by Vella, Wendy
“You’re just like them.” Cam exhaled loudly.
“Them?”
“Wolf and Dev. Annoyingly proper and nauseating.”
“Thank you, I’ll take that as compliment.”
“But as I was saying, I lost the game.”
“Can’t have been easy, as I’m sure there is something of a competitive streak in all of you.” Harry had only really competed with Faris.
Cam laughed. “Something of a competitive streak. Harry, Eden once locked herself in the chicken coop for an entire night because I said she wasn’t brave enough to do so. I knew she was there, of course, and stood watch where she couldn’t see me, but she did it. Such is the ferocity we have for besting each other.”
“And yet you love each other very much,” Harry said quietly. He felt it then, the ugly monster that was jealousy.
It’s right there if you want it.
Sinclairs are not to be trusted.
“I would give my life for any of them, and what we are merely strengthens that.” The laughter fell away, and suddenly there he was, the man behind the facade he wore. The strong, loyal family man.
“As you should” was all Harry could manage around the lump in this throat.
“You are now part of us, Harry.”
He looked away. “I cannot be that. I will be leaving soon.”
“And yet you will always be so. But enough of that for now. I was sent in here to discuss the man who shot you. Is he a continued threat?”
“I will deal with him.” Harry had many ideas on what he would do to Calloway when he was fit and strong once more.
“You are one man; we are many. Let us help you.”
“I need no help.”
“Why are you fighting us?” Cam got out of the chair and began to pace. “You have no family save your grandmother, who, I might add, loves us. Her visits have been wonderful. She fits right into the family with her colorful personality.”
His grandmother had told him repeatedly during her visits that he needed to open his heart to this family.
“It’s the castle. She’s always wanted one of them.”
“Raven Castle is special, for all that it’s a drafty old place,” Cam agreed. “But I digress. Is there a chance your father was wrong about us?”
The door burst open, and in ran Fleur. She hurried to the chair.
“Not today, Fleur.” Harry said the words as she prepared to climb. “I am weary and have no time for reading.”
She stopped, looking up at him with those big eyes.
“I want a story.”
“And yet I have said I cannot read stories today. There are plenty of people here; go and find one of them. In fact, it is best you do so from now on, as I am not staying.” He hadn’t meant his words to come out gruff and spiteful, and yet they did. Cam had said he was now one of them, and he’d hated how good that had felt. He felt as if his world was tilting on its axis, and he had no idea how to right it.
Sinclairs are not to be trusted.
Harry now knew that was wrong, but what he didn’t know was how to handle what he felt. He’d always run from emotion.
Fleur’s lip quivered, and tears formed in her eyes. She turned and ran at Cam, who caught her as she lunged at him. Lifting her into his arms, he hugged her close. Harry wanted to get out of bed and take her back. Have those arms wrap around his neck.
“I can tolerate many things from my family, Harry,” Cam’s face was hard now, “because most often I have deserved them, but one thing I will never tolerate is anyone hurting one of our babies. That was mean and uncalled for. Good day.”
Cam left, taking Harry’s sweet little bundle of sunshine with him—and he let him.
“It’s for the best.” Harry got out of bed slowly. His side still burned but was nowhere near as bad as it should be, because Lilly and the others had saved him. Guilt had him picking up his clothes. Wolf had given him some, along with the nightshirt and dressing gown.
He pushed aside more guilt as he thought about how these people had accepted him in their lives and he’d given nothing in return.
“Why can’t I accept what they want to give me?” Harry had no answer to the question, only that he needed to get away from here and them so he could think.
He’d just been horrible to a child, and he never did that. He could be mean when required, there was no getting around that, but children were exempt. They were special, a gift of innocence that so many people tried to break. He was not, until now, one of them.
The pain was there, nagging away at him as he pulled on the breeches and boots. By the time he had his shirt tucked in, he was sweating. He sat on the bed until his heart stopped thudding.
When he was calmer, he once again stood and tied his necktie. It looked like a child’s knot, but he had no strength to worry about that. Slipping his arms into the jacket, he went back to the bed. Lifting the blankets, he grabbed Maddie’s scarf without giving himself time to think about why and stuffed it down his jacket.
Making his way through the house, he nodded to servants but saw no family. Cam had said they were all going to the park, so that worked in his favor.
“Can I be of assistance, Mr. Sinclair?”
“I would like a hackney, please, George. I am returning to my ship.”
The butler studied his face, no doubt seeing the sweat and pallor. But like any well-trained servant, he simply nodded, then left. Harry found a chair and fell into it with a groan.
Harry had always been strong. He’d loaded cargo alongside his men for years, and yet today a simple walk was taxing his strength. Essie had told him his side would make a full recovery, but it would take time.
He did not have time.
He sat there waiting for the hackney, letting thoughts come and go as he told himself over and over he was doing the right thing. This life was not for him. His life lay over the Channel, far from here.
Why cannot I not have it all?
Never trust a Sinclair.
“Your hackney is here, Mr. Sinclair.”
