by Kelsey Soliz
“I know. When I took the job I never thought I’d be there this long, you know? Kind of thought I’d get back on my feet while I figured out what I wanted to be when I finally grew up. Now here I am, grown up, and I’m living the life that Brad has planned out for us but I don’t feel like I have a say in it. I don’t feel like I am living. Cara, I don’t think I can marry him. Shit. I can’t marry him!”
“There it is. You sure this isn’t some spur-of-the-moment insanity and you’re not going to wake up tomorrow wondering what the hell you were worried about?”
“Huh. Maybe. I don’t know. I am so sick of stuffy work meetings and business trips. Of wearing fucking pencil skirts and blouses. Of picking things to wear based off of what Brad will think of it. Maybe I want to show off the girls a little, huh?”
“Maybe you should just quit and see if putting some distance between you guys would improve your relationship?”
“If I didn’t work there, I’d hardly see him. It’s a thought though. He said he wanted time to prove that he could fix things, but I just don’t know if I want him to. He just doesn’t make me swoon anymore. Somewhere along the way, he stopped making me feel beautiful and wanted. I think this has been over for a long time now and I’ve just been to blind to see it.”
“I would tell you to not make any hasty decisions, but sometimes you just gotta do what your gut tells you. What is your gut telling you?”
I thought about that for a minute and thrilled at the idea of freedom to do what I wanted for a change.
“My gut is telling me that we’re not in love anymore and probably haven’t been for a while. My gut is telling me to go dancing and kiss strangers just because I can. I want to travel for fun to a location of my choosing, and not be limited by where there’s a business function. I want to fucking live, Cara.”