‘He wasn’t the right guy for you, Zoey,’ he said softly.
She looked up with a sad half smile. ‘They never are. That’s the problem.’
‘One of them will be, one day.’
‘You can’t know that.’ Zoey shook her head, then took another gulp of whisky. ‘Maybe there just isn’t a right guy out there for me.’
‘But maybe there is,’ Ash countered. ‘And if you stop looking, you’ll never find him.’
She squinted up at him. ‘Have you been reading self-help relationship blogs again?’
‘No!’ Well, not often, anyway. ‘I just can’t imagine someone as brilliant as you being alone for ever.’
Her cheeks turned a little pink at that, almost matching her still damp dress. It was funny, even drenched and bedraggled, shoeless and tipsy, she looked more beautiful than ever tonight. She always did, he supposed. He just hadn’t ever let himself look before.
‘What about you?’ she asked, and the question threw him right back into the present with a jolt.
‘How do you mean? I’m fine. Wet, but fine.’ The towels hadn’t been nearly good enough. He really wished he’d been able to bring the towelling robes as well—the stress it might have put on his imagination notwithstanding. At least then they could have got out of their soaked clothes.
Let me help you out of that wet dress...
Ash choked on a mouthful of whisky as the image of him undressing Zoey flashed through his mind.
Really not the time.
‘I mean, do you think there will ever be anyone else for you? After Grace, I mean?’
Ash put down his mug. What did it say about him that the idea had hardly even crossed his mind in the last two years?
‘I... I don’t know. I mean, it’s hard to imagine it. I can imagine dating, maybe even sex with someone else.’ Hell, he’d been doing that right here, right now, at the most inappropriate time ever, curse his imagination. ‘But the idea of loving someone else. Marrying them. Making a life with them...that’s... I just can’t see it. Literally. I can’t picture it in my mind. You know?’ When Grace had died, he’d lost not just his wife, but his whole future. The family he’d hoped to have one day was gone for ever.
‘I know,’ Zoey said sadly. ‘That’s the problem I have. I can see myself in the future, with a family, a home, a happy life. And there’s always a vague figure in the background—a husband or partner or whatever. But I can never quite see him.’
‘Not even when you’re getting ready to walk down the aisle to meet him?’
Zoey shook her head. ‘I guess I always think it’ll come together. That everything will come into focus once I have that dress on and the ring on my finger. But then it comes to the day and the picture still isn’t there. I can’t ever see how to get from where I am to where I want to be.’
‘So you do want to get married, then?’ Ash asked. Grace had always said that Zoey wanted a happy marriage but, given how many times she’d walked out on the possibility of one, Ash had to wonder. ‘Are you sure that marriage isn’t just something you think you’re supposed to want but don’t really? I mean, it isn’t for everyone. It doesn’t have to be.’
‘I know that.’ Zoey looked up, straight into his eyes, and he felt a jolt go through him at the intensity of her gaze. ‘But I want it. I want the whole thing—true love, marriage, a happy-ever-after. I want that more than anything.’
And he knew she meant every single word.
* * *
She’d never told anyone this before—except Grace. She let people believe that it was fear of commitment that made her run, let them think she just had the worst relationship style in the world. She never let on that it was only because she wanted that happily-ever-after so badly that she kept running out on it.
Zoey knew how much it was worth, how much it mattered—and how much it could hurt to settle for anything less. And that was why she couldn’t marry anyone if she had a shred of doubt about how it would end up.
People wouldn’t get it, she knew, which was why she didn’t talk about it. The few times she’d discussed true love and happy ever afters with other people—usually after drinks—the reactions had not been encouraging.
Most people tended to fall into one of two camps. On the one side were those who believed that true love and soulmates were a fallacy, probably put about by greeting card companies and romance novelists. On the other were those who told her that marriage took work, that no one was happy all the time and that she should be grateful for what she had.
In the end, they were both saying the same thing, Zoey had realised eventually.
Stop wanting so much.
But she did want. And it wasn’t about the ring or the ceremony or the big party or whatever happened next. It was about having the right person next to her when it happened.
And maybe some people truly believed that soulmates didn’t exist—or maybe they were just saying it because they hadn’t been lucky enough to find theirs. But Zoey knew for a fact that soulmates were real.
Because she’d watched Ash and Grace fall in love.
Even now, she used them as a benchmark. She thought back to how they’d been in their early days together and tested each of her own new relationships against the memories. And, for a while, they’d often match up—or perhaps she’d just convince herself that they did, half through optimism and half through desperation.
But there always came the point where she had to admit the truth to herself—her relationships were never that picture-perfect, soft-focus, tumbling headlong into love that she’d seen Ash and Grace manage at eighteen.
That wouldn’t stop her looking, though.
‘I want what you had with Grace,’ she whispered, looking down at the mug in her hands. ‘More than anything, that’s what I want. That perfect happiness.’
There was an awkward silence emanating from the other folding chair. When she risked looking up, Ash’s expression was conflicted, as if he couldn’t decide whether or not to say what he was thinking.
‘What?’ she asked.
