by Lindsey Hart
He opens the door a little shyly and steps back. I take a few steps forward. One day, I hope this is going to be us. Not taking steps back or forward but taking steps in the same direction. Hopefully, in the right one.
Lucas shuts the door. I shift from one foot to the other on the doormat just inside. Lucas’s house is nice. Normal. I’ve always wondered what it looked like. The floors are a light-hued honeyed hardwood. The walls are painted grey. The living room opens up to a dining area with an ordinary dark espresso table and chairs set, and beyond that is the kitchen, though it curves around, and I can’t see most of it. The other direction opens up to the hallway and probably the bedrooms.
God. I cannot think about the bedrooms. Because thinking about bedrooms makes me think about sleeping, and thinking about sleeping makes me think about sleeping with Lucas, and by sleeping, I don’t really mean sleeping, and I still have no idea where we stand.
“Do you have any cleaning sup–”
Lucas’s hands. Lucas’s hands are on me. One on my waist. One on my shoulders. He draws me in, presses me against every hard inch of him, and yeah, I’m not going to say no to that. He’s the one who kisses me, but I’m ready for him. My face is already tilted up with my lips parted. I expect it to be furious and passionate, like the last kiss we shared. Hungry. Consuming.
Instead, Lucas changes it up. He surprises me. He kisses me slowly. Gently. He takes his time. Exploring, testing, tasting, savoring. He runs his tongue along my bottom lip, and I whimper. He tastes so good. Someone who looks like they’ve been dining solely on garbage takeout for a week should not taste this good. He does, though. He tastes fresh. Magical. Epic. He tastes like the best thing I’ve ever tried. And I’ve tried some pretty expensive, exotic, gourmet things. Gas station sushi was never one of them.
My hands curl around his shoulders so I can remain upright. He sucks at my lips like they’re his new favorite drink, and all I can do is melt against him. All of him.
And there’s a lot of him to melt against.
Insanely broad shoulders and chest as hard as stone. I’ve already seen what’s underneath that t-shirt, so I know it’s probably harder than stone. He’s so chiseled, it’s ridiculous. No one should look that good. It’s a crime. A crime against me. No wonder I couldn’t freaking resist him. Ever. Who on earth could stand a chance against the combo of his magnetic good looks and insanely sexy physique?
When Lucas deepens the kiss, parting my lips and slipping his tongue into my mouth, I can’t help myself. My fingers curl into claws and sink into his t-shirt. I press my bottom half up against him and…hello. Those sweats are not doing a very good job of containing his excitement. He’s really, really excited. And by that, I mean he’s really, really hard. I’m pressed in so tight that I can feel him throb against my pelvis. Not at all in the right spot.
A wicked jolt of intense desire shoots through me. I start throbbing in response—in all the right spots. My mouth waters. I think other things might be watering too. I shift my legs, unconsciously trying to dispel the ache that is only growing more violent with every passing second.
Lucas sucks my bottom lip between his teeth and grazes it. I mewl into his mouth and lean harder into his throbbing hardness. I’m probably soaking wet now, thanks to that little stunt. No. There isn’t any probably about it.
“Lucas…” I claw at his shirt in desperation. I kind of want to claw at mine too, but that might be too forward.
He admittedly doesn’t smell overly fresh. He smells like guy sweat and hard work. Like he hit the gym and passed out on the couch after, sans shower. It shouldn’t be a turn on, but I’m so far gone that I don’t actually care. I’ve never seen Lucas like this, primal and raw and extremely male. It’s hot, and no, not in a gross kind of way. In a hot kind of way.
He breaks away, capturing my pawing hands. “I need a shower.”
“Can you take one in four point two seconds because I’m pretty sure if you can’t, you should just skip it.”
“I should brush my teeth.”
“Clean teeth are overrated.”
“You shouldn’t find it charming that I smell like unwashed underwear.”
“Do you? I didn’t notice.”
