.’
David sighed. ‘Annie’s right, Pa, we should all go back and face everyone together.’
Tom nodded and they all began the short walk home from the cemetery.
Annie glanced across at David. ‘It’s wonderful to see you. I wish it wasn’t like this but it’s good to know you are well.’
David looked sheepishly at Annie. ‘I owe you an apology.’ He looked down at the grey well-trodden snow. ‘I got your letters, and your parcel with the chocolate and the strange-looking socks, which by the way are surprisingly comfortable.’
Annie smiled. ‘That’s good to know. They were the first socks I’d knitted so you were my guinea pig.’
David chuckled before he became tense. ‘I should have written but I didn’t know what to say. It’s been pretty awful for me but, by all accounts, it’s worse for others and I didn’t want you all worrying.’
Tom patted his son’s back. ‘David, you need to know we worry whether we hear from you or not. It’s better to receive a note that just says I’m alive so at least we know you are just that.’
David nodded. ‘I’ll do better in the future because receiving letters is a major highlight when you’re in a trench waiting for orders. We all share the parcels we are sent and talk about the letters we get too.’
Tom frowned. ‘Writing letters was something your ma did but it looks like I’ll have to take over that job.’
Margaret glanced at her father. ‘It’s not necessary if Annie and I write to David.’
Tom smiled at his youngest. ‘No, that won’t do. I can hear your ma telling me off as if she’s standing right next to me.’
*
David sat at the table with his father and Arthur opposite him. He picked up his cup of tea and gulped down the hot liquid. ‘It’s good to be home, even in these awful circumstances but I have to leave again tomorrow.’
Tom frowned. ‘So soon? I was hoping we would have longer to talk about things.’
David shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, I was lucky to get the couple of days I had. I wish I hadn’t enlisted now, Pa, you’re going to need help more than ever now.’
‘You know one thing about having a farm, you still have to do the normal, everyday things, like feed the chickens.’ Tom scowled into his hot drink. ‘But that could be a good thing, you know, keep yourself busy and all that.’ He remained silent for a few minutes. ‘Except, I can’t bring myself to think about the future without your mother in it.’
David remained silent for a few minutes. ‘Pa, I have no words to make this better for you. I wish I did.’ He paused. ‘I get the impression Annie will be staying home now so that will be a great help.’
Tom looked over at David. ‘I shall talk to Annie about that.’
David nodded. ‘Is there any heavy work you need doing while I’m here, you might as well make use of me?’
Tom gave a small smile. ‘I’d rather enjoy your company for the day. The fields can wait.’
Arthur looked from one to the other. ‘If you don’t mind me staying here, I can always help out.’
‘That depends on my sister. I know you and Dorothy have been polite with each other but if she’s staying – and I don’t know whether she is or not – she must decide about you.’ Tom took a breath. ‘But I do appreciate the offer and all that you’ve done.’ He turned to David. ‘Arthur brought Annie home.’
David nodded, remembering when he last saw him. ‘That’s very kind of you, Mr Bradshaw, I’m sure Annie appreciated it.’ He looked at his father wondering how much he knew about his friend’s life in London.
Arthur shook his head. ‘I’m not the same man I was when you came to see your sister. Your words touched a nerve.’
David nodded. ‘I’m pleased. You were on a lonely road when I met you and that’s always sad to see.’ He turned to his father. ‘You know if your sister doesn’t have any objections and Arthur wants to stay, then that could be the answer to the help you are going to need.’
Tom nodded. ‘As I said, I’m leaving any decisions until I know what Dorothy is doing. I don’t want her to feel like she can’t stay here in her family home because it’s uncomfortable.’
The back door swung open and the wind blew in causing a chill in its wake. ‘Oh my goodness, it’s freezing out there.’ Dorothy pushed the door shut and removed her woollen hat. ‘Is everything all right here?’
Tom smiled at her. ‘I still can’t believe you are here after all these years.’ He watched her smile spread across her face. ‘We were just talking about the way forward, with the farm and everything.’
Dorothy nodded. ‘That’s good because I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that as well.’ She gazed furtively around her. ‘Where’s Annie?’
Tom laughed. ‘I’ve sent her off to see Rose because I think she’s going back to London the day after tomorrow. It will do Annie good to talk to her, why?’
Dorothy nodded. ‘That’s good timing because I wanted to talk to you about Annie and what she does next.’