‘Zoey, you know how much I loved Grace. And how much she loved me. But that doesn’t mean things were perfect all the time. I mean, we fought, just like any couple. Stupid fights over whose turn it was to put the bin out, or whose fault it was we slipped into our overdraft that month. And bigger things too, like whether we should move house, or when we should have kids.’ His voice caught on the last word and Zoey felt guilty for even making him remember how much he’d lost. She started to interrupt, to tell him he didn’t need to say this, but he shook his head and continued. ‘If I’d known how things would end, believe me, I’d take back every single one of those arguments and let her get her own way every time.’
‘No, you wouldn’t.’ Zoey felt a small smile tugging at her lips. ‘Because that’s not who you two were together. Of course I know it wasn’t perfect happy families every second. That’s not what I mean.’
‘Oh? Then what do you mean?’
Zoey cast around for the right words. ‘When you two argued, it was because you were working something out between you. You were building a partnership—one that was far deeper and more important than the bins or the overdraft, but those things still had to be dealt with. Every row you had, it brought you closer together. Closer to the people you wanted to be for each other.’
Ash looked a little stunned at her words. Zoey allowed herself a small smile. Had he really never thought about how the two of them looked to the outside world? The perfect couple, made to be together. Hashtag relationship goals, for sure.
‘It wasn’t...it wasn’t ever about being perfect, you know. I just loved her so much I wanted her to be happy. For us to be happy together.’
‘And you’d do anything to get there, I know. Sadly, I think you’ve ruined me for other men. The pair of you, I mean,’ she added hurriedly. ‘As
a couple.’ The last thing she needed was for him to get the wrong idea now. Even if a few impure thoughts had flashed through her head as he sat there, hair wet and shirt clinging to his body. Not that she was admitting to them.
‘Right. Sorry...what?’
Even as she looked up at his adorably confused face, Zoey could feel a blush rising to her cheeks.
‘I just meant, I want what you and Grace had. I know that sort of love is possible and I’m not willing to settle for anything less. That’s all.’
Ash shook his head. ‘So it’s my fault you keep walking out on your weddings? Please, don’t ever let any of your ex-fiancés hear you say that.’
‘Well, yours and Grace’s,’ Zoey corrected, but that only made him laugh.
‘I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse.’
Suddenly restless, Zoey jumped to her feet, cradling her mug against her chest as she paced to the window to watch the rain and the dark. ‘Do you think I’m crazy? I mean, you wouldn’t be the first person to suggest that my approach to love might actually qualify me for some serious free therapy.’
‘How could I? I mean, it’s my marriage that you’re basing your theories on. It’s just...’
‘You can’t see anyone falling for me like that,’ Zoey finished for him. ‘Don’t worry, it’s not like I haven’t had the same thought myself.’
‘No.’ Suddenly, he was right beside her and she stopped staring out at the rain to turn towards him as he grabbed her hand. ‘That’s not what I was going to say at all.’
Zoey stared up into Ash’s strange light blue eyes and wondered at the chain of events that had brought them to this moment. She couldn’t, wouldn’t have predicted any of them. In fact, she’d have avoided or stopped most of them if she could.
But now she was there, she couldn’t imagine her life going any other way.
She was meant to be here, now; she could feel it in her bones.
Even if she had no idea why.
‘What were you going to say?’ Zoey asked, the words coming out strangely breathless.
Ash gave a sad smile. ‘Only that I know how lucky I was. How rare it is to find the one person you’re truly meant to be with. I honestly hope that you do, and when it happens I’ll be there to catch the bouquet.’
‘But?’ There was always a but, in Zoey’s experience.
‘No buts, not for you, anyway.’ He shrugged. ‘But, whether I catch the bouquet or not, I know it won’t happen for me again. The odds are too astronomical. And I’m like you. I know what true love feels like now so I can’t accept anything less.’
It wasn’t new information. He’d already told her he couldn’t imagine loving again, after Grace. But somehow, standing with her hand in his in the darkness, Zoey felt his words deep in her heart, like gouges.
Which was ridiculous. She’d literally never thought of Ash that way—not as someone she could fall in love with. Of course she’d noticed he was gorgeous—that kind of thing was hard to miss. And there had been one or two dreams that had made their next get-togethers very uncomfortable for her. But he was Grace’s. Always had been, always would be. Zoey had never forgotten that for an instant.
She pulled her hand away from his. It was just the emotion of the day—the craziness and the changes—getting to her. That was all.
But then Ash grabbed her hand back again and held it against his chest, and her treacherous heart skipped a beat.
* * *
‘Zoey...’ Ash trailed off, uncertain of what he even wanted to say. Just something. Anything that would wipe that hopeless look from her face.
This was why she needed Grace. He couldn’t even get further than her name. What kind of comfort was that?
‘It’s okay, Ash.’ Zoey started to pull away again, but instinctively Ash clung on.
There was something in this moment. Something important. And he knew, suddenly, that if he didn’t tell her now what her friendship meant to him, he never would. And Zoey deserved to know.
‘No. I want to tell you... I wouldn’t be here without you.’ He poured all the sincerity he felt into the words.
