A Pack of Vows and Tears

by Olivia Wildenstein

  When people headed into Headquarters for the wake, I stepped away from the women holding me up and approached the one who’d always pushed me down.

  “I’m sorry he died.” My voice was toneless.

  Lucy stopped heaving and turned her reddened hazel eyes on mine.

  “I always liked Everest. Even after he double-crossed me, I wanted him to live.”

  She stared at me for a long moment without speaking, and then she started yelling. “It’s because of you that he’s dead! You! You ruined our lives!” She jumped to her feet and began pummeling her fists into my chest, her bangles clinking furiously. “We should’ve left you to rot in that foul apartment. We should never have brought you back!”

  Her blows didn’t hurt. My chest was too numb to hurt. Besides, it wasn’t my fault that Everest had died; it was his own fault. I didn’t bat her hands away. I didn’t much care for the blows she rained on me. August and Nelson must’ve cared though, because they each grabbed a freckled arm. And then Jeb was shrieking at her, spittle smacking his wife’s nose.

  She sneered at him. “I hope you die! All of you. Your species is unnatural and should be eradicated.” She spit on Jeb.

  August and Nelson hauled Lucy back and then dragged her around the building. Would they lock her up underneath the silver grate? I didn’t care what happened to my aunt. She was too miserable a woman.

  Ness? Liam’s minty scent wafted over my shoulder and snaked into me, burying deep.

  Slowly, I turned and faced my Alpha. The pain on his face didn’t soften my resolve to keep him away.

  “What?” I asked jadedly.

  I’m sorry for not believing you.

  I pressed my lips tight.

  Cole managed to track where the message was sent from through the Wi-Fi that was used, and it wasn’t from your phone. Wasn’t even from Boulder.

  I was relieved to have been cleared, but the pain of the hasty condemnation remained. “Why is it, Liam, that I am I not allowed the trust you give others in the pack so freely? Because I’m new? Because I haven’t earned it? What exactly must I do to earn it?” Breaths broke like waves around my clenched teeth. “I would never have undermined you, Liam. And not because of any exchange of blood, but because when I give my word to someone, I uphold it. I have a lot of flaws. I’m the first person to admit how stubborn and argumentative I can be, and I’ve spoken my fair share of lies. I’m far from being an angel.”

  Liam’s black pupils pulsed and pulsed.

  “But I’ve always prided myself on being a good person—a reliable and loyal one. I have never betrayed anyone in my entire life. And I wouldn’t have started with the pack I’ve coveted for so long, or the boy”—my voice broke—“or the boy who . . . who . . . ” I couldn’t finish my sentence. It hurt too damn much.

  Liam winced.

  The tears that hadn’t come for Everest finally surfaced. I scrubbed them away, but they wouldn’t stop dripping. I took a step back, and then another. Liam didn’t move. He just stayed there, legs planted like tree trunks into the earth.

  I spun around. Instead of heading toward Headquarters, I headed for the road and started walking.

  And walking.

  Evelyn called my name, but I didn’t stop.

  I walked until the sky grew so dark that all the stars came out. And under this shower of light, upon blistered feet, I made my way down the miles and miles of sinuous dirt road.

  I was like a hermit crab when I grieved, balled up tight within my shell. I wasn’t even sure if I was grieving for my cousin or for my broken heart.

  It was the first time a guy had broken it. Mom used to say that I needed my heart to be broken to know when the right man came along. She said the right one would fit all the pieces together and would fill all the fissures with his love to make sure it never cracked again.

  Who’s going to put your heart back together now that Daddy’s gone? I’d asked her.

  Her blue eyes gentled, and she gathered me against her side on our ratty denim couch that had been patched many times over. Your dad didn’t break my heart, Ness. He left with half of it.

  Car tires crunched on the road next to me, spraying tiny rocks into my ankles. “Ness, get in the car.”

  I stared at the luminous shapes the twin beams cast on the shrubs lining the road.

  “It’ll take you hours to reach town.”