Tom reached out and took his sister’s hand. ‘She’s already decided she’s staying here now Ivy’s gone.’
Dorothy glanced over at Arthur before looking back at Tom. ‘But if I stay then she doesn’t need to.’
Tom let go of her hand and peered into his empty cup. ‘She’s told me she wants to stay and help me with the farm and the house.’
Dorothy pulled at his arm. ‘But that’s because she thinks she should and not because she wants to.’
David turned his head to look at his aunt. ‘Has she actually told you that?’
Dorothy shook her head. ‘No, she hasn’t, but she has friends in the theatre and she’s very popular.’ She paused for a moment before continuing. ‘I probably shouldn’t say this but, from what Rose has said, I think there’s also a young man that thinks an awful lot of her.’
Tom pushed back his chair and stood up. He ran his fingers through his hair and started pacing around the kitchen. ‘I’ll put the kettle on.’ His mind rushed around in circles as he turned on the tap and water gushed out into the kettle. He didn’t have to ask himself what would Ivy do because he already knew. ‘I shall speak to her this evening.’
Arthur looked at his wife. If she was staying on the farm then she wasn’t going back to London any time soon. Did he stand a chance in winning her back? Something told him he’d be going back home alone but he knew he had to talk to Joyce and make a clean slate of things with both of them. He lowered his eyes knowing he couldn’t expect forgiveness just because he wanted it; he had hurt them both with his actions.
*
Annie sat opposite her father at the kitchen table. She looked around at everyone’s sad faces as they gathered around to say goodbye to David before he went back to the front line.
Dorothy was pleased that Arthur had decided to take himself off to the village for a few hours to give the family a chance to talk freely. She studied them each in turn, all wrestling with the feeling she knew all too well, the feeling that their life had been turned upside down and would never be the same again and yet life was still going to continue all around them. She remembered the disbelief when William died but also knowing you still had to carry on paying the bills, whether you wanted to or not. She somehow knew she would have to get the family she had run away from back on track. There was no doubt in her mind that Ivy would have wanted that. She took a deep breath. ‘Right, I wanted you all here this evening because I would like to talk to you all before David leaves us.’ She paused; all eyes were on her so she had no choice but to continue. ‘I want you all to know that, if my father and brother are happy for me to be here, I intend to stay and try to help out where I can.’
William smiled. ‘That’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time.’
Tom glanced across at his father before looking back at his sister. ‘What about your life in London?’
‘Tom, I should have come home years ago but I was too scared. I was frightened you would
all tell me I’d made my bed so I had to lie in it, but that difficult step has now been made. Yes, you can still say that to me but I think things have changed and I can be of more use here than in London.’
Annie frowned, opened her mouth to speak then thought better of it and closed it again.
Tom studied his sister closely. ‘And Arthur?’
Dorothy took a breath. ‘I don’t know. If you’re asking me if I still love him then the answer’s yes, but if you’re asking me if we could make a fresh start of it then my answer is, I don’t know.’
Tom nodded. ‘He’s offered to stay and help out on the farm.’
Dorothy smiled. ‘That has to be your decision.’
Tom shook his head. ‘Not at all. If you are living here then your feelings come first because you are my sister, and we are more than happy to have you back here.’
‘Then I need to talk to Arthur.’
Annie’s gaze went back and forth between the two of them. ‘Whatever you all decide, Joyce needs to be spoken to. She’s probably wondering where everyone has got to.’
Dorothy and Tom both looked at Annie for a moment.
Tom cleared his throat. ‘That’s true. Perhaps you could give her a message from Dorothy and Arthur, if he’s not going home yet.’
Annie shook her head. ‘Pa, I think you are getting confused. I’m staying here, Rose will have to take the message when she goes back.’
Tom reached out across the table and took Annie’s hand. ‘I think you should go back with her.’
David and Margaret had been sitting in silence but now they nodded in agreement.
Annie’s jaw dropped slightly. ‘I don’t know what’s going on but my place is here and I should never have left in the first place.’ She could feel the tears pricking the back of her eyes, waiting for the signal to drop over onto her cheeks.
Tom squeezed her hand. ‘Annie, your ma encouraged you to follow your dream, and it’s no secret that I was against it, but I was wrong. I’ve read every one of your letters and I know you’ve missed us all but I also know you’ve been very happy there.’
a heartwarming WW1 saga about love and friendship (The West End Girls Book 1) Page 30