Lucas shakes his head. His lips are swollen, and his eyes are on fire. It kind of ruins the mock-serious look he’s trying to give me. My heart is pounding wildly, abusing my chest brutally. I feel like I’m drowning. Drowning in Lucas. In disbelief. In my own fucking juices. In short, there isn’t going to be any shower action happening. Unless…
“Actually, you do. You do need a shower.” I scrunch my nose up like I’m just now offended by his scent after practically trying to climb him like a naughty monkey trying to get to the top of the tree for the coconuts. Yes. I definitely want his coconuts. “You asked me if my offer extended to cleaning you as well…I’ve decided it does.”
“What happened to being perfect?”
“Nothing happened to it.”
“Oh.” Lucas finally catches on. His cheeks actually redden just a little, and it’s adorable. Straight to the ovaries kind of adorable. “I see.”
“You see.”
“I do see.”
Maybe I’m still a little drunk from that kiss or shell-shocked by the fact that we’re standing here with each other, sucking each other’s faces, and pressing each other’s private bits together. I’m here. He’s here. We might have just agreed that we have feelings for each other. I think. At least, I did. I’ve made two confessions now. Lucas knows. He’s not laughing at me. He’s here. Staring at me like I’m the brightest star in his sky. It makes my heart pound even harder.
I’m so starstruck myself because Lucas has been the brightest everything in my everything for so long that when he scoops me up as though I weigh nothing at all, I don’t protest. I lock my arms around his neck and let him carry me.
Through the living room, down the hall, and into the bathroom. Straight into the shower. It’s one of those glass squares. The door was already open. All he had to do was step in.
“What the—” I end that in a choked scream when Lucas cranks the taps on.
We’re both bathed in frigid water. The spray comes from a giant showerhead that is designed to hit all the angles just right. I gasp and sputter as Lucas swears. He holds me with one arm while he fumbles with the hot tap. Then the cold tap, and the hot tap again. I let out alternating hisses and gasps as the water goes from frigid to slightly less frigid to almost scalding, back to frigid, then finally, finally, to something that isn’t going to give us hypothermia or melt our skin off.
“What are you doing?” I pant, looking straight up into Lucas’s face. God, I love his face. God, I love the rest of him too.
He smiles down at me. A strange smile. A different smile. A soft smile. One I’ve never seen before. It’s not mocking. It’s not sarcastic. It’s not aggravated or angry or exasperated. It does have a slight twist at the corner. A humorous lilt.
“I believe, Impossibella, that I’m going to do you.”
CHAPTER 14
Lucas
“You—you crappy poop! I can’t believe you just went there!” Aria gasps. Her eyes, the color of a crisp, clear spring, turn glacier.
“Is there any other kind of poop?”
I turn, pinning her between my body and the glass. Her legs are now wrapped around my waist, her arms tangled around my neck, which frees both of my hands to do what I truly want to do. Touch her. Explore her. Take my time without all the urgency in the world.
“Don’t you know,” I breathe right near her ear, “we all use that name as a sign of respect? As a term of endearment. As a testament to your strength and fortitude. To your take-no-bullshit-from-anyone attitude.”
Hurt flashes in Aria’s eyes, and my stomach clenches up. For a minute, I don’t even feel the spray cascading down on us from the side. “Have you ever stopped to think that what I show everyone might just be a brave face? That it might not be the real me? That the re
al me is a little girl whose parents were never interested in her? That the real me is that same girl, who was packed up and sent away, so they didn’t have to deal with her? That underneath the layers of coldness and carelessness and success and money is someone who feels pain and hurt and rejection just like the next person?”
“Yes.” I brush a wet strand of hair back that was plastered to her cheek, tucking it gently behind her ear. “I’ve realized that. I’ve realized a lot of things in the past few weeks. And I’m going to tell you now that Rin and Cassie use that name because they love you. It’s special to them. They see you. They see you, and they love you for who you are, exactly the way you are. And I…” I sweep my lips over her nose, kissing her gently there. I pepper her cheeks and her jawline next. “I thought you might let me use it too. In that way.”
“Well… if you have to,” Aria finally sniffs.
