by A J Sherwood
I still harbored anger over that, that he hadn’t tried everything possible. But I found my heart aching instead of burning with rage. Aching, not only for his sake, but mine. For Natalie’s. Even for Skylar’s. We’d lost so much time because of one very selfish man.
I was wholly prepared to unleash my anger on a deserving target. Not so much on another victim, and the more I stared at this man, the more I perceived him as such.
“Answer me two things. You meant what you promised us? To be our father still?”
“Of course. I don’t want you to think I regret having my children. That was the only positive thing that came out of my marriage. I always wanted to be in my children’s lives.”
Truth. Solid gold truth, the love strong enough to get lost in it. I felt my eyes burn with unshed tears. “What do you want now?”
“To make amends. To see my children again. I’m ecstatic to see you—I’m dying to see Natalie too. I’ve lost too much time as it is.”
I felt that down to my bones, his conviction was so strong. But it begged another question. “You never thought to search for us as adults?”
“I did, actually. I just didn’t make any progress. Natalie, I found a marriage certificate for her, but I couldn’t bring myself to contact her. I’ve read in the newspapers about some of the cases you’ve worked, the praise you’ve gotten from different agencies. I’ve thought about contacting you several times. I just didn’t know how. You don’t have any footprint online. I couldn’t even find an address for you.”
“I can’t touch anything electronic,” I whispered back, still staring down at the grass under my feet. “I fry everything.”
“Oh. Well that explains the lack of anything online. Jonathan, can you forgive me? I’m an idiot, and a piss-poor father, but I don’t want to cut ties with you again now that I’ve seen you. I know it might be a bit hard to accept a gay father—”
That brought my head up sharply. “Don’t you dare say that. I’m gay. Of all the things for you to be worried about, that’s not one of them.”
His jaw dropped a little, and his eyes widened. “Are you really? Neil said you and Donovan were dating, but…I wasn’t sure what to make of that. And you’re out?”
“Completely.”
“Damn, son. You have more courage than I do. That took me decades. I only came out to my department about five years ago.”
“Your parents were extremely conservative. I’m not surprised you struggled with it.” Sighing, I wiped a hand over my face and tried to think about this. Did I want to try reconnecting with my father? Did I not? He had a very good explanation for how things had gone so sideways, and I could see his sincerity, but I still harbored a lot of anger over everything.
I put myself in Donovan’s shoes. My better half was more forgiving than me, and I considered: What would Donovan do in this situation?
Forgive. He would forgive and at least try. Deep down, I wanted that too. I’d missed my father. As angry as I’d been, I’d missed him sorely. I didn’t expect it to be easy, but wouldn’t I regret it if I didn’t at least try? “Caleb. I want to forgive you. I think that’s just going to take time.”
He lit up hopefully, sparking so hard it blinded me for a second. “Of course. I don’t expect that to happen overnight. Will you give me the chance to try?”
Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Beat regularly, heart. “Yeah. I’ve missed you.”
A bright smile took over his face and he wrapped both arms around me in a tight hug. I hugged him back just as hard and let my head rest against his shoulder for a second. He smelled like aftershave and laundry detergent and that base scent of male, exactly like he did in my memories. It felt good to hug him, and my anger sloughed off a little more.
Eventually we stepped back and I could see his nervousness flare up again. I shared it, in fact. I wasn’t ready to walk away this time. There were still a great many things I wanted to hear from him. “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do,” I invited, “so why don’t we do dinner tonight?”
“I’d love that.” His worries fell away, making him look ten years younger.
“There’s a lot to tell you, but for right now, let me officially introduce you to my boyfriend.”
Caleb’s eyes flicked over to Donovan, sweeping from head to toe again, head cocked. “He’s a giant. What did his parents feed him, whole cows?”
“Alani—his mother—said he could empty a fridge in a day growing up. I believe her, since he still can. Caleb, I realize he looks intimidating—”
“Understatement,” he muttered, still looking at Donovan.