  “I’m not in any rush, August.”

  For the first time in years, my agenda was empty. Sure, I’d need to look for a job, but I wouldn’t have to do that tomorrow.

  Tomorrow I could sleep in.

  I could stare at my ceiling.

  Or watch TV.

  Or lunch with Sarah in the middle of the afternoon.

  After the grief and stress of the last few days, I felt like I could finally breathe again. Which was strange considering Creeks might be in Boulder and a man who deserved to perish was still alive and Everest was dead.

  “By God, Dimples, you’re as stubborn as when you were a kid.”

  I smirked, flicking my gaze to August. It felt good to sport an expression that wasn’t incensed or weepy. “Were you expecting me to have changed?”

  August’s eyes flashed in the darkness of his car. “To have matured. I’d expected you to have matured.”

  “If the mark of maturity is becoming biddable, then I hope I never mature, August Watt.”

  He shook his head. “You’re really going to walk eleven more miles in the dark in heels?”

  “You’re right.” I slid off my heels, hooking them onto my fingertips, then proceeded to the thin strip of grass edging the road to cushion my footfalls. “It’s easier without heels.”

  He growled. “Ness, come on. I’m being serious here.”

  “You’re always so serious. You should lighten up. Maybe take up barefoot promenades under the stars. They’re very soothing.” I looked at the sky and tried to find the constellations he’d taught me to find so many years ago. “Is that Andromeda or Cassiopeia? I can never tell between the two.”

  When he didn’t answer my question, I turned toward him. Instead of looking at the sky, he was staring at me.

  “Not interested in constellations anymore?” I asked.

  “I’ll tell you which one it is if you get in the car.”

  I tipped him a crooked smile. “Nice try, but it would take way more to get me off this road and into that truck.”

  “Ness, this isn’t a joke. Creeks are running amok in our woods. They killed your cousin.”

  And he’d just killed my mood. “So what, August? I should live my life in fear now? I’m not invincible. I know that. If anything, Everest’s death has really brought this home, but I’m also not going to hide. They killed my cousin for a reason, and I doubt that reason was because he was a Boulder wolf.”

  August loosed another exasperated growl. “Negotiating with terrorists is easier than with you.”

  And just like that, my smile was back. “So? Andromeda?”

  “Yes,” he huffed.

  I pointed to another assortment of stars. Even though I could sense I was tugging at August’s patience, he told me each one of their names. For eleven miles, he fed me information about stars and nebulas and planets.

  When we reached my new home, the bottom of my feet ached, but I felt as vaporous as the stars jewelling the heavens.

  I folded my arms on the open passenger window. “So this was fun.”

  August grunted in response.

  “Okay then, Caveman Watt.” I tapped the window frame. “You have yourself a good night.”

  I smiled at him, and it thawed some of the tightness around his eyes. As I walked toward the flight of stairs that led to my new front door, I heard him call out, “I’m glad you haven’t changed, even though I sense you’re going to drive me insane.”

  I grinned at the door. “A little insanity will do you good.”

  I stepped inside the tiny foyer, trailing blood and dirt across the clean oak floors,
marking my new territory.

  24

  I woke up to the brightest and whitest sunshine. It streamed through my window, splashing warmth against my rumpled sheets and the bare patches of skin poking out of those sheets. I stretched, and bones cracked delightfully along my spine.

  For a moment, I watched the unobstructed view of the mountains bathed in blue sky. It didn’t compare to the view from the inn, but this was still a damn good view. One I could get used to.

  What a dangerous thought that was.

  Getting used to something.

  Just because I wouldn’t let myself get attached didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy it until I was uprooted and tossed between another set of walls. I rolled out of bed and stood up, but the minute the soles of my feet made contact with the cool floorboards, I winced and fell back.

  Maybe I’d overdone it last night.

