by Vella, Wendy
He pulled her back against his front. Let her feel him.
“Feel what you do to me.”
Her hand touched his thigh, fingers stroking him through his breeches, and he felt it everywhere. He pushed her dress from her shoulders, and as it fell to her ankles, Maddie stepped out of it, then turned to face him.
“You are beautiful.”
She shook her head.
“Yes, you are.”
“I don’t need those words, Harry.” Gripping the hem of her chemise, she pulled it up and over her body, naked now but for her stockings. “I want you to show me passion.”
He stood back to look at her long, slender limbs and let his gaze move up past the thatch of dark hair between her thighs to the pale skin of her belly. Then higher to the soft swell of her pale breasts.
Maddie moved to cover herself, one hand on her stomach. Harry eased it aside. Dropping to his knees before her, he traced the soft lines that Fleur had left there.
“These make you more beautiful to me.” He leaned in and kissed her skin before rising. She had tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Why are you crying?”
“You make me beautiful,” she whispered. “Don’t stop, Harry.”
Their kisses grew more heated as she responded. He stroked the line of her back and trailed his fingers over her ribs.
Maddie undid the buttons of his shirt and pushed it from his body, and the feel of her hands on his skin were exquisite.
His hands were in her hair now, releasing the pins so finally he could see what he’d longed for. It fell in a thick brown wave to her waist. He sifted his fingers through it, settling it around her shoulders.
“Kiss me, Harry.”
It was no hardship to feel her pressed to his chest. He was, quite simply, on fire.
He picked her up and carried her to his bed, lowering her onto the covers. Harry removed his boots and the rest of his clothes. Maddie’s eyes followed his hands, watching his every move. When he was done, he braced a knee beside her thighs and heard the breath hiss from her lips.
“What?”
“I don’t think I can do that.” She wasn’t looking at him now.
“Lie on your back with me on top?” He looked down at her, trying to work out what she wasn’t telling him.
She nodded.
“Who hurt you?” The anger was swift and fierce.
“No one. It’s just that he did that, and I don’t want to remember that with you.”
“He. Raynor?”
She nodded.
“But he didn’t—”
“No!”
Pushing aside the anger, Harry lifted her into his arms. He sat on the bed, holding her.
“We don’t have to do this, Maddie. I don’t want to frighten you.”
“I’m sorry, I should have thought more about this before we started.” She looked upset. “Maybe we can do that?”
“There are other ways, Maddie.”
“Really?”
“Really. I don’t want to frighten you, but I don’t have to be on top of you for us to make love.”
“You don’t frighten me, Harry, and I want this here with you. Please make love to me.”
He’d never, not even in his head, called it making love. That thought should have had him running from the cabin. Instead, he set about making this beautiful woman understand that passion was not something to fear, but to cherish.
Chapter 32
Maddie did not want to think about any man but Harry. Not Jacques, who had lain with her in the dark, simply asking her to raise her skirts, or Lord Raynor who had grasped her breasts. She wanted to think only of Harry and how wonderful his hands and mouth made her feel.
This was passion, and she wanted more.
Doing what she was with Harry would push aside all the darkness from Raynor and leave her with memories of what could be.
Maddie kissed him, and he let her take the lead. Let her explore his lovely mouth and run her fingers through his hair. She touched the cords of muscle on his shoulders and arms.
“You are a beautiful man, Harry.”
“Thank you, but I don’t think men are meant to be beautiful, my sweet.”
“You are.” She kissed his chest, and the breath left him in a rush. Maddie then kissed wherever she could reach.
She felt the tension inside him, but he did not stop her. His hands stroked her arms and back, but he did no more than that until she kissed his lips once more. Then he touched her breasts.
It was glorious. Heat spiked through her body, and she felt an ache start between her thighs.
“You have beautiful breasts, Maddie.”
“I doubt they are,” she felt a need to say. “I fed my child from them.”
Her chin was lifted, and their eyes met. His were so green now, bright and fierce.
“I could write poems just on your breasts alone, madam, so do not argue with me.”
“Do you write poetry?”
“No, but if I did, I would do so about your breasts.”
Her laugh turned to a sigh as he licked the slope of one. He then covered every inch with kisses before swiping his tongue across her nipple and making her shudder.
“Do you feel the passion, Maddie?”
“Oh, yes.”
“It has only just begun.”
He tormented her with caresses and kisses, and Maddie was soon moaning with a need she’d never felt before. It built steadily inside her, and this too, she knew, was passion.
She was lifted and repositioned to straddle his thighs, now exposed to him.
“If you are frightened, tell me, Maddie.”
“I will,” she whispered as he pushed her hair over a shoulder. The kiss he placed on her neck had heat spiking through her as his hands moved lower to caress her thighs, his thumbs moving closer to that place that ached.
“Just feel, Maddie.” He touched her.
“I do… it is wonderful, Harry.”
Maddie wanted to be brave. Wanted to touch Harry as he touched her. She stroked his ribs before moving lower and stroking the hardness of his need.