“But that man is the biggest teddy bear you’ll ever meet. Please don’t act afraid of him. It always tears him up a little on the inside.”
Caleb turned back to me, eyebrows raised. “Yeah? Well, I can’t very well be afraid of him if he’s my son’s anchor. But are you telling me your mother and sister are alright with the two of you?”
“Alright? They basically shoved me in his direction once they met him.”
More than anything else I had said, that threw him for a loop. “Get out!”
“No, really,” I assured him, curious at this reaction. “You…no, wait, don’t tell me. Part of the reason why you didn’t contact us was because you assumed we couldn’t accept your sexual orientation?”
“Jonathan, I couldn’t accept me, how could I expect anyone else to?” Shaking his head, he stood there for a moment, dumbfounded. “I apparently made a lot of assumptions I should not have. Dammit. So much time lost….”
Knowing the home environment he’d grown up in, knowing the pressures he must have faced in the ’80s when he got married, I had some sympathy for him. No one really accepted alternate sexualities at that point. People got married in his generation. You just did, there wasn’t any exception to that. Following the dictates of society had brought him nothing but grief, and still, he didn’t expect empathy or understanding from anyone. Not even his own family. And yet, he loved his family. It was enough to break my heart.
Even now, not everyone received the support they should. I was lucky in that respect. At least my immediate family did. Sympathy made me reach out to him, a light hand on his arm. “It’s alright. You’re not going to be rejected for it, I promise you. There’s a lot to catch you up on. Come on, come meet my Donovan properly. You’ll love him, he’s the most incredible man you’ll ever meet.”
“You’ll tell me how the two of you met too, I hope over dinner.”
“Absolutely. That’s a story in and of itself.”
8
As I watched the two men hug each other, I let out a breath of relief. Jon wouldn’t be hugging his father unless he was willing to forgive, and for both their sakes, I was glad. Anger only hurt the person holding onto it. It never benefited anyone in the end. And I knew Caleb Bane’s abandonment of Jon ate at my lover’s heart, so if that could be patched up, all the better.
I was dying to know what they’d said to each other, though.
Neil drifted up to stand at my shoulder. He watched the two men next to the tree talking for several minutes, without saying a word to me. I could see his relief and it made me wonder, just how much did he know? How close was he to Caleb Bane that he’d be relieved for the other man’s sake?
“Really glad your partner’s the forgiving type. I’ve been trying to get him to at least approach his son for years. He’s been hesitant to do it.”
Something about the way he said this, perhaps the expression on his face tied in with what I knew about him, caused my instincts to stir. I didn’t have Jon’s eyes, but still. Time would tell if my hunch about their relationship status was correct.
“Jon had no idea where he even was. You know the story of how they lost contact with each other?”
“Yeah, I do.” Neil cocked a brow at me, his evaluation and curiosity frank. “You’re his anchor and boyfriend, you said. You know the full story too?”
“Of course. Although I think the v
ersion I know has more than a few holes in it. Oh, they’re coming back to us.” I tried to read from Jon’s face how this was going to go. I knew he’d forgiven at least a little, but that didn’t mean they’d really move forward or try to reconnect. I couldn’t assume that much.
He must have caught my concern because he gave me a wink as he came to stand in front of us. “Let’s do proper introductions this time. Caleb, this is Donovan. Donovan, my father, Caleb Bane.”
Caleb held out a hand, which I shook, his smile bright. “Nice to meet you, Donovan. I mean that in every sense. Jonathan’s said you’re the perfect boyfriend.”
“Other way around, sir,” I answered, fighting down a blush. I didn’t know why Jon insisted on telling people that. I think he did it just to get a rise out of me. He enjoyed seeing me blush for some reason.
“I’ve invited Caleb out to dinner tonight,” Jon said. “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do. And you too, Neil.”
Neil pointed a finger to himself. “Why me?”
“You’re my father’s partner, of course you too,” he answered, as if this was perfectly obvious.
