“Uh, yeah, actually hot cocoa sounds lovely. Thank you.” There’s his smile again. I stand and head over to the kitchen counter to make him a cup of cocoa. Hopefully, my thoughts clear at the same time.
“Did you even go to sleep?”
“Uh, no. I... I couldn’t. I guess I was just feeling hyper aware after everything, with you—” I drag in a shaky breath, not wanting to turn around and face him.
“After I died you mean?” Killian rasps out. Hearing him say it so bluntly halts my movements. Resting my hands on the counter, I hunch my shoulders forward and let out a few ragged breaths. “Are you okay, Love?”
I spin to face him. He’s sat down at the breakfast bar, perched on a high stool staring at me with confusion and worry. “How… how can you be so passive about dying? It took me years before I could even be a little relaxed after my deaths, yet you’ve been through one and you’re acting like you stubbed your toe.”
He lets out a throaty chuckle. “I wouldn’t exactly say I’m passive about the entire thing, but then again, it’s not like I can go back and change anything.” He clears his throat as his gaze leaves mine and falls down to his hands resting in front of him. “To be completely truthful, I’m more worried about the visions. What do they mean? Can they be stopped? That sort of thing.”
“Visions? As in more than one? When did you have another one? Was it when you were sleeping?” Killian lifts his hand to stop my barrage of questions.
“Gods, now I know how Galen felt when we asked him tons of questions in one go.” Another throaty chuckle escapes as he offers me a tiny smile which I can’t help returning.
Turning back to grab his prepared cocoa, I place it in front of him. He eagerly grasps the mug and holds it close to him, taking a deep inhale of the rich chocolaty scent.
“Gods, that smells divine.”
I stare as he purses his lips to blow a breath over the steaming liquid. He places it against his lips and takes a tentative sip. He recoils slightly with a grimace. “Hot. Burnt a little going down. It’s fine though, I’ll let it cool some more.”
Everything about him is always so chilled and relaxed. It’s like nothing phases him. You would think having your throat slit, dying, and then being brought back to life by a phoenix and a unicorn, the latter which he now has a mind connection with, plus the visions would've made him a little more cynical, less put together. But no, he’s just as calm as he always is.
He clears his throat once more placing the mug on the table. “I had another vision when I was sleeping. At first, I thought it was a nightmare, but then it felt too real. They said I was lucky last time.” He gazes out the kitchen window for a moment, looking in the direction of the barn.
After several moments of shaky breaths and tiny sip of cocoa, he retells me everything from his vision. I stare in disbelief as he describes what those monsters did to his eyes.
I feel my stomach roll, bile collecting in my throat at the thought of those assholes touching him. My flames beg to be set free, to burn their very essence to the ground for what they did to him, what they threatened to do to anyone I care about. Why can’t they leave me alone? I have never hurt them or caused them harm, yet they choose to hunt and murder me for entertainment.
I know within my body I have the power to destroy them, but if they had just left me alone in the first place, I would’ve never even bothered with them. I would have carried on my life with Branor in blissful ignorance.
I haven’t wanted to hurt someone as much as I do now for a long time.
“What now?” Killian asks after a few minutes silence.
“We make ourselves ready. Vemnos will inevitably come back. He claims I am his favorite toy. But next time, we will be more ready for him.”
“How can you be so sure the next time you face him we will succeed?”
“Because it’s time I let go of the past. Branor is gone. All I have left of him is my memories. Vemnos has been wearing his face for so long, using it as a shield because he always knew I would never hurt the man I love.” I close my eyes, willing the tears not to fall. “But that man is gone. All that is left is his body. I only hope his soul is at peace.” I open my eyes, feeling more determined than before. “The next time Vemnos even considers stepping foot on this farm or comes anywhere near any of us, I will light him up like the fourth of July.” I sound strong, determined and sure, but I don’t feel any of those. I feel anything but.
“Are you sure, Love? I don’t want you to do something you may regret. Are you sure he’s no longer Branor? Maybe he’s still in there, maybe he’s trapped?”
