by Mari Mancusi
I guess an explanation is in order. But not with the nosy proprietor nearby, obviously eavesdropping while pretending to sweep the floor. “It’s a long story. I can’t explain now. But I’m at Moongazer Palace. Can you come get me?”
“I’ll be there in five minutes. They’ve got sensors to alert them if the rabbit holes are activated from the inside, so you’ll have to come down to me. I’ll meet you at the bottom of the ladder. But be careful, Skye. The government’s looking for you. And they’ll pretty much stop at nothing to get you back.”
“I know,” I say. “Please hurry.”
I head outside and down the street till I find the rabbit hole. It’s the one Dawn and I used on my first trip to Terra. That day seems like a lifetime ago, and my heart thuds in anticipation of seeing him again. I’ve missed him, I realize. Even in this short time of being apart, I’ve missed him dreadfully.
I climb down, deeper into the darkness, the air becoming thicker and sickly sweet the further down I go. My lungs struggle to take it in, and panic swells. But I force myself to practice my breathing exercises. As long as I stay calm, there’s plenty of air. At least for now.
I step off the ladder and onto the road. The air is still and quiet. The fans unmoving, just as the girls had described. A moment later, Dawn pulls up on his bike, parking it and jumping off, throwing his arms around me and squeezing me so tightly it’s even more difficult to breathe. “Oh, Skye,” he cries, burying his face in my hair. “Oh, sweetie, I thought I’d never see you again.”
I nestle my head against his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat against my ear. He feels so good. So solid, warm. I breathe him in, his musky scent tickling my nose. He’s so beautiful, so wonderful. So passionate and loving. How could I have ever thought to leave him, to abandon all that he is for a shallow existence on Earth?
Never again, the voice inside me whispers. You belong with him. And you should do everything in your power to stay by his side.
Dawn pulls out of the hug, cupping my face in his hands, looking down at me with loving, desperate eyes. “Why did you come back?” he asks, his voice fraught with concern. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to see you. But it’s not safe here. The government, they’ve …” He trails off, gesturing weakly to the fans. “We’ll be dead in a week if they have their way.”
“I heard,” I say, standing on my tiptoes to kiss him lightly on the mouth. His lips tremble as they meet mine. “That’s why I came back. You need me.”
“I’d rather you were safe,” he says, pointing at his bike. “But go ahead, get on, we’ll go to headquarters. Everyone’s already gathered. We’re trying to work out a plan.”
After a short trip, we arrive at the Eclipser headquarters and go through all the bells and whistles to obtain admittance. Inside, all the usual suspects are gathered. Their faces are drawn and anxious, and none of them look like they’ve eaten or slept for days. The air inside is even thicker and staler, if possible, and I’m finding it very difficult to breathe.
They look up when we enter, concern etched on each and every face.
“Sister Mariah,” Ruth greets me, rising from the table to walk over. Her movements are slow, probably to conserve air. “We thought you left. That you went back to Earth.”
I accept her weak hug, feeling the guilt rise all over again, even though there was no condemnation in her voice. “I did. But then I heard what the Circle had done. All because of me. I couldn’t just stay on Earth and let you guys suffer for my sake.”
Kayce frowns. “At least there you were relatively safe. I don’t think you realize how dangerous your situation is here. They’ll wait until we’re half dead and too weak to fight back, then charge in here full force, leaving no stone unturned until they locate you.” He sinks back into his chair. “On Earth, at least they wouldn’t have found you.”
“You don’t know that. And besides, what good would that do? You’d all be dead. What good is it for me to be safe for the revolution if the revolution has been reduced to a pile of bodies at the bottom of a pit? That’s stupid.” I realize I’m being harsh, but what else can I do? They’ve got to see reason here.
“They’re bluffing,” suggests Hiro. “They wouldn’t really kill us all. They need us for mining.”
“Unless they’re planning to use nTs instead,” I remind him.
Dawn cringes. In fact, they all do. I guess none of them really wants to admit this could be one act of mass genocide, taking care of a troublesome population once and for all.