Neil looked to Caleb with an expression asking, You told him already? Only to get a shake of the head in response. Ha, I knew my instincts were right.
“He does things like that,” I said to them both, fighting down a laugh. It never ceased to amuse me, how Jon just skipped ahead in a conversation. “He reads so much that he forgets what he’s been told and what he’s seen. It gets mixed up in his head.”
Neil had something of a poleaxed expression at being so casually roped in by a man he barely knew, but Caleb wasn’t done. He moved to Neil’s side, putting a hand on the small of the man’s back, and re-introduced, “My husband.”
Freezing, Jon looked between them carefully. “Well, damn. I should have picked up on that better. Wait, I have another step-father?”
Shooting Caleb a chiding look—Neil clearly felt that news could have waited a little—he bravely held out a hand anyway. “Yeah, you do. Nice to officially meet you, Jon.”
“Thank god, I finally have a step-father I can like. It’s a pleasure to know you, Neil. I mean that in all sincerity. You have a lovely aura.”
Neil flushed, the pink going straight into the premature gray of his hair. “Thank you. But how do you know you’ll like me?”
“Oh trust me, I know. I can tell within minutes of meeting someone if I’ll want to burn their house down or not.”
“He’s not been wrong yet,” I filled in as an aside.
“I’m occasionally wrong,” he returned with a careless shrug. “Let’s pick a restaurant and go eat, catch up over dinner. I’m starving and I’ve got a lot of questions.”
“Sure, there’s a good place not far from here.” Neil pulled out his phone. “We both need to head back into the office for about a half hour, wrap up a few things. Can you meet us there?”
“Sure.”
“Let me look up the address.”
Belatedly, I realized that while Sho had covered the basics, these two needed to really understand how Jon operated. I erred on the side of caution and reiterated: “Ah, gentlemen? Make sure there’s at least a few feet between you two before you use anything electronic. Trust me, he’ll fry them otherwise.”
Both men looked at each other, a little confused, then focused on Jon in curiosity. It was Caleb who asked, “Really? You said you fry anything electronic, but does it take just a second on your part?”
“I touch it, it goes zap,” he explained sourly, face scrunched up in a grimace. “Sometimes just lengthy exposure makes it go zap. Donovan is a lifesaver, you have no idea. It was hell before he came to me.”
“My only real regret in life is that I didn’t come to you sooner,” I told him honestly.
Perking back up, he came in close and hugged me around the waist, a happy sigh slipping from his throat. “You say such sweet things.”
I wrapped an arm around him in return, dropping a kiss on the top of his head. Frankly, it relieved me that he was being so affectionate in front of these two. It said a great deal about how comfortable he was. Caleb and Neil both watched us carefully, Caleb especially looking happy for his son. Happy for us both, perhaps.
“Caleb, check your phone,” Jon said, pulling back from the hug but staying within the circle of my arm. “I hugged you earlier—that might have killed it.”
“It’s in my back pocket,” he assured his son, even as he took three cautious steps back and pulled the phone out. “Still working.”
Jon let out a pent-up breath of relief. “Good. Let’s load up.”
As he headed for the Humvee, I took a minute with both fathers while ostensibly getting the address for the restaurant. Holding up a staying hand, I warned them in a low tone, “There’s a few rules with him. Please follow them—it embarrasses and frustrates him if he damages something by accident. Only take him somewhere in his own vehicle. It has EMP shielding around the engine. Nothing else is safe for him to ride in. Don’t bring anything electronic within five feet of him if you can help it.”
Caleb listened intently to every word, his eyes penetrating as they searched my face. “Just how powerful of a psychic is he?”
“Pretty damn powerful—or at least that’s been my take on it. The CIA and FBI have tried to recruit him numerous times. His psychic power basically doesn’t have an off switch. He’s on high all the time. Before me, he didn’t even have shields.”
Caleb winced. “God. No wonder he said it was hell before you.”