“A lovely sentiment, but I know he’s really gone. I watched him die in my arms. And the fact still remains, Branor would never have even thought about hurting me in the way Vemnos does, in order to derive pleasure from my suffering. If he was really there, wouldn’t he have stopped Vemnos? Or said something? It’s been centuries. So many opportunities to say or do something, and nothing ever happened. The man I love is gone, I know it. I never wanted to accept it.” I let out a strained chuckle. “Maybe I’m taking a leaf out of your book and trying to live in the moment. All I know is, something needs to change so no one else can get hurt.”
“Whatever you decide, I will stand by you. Just please make sure he’s not still in there, I wouldn’t want you to do anything you may regret because you think you need to keep me and Galen safe.” Although he looks worried with lines etched into his forehead, his eyes shine with sympathy and determination.
“Well, it’s not like I did very well last time I tried to keep you safe. If it wasn’t for Galen, you both would have been dead and I would be regenerating again.” I inhale a shaky breath before lifting my mug to my mouth and exhaling a cooling breath over my still hot cocoa.
Killian mirrors my movements, gingerly sipping his cocoa. It doesn’t go unnoticed how often he flinches or grimaces when he swallows. I can just about make out the faint red line across his neck. I wonder if it will ever heal fully?
“You need to remember it wasn’t your fault. If I hadn’t tried to attack him, then maybe we could have thought of a better plan. But I was foolish and reckless. I swear, Love it will never happen again. I’ll do better next time, I promise.” Killian reaches across the breakfast bar taking my hand in his own. His eyes are completely focused on me, but my gaze lands on his thumb lazily rubbing small circles across my hand.
Such a small gesture. But it’s so soothing and comforting. It reminds me of happier times in my life from so long ago. “You did what you thought was right at the time. No one would ever fault you for that. You tried to stand up for not only yourself, but Galen and I as well. Was it reckless? Yes. Was it brave? Definitely. Please never be sorry for doing what you feel is the right thing to do. Just promise me you’ll be a little more careful next time.”
My gaze finally meets his. I feel myself drowning in his chocolate pools which are laced with so much affection. How can that be there after so little time?
Killian has always reminded me of a loyal puppy since the first night I met him. Filled with so much happiness and up until recently, a sort of innocence. My heart clenches painfully at the thought it was because of me, he may have lost a little of that.
Yet, here he still is. Vowing to do better next time. To help me. To stand beside me.
It’s overwhelming.
He gives a small nod and we finish the rest of our cocoa in a comfortable silence. I clear our mugs away and tidy the countertops. “I suppose we should really get some sleep. You need your rest more than ever at the moment. I know for a fact, you’ll be starving tomorrow. It always hits you the day after. You just feel like you could eat a horse.” I quickly throw my hand over my mouth, realizing what I had just said.
I look to Killian whose lips are clamped tight together, his cheeks reddening and his eyes glittering with laughter. I swiftly hold up my hand before he can say anything. “Don’t fucking say a thing.” Silent tears begin to pool in his eyes and he bite
s his lip hard, shaking his head. “I mean it Killian. Don’t say it?”
“Was someone talking about me?” Galen’s deep amused voice in my mind startles me and Killian bursts out in a deep bellow of laughter, holding his sides as he shakes uncontrollably. “If you really wanted to ‘eat’ a horse, all you had to do is ask, Sparky,” he sniggers in my mind. I know Killian can hear him too because he begins guffawing. I head over to the kitchen window opening it a little and Galen’s nose pushes in. His blue eyes shine back at me dancing with delight.
“Did no one ever tell you it was rude to eavesdrop?” I scowl, placing my hands on my hips. He lets out a snort, his warm breath rushes over my face. Killian is still laughing in the background as Galen and I have a stare down.
Until he winks at me.
I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face. How is it with just a slip of words everything seems lighter?
“I wasn’t meaning to eavesdrop, Sparky. I wanted to say goodnight as I forgot to do it earlier. So, goodnight.” He lifts his head once more and focuses on Killian behind me, who has finally managed to stop laughing. It’s strange, since meeting Galen, I was the only one who heard him and now he is having a silent conversation with Killian, which I cannot hear. I know they are probably only saying goodnight to one another, yet I feel a little left out. The idea is absurd. How can I be jealous of Killian and Galen having a conversation just between them when I did the same thing to Killian when it was only me who could hear him?