“I won’t if you don’t like it.” I kiss her deeply, and when I come up for air, her eyes are shut.
“I like it,” she finally admits, her eyes still squeezed tightly shut. “I like how you say it. Like it really is special to you.”
“It is.” I continue to pepper her jawline with kisses before I drop lower, planting them on her neck. I head straight for the neckline of her soaked sweater.
“Are you going to kiss every bit of me?” Aria lets out a few giggles. Her hands sweep up to my soaked hair. Her fingers are heavenly.
“Yes. I don’t want to leave a single part of you unkissed. Untouched. Unwanted. You told me you’ve been fighting this for a long time. Maybe I have been too. Maybe I forced myself not to notice. That’s why I always stayed away from you. Pushed you away.”
“Because I’m Cassie’s friend?”
I hesitate. I keep trailing kisses over her neck. Push her sweater aside and continue on to her shoulder. If shoulders can be sexy, hers definitely are.
“Lucas?” Aria gently sweeps one hand to my chin and tilts my face up. Her eyes are tender. Open. Searching. It might be crazy, but I feel safe with her.
“I’ve made it a point to never get too close to anyone. Not like that. I’m thirty-five. I’ve had very few serious relationships. There’s a reason for that.”
“Because you’re scared that it will disappear. Be taken from you. That it will hurt?” Aria doesn’t have to say it. Like my mom was taken away. Like it hurt hearing that story. Growing up without one. Knowing she basically gave her life to have me. My dad was truly an amazing dad. He loved the shit out of me, but still. When all the other kids had moms…you get the idea.
“Lucas…” she says my name so softly. So sweetly. So gently. “I think everyone is scared. It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared shitless right now. I almost barfed on the plane because I was so nervous. I managed not to because there was no turbulence to blame it on. I nearly fell over when you answered the door. My mouth got all dry, and I could barely get out what I needed to tell you. Those words have been burning inside me for a very long time. When I first saw you, I didn’t really understand what was happening, but that’s grown and changed.”
“Aria…”
“We don’t have to do this. We can wait as long as you want. Go on some proper dates first. Go on some not-proper ones. Whatever you want. I’ve done a lot of things to mask who I really am. I think the entire world thinks I’m selfish and entitled and spoiled, but that’s not exactly true. I’m not tough like I pretend to be either. I–I don’t want to be selfish. I want you to be okay. To be happy. That’s the most important thing to me.”
Aria’s hands are still on my jaw. I’m still staring at her, lost in her. Tangled up in her. She’s right. We always were in the same orbit, no matter how we tried to break that pattern. We were always destined to end up here. Maybe not here here, in the shower, but together.
“I will never hurt you,” she breathes. “Or at least, I’ll try not to. I’m not going to leave. Unless you want me to. In which case, I’ll still fight like crazy and put up a stink, but if it’s what you truly want, then I’ll go. I’m in this for the long haul.”
“What if you find that you can’t stand me? That I snore? That I fart on you under the sheets?”
Aria scrunches up her nose. “I’ll get earplugs. And…and I’ll fart back.”
“You? You couldn’t fart if you tried.”
“Girls do fart, too. I’ll have you know.”
“I’m pretty sure they don’t. I’m pretty sure my stepmom would sternly admonish me and say that women pass gas or toot or fluff. Not fart.”
I’m rewarded with that smile. That gorgeous, stunning, Aria Watson smile. I feel it straight down to the tips of my toes. Which I guess would be my toenails. I don’t tell her, though. I keep that one to myself. There’s plenty of time to joke about that later.
“Christ. Lucas, if you’d like to do this, can you please just kiss me? And take off my clothes? And—and—you know…the rest? If not, that’s alright. I’ll get out of here, throw these clothes in the dryer, rummage around your closet to steal a t-shirt and some sweats that will be eight times too big, clean your living room, and then we can watch a movie or something. Do something chill.”
“I don’t think you’ve ever done chill.”
“I can learn,” Aria says grudgingly, but her lips are twisting up at the corners.