“No,” Kayce says finally. “I refuse to believe it. This will all blow over. We just have to stay strong. In the meantime, we need to get you out of here.”
Dawn nods. “Yes, Skye. We need you to go back to Earth.”
I stare at him, mouth open. “You want me to go back?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
He nods. “You know I’m still not a fan of Moongazing, but it’s better than the alternative. They’ll find you and kill you if you stay.” He shoots me a pointed look. “And I’m not going to stand around and let that happen.”
The room erupts in murmurs as the Eclipsers discuss the situation at hand. I grab Dawn’s arm and drag him to the back of the room. “Are you crazy?” I hiss. “You really want me to hide out on Earth while you guys suffer here?”
“Yes,” he says simply.
“But you think ‘Gazing is dangerous. Addictive.”
“Addiction is better than annihilation.”
“But I can’t just leave you guys.”
He grabs my hands in his and squeezes hard. “I appreciate your loyalty,” he says. “More than you could know. But there’s another thing to consider here. If we’re found harboring you, maybe they really will kill us all. If you’re not here when they raid, maybe they’ll conclude they made a mistake. They’ll stop the siege, hand out antidotes …” He looks miserable, knowing his excuses sound far-fetched and ridiculous. As if I don’t know what he’s really saying. Grasping at straws in an effort to keep me safe. I love him for that. But this time I can’t obey.
In the center of the room, Ruth raps her gavel against the table. “We’ll take an hour recess,” she announces. “And then make our decision.”
The Eclipsers file out of the room one by one, slowly and deliberately, so as not to use up excess air. Soon Dawn and I are the only ones left. I climb up on the table and plop myself down.
“Skye, it’s the only way you’ll be safe,” Dawn says, joining me. He reaches over and threads his fingers through mine. “And I can’t bear to lose you again.”
“But you will lose me,” I argue. “I’ll be on Earth. Not here with you.”
Dawn pauses for a moment. “You will be with me.”
I look up, uncomprehending. “What? What do you mean?”
“I’m going to go with you.”
“To Earth? You’re going to ‘Gaze?” I cry, disbelieving. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s simple. As I said before, I won’t lose you again. You offered me a choice the last time: go with you or stay to help the Eclipsers. I stayed. I thought I was doing the right thing by doing so. But maybe I was just afraid. Maybe I should have trusted you. What would life be like now if we’d just gone? Said good-bye to it all? We’d be happy on Earth. Wandering the parks, playing with the dogs, cooking fabulous meals, and kissing under the moon.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“Why not?” he asks, jumping off the table, looking at me with desperate eyes. “I’m sick of living like this! Like a rat in a cage, worried every day that one of us will be killed. And for what? Have we really made a difference?” He scowls. “I don’t know. Seems to me the Dark Siders are worse off than they ever were. At least before we had simple things like air to breathe and food to eat. Now, because of our rebellion, their very existence is in jeopardy. It would have been better for everyone if I’d just gone to Earth and stayed there.”
“No!” I cry, sliding off the table. I grab him by the shou
lder and pull him around to face me. “You’re wrong. The reason the government is so up in arms is because we’re succeeding. They’re scared by our victories. They’re threatened by our success. We’ve accomplished so much. We’ve given the people new hope. A reason to live. The Eclipsers have worked hard, scraping their fingers to the bone for every small victory. And I’m not about to give up now. Screw Earth. I’m a Terran. An Eclipser. And I’ll never run away from my destiny, no matter what they try to do to me.”
I pause for breath, but get none as Dawn’s mouth clamps down on mine. Kissing me as if there’s no tomorrow. And maybe there won’t be. But that doesn’t stop my body from igniting as his lips sear my own, his hands digging through my hair as he pushes me against the wall. I wrap my arm around him, pulling him close. So close. I’d crawl inside of him if I could.
“I love you,” he says against my mouth, his voice breathless and husky and not just because of the lack of air. “God, how I love you.”
