Instead, he’d wanted to breed an heir with me to secure his hold on the pack. He’d known I was coming into my strength, and when I did, I would have challenged him for the lead alpha position and won. Now, Saint wanted to breed an heir with me for the same reasons.
Saint was looking out for the pack in that regard, which I should have cared about, but I didn’t. They’d turned against me so easily that it left a gaping wound where my heart had been. I’d played victim to my father, enduring countless torture sessions so that they never had to feel his malice or anger.
Sure, they were unaware of what I’d survived because I’d never wanted their pity. I didn’t want anyone to know what my father had done to me. It was shameful, and his madness would taint my line if anyone ever learned of his sick, twisted deeds against me. Most of his crimes were out in the open now, except for my torture sessions. What good would it do for me to admit to being his victim? Nothing.
I didn’t need their pity or for them to look at me with shame. Bloodlines were everything to a pack, and now, because of Harold, mine was tainted with sickness. It was a disease that would make me a mockery and scorned alpha’s mate. It would be whispered about behind hands as they’d condemn me with their eyes. It did no good to dwell on it, and I felt nothing but disgrace because I hadn’t been strong enough to fight against him.
Saint’s scent filled the air. I inhaled, bringing the joint back up to my lips, knowing he was about to make the same offer to fill my womb, and I would probably take it to escape my room, to escape him. I had no intention of allowing him to breed me and take my child, but I would do whatever it took to flee this place that no longer wanted me.
Saint leaned against the railing, peering out over the mountain range covered in splashes of red, orange, and mauve as the sun set behind it. Exhaling, he turned toward me, and I pretended he hadn’t invaded my space, disturbing the calming peace the view offered.
“You’re mine, Brat. You’ve always been mine,” his deep voice rumbled, watching the frown that formed on my mouth. “If you ignore it, you chance going feral.”
I lifted the joint, inhaling it deeply until my lungs burned. If I were lucky, I’d be able to sleep without nightmares of Lucas haunting me tonight. They’d plagued me every night since he’d taken a blade to my thighs, shredding them until he’d hit bone.
I’d had to remain upright or be cut into pieces by the razor wire holding me up. I hadn’t even been able to pass out from the pain or give in to the blanket of unconsciousness where I’d typically gone when Lucas and my father started cutting parts of me open.
The smell of decaying bodies decomposing was forever burned into my memory. I would never forget the scent of them or the way the odor clung to my flesh. I’d scrubbed my body raw every day, trying to remove it, yet I could still smell their rotting corpses—haunting me.
“Are you going to give me the silent treatment for much longer?” Saint pushed his shoulder against mine as he’d often done when flirting before our world had crashed and burned into a fiery death that was beyond salvaging now. “I miss your voice. I missed it every night when I was being ripped apart, Brae. They used to bring me pictures of you and tell me about your life. I heard how you’d been free with your body. Obviously, that had been a ruse to take away what little hope I’d been able to muster up.” He reached over, taking the joint from my lips to take a drag.
“The first few months after I was sent away were the hardest for me. I prayed for you, hoping you’d see the error of your ways and rescind the rejection. Eryx said it was false hope and that we’d misjudged you and your intentions. Six months into being tortured, I gave you up. I didn’t pray to hear your pretty voice in my dreams because you’d become my nightmare. The one thing that I could never have again,” he rumbled, handing me back the joint. “Not because I couldn’t come back and take it, but because I no longer thought I was worthy of you,” he laughed, moving to cage his body in behind mine.
“I need to know what part Carleigh played in what happened down in that storage container,” he growled against my ear. I tried to move away from him, trembling with the memories, but he held me in place. “I know you don’t want to talk about it. I get it, trust me. I lived through that shit, too, Braelyn. You didn’t even get a taste of what they did to us, but you need to know that I never intended for you to get hurt. I wanted you to know the hopelessness that those taken from their packs felt before being sold off to whatever sick asshole purchased them. You were supposed to be safe and unharmed.”