“And what if I wanted you to learn something else? What if I wanted to learn some things of my own? Like how you sound when I make you come with my mouth?”
Aria’s eyes nearly pop out. “I think you’ve already learned that. Maybe I should return the favor, and you can learn what you sound like.”
This time, I think it’s my eyes popping out. “I can think of a few other dirty things I’d like to learn.”
“Who says they’re dirty?”
“Clean things then. Whatever you want to term them. The point is, I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to get out of this shower. I have a huge water heater, and I think we have a good twenty minutes of hot water left, so I think we should use it. All of it.”
“I’ve always liked a challenge.”
“I know.”
“Well…” Aria swallows hard. “I’ll say the unsexy things then and get them out of the way. Despite the fact that I let Rin and Cassie think I have a very active love life, I don’t. It’s not even sub-par. I guess I’ve always had this notion that…well, that I should save those things for you. Even if you never wanted them. There were times when I tried to get over that. Uh…tried to…you know…be normal. Date normally. It didn’t get very far. The point of that embarrassing confession is to say that it’s been almost a year, and I haven’t been with anyone. I’m clean. I’m also on the pill. If you’re okay, I’m okay with…uh…not…that is if you want to…we can use…”
“A condom?”
Aria flushes. I never thought I’d see anything that could make Aria turn bright red, but there it is.
“Yeah. That’s it.”
“I have to admit that my love life has also been quite woeful, as I alluded to. I’m also clean, but it’s up to you.”
“Honestly, I’d rather not. I trust my pill. I’ve been on it for years. But if you want to–”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“I trust you.”
“But what if we have…an…like…what if the pill fails, and then you’ll think I tricked you with the accident into trying to like, bind you to me forever…”
I’ve never seen Aria so flustered. I sweep my hands over her cheeks, and she stops talking. She looks up at me. So trusting. There’s awe in her eyes. For me. She’s looking at me. Like that. No one has ever looked at me like that. It’s as terrifying as it is exhilarating.
“I would never think that. I trust you.”
“Do you want to be a dad one day? Like, one day far into the future?”
“I don’t know. I think so. I doubt I’ll ever be as good a dad as my dad was for me. It’s some pretty big shoes to fill. Do you want to be
a mother? One day, far into the future?”
“Honestly, I’ve never thought about it. I’ve never thought about doing that with someone. The life thing. The marriage thing. The baby thing. The anything. I only ever wanted those things with you, and I knew I’d never have them. I tried to stay away, mostly because I took an oath with Cassie, but also because…because I wanted you to be happy.”
“You took an oath?”
“You were off-limits. Me and Rin both agreed. If we had brothers, we would have made it an all-around thing. But we didn’t. You were the only brother in question.”
“Hmm. Do you have any other questions? Concerns? Anything? Or should I take your clothes off now?”
That smile is back, and so is Aria’s blush. “How about you set me down, and I’ll handle my own clothes, and you can handle yours? That way, we can probably make record time.”
“A record for stripping in the shower?” I set Aria down gently and grin at her. “I’m so game.”
CHAPTER 15
Aria
We’re naked.
Like, downright naked. Not as in wrong naked. I don’t know if there’s such a thing. But we’re stripped. Underwear, bras, boxers, socks, everything. It’s all gone.
And…wow.
Lucas is…impressive.
I only use that word because there aren’t quite enough words to describe how he truly looks. Or how I feel. About this moment. About him. About seeing him naked for the first time. About being naked with him for the first time. I’m scared, and a little shy. Slightly awkward, but excited. Really excited. I feel a twinge of disbelief and a whole lot of awe. I’m grateful. I’m floored that I’m here. That he picked me. That it is me. With him. That I think we kind of just said we were both into this. For now. For the future. I feel like this moment encompasses every ounce of the past, the present, and the future.
Lucas shifts, edging a little closer, and I stop thinking about philosophy when my eyes drop down to his waist. He’s impressive. There’s that word again. Only, with him, it should be shouted IMPRESSIVE, with really epic music playing in the background.