“Night Galen.” Killian’s voice breaks me from my musings and Galen looks at me once again.
“Goodnight, Sparky. You know where I am if you feel hungry,” he says with another wink. With a roll of my eyes, I wish him goodnight and he leaves, making his way back to the barn. Watching him move through the darkness makes me feel a little deflated. He is a man, but he’s made to sleep in the barn because he can’t come in here and sleep in a bed like a normal person. How can anyone stop someone from being who they truly are? It’s just not right. He should be in here with us enjoying cocoa and conversation. Looking forward to snuggling down in a warm comfortable bed. Not sleeping in the barn.
Pulling the window shut, I reluctantly flip the latch locking it. Maybe tomorrow I could sleep in the barn with him. Try and include him more.
I feel Killian’s hand rest on my shoulder, surprising me. I hadn’t realized he was so close. Turning my head, I glance back over my shoulder to Killian’s concerned eyes. “Are you okay, Love? You seemed alright a few moments ago, but now you seem tense.”
“I’m alright. Just thinking about a few things. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is you need rest and plenty of it.” I start shooing him in the direction of his room, near enough pushing him where he needs to go. He moves willingly, if somewhat unsteadily back to his room. The lamp is still on illuminating the bedroom in a soft glow. I hadn’t noticed anything in here before, too focused on Killian’s safety and wellbeing to be concerned for decor.
The room is designed and furnished similar to mine. The only difference being the bed is huge, much bigger than any king-size I had ever seen. It looks warm and inviting. The soft sheets call to me like a siren’s song, willing me to collapse amongst their warmth.
“You’re welcome to stay if you want? To sleep I mean.” My eyes shoot toward Killian who is looking at me with a hopeful lopsided smile.
“Um, that’s very kind of you, really it is. But I don’t think it’s a good idea.” His smile begins to fall as I try to quickly find a way to make it seem like I’m not rejecting him again. “You need your space. You need to be able to freely move around after...well you know. You may find you suffer from some cramping in your joints where your body is healing. And you’ll find you will be starving in the morning.” I see the corner of Killian’s mouth turn up a little at the mention of being starving. I don’t think they will ever let me live my little slip up down.
Ahh fuck my lives.
Killian gives a weary nod and shrugs off his track pants and quickly climbs into his bed, pulling the comforter up and around him. He reminds me of a child waiting for a bedtime story when I notice him looking up at me with an expectant smile. “What’s with the smile?”
“I was hoping maybe I could get a good night kiss before you leave.” There’s his hopeful smile again. After everything he has been through today, I cannot deny him a small kiss.
“Okay, just one kiss. On the cheek.” I point my finger out at him, warning him with my eyes not to push his luck.
“Scouts honor,” he replies with a three-finger salute. He pulls himself along the bed as I move closer to the edge. Leaning down, I aim for his cheek as we agreed on, but at the last moment Killian turns his head and captures my lips with his own. It’s quick and chaste, yet it still leaves fire in its wake. As I pull back, I can see a gleam of triumph in his eyes.
“You were never a scout, were you?” I narrow my eyes at him, even though I could never be mad at his opportunist behavior.
With a chuckle, he shakes his head. “No, I’m afraid not. Didn’t really have time to join clubs and whatnot. I spent most of my time here, helping my father on the farm. Which I would never change in a million years. I love this place, always have. Still hard to believe it’s mine.”
“And you’re doing a great job with it. Soon it will be perfect.” I give him a friendly pat on the shoulder, straightening up and moving away.
“Thank you, Love. You know, it’s because of all your help I’m even this close."
“I did nothing other than do a little lifting here and there. Maybe some painting and repairing. But that was it. Hardly what I would call helper of the week." I shrug my shoulders a little.
“It doesn’t matter. You were still here, you still helped. Just… I guess… Thank you.” His eyes flicker from my hands, to my lips, before locking onto mine, with a grateful looking smile.