I shuddered violently as angry tears burned my eyes. Saint’s scent smothered me in comfort I didn’t want or need. His body continued to block mine from escaping. Hands wrapped around my body, and he held me tightly as a sob fought to escape my throat.
“Was she there when…?”
“When he cut me with his blade? Or the time he sliced my thighs open to ensure I couldn’t stand anymore? No. She only came in long enough to tie me up, inflict a few cuts of her own, hoping to speed up the process, and left me to die. Don’t worry; you don’t have to kill your mistress, Saint. The cuts weren’t very deep.” I whispered, barely audible past the tears that tightened in my throat.
“She was a mother, you know? Carleigh watched traffickers murder her daughter on a live feed. Subscribers paid twenty thousand dollars to watch her daughter and sister tortured. They placed them on a barrel that was tilted, forcing them to balance on it for hours. Her daughter didn’t last long. She was severed into pieces because some sick bastard wanted to watch a child die. Her sister lasted until she watched her niece falling to the floor, dead. She stepped off the barrel, willingly.”
I closed my eyes against the imagery he painted. Carleigh told me why she put me on the barrel wrapped in razor wire, but I didn’t tell that to Saint. It had plagued my dreams, dying similarly because Carleigh wanted me to suffer like her family. Shame burned through me, and Saint growled at what he thought it meant. To him, I was guilty. Every emotion I allowed to slip because of what I had endured, he took to mean that I felt shame at being involved in my father’s wickedness.
“I can’t fault Carleigh for wanting you dead, Braelyn. From the evidence we’ve seen, you look guilty,” he growled, tightening his arms around me until it became hard to breathe. “Tell me what part you played in this, and I can save you. Or, I can at least figure out what to do with you.”
“I didn’t play a part in any of this, Saint. You’ve already condemned me, so what I say doesn’t matter. I am guilty just because I share the same blood as my father. You and your people have deemed yourselves my judge, jury, and eventually, you will be my executioner. Carleigh gets a pass because she was forced to endure some sick shit that happened to her, but me? I am found guilty without proof, simply because I failed to notice just how fucked up my father really was.”
“There’s no way he ran his operation and stored his victims here without your knowledge,” he argued. “You are too fucking smart for him to have managed this scale of an operation without you figuring it out.”
“See, guilty. Just like I said. Get the fuck off of me,” I whispered, fighting to get out of his arms.
“Do you have any idea how many children we pulled out of those fucking containers?”
“They were all covered in cayenne pepper, Saint! You didn’t smell them either, did you? Did you hear them screaming? Could you tell they were out there? That field was used for battle, which is why it is called the killing fields. The name had nothing to do with them being out there. Ask anyone what they’re called or their previous purpose! I didn’t know the containers were even out there. Harold had forbidden anyone from going into those fields. They held no purpose to the pack; none whatsoever, which is why no one questioned his orders.”
Saint didn’t release me or even acknowledge I’d spoken. He yanked me with him, moving into the bedroom before shoving me down on the bed. His eyes watched as I spun around, standing up to face off against him.
“Go back to your girlfriend. I can smell her all over you. She wants you, and that’s more than I can say about me. Besides, why breed a child with someone who would more than likely fucking eat it?” I snarled, watching the way his emotions shut down.
“Because the pack is held through your bloodline,” he chuckled coldly. “You and I both know the pack will stay here as long as you or your child remains on this mountain. They’re here because they belong here. Without a home, they’re in danger of being hunted down and murdered. Fenrir wolves are already on the brink of extinction, which is exactly why they’re up here hiding from the world. Would you really be so selfish as to sentence them to death after their daughters, girlfriends, sisters, mothers, and their fucking children were sold by your bloodline? And you wonder why we assume you are part of what happened here? You’ve given us no other plausible explanation, Braelyn. Everything you’ve ever done has been to benefit you and your father.”
“Get out of my room,” I stated angrily.
