So why write the letter?
I really had no idea.
It was a whiskey fueled binge that had me waking up to the cry of a smoke alarm with a kitchen full of smoke from the ashes of the first letter to Delilah. And then I found the new letter in bed next to me, almost like a forbidden one-night stand.
I read the first two lines before it started to speak in my mind.
I shut my eyes with the throb of the hangover and growled when I couldn’t shut my own voice up in my head. That’s when I shoved the letter into a drawer and left my apartment for an entire day.
I partied with Azor.
I went to see Sasha and showed her my new ideas.
Then I stumbled my way to Aaron’s where I slept on the couch in the basement again.
It was everything back to the normal I knew. The normal I had before Amelia came walking back into my life. She knew what she had been walking into. And just like before, all she wanted were answers. She had all these questions, maybe from the mind of a writer, but they were my questions and my answers.
But better yet, what did she want with those answers? To write a story? To write a book? To find a way to let the rest of the world read about my life and who I was? The man behind all the pictures, drawings, and paintings.
As angry as it all made me, there was a part of me that wanted Amelia to know everything. To know the truth she had been waiting to hear for so long. The truth was going to change everything though. That’s why I didn’t want her to have it. Because right now she could go through her life with the story she believed and that was okay.
Aaron called me for the fourth time as I sipped another beer.
I stood in my apartment alone, dressed in my cleanest jeans and a shirt with buttons, the sleeves rolled up twice. Azor had a showing at Sasha’s gallery and I was requested to be there. I told him he could use the painting we worked on.
It was a big night for him.
I promised to be there.
I ignored Aaron’s call for the fourth time.
His voicemails and texts were vague. That was his sign that he was trying to check up on me. Which I appreciated, but he had his own family to take care of. That wasn’t me. Last time we talked, he pushed at me about Amelia and I was one second away from punching him when Toby came into the room with a broken wheel off of a toy truck that Aaron went to work, quickly fixing it.
I finished my beer and left the apartment.
Letting Amelia go was hard. The answers she didn’t have hurt.
The bigger problem… I was empty.
Amelia had taken everything from me. I had given everything to her.
Almost everything.
I had no desire to take a picture. To draw a line. To paint the smallest of marks.
I knew the truth of Delilah.
But I also knew the truth of Amelia.
I couldn’t live without her.
“You’re going to need this soon,” I said to Azor.
I handed him back the flask he had given to me the night of my gallery showing.
That seemed like a lifetime ago.
The night Amelia stepped back into my life. The night she pushed at me. The night I dropped the fucking letter to Delilah, and she found it…
“Hey, thanks for this,” Azor said.
He was dressed in all black and smelled like the cologne counter at a department store. And he wore about fifteen pounds of gold jewelry on his neck, wrists, and fingers. I wasn’t sure what kind of look he was going for, but it was Azor. Even he tried to make some kind of fashion statement.
“Congrats on tonight,” I said.
“Have a drink with me,” he said.
“Oh, I’ve been drinking out of that already,” I said with a grin. “It’s probably half empty by now.”
Azor laughed. “Hey. You know this is because of you. You walked into my apartment and destroyed that terrible painting…”
“I was an asshole for doing that,” I said.
“No,” he said. “I was closing myself up. I was forcing a certain look. You broke that, Josh. You were vicious and it worked.”
“You can thank me in your speech later,” I said. “Go enjoy your night.”
Azor lumbered into the crowd waiting for him. Everyone gathered around the painting he and I worked on. I refused to answer a question about the painting. I wanted all the attention to be on Azor.
Sasha slithered her way toward me, her tight dress and tick tock hips trying to flirt, but it didn’t work on me.
“This is exciting,” she whispered.
“He’s a good guy,” I said. “He deserves more. Hope he chases this down.”
“What about you? Got anything for me?”
“Not yet.”
“You give any thought about next door yet?”
I looked at her. “You’re as bad as Aaron.”
“We could be neighbors.”
“That could be a bad thing.”
“Or a really good thing,” Sasha said.
“I work at my own pace.”
“Slow, but worth it,” she said.
She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
Someone called her name and she hurried away like a seductive siren.
I shook my head and then felt someone touch my shoulder.
I jumped away, not wanting to be touched.
“It’s just me,” a familiar voice said.
Delilah is here…
My brain scrambled for a second as I turned to see Michelle standing behind me.
Her skin was tan and her eyes brighter than normal.
“Michelle,” I said.
“I’m only in town for a couple of days,” she said. “Came for a quick visit. Sasha mentioned there was something going on here, so I wanted to come and see it. Come and see you.”
“Here I am,” I said.
“Here you are. You look…”
I laughed. “Trying to find a word that makes me sound like hell?”
“Maybe.”
“You look good,” I said. “Tan and relaxed.”