  Walking a dozen or so miles barefoot was probably not the wisest thing I’d done, and God only knew how many unwise things I’d already done. I could just imagine August wagging his finger at me and saying, I told you so. He probably wouldn’t wag his finger, but he would definitely say I told you so. Good thing he wasn’t here.

  Keeping one hand on the bare walls of my bedroom, I limped to my bathroom. The tiles were still speckled in blood and dirt. I’d felt glad to mark my territory last night, but in the morning light, I regretted not having washed off my feet in the kitchen sink. At least I’d had the sagacity of soaking them in soap and ice-cold water before getting into bed.

  After brushing my hair and teeth, I went into the living room to check on my uncle. Not only was he up, but he was having coffee with Nelson and August. I splayed my palm against the wall so I wouldn’t keel over, which drove a smug smile to August’s lips. How had I not heard our visitors? The apartment wasn’t that big, and my werewolf hearing was supposed to be sharp.

  I jerked my hand off the wall and took a tentative step, but grimaced. Could toes break from too much walking? Something definitely felt broken. And I wasn’t even talking about the skin that had blistered and cracked in a multitude of places.

  “I hope we didn’t wake you,” Nelson said, setting his mug down.

  I took another slow, agonizing step.

  “You okay, there, Ness?” August asked.

  I pushed a smile onto my lips. “Yep. Great.”

  He leaned back in his chair and crossed his big arms like a spectator enjoying a show. Another step and I reached the small linoleum countertop that separated the living slash dining room from the kitchen.

  The trail of blood I’d left behind the previous night had turned brownish, blending into the dark knots of the yellowed oak.

  “Nelson and August stopped by because they were worried about our living arrangements,” Jeb said, even though I hadn’t asked. Not that I wasn’t curious. I wondered what he thought about their concern. “And they brought us scones.”

  He pointed to the plate topped with golden triangles flecked with tendrils of lemon peel that scented the air, which was a feat considering how strongly August fragranced the space. I wondered if it was the mating link that intensified his aroma or if he didn’t wash the soap off his skin after lathering up.

  Keeping my hand on the countertop, I limped a couple inches closer to the small, round table.

  “Yum,” I said. About the scones. Not about August.

  I mean he smelled good, but the scones smelled better. Good enough to eat. Unlike August, whom I had no desire to eat. Apparently incapable of doing two things at once, I stopped walking in order to shove away my cannibalistic deliberations.

  “Are you sure you’re all right?” Nelson asked.

  “What?”

  “You look like you’re in pain.” Nelson gestured to me.

  Oh. “Just a Charlie horse.” I looked down at my bare legs, regretting not having swapped my sleep shorts for something more concealing. I glanced toward my bedroom. Nope. Wasn’t slogging back there. Besides I’d almost reached the free chair between Jeb and August.

  One more step . . .

  Cold sweat beaded on my upper lip as I finally dropped down into the chair with an audible oomph.

  August, who was angled away from the table, crossed one foot over his opposite knee and grinned so wide I wanted to smack him.

  “August suggested going for a hike,” Jeb said. “And having a picnic.”

  “Nothing like sunshine and fresh air to clear the mind,” August said.

  I blanched a little at the idea of hiking.

  “I could use a distraction.” Jeb pinched the bridge of his nose. “And I wouldn’t say no to physical exertion. Might help me sleep.” He lifted his bruised blue eyes to me.

  “What do you say?” August asked.

  What do I say? Let me see . . . That you’re sadistic, August Watt. Besides, I would need to be physically dragged along the trail considering the state of my body.

  Obviously, I went with, “Um. I have an appointment to pass my driver’s permit today.” It wasn’t a complete lie. If they could fit me in at the DMV, then I’d take the test. Could I just walk in?

  The amused glint in August’s eyes dimmed, and he grunted. “How convenient.”

  I lifted a scone off the plate and took a bite.

  “We can leave after you’re done,” Nelson said. “What time’s your appointment?”

  The bite went down the wrong hole, and I coughed. August pushed a glass of water in front of me, and I downed it.

  No rest for the injured.