“Get your pretty ass dressed for dinner, Brae. You’re joining me tonight with the pack. We’re celebrating our victory and your father’s fall from grace.”
“They don’t want me around anymore, Saint. Go enjoy your dinner with your girlfriend and leave me the fuck out of shit from now on.”
“It doesn’t work like that,” he laughed soundlessly, stalking me as I stepped back until I hit something solid. His hand landed beside my head, flush against the wall. The other hand lifted, grabbing my hair to rub the silky strand between his fingers. My eyes searched his, noting the way his tongue wetted his lips before he dropped his heated gaze to my mouth. “What’s it going to be, Brat?”
“If I agree to what you want, can I be free from your men following me?” I asked, knowing he’d say no.
“Not happening,” he snorted, lowering his nose to trail it over the curve of my jawline. “You’re too much of a flight risk, and we both know you’d run from me.”
“Can I move about freely? I miss the library, Saint. I miss being able to move around the lodge. Your men have prevented me from entering the one place I actually enjoy. I miss reading and lounging by the fireplace with my books.”
“I can give you that freedom, but you’d still be watched.” His heated breath fanned the flames of need that tightened my belly. He dropped my hair, slowly moving down to the raised peak that pressed against my shirt, rolling my nipple between his fingers, causing a soft gasp to escape my lips. “You make the most delicious noises for me, Brat.”
“I need to know the details of how this works before I will consider permitting it to happen.” I leaned my head back against the wall as his mouth sucked against the rapidly beating pulse on the soft column of my throat. He chuckled huskily, watching my body succumb to his skillful seduction.
“You’d begin hormone shots tonight. It would increase your libido and your heat cycle to bypass waiting for the moon to assist your womb. Each night you’d allow me to fuck you, maybe even during the day, depending on my schedule. Once you are with child, I’d still fuck you because you’re mine.”
“And our child? Do I end up removed from their life after I’ve given birth?” I whispered, whimpering as his hand cupped my sex, holding my stare.
“No, because I intend to breed many from you,” he uttered huskily, rubbing his fingers against the clenching pulse he created between my thighs. “Remember when I asked you how many babies you wanted?”
“All the babies,” I replied, holding his gaze. “I wanted to be the mother to all of your babies, and you wanted many. I was silly and hadn’t been allowed to see how they were brought into the world yet, Saint. I’ve assisted in births and have changed my mind on how many I want since then.”
“You’ll give me pretty, powerful alpha babies, Braelyn. I have no intention of staying away from you or your body anymore. I fucked Carleigh before coming back for you on this mountain, and I don’t intend to take anyone else now. I have my mate back, and her body is what I crave. This…” he growled, pushing his fingers against my opening. “…is mine to destroy. If you agree to be mine and carry my children for me, I will ensure you and our children are protected.”
“And Chaos?” I whispered. My body pushed into his touch, needing to feel him buried in my core. This connection, the one that mates shared, was undeniable. There was no fighting our chemistry, and I’d allow it to happen because I had no intentions of sticking around here. If fucking Saint meant being free of him, his people, and this mountain, then I’d fuck him like he was my oxygen and the air that filled my lungs.
“If you’re a good girl and behave, I will let you around my son again. I won’t let you hurt him as you did me, Brat. He doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of our fight, and that’s where he is. He is devoted to you, blindly so. You’re so fucking easy to crave and love that no one can see the evil beneath the surface.”
I swallowed, pushing him away from me. “Careful throwing rocks at other people’s glass houses, Saint. Once they break the glass, you can never put the demons you unleash back into it. The prettiest cages and palaces hide the ugliest monsters more often than not.” I looked away, seeming in thought before turning back to face him. “I’ll do it, but only if you allow me to be inside the library without your men hovering. There is only one way in and one way out. I’m just asking to be inside alone and lose myself in fantasies to escape the reality you’ve created for me here.”