“It’s perfect out there. Perfect.”
“That’s good.”
Michelle closed in on me. “Let’s get a drink. We have one night, Josh. I know the rules. And you know mine. Well, my new rules. I’ll be gone by sunrise because I have a plane to catch.”
She smelled like honey and sugar. The look in her eyes begged me.
The temptation blanketed me, wanting to pull me closer to Michelle.
She could make me forget about everything. That was the one thing she knew how to do.
I watched her hand reach for my face.
I grabbed her wrist before she could touch me, and I pulled her into the back area of the gallery. She giggled and ran with me, thinking things were going somewhere they weren’t.
“If you came all this way for a quick fuck, you’re in the wrong place,” I said.
“Since when do we do quick?” she asked.
“Michelle, no,” I said.
She looked into my eyes and gasped. “It happened.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“You found her.”
“I found who?”
Michelle covered her mouth and then ran a hand through her thick hair. “You finally did it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Josh, I never asked about her. Or told you about her.”
“Who is her?” I asked.
“Delilah.”
Hearing Michelle say the name put ice in my veins. “What?”
“We had an agreement. I was fine with it. I wanted more, sure. I thought maybe one day you’d wake up next to me and feel something more. But you didn’t. And that’s okay. But there were nights you would talk to her in your sleep. You would talk to Delilah.”
“I talked to…”
“Delilah,” Michelle said. “That’s the person you love. I mean it’s pretty obvious with the way things happened. You have her now. I can tell by t
he look in your eyes.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Michelle,” I said.
“Have a drink with me,” she said. “Tell me everything.”
I stepped toward her and was an inch away. “No.”
In a strange moment of déjà vu, I walked out the same door I had walked out of the night Amelia showed up.
My phone started to ring.
It was Aaron, one more time.
I decided to finally take his call.
“What the hell do you want, man?” I asked. “I know you’re checking-”
“You need to get over here, Josh,” Aaron said. “Right now.”
“For what?”
“For the reason I’ve been calling you all day. You’re supposed to be in my corner at all times.”
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I don’t know. Just get here. Now.”
The call went dead.
I sighed and started to jog.
My best friend needed me.
And I wasn’t there.
All I could think about was Toby. And Rae.
Something had happened.
This was why I couldn’t stand the idea of love.
I hurried through the front of Aaron’s house and realized something was very off. And not in the way I thought.
There were people in his house.
Some of them were familiar. Some of them weren’t.
I looked like a damn idiot the way I hurried through the house. I smelled like booze and looked ready to climb into a grave and call it a long night.
As I turned the corner to the kitchen, I saw Toby standing on the kitchen island.
What the…
“And then he asked me,” Rae’s voice squealed as she pointed to Toby.
“Figured she couldn’t say no to Toby,” Aaron said.
“Hey,” I called out.
Aaron looked at me and a big smile crept across his face.
He came running at me and I thought he was going to tackle me.
Rae lifted Toby off the counter and put him on the floor.
Then she came running over too. She raised her left hand showing me a glittering diamond.
“Get the hell out of here,” I whispered as Aaron threw his arms around me.
I put my right arm around him, staring at Rae.
“I fucking did it,” Aaron whispered.
“Yeah, you did,” I said. “And she said yes.”
“Yes, she did,” Rae said.
Aaron stepped back and I opened my arms to hug Rae.
“Yeah, sure, why not?” she said, rolling her eyes.
We hugged, but Rae squeezed me tighter. “Thank you for being his friend. And if you tell anyone I said that, I’ll kill you.”
I backed away from both of them.
Toby cut between his parents.
“Hey, little buddy,” I said to Toby.
“I asked Mom and Dad,” he said.
“I see that. Good job.”
“He did great,” Aaron said, messing with Toby’s hair.
“I’m sure you’ll hear the story a hundred times,” Rae said.
“Greatest moment of my life,” Aaron said.
Rae cleared her throat and looked down at Toby.
“Second greatest,” Aaron said.
“So, wait a second here,” I said. “You two are engaged. But that’s not married. So, I still have a chance to make a run for Rae?”
“Don’t even,” Aaron said, his nostrils flaring.
“You want to run with Mom?” Toby asked me.
Rae laughed and snorted. “Go play with your toys, Toby. Uncle Josh is being goofy again.”
“I’m always goofy,” I said.
Toby put a hand out and took off, screaming like a superhero.
“I’m going to go mingle,” Rae said. “You two stay out of trouble.”
“Hey, Rae,” I said. “Congrats. I mean, this is a terrible decision, but I’ll always be there for you.”
“Now that Toby isn’t here,” she said with a big smile, “I can tell you to go fuck yourself.”
I touched my chest. “You always know the way to my heart.”
“Asshole,” she muttered as she walked away.
Aaron punched my arm. “Are you here to ruin my night?”