He should leave a note, but someone might return while he wrote it.
“Please tell the family I have returned to my ship.”
“They are in the park should you wish to tell them on the way out, Mr. Sinclair.”
“I don’t, thank you, George. And thank you for my care while I have been here.”
“It was an honor, Mr. Sinclair.” The butler bowed, and the hell of it was Harry thought he would miss him too.
He walked slowly out the door, his eyes searching but not finding a Sinclair or a Raven. The step into the hackney was not easy, but he pulled himself in, then tapped on the roof.
Harry did not look at the house as he rolled away, because he was suddenly consumed with a feeling he was leaving something of huge importance behind him.
He saw the park as they approached, saw the families sitting around on blankets. He could be part of that if he wished it. Part of a family, something he’d never had or expected to have.
She was there. Harry found her straight away. She sat with her legs folded under her in a cream muslin dress. In her lap was Fleur, and the little girl rested against her mother. He saw the sadness in her eyes and knew it was he who had put it there.
“This is for the best,” he reminded himself, and yet the argument was no longer convincing.
Sinclairs could be trusted; they’d proved that to him. The father he’d never doubted, in this, had been wrong.
Chapter 18
“He’s leaving.”
Maddie’s heart dropped at Dev’s words. Surely Harry would not be so foolish as to leave?
“What? He can’t do that.” Essie got to her feet.
Maddie saw the worry etched there as her sister-in-law’s eyes scanned the carriages on the road, passing the park.
“We have to let him go. Only then will he understand what he is leaving behind,” the eldest Sinclair said, his voice solemn.
“He’s a fool.” Rory
shook his head. “But you are right, it took me some time to learn what we have.”
“He is not strong enough.” Essie sighed.
“He is strong. That man has run a business dealing with cutthroats and gentlemen alike, and done so with only his grandmother for support,” Dev said. “He is possibly the strongest of us all.”
Us all. Harry was a Sinclair, and as such, family. He was the only one who did not understand that yet.
“Harry has gone, Mama.” Fleur looked up with solemn eyes. “I liked Harry. I wanted him to be my papa.”
She knew those close had heard the words, but Maddie didn’t look up, instead focusing on her daughter, who sat cuddled in her lap. Fleur had been talking a great deal about finding a father lately.
“Harry is not your papa, darling. He has his own life. We just borrowed him for a while. He now has to return to his ship and his people.”
“I want to be his people,” Fleur said with a sad little sigh.
“Out of the mouths of babes,” Dev said. “He’ll be back, little one.”
“Fleur, come and play!” Meredith shrieked.
Maddie lifted her daughter to her feet, and soon she was running around with her cousins. Needing to walk, Maddie wandered along the path that ran to the pond.
Harry leaving was a good thing, she told herself. He made her feel strange things inside. All quivery and warm. Jacques had never made her feel that way.
Plucking leaves as she walked, she listened to the squeal of children at play. Would he be all right away from the family? He still had to heal, even though Dev had said he was strong.
The path ran alongside the road, and she looked in the window of the closest carriage rolling by. Her heart almost stopped beating. She only saw the side profile, but it was enough to have her turning away. She stood still, pretending to look around her. Every muscle clenched as she heard the carriage wheels roll on.
Why would she be here? She hadn’t seen the face, but that profile had looked the same. You didn’t forget the face of the woman who had tormented you most of your life. Shuddering, Maddie made herself walk back to the family. There, she was safe. There, no one could harm her.
Suddenly she was back there in France with that man on top of her, his voice whispering horrid things in her ears.
“Maddie?” Rory came to meet her. “Are you all right?”
“Of course. Why do you ask?”
“Wolf said he could see your face and you looked scared.”
She made herself laugh; it was high-pitched and squeaky.
“I was just thinking about things; there is nothing wrong. Sometimes I get sad thinking of Jacques, and sometimes I get scared thinking of her, our mother.”
Rory grabbed her, hauling her close. “She will never touch you again.”
Maddie let him hold her, felt his strength, and the calm came. Rory was right, their mother could not harm her or Fleur again. She must be mistaken; no way was she here in London. Maddie had left her behind in France with the man she’d killed.
“I’m all right now.”
“I’m not. Thinking of that woman makes me tremble.”
“Men don’t tremble.” She eased out of his arms.
“Some men do.” He took her hand as they walked.
“Is everything all right?” Max and her sisters arrived. Samantha’s face was clenched with worry.
Emily had told her how she had suffered at the hands of their father, and that she hated to see any of her people that way.
“I am well, Samantha.” Stepping closer, she put her arms around the young lady who shared her blood and instigated the first hug she’d shared with anyone but Fleur since arriving in London.
“Well.” Max cleared his throat. “We are about to play hide-and-seek. I believe you are it, Maddie, as you are last to the blanket,” Max said. She was then left standing alone as everyone sprinted in the direction of the picnic.
“Mama! You’re it!” Fleur screamed as she arrived.
They played, and for her this was a first too. She’d never just laughed and played freely; there had always been something to do.
