by Jeane Watier
“Hello, Rachael? It’s Brian.”
“Hi, Brian,” she smiled, taking note of the deep tone and fluid texture of his voice. “It was great seeing you today. Did you have a good time with your family this afternoon?”
“Yeah, we did; my family’s great. We always have fun together. It was kind of emotional, though; it’s eight years ago today that my brother, Steve, passed away.”
Rachael wasn’t sure how to respond. All of a sudden she felt tongue tied. Should I offer my condolences, or is that something you only do with recent deaths? I wonder whether he’s feeling down now. Should I say something uplifting?
Before she could respond, he continued as though he’d read her mind, “I mean...we don’t get all weepy about it; we just talk about him and remember the good times. We laugh a lot, too. He was a really funny guy. He could have been a comedian; he loved to make people laugh.”
“Sounds like he was a great guy.”
“The best. I really looked up to him.”
Rachael could hear the pride in Brian’s voice. It touched her deeply. He seemed so emotionally connected. Sensitive, in a manly way. She thought of Gail’s teasing and smiled at her own silly list.
“How was your day?” he asked.
“It’s been great,” she replied. “Gail and I always have fun together. She’s my best friend; we can talk for hours.”
“I’ve noticed you there before; you’re regulars,” he stated. “It sounds corny, but I always want to go up to my regular customers and thank them for coming back. They could go anywhere, but they keep coming back to my place. So, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She was starting to feel at ease again. “It’s not just by chance, you know, that people keep going back to your place. There’s something about it that Gail and I love. It’s the perfect blend of a bar and a coffee shop. It’s so comfortable and relaxing. I love the atmosphere, and the music you play is fabulous.”
“It’s been a work in progress,” he admitted. “When I first bought it, it had booths with ragged, vinyl upholstery. I got rid of the booths right away and put in tables, but then it seemed cold and sterile looking, so I hired an interior designer. She suggested breaking it up with the fireplace in the center and putting in low tables and comfortable chairs. My sister thought it had a ‘Starbucks’ feel to it, so we decided to play that up and add specialty coffees and hot drinks to our menu.”
“I like that it’s nonsmoking.”
“I lost a few customers over that, but I’ve more than made up for it with new ones. But enough small talk,” he said, almost too abruptly. “I called to ask you out. I want to see that movie, but it’s more than that…I like you, and I’d like to go out with you.”
“I like you too, Brian.” Rachael could hardly contain her excitement. “It feels so good talking with you, and we have a lot in common. I’d love to go out with you.”
“Whew. I’m glad we settled that,” Brian laughed. He sounded relieved, and Rachael realized he’d been nervous in asking her out. She liked that about him. “I hate making small talk,” he continued, “but you know what it’s like at the beginning—you wonder what the other person is thinking or if they like you.”
“I agree. It is a bit awkward.” Rachael felt the rest of her tension leave, and she laughed with him. “So, no more small talk. When is the movie playing? It sounds really interesting.”
“It’s showing on Tuesday night. Does that work for you? I usually work weeknights, but I can call Phil. He’s a student, and he’ll take all the extra hours I can give him.”
“Tuesday’s perfect.”
“The movie starts at seven-thirty. Would you like to go out for an early dinner first?”
“That sound’s great. Do you want to...meet somewhere?” Rachael didn’t want to assume he’d pick her up, but she hoped that he would.
“No, this is a real date. I’d like to pick you up. You’re okay with that, aren’t you? I mean…” He hesitated. “I guess that sounded rather chauvinistic.”
“Brian, don’t worry. I would have been disappointed if you hadn’t offered.” She gave him her address and then added, “I’m home from work by five-thirty. You could pick me up at six.”
“Why don’t I make reservations for six-fifteen? That should give us enough time to eat before the movie.” He paused. “I’m looking forward to this.”
“Me too.”
~
Jenna didn’t know how long she’d been writing in her journal when Geoff came in the room.
“I got the kids in bed and read to them,” he said. “They want you to give them a kiss and a hug.”
“Thanks.” It surprised her that he’d taken care of everything; she hadn’t even heard them come upstairs. After spending a few minutes with each of the kids, she returned to the bedroom. Geoff was already in bed.
“It’s been quite the weekend.” She went into the closet to change.
“I’m glad it’s over,” Geoff replied, smiling weakly, “and I’m glad you’re back.”
“I needed to think.” She knew she didn’t have to justify her actions, but she wanted to explain more about the process she’d been through. “I understand now that nobody’s responsible for the way I feel, except me. I’m going to do whatever it takes to feel better consistently, and I’m not going to let you or anyone else be the reason I don’t feel good.”
“Babe, I don’t want to be the reason you don’t feel good,” Geoff said with conviction. “I don’t ever want to hurt you like that again.”
“That’s what I’m trying to say.” Jenna was beginning to understand it more clearly, herself. “There will always be people who could potentially hurt me, even if they don’t mean to. I want to be so in control of my emotions that no one has that power over me—no matter what they do or don’t do.”
“Is that possible?” Geoff asked.