Of course. This man had been married to a psychic at one point, so he understood better than most. I relaxed a notch. Caleb would do his best to adhere to those rules—my gut told me that. One look at Neil’s expression told me he’d do his best as well. I got a good vibe from Neil. Jon’s confidence that he’d like the man also assured me he was a good person. I looked forward to getting to know him better, assuming Jon and Caleb worked things out well enough to give me the opportunity to.
“Donovan, seriously, how did he survive?” Neil asked, voice rising a little with incredulity. “In this modern age, where computers reign, it must be like navigating a minefield for him.”
“More or less,” I admitted frankly, hands splayed in a shrug. “But I’ll let him tell you the story. And when you see our place, you’ll appreciate how savvy he was setting it up.”
Caleb somewhat delicately asked, “‘Our’ place?”
“I moved in with him two months ago,” I explained without a qualm.
“Good for you,” Neil approved. “I’m glad to see at least one Bane on this planet knows how to keep a relationship moving.”
Caleb gave him a dirty look. I sensed quite the story there. Hopefully I’d get it out of them later.
Neil showed me the address, and I typed it into my phone quickly. I exchanged numbers with Neil as well, just in case. Then I climbed into the Humvee, playing navigator, and was frankly glad for a few minutes of privacy so Jon could settle. He didn’t offer anything as we drove and I didn’t press him for answers. I was perfectly content to let him process.
Neil directed us to meet them at Holston’s Kitchen, which we did. We beat them there and got out of the car, lingering in the crisp autumn air outside the main door. As we stood there, Jon got that pinched expression on his face that never signaled anything good. I bumped him lightly with an elbow. “What?”
“Something you said earlier made me think. That you have to work to keep secrets from me. Natalie and Mom are the same—they’ve learned how to keep secrets, hard as it is. I have to wonder, how many secrets are they keeping where Caleb is concerned?”
I’d wondered when he would turn his mind to that problem. I also noted the use of his father’s first name with a faint wince. He wasn’t ready to absolve or forgive the man entirely, was he? Then again, I knew better than most that it took time for Jon to work through emotional problems. “You’d be able to see if they were lying to you, so the basics of what they sa
id had to be the truth.”
“Yeah. But it’s so easy to manipulate the truth if you’re careful with how you phrase things, of how much you share. The reason why I’m paid as much as I am is because I’ve learned how to dig deeper than the surface until I reach the full truth. But I’ve never interrogated my family. Why should I? The truth seemed apparent enough to me.”
“Babe. You were seven. And as an adult, you haven’t really asked for the details of what happened. It was too painful. Even if you had, would it have done any good? You didn’t even know where he was until today.”
“I could have found out,” Jon said with a sigh. “He’s a medical examiner, for god’s sake, he’d be listed with any police department he worked for. A Google search would likely bring him up.”
Yeah, okay, he had a fair point there. Especially as we specialized in finding people. It would have been relatively easy. “Kicking yourself for time lost is probably not the best use of your time and energy. What you need to focus on right now is, how much have you been manipulated and by whom? Natalie was old enough when your dad left to have the score, right?”
“She was seventeen at that point,” Jon agreed slowly. “But she was so mad, she was locked up in her room most of the time. I barely saw her for a good year after Dad told us he was divorcing Mom. And Rodger was around all the time after that. She dislikes him as much as I do, so she left for college pretty quickly. I didn’t really see her much until I moved in with her ten years later.”
I thought of what that must have been like. To lose both father and essentially sister all in one fell swoop. To be stuck instead with a man you disliked for years until being essentially thrown out of the house. Was it any wonder he had trust issues? “So if something hinky was going on, do you think she’d have noticed?”
“I don’t know,” Jon answered, clearly thinking hard. “My memories of that time are fuzzy. I want to sit everyone down and ask them some hard questions, get to the bottom of this. I know Caleb isn’t lying to me. He really did try to stay in contact with us. He was thwarted by someone, and I know who.”