His attention slid over my face before he lifted his shirt over his head, tossing it aside. “There are windows you could use to escape the room. You attempted to escape through one of them when I trapped you.”
His fingers flicked the button of his jeans open, and he pushed them down as his cock jutted up against his tight, smooth stomach muscles. “I failed because they were too high to reach, easily. Your men would catch me before I could reach them.”
“Probably,” he admitted, stepping closer to me to grab the gown I wore, pulling it up over my head. His gaze dropped to my naked breasts, and his hands cupped their heavy weight while he studied me. “I’ll agree, but know that my men will be outside the window and stationed at the door. You won’t be allowed to be alone with anyone but me inside the library.”
Saint slid his hands down my stomach, catching both bows on my hips, untying them to let my panties drop to the ground. He slid a finger against my opening, finding my body ready for his. “That’s fine. I’ve wanted to fuck you inside the library since our link was cemented there, anyway.” I lifted my ass, rocking it to show him I was willing. “Show me how willing you are to let me have you, Brat,” he rumbled thickly as he took control, smiling devilishly at the scent my body released for him.
“I’m not your Brat any longer, Saint,” I reminded.
His deep laughter made my chest tighten as he grabbed my hands, turning me around to face the wall. Saint’s feet forced my legs apart, and before I could argue what he was doing, he pushed into my body. I gasped, moaning loudly with how far he stretched my pussy, driving his thick cock into my body slowly.
“Harder,” I growled, but he didn’t give me what I wanted. Instead, he moved slowly while forcing my body to the edge of the cliff. He rocked his hips, holding mine painfully as he began moving in a torturously slow thrust that seemed—less than what I needed. “Saint, please.”
“Please, what? Please fuck you like a whore? You’re my mate, Brat. I know what you want and what you need. I sense your need to be used so that you can hate me easier. I feel that desire to have me hurt you as surely as I feel your necessity to run from me. You are mine, and in being mine, I sense everything about you. It’s why you’ll never finish marking me. I won’t allow you to know what I need or want from you. You don’t get me, Braelyn. I’ll have you, but you will never fully have me. Not after I promised you the world, and it wasn’t enough for you.”
“I hate you,” I whimpered. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I gave in to the emotions he cr
eated. Tears slipped free, raining down my cheeks as Saint chuckled behind me. His hand snaked around, rubbing slow, lazy circles against my clit until I shook with the force of the orgasm that rocked through me. I felt him stiffening behind me and knew he was coming from the way he tensed, withdrawing from my body to stare at my arched spine.
“Wash up for dinner and wear something pretty. No panties, though, and make sure your midriff is exposed. The medic I brought with me up the mountain will need easy access to it tonight. You start injections this evening, and I intend to breed you tonight. It might take a while for the injections to work, but there’s no reason for me to stay out of your bed or your cunt anymore. You’re healed, and I am finding it hard to stay away from you now.”
“You’ll keep your promise to me?”
“You’ll have full access to the library, and privacy to be alone within it, Braelyn. Once you’re pregnant with my child, you will be heavily guarded, though. I won’t take a chance on someone challenging you while you carry my babe. I’ve also decided that we will be moving to a larger room, as this one isn’t big enough for the two of us. Chaos will join us in your father’s old apartments. You and I will live as the alphas to the pack, even if they don’t want you here anymore. I still want you, and that is my choice as alpha. They don’t have to like it, but they will respect it. I suggest you start packing up your shit so that we can move tomorrow.”
Chapter Nineteen
Showered and dressed in a maxi skirt with slits up both hips, I peered at my exhausted reflection. The top I wore was simple and light blue, allowing the outline of my breasts to show through it. My hair hung loose since I was too mentally drained to bother with it or makeup tonight.
Saint hadn’t left the room, dressing behind me while studying me through narrowed eyes. If he sensed I was exhausted, he said nothing. Turning to face him, I paused as a knock sounded at the door. I watched him open it while I waited silently behind him.
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