My heart soars at his words; his tone leaves no question that he means them. “I love you, too,” I whisper back. “And I’m glad you understand.”
He pulls back so that he can meet my eyes. His face is flushed but serious. “Of course,” he says. “I was a coward and selfish to suggest we run away to Earth. I just wanted to protect you. But you’re right. We can’t turn our back on the people. We have to continue the fight. It’s what Mariah would have wanted.” He smiles down at me. “I wish I had your strength. Your courage. I wish I wasn’t afraid to die.”
“Don’t think I’m not afraid to die,” I tell him. “I just can’t be afraid to live.”
Dawn smiles, leaning down to kiss me again.
“Um, sorry. Did you two need more time?”
We break apart from our embrace and my face burns as I realize Ruth and Kayce have reentered the room. I can see Ruth holding back a smile. Dawn grins sheepishly.
“I think we’re good,” he says.
Ruth widens the door and the other Eclipsers file in. “So, it’s time to take a vote,” she says, after everyone’s settled. “Should Mariah go back to Earth?”
“There’s no need for a vote,” I interject. “I’ve already made my decision.”
“She’s not going,” Dawn adds. “No one is. We’re going to fight back.”
SEVENTEEN
“Fight back?” Hiro echoes skeptically. “How do you propose we do that? What can we possibly do to defend ourselves against this kind of siege?”
“Well, first off, let’s talk about the poison. How is it being piped in?” I ask, ready to get down to business. It’s what Mariah would have wanted.
“Up on Stratum One, there’s a top-security bunker that serves as both a physical plant and a high-tech headquarters,” Kayce explains. “It’s a huge sprawling complex that houses almost every project the government’s got its mitts on; the controls for everything from traffic lights to Moongazing are all inside. I’m positive this is where they’d run the fan operations.”
“So could we go in and somehow stop the poison flow?” I ask. “Reroute the air or something? Do we have that kind of technological expertise?”
“Sure,” Kayce says. “It’d be no problem at all if we had access to their systems. Just hack in, recode the ventilation program. Maybe even throw in a little computer virus to prevent them from taking back control once we do it.”
“So, that’s what we’ll do then,” I say, proud of my plan.
“If it were that easy, we would have already done it,” Ruth interjects.
“As Kayce said, it’s a top-security place. We’ve already tried to hack into their computers to get the thumbprint needed to unlock such doors, but you need a thumb of the highest security clearance imaginable to gain admittance to this place. And those thumb codes aren’t listed on regular government files.”
“What about the people who work there?”
“They never leave,” Hiro explains. “They’re nTs. They’re grown to work in the building and spend their entire lives inside—eating, working, sleeping. You go in, but you don’t ever come out.”
“Talk about job security,” I mutter. “Okay, so basically what you’re saying is that we need to create a copy of one of the high government official’s thumbs. Like a member of the Circle of Eight, perhaps.”
“Yes.” Ruth nods. “That would do it. But there’s no way—”
“I’m on it.”
Dawn cocks his head, looking at me with suspicion. “What do you mean?”
“Easy. Duske wants me back, right? He has the thumb we need. I’ll simply go pay him a visit, tell him I was kidnapped by you guys the entire time and finally managed to escape. Now I want to go home. Once I get him to start trusting me, I’ll get his thumbprint.”
“No way. It’s too dangerous,” Dawn says. “You. alone in that … house?” He shakes his head. “I won’t allow it.”
“I won’t be alone,” I argue. “You have Thom working on the inside. Probably a slew of others, too. They can help if I get into a jam. And once I have the thumbprint, I’ll have security clearance to walk right out the front door if I want to.”
Dawn frowns. “And what if he doesn’t believe you? What if he decides to kill you on sight?”
I think for a moment. “He won’t,” I tell him. “He still needs me to be part of his Moongazing seminar. To convince the Indys that Moongazing is a worthwhile venture. Besides, the guy has a thing for Mariah, remember? He was even supposed to marry her. I bet if Mariah shows up, all ready and willing, he’d be good to go.”