“Ah, Maddie,” he sighed.
She wrapped her hand around him and stroked the length, and Harry moaned softly.
Then it was Maddie’s turn to moan as he touched the bead between her thighs. He pushed his fingers inside her, and she felt all that wonderful tension climb.
“Harry.”
“I have you, as you have me, Maddie.”
Removing his hands, he eased hers from his body, then pulled her closer until she felt him probing at her entrance.
“Take me inside you now, Maddie.” He lay on the bed, then lifted her and lowered her onto his hard length.
Bracing herself on her knees, she slid slowly down, feeling the muscles stretching to accommodate him until he was buried to the hilt.
“Christ, you feel good.” He pulled her down and kissed her. Desperate for more, Maddie took it all. “Now ride me.”
She’d only ever done it in the dark with Jacques, but looking down into the wicked green eyes, she thought that perhaps this was so much more than anything she’d experienced with her late husband.
This really was passion.
Maddie rose and lowered, and his breathing grew rapid, as did hers. This was her doing; she was in control, not him. She did it again, and then again, each time moving faster. His hands cupped her breasts as the tension climbed.
“Let go for me, Maddie!”
“Yes,” Maddie breathed and then she felt it, the wonderful wave of pleasure that swept through her.
Harry drove up as she came down and then pulled out on a long, shuddering moan. She fell onto the bed face-first beside him, breathless, replete, her limbs weak. His hand skimmed her spine, then she felt a kiss on her head.
He moved, and she rolled to her side to watch him walk to the basin of water. He had a lovely body. Smooth skin covered muscles that rippled as he walked.
“Thank you.”
>
He looked over his shoulder, and the smile that had been there fell away. “Don’t thank me.”
“You gave me what I asked for, Harry. Passion. You also protected me.”
“I wanted that as much as you, Maddie.” He returned to stand over her, handing her a cloth. “I don’t need thanks for that. How was I protecting you?”
“By pulling out.”
“I did. Neither of us need the complication of a child.”
His eyes were no longer bright, but guarded. Suddenly the man who had shown so much emotion just minutes before was gone. Shut away behind the cool facade. Had this meant anything to him other than bedding a woman?
She’d come here hoping she could make him understand what he now meant to her and admit that he too felt something. Her family certainly believed that was the case. But looking at his face, closed and frowning, it seemed they were both wrong.
“You had better leave, Madeline, before someone comes looking for you.”
“You want me to leave?”
“It would be best.” He wouldn’t look at her, and she realized then that he would not be staying in England, and she’d be foolish to believe he would. Harry did not feel for her as she did him. She’d asked him to show her passion, he had, and now it was time for her to leave.
“Yes, well, thank you again.” Maddie made herself get off the bed, keeping her eyes from his. She would not show him how much his words hurt her. She had spent a lifetime wanting to be loved, and she was worthy of that. If Harry could not give it to her, then one day someone would. Maddie now knew her worth. She did not have to settle as she once would have.
She began to dress. “I must thank you also, Harry, for showing me what can be between a man and woman.” The wonderful connection they’d just shared was shattered at her feet. She needed to remain in control and get out of there before she did something she regretted, like telling him what lay in her heart.
“Not just any man and woman,” he said softly.
“Do you have my pins?”
He handed her the pins silently, and Maddie bundled her hair up, jabbing them in hard enough to make her wince.
“Would you do my buttons up, please?” Maddie presented him her back and refused to react as his hands touched the skin above the neckline of her dress.
“When do you leave?” She made herself ask the question. Needed to know what day he would sail away from her, this man who had slipped inside her when she wasn’t looking. Maddie had always believed she was not a woman who would experience this kind of fierce emotion; Harry had changed that for her from the start.
“Soon.” He picked up her bonnet, holding it out to her.
“Thank you.” She took it and stepped away from him to pull it on. Maddie tied the ribbons.
“Stop thanking me.”
“Of course, sorry. If I don’t see you again, have a good life, Harry. I will look after Daisy now, so you have no need to worry about her.”
“About Daisy.” He grabbed her hand as she turned to leave. “I want to help you support her in some way.”
Her heart thudded. Did that mean he wasn’t going? Did it mean if he did, he would come back and see her?
“Money, or tutors, anything you think would make things easier for her. Even though I will not be in her life, I feel some responsibility.”
She shook the hand free.
“I renounce you of all responsibility for her care now. Daisy is mine, and I have no need of your money, thank you. I have brothers and sisters who will help me financially.”
“Why have my words offended you?”
He didn’t make a move to come closer, just stood watching her.
“They didn’t.”
“They have. I can hear it in your voice.”
“We just made love!” Dear God, she’d yelled. Maddie never yelled or lost control.
“I know that. It was lovely.”
Lovely! Get out of here now.
“It was lovely,” Maddie said slowly, “and then you acted like I was… like I was just… oh God.”
“Just what?”