“You’re welcome. Now, please get some rest.” I motion to the bed and Killian lies back placing his hands underneath his head. I can’t stop my eyes from taking in his naked chest once more. His lean biceps bulging from where he strokes the back of his neck. He really is gorgeous. I can feel a blush creeping on my cheeks. I need to get out of here, fast. “Remember to try and get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning,” I hurry to say, my movements making him chuckle again.
“As you wish, Love.” His voice drops into a low rumble, his accent rolling off his tongue as he over enunciates the last part with seductive pop. His eyes glimmer with heat and mischief.
I exhale with a warm tremble. I really need to get out of here.
“Goodnight Killian,” I smile, taking one last look back at him comfortable in bed.
“Goodnight Alina,” he softly replies as I shut the door behind me. I head along the hall back to my room. Once finishing my nightly rituals, I crawl into my bed and slip under the covers.
Feels like heaven.
Snuggling deeper under the covers I fall asleep, my mind and heart full with thoughts of Killian and Galen. But I can’t escape the single, silent tear which falls for my long-lost love Branor.
I miss you my love.
DRAYTHYS
Why hasn’t she killed the fucker yet?
Centuries. I’ve waited centuries for the little phoenix woman to roast Vemnos, yet, he still lives.
The stupid girl is too sentimental for her own good. Just because he wears her lover like a pretty party dress, she can’t bring herself to kill him.
Boo fucking hoo.
Stupid girl.
Stupid Vemnos.
Stupid Ebris.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
I tap my fingers against my skull, in the same rhythm as the words in my head, trying to let the silly thoughts out. The ones which invade my brain and stop me from thinking clearly.
The centuries have not been kind to me. Physically, I look the same as always, being an immortal goddess can do that for a woman. It’s my mind which has suffered.
I know I’m not all there anymore. I can sense my mind slipping away.
I’ve heard the whispers, rumors, and snide comments.
Draythys is crazy. She’s losing her marbles. Maybe she should get help. What’s wrong with her? She’s strange, weird, not right.
Unfortunately, they are not always whispered. Vemnos makes sure of it. He’s constantly teasing and taunting me with how often he spends time with Ebris. Why him? Why does he get to be with him so often? It’s not fair. Ebris rarely wants me in his bed now. He claims I’m becoming unstable. That I’m not as much fun as I used to be. Maybe he’s right. Then again, I would be fine if he would just be with me. It’s not just the whispers and taunts making me lose my mind. I know for a fact Vemnos has been using his mind tricks on me. But whenever I tell anyone, they just think I’m mad.
The only one who listens to me at the moment is Idnera. I don’t know what I would do without her for a friend.
I contemplate all of this as I wander down the hall to Neris’ chambers. I heard from one of the servants she finally let her pet go. Out of all the places she could have to sent him, she decided to send him to the little phoenix. She knows something and I need answers. I wouldn’t usually bother talking to Neris. It’s not as if she isn’t a good person, she’s just a handful. How poor Galen ever managed to cope with her is beyond me. She can be demanding and rude, but I know her heart is often in the right place. Or at least I hope it is as I knock on her door.
“Who is it?” Her gruff voice startles me.
“It’s Draythys. I wanted to talk to you. Do you have a few moments to spare?” I ask quickly as I open the door. Peering my head in my eyes scan the room, before landing on Neris standing by the window staring out at the night sky.
“What do you want child?” Her white eyes snap to me full of contempt. It’s no secret Neris doesn’t like me. Never has. To be honest, she would never bother with me if it wasn’t for my brother.
I am the Goddess of the Underworld. I am seen as dark and depressing. Whereas my twin brother is the God of Tranquility. He helps to control the balance of the universe and he is seen as light and kind. Two sides of the same coin. His light to my dark and together we represent the balance of life and death. I’m forever the outcast and he is revered as every god should be. Although I am not jealous of my brother, I do often wonder what it would be like if we switched places, even just for one day. Would everyone still think I was crazy if I was someone else?
Echoes of the Past (The Alina Chronicles Book 1) Page 17