“Not a bad idea,” Ruth says thoughtfully. “Get him close and he’ll be putty in your hands.”
“I don’t like it,” Dawn interrupts. “Him, putting his hands on you. I can’t—”
“Dawn, it’s the only way,” I say, laying my own hand on his arm. His muscles are hard, tensed. “What alternative do we have? Stay down here until we’re weak from hunger and dying of slow poison? If I’m going to die, I want to die in an attempt to save our people.”
And I mean it, too, I realize. I’ve lost my chance to go back to Earth. Probably forever. But for some reason I don’t feel the least bit of regret. My old life now seems nothing more than a very long dream, a halfhearted excuse of an existence where I never accomplished anything meaningful. Who cares about a video game, about school and clubbing and all the rest? It’s all empty and useless when standing beside an opportunity to save a world. Today I’m alive as I’ve never been. I have a reason to live. To fight. I have a cause and people who need me. And I alone have the power to help them.
I gotta say, in a weird way, I love being Mariah.
“She’s right,” Ruth says in an effort to stop Dawn’s continued protest. “It’s a good plan. The best chance we’ve got right now. And Mariah’s the only one who can really carry it out.”
“We’ll put a tracker on her,” suggests Kayce. “So we’ll know where she is at all times. If she gets in trouble, she can just hit the panic button and we can figure out a way to storm the house.”
“And Brother Thom’s a great swordsman,” Hiro adds. “I trained him myself. He can always break cover and help her, if need be. It’s not like there’ll be much point of cover if we all die.”
Dawn slumps his shoulders. He can’t argue with everyone. “Fine,” he says. “I can see you’re not going to be dissuaded. I don’t like it, but I won’t stand in your way.”
*
“I still think you’re crazy,” Dawn tells me as we walk through the door and into my apartment. He heads over to the couch and sits down, scrubbing his face with his hands. “What if Duske isn’t fooled? What if he kills you?” He looks up at me, his eyes hollow and full of shadows. “I can’t bear the idea of something bad happening to you.”
“I know,” I say, taking a seat beside him. I wrap my arms around him and cuddle my head to his shoulder. His body feels warm and taut against mine. Solid, strong. Only the smallest tremble gives away his fear. “I’m scared, too, believe
me. But it’s a good plan. It can work. And once we get the high-security clearance thumb mold made, we can not only stop the poison, but maybe we can figure out some other government tricks. Imagine what secrets are being held in that building.”
“You’re right, I know,” Dawn relents. He turns to kiss me on the forehead. “It is a good plan. And you’re extremely brave to volunteer.” He shakes his head. “Enough talk now. I have one night with you and I don’t plan to waste it by worrying about the future.”
His lips brush against mine. Soft. Reverent. And I realize something’s changed between us. Some barrier that prevented us from becoming close has now melted away. Perhaps it’s due to me giving up my life on Earth, giving up all the baggage I’ve been carrying around and accepting my role on Terra. Whatever the reason, there’s no longer anything standing in our way. Tonight we will experience each other fully, accept the bond between us, and become one.
He stops for a moment, capturing my face in his hands, sliding his calloused palms up my cheeks, finding my eyes with his own. His gaze makes my breath hitch in my throat. He smiles at me. A completely unguarded, vulnerable smile. His face is so beautiful I want to cry and laugh all at the same time. Instead, I smile back, hoping he sees the expression for what it is: an offering of everything that I am. Everything I can be.
If I die tomorrow, at least I know I’ve lived today.
EIGHTEEN
I hover on the ladder, just below the rabbit hole. My knees are knocking together so hard I’m half convinced they’ll buckle out from under me, causing me to fall to my death. More than a small part of me wants to play the coward, to turn and flee and never look back.
But then I remember Dawn’s face. The love shining from his glowing eyes as he kissed me good-bye and sent me on my mission impossible. The pride in his voice as he praised my courage and told me that, Mariah or Skye, now I really would be the savior of the people. The one they would sing about for generations to come.