“Yes,” she declared. “I believe it is. I can’t do anything about the money you lost, and I certainly can’t do anything about the way my life was growing up. What’s done is done. But now I’m able to choose how I respond to it.”
“You seem so...different.”
“I am different.” Jenna pulled down the covers and slipped into bed. “What happened this weekend changed me.” She listened to her words and decided to rephrase them. “Actually, I made the change, by deliberately choosing to feel better. I’m not there yet—I still have work to do, but at least I know where I’m going.”
Jenna turned off her bedside lamp, and they lay quietly beside each other. She missed the intimacy they’d once had, and she wanted to feel Geoff’s arms around her. What she really longed for was the closeness that went beyond just the physical, but she knew it would take some time.
Reaching out to him, she whispered, “Hold me.” He put his arms around her, and she closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of his body next to hers. It felt good. They still had some issues to work through, but Jenna knew they’d taken some very important first steps.
Chapter 15
After she hung up the phone, Rachael sat daydreaming for a few minutes. He liked her. It wasn’t just her interest in the movie or him wanting to know more about the Law of Attraction; he really liked her. She got up and danced around the room. Gail was right. The firsts were wonderful, even the awkwardness at the beginning. It was all so delicious; she just wanted to savor it. Reaching for her trusted journal, she sat down and began to write.
It was hard focusing on anything but Brian for the next two days. At lunch, Gail was full of advice on what to wear and what to do and not do. Jenna joined them as well, and Rachael was pleased to see her smiling and even laughing with them.
Rachael loved her life. She’d created every bit of it, and it was perfect. And it was about to get even better. She had to laugh at the prospect of ‘better than perfect,’ but she knew it was true. In an ever-expanding universe, even ‘perfect’ has no limit.
Tuesday afternoon seemed endless. She’d asked to leave work a
n hour early. Her supervisor was great; she knew the reason and made Rachael promise to tell her all about the big date. At home, she took her time getting ready. Normally, she didn’t spend much time on clothes or makeup, but she wanted to look and feel really special. She decided on black pants and a sweater that Gail had given her for her birthday—a burgundy cashmere with a low, rounded neckline. Picking up the matching scarf, she looped it around her neck.
She put on her favorite perfume and at the last minute decided to wear lipstick, a soft pink. Then she stood in front of the mirror and smiled approvingly at the image staring back at her. It was going to be an unforgettable evening.
The doorbell rang, and Rachael opened the door to see Brian standing there with a grin on his face. He was wearing a black leather jacket and black dress pants. He had on a rib knit sweater in a deep, smoky blue—the color of his eyes. He looked incredible. She smiled and invited him in. He was looking at her, too.
“You look beautiful,” he said softly.
“Thank you.” Rachael felt herself blushing as she turned to pick up her coat and purse. She took a deep breath, reminding herself to be present in each moment and drink in every detail.
Brian helped her with her coat and then held the door as they walked out. She didn’t know how many guys still did those kinds of things—certainly not the guys she’d dated in the past few years.
“I’m really looking forward to seeing this movie,” she chatted as they drove. “Learning about the Law of Attraction has changed my life. It’s the most impressive teaching I’ve ever come across.”
“I’m beginning to see that, too. I was talking to my friend about it the other day. He told me all the things that have been changing in his life since he first heard about it. His marriage was falling apart, and now that he and his wife have been applying what they learned, things have really started to turn around.” Brian laughed, “He even got out of paying a speeding ticket using this stuff.”
“Really? How did he do that?”
“He said that after he got the ticket, he tossed it on the dash of his car. Normally, he would have been upset about it, but he decided it was no big deal, just money, and that feeling good was more important. The next day he looked at the ticket and realized the cop had written the wrong date on it. When he called in to see what he should do about it, they told him it was his lucky day. He could plead not guilty, because he hadn’t been where they said he was on that day and neither had the cop.”
“That’s great,” Rachael laughed. “The universe is so creative when it comes to our well-being. I love hearing stories like that.”
“Yeah, I know. This is still new to me, but I can already see how it works.” He glanced at her and she wondered if he was referring to the way they’d met.
Before she knew it, Brian pulled into a parking spot, and Rachael realized she’d been so completely engrossed in their conversation, that she had no recollection whatsoever of how they’d arrived there. It was simply the power of focus, but she loved the magical feel of it. The evening was beginning to have a surreal quality—time and space seemed to take on enchanting, new characteristics—and their date had only just begun.
The restaurant was a chic Italian trattoria. She’d heard of it, but had never been there. The hostess seemed to know Brian and smiled at them both, before taking them right to their table. It was a cozy little spot by a window. The lights were dim, and soft classical music was playing.
Brian pulled out the chair for Rachael, and once seated, she glanced out the window and gasped, “Oh my God, Brian, that’s breathtaking! I’ve never seen the river from this view before. It looks like a painting come to life.” The sun was setting, and the water was sparkling. The footbridge over the river was draped with strings of white lights, thousands of them. People were out walking along the river, enjoying the beauty. Rachael took a second to capture the image in her mind.