Zoey laughed in response, which wasn’t quite what he’d intended. ‘Well, no, Ash. If it weren’t for me and my ridiculous inability to get married, you wouldn’t be stuck here in some mystery island renovation project in the middle of a storm.’
‘That’s not what I mean either.’ Taking the mug from her, he put it down on the half-built counter and took both her hands in his. ‘I mean, after Grace. If it hadn’t been for you, pulling me up, talking me through it, making sure I got out of bed in the mornings, I don’t know if I’d have been able to keep going.’
‘You would,’ Zoey said, with more certainty than Ash felt. ‘You know how furious Grace would have been if you didn’t.’
‘That’s true.’ His wife had been a stern believer in living your best life, even if the circumstances sucked. She never gave up on anything—until that last, awful ambulance ride. ‘But you made it easier. You made it seem possible.’
Zoey shrugged, her gaze sliding away from his. ‘I didn’t do much. I had no idea what to do. For weeks, I just kept hoping it was a mistake. That the universe meant to take me instead of her.’
Her matter-of-fact tone made Ash’s blood run cold. As much as he would give to have his wife back—up to and including his own life—he couldn’t wish away Zoey’s in such a manner.
‘You know, you’re the only other person who knows how much was taken from me that day. Not just Grace, but—’ He broke off, unable to say it.
‘The baby,’ Zoey whispered for him, and he nodded.
Grace had just turned twelve weeks pregnant; he or she had still been a tiny, perfect embryo. Zoey was the only other person Grace had told, wanting to wait until after the scan to make a big announcement. And afterwards, Ash hadn’t been able to bring himself to mention it. But knowing that she knew, that his child was real for someone other than just him, that helped, a little.
‘You knew what I’d lost. But still, you reminded me that the world was worth living for,’ he said softly. ‘Every day, you showed me everything that was still with me. From a sunny day in the park, to the best ice cream from that place by the canal, to just having a great friend to watch movies with on a Sunday afternoon. You never told me to smile, or to be happy. You were just there. Spending time with me, expecting nothing, but reminding me every single day that the world went on, and that was a good thing.’
Zoey stared up at him, her eyes wide and amazed. He didn’t blame her. Ash wasn’t entirely sure where those words had come from, either. But now he’d said them, he knew they were absolutely true.
‘I want to do the same for you.’ He pulled her close by their joined hands, until their hands were the only thing separating the two of them. ‘Zoey, you’ve been my constant friend and support ever since that day at the hospital, and I’m not sure I’ve been anything close to the same for you.’
‘You have!’ she protested. ‘Remember the long-distance Netflix binge on my birthday? With the cakes and the hats?’
Ash smiled, despite himself. ‘I do.’ Grace had always made such a big deal about people’s birthdays—especially Zoey’s. She always said it was because Zoey deserved a fuss, and no one else in her life was going to give it to her. When a reminder popped up on the electronic calendar he and Grace had shared, a week before the big event, he’d realised that, without Grace there, Zoey’s birthday could go unmarked altogether. For some reason, it hadn’t even occurred to him that David might celebrate it properly—and, of course, he hadn’t.
So Ash had taken up the challenge. Even if he had to be thousands of miles away on the day, that was no excuse not to celebrate.
That was what Grace would have said.
‘That was just a tiny drop in the ocean compared to all the things you’ve done for me,’ he
pointed out.
Zoey looked shyly down at their clasped hands. ‘Maybe. But it meant the world to me.’
Releasing one hand from her fingers, Ash tucked it under her chin, forcing her to look up at him. ‘You are worth far, far more.’
He could see incredulous disbelief vying with hope in her eyes. Ash wished he could convince her. Could show her that she was worthy of so much more than the men who just wanted a ring on her finger, but not the full Zoey experience. Worth more than countless last-minute escapes at the altar. Worth more than a long-distance video call and some cake on her birthday.
He wanted to show her that she was worth everything.
‘There’s no one in the world I’d rather be stranded in paradise with.’ He’d meant it as a joke, something to lighten the mood, but it didn’t come out that way. Instead, it came out serious, heavy with meaning. The words reverberated around his chest, surrounding his heart, filling him with a feeling he couldn’t quite identify. And from the way Zoey bit her lower lip, she felt it too.
‘Me either,’ she whispered, her gaze never leaving his for a moment.
And then...then it was as if his mind shut down altogether and his body took over. Or maybe, maybe it was his long-ignored heart.
All Ash knew was that suddenly he was kissing Zoey Hepburn. And it was glorious.
CHAPTER FIVE
THE STORM HAD STOPPED.
As Zoey raised her aching head from her pillow, the first thing she noticed was the lack of rain hammering on the roof and windows. The second was the blazing sunlight that was making her eyeballs throb.
The third was that her pillow wasn’t a pillow.
Oh, I’ve really done it this time.
Her head hurt too much to process the sight of Ash Carmichael lying beneath her, a rough towel draped across his hips and the rest of him probably—definitely—naked.
Naked. Her best friend was naked.
And, oh, hell, so was she.
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