“You invited me,” I said. “What did you think I would do?”
“You could have picked up your phone the first time I called,” he said.
I gritted my teeth. “I’m sorry about that. I thought…”
Aaron motioned for the door to the garage.
The murmur of ten conversations made it hard to talk.
When we got out there, he grabbed my shirt and threw me back against the wall.
“I needed you today.”
“No, you didn’t,” I said. “You didn’t need a pep talk from me. You did it.”
“I had Toby do it.”
“Which was romantic.”
“It was a cheap move.”
“It’s not my life, Aaron,” I said. I pushed him back. “You live in fear of losing Rae and you will lose her. Now she’s got that diamond on her finger. You’re all set. Don’t fuck it up.”
“I wish you were there,” Aaron said.
“Why? You wanted me to ask her?”
“Come on, Josh. You know what I mean. I wanted to tell you first. I wanted you to be there.”
“I don’t need to be there,” I said. “This is your life and your family. I’m not walking you down the aisle and giving you away to Rae.”
“You’re such a dick,” Aaron said. “Really.”
“You’re happy, right?”
“Of course I am.”
“You love Rae?”
“Yes.”
“You love Toby?”
“He’s my son,” he said, offended.
“Having a son and loving your son are two different things,” I said.
“Josh, you know I love my son.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about,” I said. “You didn’t need me. Remember that.”
I took one step and Aaron jumped in my way. “You’re talking messed up again.”
“What?”
“This is what you do, Josh. You get pissed or hurt and then you throw everyone away. I’m watching it all happen again. And now you’re trying to bail on me.”
“I’m standing here.”
“After I called you how many times? You thought I was checking up on you. You greedy prick. I was calling about me.”
“There’s nothing I can say or do right now. What’s done is done.”
“Is it?” Aaron asked. “Because you’re the one who can’t seem to get over things.”
“That’s why I’m walking away, Aaron. You have a family. Go be with them. Stop worrying about me.”
“That’s what you want, that’s fine,” he said. “I just thought my best friend would want to be there. I would want to be there for you. Whenever you decided to figure your stuff out.”
Aaron walked to the garage door and froze.
“Congrats,” I said to him. “I know Rae hates me. I get why. I’m not a fan of hers either. Best thing about her is Toby. But you love her. She loves you. I’m happy for you, Aaron. You two are complicated as hell, but it works. I’m sorry I wasn’t there today when you needed me. There were a lot of times in our lives when things moved in opposite directions. Mostly my fault. I didn’t want you or anyone else to really see what it was like for me. I’m sorry about that too. You would have stood in the fire with me and gotten burned. That’s a good friend. That’s a best friend. That’s what you are.”
Aaron looked over his shoulder. “I’m scared to death, Josh. I don’t want to lose her. So I’m going to marry her. I don’t know if that’s right or wrong. But it’s too late now.”
“It’s never too late,” I said. “But you two are crazy together. So, ride it out as far as you can. Why not?”
“What about you? When are you going to actual
ly take care of all the things you’ve said and done?”
“I told you to stop worrying about me.”
He opened the door. “Oh, before I forget, my wedding…”
“What about it?”
“This is a big deal.”
“I can see that. You’re finally going to get laid again.”
Aaron shook his head. “I need you there.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world,” I said.
“I’m not sure I believe you.”
Aaron went inside and I stood in the garage alone.
The main doors were open, so I stepped out into the driveway.
This was my chance.
To leave.
For once and for good.
To just slip away into the night and never be seen again.
Kind of like what my father did.
Everyone would hate me, but they’d forget about me.
It had been weeks since I’d seen, touched and tasted Amelia. Yet I couldn’t forget about her.
Inside the house, Aaron and Rae were living in their moment. Their moment. Their house. Their family. Their future.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and it was a text message from Amelia.
It made my heart ache because she tried so hard to keep in touch with me.
Eventually I would just need to tell her to stay away. Or I could change my number.
I opened the text message, willing to do more damage to my heart.
There was no text.
Just a picture.
Of a positive pregnancy test.
Chapter 43
Being Right is Being Wrong
NOW
(Amelia)
The first thing I felt like doing was calling Mitch to tell him I was right. That I knew my own body and that I knew I wasn’t actually sick when I would vomit at work. And whoever termed it as morning sickness needed a slap against the side of their head. Because this was called random sickness.
The positive pregnancy test was balanced on the bathroom sink and I was thinking about my boss at work. Not the man who was the other half of this situation.
My hands gently touched the smooth, coolness of the sink and I forced myself to lift my head and gaze upon my reflection in the mirror. When the tears filled my eyes, I was also filled with an intense feeling of guilt. That instead of feeling happiness in the first moments of knowing about my baby, I was crying.
A Letter to Delilah Page 26