“This is one of my favorite restaurants. I met the owner at a businessmen’s meeting last year, and we’ve become friends.” He shook his head, frowning. “Okay, that wasn’t politically correct. It wasn’t just a men’s meeting, it was men and women.” He seemed nervous.
Rachael laughed and tried to ease his discomfort by touching his hand lightly. “It’s all right. I didn’t take offense. It’s the way people have been saying it for decades. I know what you meant.”
He turned his hand over and caught her fingers before she pulled them away. She liked the feel of his thumb caressing hers. When she looked into his eyes, she saw tenderness, and in his smile, sincerity. She studied him for a moment. His face looks so smooth, he must have just shaved. I wonder what it would feel like to touch. And his hair—short at the sides and back but a little longer on top. It suits him. I like the way his eyes crinkle up when he smiles. God…that smile! Suddenly she realized she’d been staring, and she didn’t know for how long. Blushing, she decided to say what she was thinking. “You’re very easy to look at.”
“I was enjoying myself, too.”
They both laughed, easing more tension. Their server arrived, and they realized they hadn’t even opened the menu. Brian asked what the special was, and the man described chicken breast marinated with Italian herbs and grilled to perfection, topped with a creamy garlic sauce.
“I’m sold.” Rachael closed her menu and handed it to the server.
“Me too,” Brian added.
They ordered wine, but both opted to pass on the appetizers. Rachael hadn’t realized just how hungry she was. She’d been nervous and excited, but now her stomach was beginning to growl.
The server delivered a basket of fresh, steaming rolls. They smelled fabulous. Taking one, Rachael buttered it and offered it to Brian. He took it, but then picked up another roll, buttered it and handed it to her. It was a simple exchange of food, no words had been spoken, but something significant had just taken place between them.
When the wine had been poured, Brian reached for his glass as though he was about to make a toast. “Rachael, I know we’ve only known each other a few days, but I feel …” He hesitated, setting his glass down again and exhaling audibly. “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you this, but I had a dream. It was the day before I overheard you talking at the bar. My brother and I were kidding around like old times, but then he got serious and told me he had someone he wanted me to meet. I kept asking him who, but he just smiled and disappeared.” Brian stared at Rachael. “I think he wanted me to meet you.”
Rachael couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. She was feeling drawn to Brian, too. There was definitely a physical attraction, but it was more than that. Deep down, she felt he was her match, her Mr. Perfect, and yet her logical mind kept telling her she was getting carried away—that it was too soon to know.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to say, when Brian interrupted her thoughts. “Rachael, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that. I don’t want to scare you off. I don’t know what you’re feeling…This is crazy.” He ran his hand through his hair, and the effect was striking. It looked even better tousled, and Rachael could imagine running her fingers through it.
Leaning forward, she took his hand in hers. As she gazed at his handsome face, she smiled and acknowledged, simply, “I’m feeling it, too.”
Their food arrived, and they started eating, but neither of them could keep from looking at each other and smiling. Rachael usually enjoyed her food, but this time, she could hardly remember what it tasted like. She’d already memorized the shape of Brian’s face and the curve of his broad shoulders. She watched the light play off his hair and noticed the silvery flecks in his blue eyes.
“I want to know everything about you,” Brian declared. “Tell me about your family. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”
Rachael answered his questions, telling him how she’d reunited with her father before he died and about her close but not so close relationship with her older sister. “I adore my big brother,” s
he continued. “He’s an accountant here in the city. He just got married this spring, and now they’re expecting a baby. My mom still lives back east, but we get together twice a year or so. I wouldn’t say we’re close, but I do love her. She’s had a tough life. It took me a while to realize I couldn’t fix her; that’s part of the reason I needed to move away. Now I can see that she’s not broken. Nobody is.”
“Not broken.” Brian’s eyes narrowed. “That’s an interesting way to think about people.”
“I just prefer to see people complete and whole. I like to focus on their positive aspects. That’s where the Law of Attraction has helped me. As I focus on the good in people, I see more and more of it. Whatever we focus on expands.”
“That makes sense,” Brian agreed. “I’ve always tried to find the good in people. I think deep down everybody’s got it in them.”
“It’s the essence of who we are,” Rachael emphasized. “I’m reading this really good book right now. It says that we’re all God substance. We’re unique, individualized expressions of God.”11
“God substance,” Brian repeated, “I like that. Other religions teach that we’re divine, but there still seems to be an emphasis on the individual becoming whole or complete.”
“I believe we’re already whole in the sense that we’re connected with and have access to all that is. It’s just our awareness that’s lacking.”
Brian looked at his watch just then and signaled their server. “We’d better get going; the movie starts in twenty minutes.” Brian gave the waiter cash and then went around to pull out Rachael’s chair for her.
“I could get used to being treated like this,” she smiled at him as he helped her on with her coat.
“Just being a gentleman.”
“Your kind is becoming extinct,” she laughed.
As they walked to the car, Rachael tucked her arm in Brian’s, feeling confident and playful. “Now it’s your turn,” she stated. “I want to know about you.”