Harry had gone, and the mood of the adults was somber for all they tried not to show it. But still they played, and perhaps because of it, Maddie found herself loving these wonderful people even more.
She’d hugged a sibling and played hide-and-seek and eaten the picnic that was brought by James’s staff. She pushed thoughts of the woman in that carriage aside. No one could hurt her here. She was safe with her family.
…
Two weeks to the day after Harry had left, not that she was counting, Maddie woke with streaming eyes and a sore throat. Today they were all visiting a display in Hyde Park where a man was exhibiting velocipedes and various other inventions that Maddie doubted would ever amount to much but her family wanted to see.
Her family. They were that now, and each day she learned how to be part of them. Fleur loved them, and the heart that Maddie had believed could only love her child had now increased to accommodate them.
Dragging herself out of bed, she washed and pulled on clothes, attempting to ignore the aches in her body.
Fleur asked for Harry daily and, like Maddie, missed the laughter she’d forced from him and the smiles he’d given her whenever she’d visited him. The children had taken up Maddie’s lessons, and she learned to read each day in the schoolroom. This, she loved, as soon she’d be able to read to her child, something she’d longed for.
“Hello, Maddie.” Essie and Luke approached her as she left her room.
Maddie’s reply to Essie was a loud sneeze.
“Oh dear, you don’t sound good.” Essie pressed a hand to Maddie’s forehead. “You have a fever. Get back into bed at once.”
“Oh, no, I’ll be fine.”
“Now, Maddie.”
“I was just going to the nursery to see Fleur and prepare for our outing.” As this produced another round of sneezes, Essie handed her a clean handkerchief.
“I will watch Fleur, Aunty Maddie.”
“That is very sweet of you, Luke, but I don’t want to trouble you.”
Meredith had become fast friends with Fleur, and while she was happy about the connection, as it was helping her child get over Harry’s departure, she wasn’t sure the high-spirited Sinclair wouldn’t lead her much younger cousin into trouble. Just yesterday, she’d found them sliding down the banister together. Her heart as yet had not recovered.
“She will have plenty of adult supervision. Now, I insist you get back into your bed at once, Maddie. We will take Fleur with us and give you some peace,” Essie said, opening Maddie’s bedroom door. “Let’s go.” She urged her inside. “Undress and get beneath the covers; I will bring you something to make you feel better.”
“I’m not really—”
The door shut behind her.
She sat in the chair by the window and pulled a rug over her legs. Maddie had never taken to her bed during the day before, and it didn’t feel right doing so now.
“Here you are.” Essie bustled in. “I don’t mind you sitting there as long as that is where you stay. Now drink this, and I have a rub for your chest.”
She took the medicine and the chest rub, then Essie left and joined the family for their outing, promising that a maid would check on Maddie often and bring her tea.
An hour later, she was sick of sitting in the chair. Maddie didn’t read, so she couldn’t lose herself in a book. Pulling a shawl around her shoulders, she headed downstairs to find George. He was always pottering about in the front entrance doing something.
A knock on the door when she arrived had her moving to answer it. George would surely appear, but as she was here…
Two gentlemen stood there.
“Good day to you. We are here to speak with Mrs. Madeline Caron.”
Had she not been a bit fuzzy in the head from whatever Essie had given her, she may have asked why they wanted her. Instead she said, “I am Mrs. Caron.”
“What can I help you gentlemen with?” Maddie said, bending to pick up the dog.
“We are from Bow Street, madam, and have a warrant for your arrest.”
Chapter 19
Harry returned from a torturous visit with his grandmother, where she’d spent the entire time talking about Sinclairs and Ravens. He’d tried to deter her by changing the subject; she hadn’t budged.
Oh, what manners. How sweet the children are. They have a castle, you know.
His grandmother rarely annoyed him. He found her amusing and loved to battle wits with her. She censured him when she felt it necessary and threw out small doses of love when she felt that was required also. Today, however, she’d annoyed him with her constant chatter about them, with a special focus on Maddie and Fleur, who Harry missed desperately. They were like a deep ache inside him that he couldn’t reach to soothe.
Even the dainty nibbling of the cakes she’d ordered had driven him crazy. So he’d left when he could and arrived back at the ship to sit in his office and stare at the papers that he should be reading.
In the days since he’d left them, Harry had tried to convince himself he was done with the Sinclair and Raven families. His wound was healing, and the delay in leaving was simply because some supplies he had ordered had yet to be delivered.
He told himself he was chaffing at the delay. It was a lie.
He couldn’t stop thinking about them. He saw Maddie as she tried to say the words and letters he had taught her. The line down her forehead as she frowned. The smile of elation when she got a word right.
Harry threw his pen across the floor in frustration. What would it take to get them out of his head? He needed a woman and would ensure he found one on his return to France.
His life was on this boat, where he was free and in control. Running a hand through his hair, he wondered why that thought didn’t give him the pleasure it usually did.
“How is the injury today?” Faris entered his rooms without knocking.