  What time was it now? I looked around the room for a clock. Found my answer inscribed on the cable box: 9:15. “Eleven-thirty.”

  “We’re not in any hurry. We can leave straight after,” August said.

  Oh, goodie. I shot August a death glare, which put a glimmer back in his eyes.

  “Great.” I ripped off a large chunk of dense, flaky dough and stuffed it inside my mouth. Hopefully my werewolf gene would miraculously heal my aching bones and tattered skin within the next three hours. “Can’t wait.”

  August cocked one of his thick eyebrows.

  “I’ll call Izzie to confirm the picnic.” Nelson rose from his seat, cellphone already pressed to his ear.

  Jeb laid his hand on my forearm and squeezed it. “Thanks for being such a good sport, Ness.”

  “Of course.”

  My uncle got up and brought his mug over to the sink. “I need to call the inn. I’ll be right back.”

  I watched him make his way to his bedroom. Although his shoulders were hunched and his eyes puffy, he was far from the specter he’d been just a few days ago. It hadn’t even been a week, I realized, yet it felt like it had been a month since the pledging ceremony. Time was a strange thing. Some days lasted seconds, and some days lasted weeks.

  The heat of a hand on my knee made me look away from Jeb’s closed bedroom door.

  “I was just picking on you, Ness,” August said quietly. “You don’t have to come. Besides, you can’t even walk, can you?”

  August dragged his hand back to his thigh, the circumference of which equaled both my legs.

  “I can hobble, and don’t you dare say I told you so.”

  He raised both palms in the air.

  “But maybe in three hours, I’ll be better.”

  “Are you sure? You really don’t have to come.”

  “It seemed to make Jeb happy that I was joining.” I finished my scone, chewing on it thoughtfully. “If I really can’t take it, I’ll just sun myself until you guys are done traipsing through the woods.” I wiped the crumbs off my palms. “Is your mom going to hike?”

  He shook his head. “She’s going to drive over. Actually, why don’t you just hitch a ride with her and meet us at the lake?”

  “That sounds incredibly more appealing.”

  Nelson came back toward us, stuffing his phone into the back pocket of his high-waisted jeans. “I need to stop by the warehouse. Christian wants to go over the blueprints of Mr. Sommerville’s lodge. Ag
ain.”

  August sighed and rose.

  “Oh, you don’t need to come with me, son. I can handle Christian.”

  “I don’t mind. Besides, I’m sure Ness needs to study for her big exam.”

  “Why don’t you help her study?”

  Father and son exchanged a long look. Something passed between them. What, though, I couldn’t tell, but I was most definitely going to find out the second Nelson walked out our front door.

  The second it shut, I asked, “What was that about?”

  “What was what about?”

  “That look.”

  “What look?”

  “Oh come on, August. I grew up with you guys.”

  August rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, glancing toward Jeb’s door. “Dad doesn’t want Jeb to be left alone. Not for the next week anyway. He’s worried.” August shrugged. “He’s worried he might . . . ” More neck rubbing. “Try to kill himself.” Those last few words came out whispered.

  “Oh.” Goose bumps scattered all over me. “I’m here,” I said finally.

  “I know. We know.”

  “But you guys don’t think I can handle him?”

  “No. That’s not it. My parents are also worried about you.”

  My heart squeezed a little that anyone besides Evelyn cared how I was doing. “Tell them they don’t have to worry.”

  He grunted as he sat down again and leaned back in his seat. I was a little afraid the rungs would snap right off, but the chair surprisingly held.

  “Like that would ever happen,” he said, picking up a knife that someone had placed on the table, probably to cut the scones in half, even though I had to wonder what self-respecting werewolf would eat only half a scone. He flipped the utensil, blade up, blade down. Over and over.

  “So, does this mean we get breakfast delivered every morning? Because if that’s the case, I’d like to put in some requests.”

  He glanced at me from underneath his dark lashes and let out a little grunt. I was starting to think grunting was August Watt’s MO.