“Any woman who you made love to, and of course I was. Silly me.” She found a laugh. “Of course you have done that with many women, and I am just another.”
“I did not offer more, Maddie. You said you wanted me to show you passion, and I did.”
He was so calm, and inside she was crumbling.
“I did not ask you for more, I asked you for passion, and yes, you gave me that, but clearly, unlike you, I had not believed a person could then put it to one side, as if it was just a… a new glove!”
“You are not a new glove,” he gritted out.
“It’s all right. I’m just not used to this kind of thing. I’m sure in time I will be.”
“What the hell does that mean?” He wasn’t looking calm now.
“It means that now I know what happens when I take my next lover.”
“You will not take another lover!”
“Of course I will,” Maddie lied. She was not a woman to take lovers, but she’d wanted to shock him. “After all, you are leaving and have no plans to return. I cannot simply live my life alone.”
“You will not take a lover!”
“Why? You don’t want me, and I’ve realized that I’m worthy of more, Harry. Once I did not believe that—”
“You are not unworthy.”
“I know that now, just as I know I deserve what my family have. To be loved and live my life with a man who wants me.”
“Maddie.” He moved closer. “Let me explain.”
“There is nothing to explain. You don’t want us… your family or me, and there is nothing I can do to change that.” She turned away and reached the door. Something stopped her; perhaps the fact that she’d lived her life hiding in the shadows and had no wish to do so any longer.
“I love you, Harry Sinclair, but I did not tell you that to make you stay. I deserve more from life, and that includes having my love returned. Therefore, my love for you will not stop me living my life and in time will fade. I no longer have to settle for safety or a roof over my head. Now I have choices, and I intend to take them. Be happy, Harry.”
She wrenched open the door, then slammed it behind her.
“Maddie!”
Ignoring Harry’s roar, she ran along the deck, soon reaching the gangway.
“Mrs. Caron?”
“Oh, hello, Barney. I’m sorry, I must leave. But thank you for everything you’ve done for me!”
“Well then, goodbye, and I wish you well. We are sailing on today, so may God bless and watch over you and your little girl,” he called as she sprinted passed him.
Tonight? He hadn’t even had the courage to tell her that. Fiend. Reaching the bottom, Maddie ran to the carriage. The coachman saw her coming and opened the door. She turned before stepping inside and saw Harry standing on the deck. He hadn’t followed her. He stood as she’d first seen him. Fierce like a warrior, watching her with those vibrant green eyes.
The difference now was that she knew him. Conflicted and yet determined to live his life true to his father’s wishes. Maddie and his family were not enough to change that.
“Goodbye, Harry,” she mouthed, knowing he would read her lips. Maddie climbed into the carriage. She would not cry, having learned long ago tears simply made your eyes red and your throat sore. Lifting her chin, she looked out the window and willed herself not to relive every moment of what she had just experienced with Harry. Later she’d think about that, and in the years to come.
She’d asked him for passion, and he’d given it to her and so much more. He’d replaced the ugly memories of what a man and woman could share.
Her heart ached for the love he did not or could not return, but that too would pass. Now she would look forward to the life she would live with her girls. A life filled with excitement and expectation. A life without Harry.
Chapter 33
Harry had stood at the railing and watched Ma
ddie drive away from him. He’d told himself it was the right thing to let her do. What he couldn’t work out was why.
I love you, Harry Sinclair.
Maddie loved him, and as he went through the process of getting ready to sail, he thought about what it had cost her to say those words. The woman who had not known love in her life. For her to come to his ship and offer him what she had, had taken courage. Her family had given her that. With security and love, she’d found confidence.
Why could Harry not rise above his childhood? His father had made him promise to never seek out his family, and he’d always stayed true to that. Why?
Doubts began to bombard him from all sides. Doubts and fears that in walking away from his family and Maddie, he was losing his chance at happiness.
The Sinclairs and Ravens had asked nothing from him, and yet he’d continually pushed them away.
He went through the motions of speaking to his crew and ensuring he’d logged all the details he needed to as the thoughts continued to roll around inside his head.
If he’d never met them, none of this would have been an issue. He wouldn’t want to have Cam tease him again, or Dev treat him like a younger sibling. He wouldn’t have his cousins call him Uncle, or Fleur demand a story as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
And Daisy, the sweet little girl he’d saved. He’d walked away from her too without even a word of goodbye.
You are a callous bastard.
For so long it had been just him and Grandmère, but now there were others who cared about him.
Harry tried to push aside thoughts of Maddie. He didn’t think about how soft her skin felt or what he’d experienced when he was inside her, as close as a man could be with a woman.
I love you, Harry Sinclair, but I did not tell you that to make you stay. I deserve more from life, and that includes having my love returned.
She did deserve to be loved. Why could it not be by him?
Be happy, Harry.
He’d always thought he was happy, and then she’d stepped into his life and turned everything around.
“Hell.” He lowered his head to the desk and banged it. Why was this so hard?