“Nothing.” Ollie interrupts firmly. “You have nothing to do but hang out with us for a little while.” There’s no lightness in his tone. His eyes are narrowed on his best friend as I look between the two of them.
Milo breaks the eye contact first, shoving his hands into the pockets of his gray joggers. “Sure, that works.” He doesn’t even answer my question, just ignores it altogether.
“Food first. I’m starving.”
“When aren’t you?” I force lightness into my tone as I reply to Ollie.
“Growing boy,” he adds without missing a beat. “Then we’ll see what trouble finds us.” With a mischievous little grin, he slings his arm over my shoulder and mine wraps around his waist, and then we begin walking. Ollie takes a large step with his right leg overlapping my left. Keeping up the game I do the same to him, so we walk in tandem to the side door off the kitchen. I know Milo is following behind us, but he doesn’t try to include himself in our game. This is going to be a long few days if I can’t figure out what’s going on with him.
We eat a proper breakfast of eggs and toast. Milo perks up a bit, even joining in to help butter the bread as we prepare the food.
Rosa and the guys have been conveniently absent all morning, giving us privacy.
Instead of seeking out the trouble Ollie alluded to, we head back to Ares’s room when we’re done. Being in here when I know he won’t be coming through the door and shaking his head at the mess Ollie made of the bed, or the game controllers lying on the floor where Milo left them, makes my heart ache a little. Instead of dwelling on those thoughts, I pull his pillow into my lap and bring it up to my nose when I know the guys are deep into their game.
His scent still lingers enough so I catch a whiff of him as I squeeze it tight. Dropping it, I finger the thick leather strap on my wrist, which Dante fastened there after removing it from his own. They aren’t close, but I still feel their nearness anyway.
Finally deciding the pity party is too much, I fling the pillow off my lap and scoot to the end of the bed to sit with the guys.
Milo’s dark blue eyes meet mine. “Want to play?” he asks tentatively.
I scrunch up my nose and pucker my lips. “Not really. Thanks though.” I place my hand purposefully on his shoulder and balance myself, pulling my legs out from under me so they dangle off the end of the bed. Milo stiffens but doesn’t shake off my touch. I long for the closeness I feel with the others as I let my hand trail over his shoulder and down his forearm.
Milo licks his bottom lip while staring at the game on the TV with his eyes larger than normal. I don’t know how to take his response. It wasn’t long ago that he was asking me to include him, to consider him, but that feels like eons ago. I feel like I’m back to square one with him, questioning if he even wants to be in this Infinity with me.
“Milo.”
He blinks several times, not looking at me. “Yeah?”
I place my hand over his on the game controller. He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. I lose my nerve to ask him what’s wrong, to ask him if this is still something he wants. It feels so selfish of me to demand to know why he’s acting so distant. Pulling my hand back to my lap, I mutter, “Never mind.”
I see him peek at me from the corner of his eye but ignore it. That’s what he wants anyway, right?
“Oh, shit,” Ollie pipes up, tossing his remote carelessly to the floor.
“What’s wrong?” Milo and I both ask, alarm in our voices as Ollie stands.
“I totally forgot Ares asked me to take care of something. I’ll be back before you need to leave for work,” Ollie explains, quickly sliding on a pair of mismatched socks.
“But that’s not for hours, and what did he ask you to do?” I glance at the clock. It’s not even nine yet. I realize the guys’ flight hasn’t even taken off. Shaking those thoughts away I focus back on Ollie.
His face it tinted red and he won’t look at me. “It’s not a big deal, just something I forgot. You guys wait here, I’ll be back before eleven thirty.”
I open my mouth to protest, to ask more questions, but he’s out the door before another word leaves my lips. I look over at Milo, my eyes wide. “Do you think something’s wrong?” A knot of worry tightens my belly.
Milo’s nostrils flare as his lips go thin and flat. “No, he’s lying his ass off.” There’s actually some heat to Milo’s words.
Confused, for more than one reason, I ask, “Why?”
“He’s a meddling, know it all bastard.” I jerk back, surprised by the vehemence of his words. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Milo mad at Ollie.
Milo’s shoulders fall and his head angles to the side. With a little more care, he tosses his remote to the bed. I shift, uncomfortable now that Ollie is gone. He’s always the best buffer. Balling my hands into fists I push them over my thighs. Awkward silence fills the surrounding space.
Milo tilts his head back to look up at the ceiling. His eyes close and I see his lips move silently. Is it really that hard for him to be alone with me for a little while?
Rising to my feet I back away a few steps. “Uh… I’ll just go hang out in the living room. Give you some space.”
“Wait,” Milo calls out, with urgency in his voice.
I shift from foot to foot then turn to face him, my arms going over my stomach. “I ah…” Milo pushes both arms straight, gripping the end of the bed so his shoulders bunch up near his ears. “Can you stay?” So much uncertainty comes out in his words.
“You want me to?” I peer sideways at him, just as uncertain.
“I do.” He releases the bed, his movement jerky.
“Okay…” I fiddle with the long sleeves of my thermal shirt as I drop my arms to my sides, letting the fabric pull over my hands.
“Fuck,” Milo breathes. I don’t think I’m supposed to hear him, but I do. “Ollie thinks we need to talk,” he adds, hunching his back as he leans his forearms on his thighs. “That’s why he disappeared. He thinks he’s helping.” Milo winces at his own sarcasm.
“But you don’t want to talk…?” I don’t add to me, but I’m thinking it. Milo’s eyes are cast down at the ground. He shrugs noncommittally.
“We can, I guess.” He sounds a little sullen.
“We don’t have to, not if you don’t want to Milo.” He looks up at me when I say his name.
“We should though.”
The somberness of his tones makes me think I really don’t want to have this conversation. “Was there something particular that Ollie thought we should talk about?” I inquire tentatively.
Milo stand ups, his large frame filling up more space than you’d think possible. He begins a slow pace on the opposite side of the room. He only has a few feet to work with before he’ll hit the wall or come too close in my direction. He takes maybe three strides before turning back and following the same path.
“Us, this.” Milo halts, he waves his hand between us.
“What about us?” I cock my hip out to the side feeling very defensive, and I don’t even know why. Milo looks at me with his head cocked to the side, and his eyes widened in a you can’t be serious way. I wait him out, tilting my head in a similar fashion.
He scoffs and resumes pacing. After only a few steps he stops again, and turning on me he says, “Why don’t you treat me like you do the others?”
Taken aback by his question I furrow my brow, shaking my head in denial. “What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean.” Milo stands to his full height, looking down at me from across the room with his bulky arms folded over his chest. The sight of him standing against me gives me a sour taste in the back of my throat. He thinks I treat him differently? If I do, it’s only out of respect for his wishes. I don’t want to force a relationship with him.
When I don’t immediately answer, he accuses, “See, you can’t even deny it.”
“You’re not giving me anything to deny Milo.” My voice is rising to meet his.
“I feel like I’m always playing catch up. You had a connection to Ares the moment you saw him, it was obvious to all of us.” I don’t bother trying to deny his words. They’re the absolute truth, from the first moment I met Ares there was something there.
But I felt exactly the same when I met him, and the others. I was just too afraid to admit it, even to myself. Milo continues, “I wanted to give you the time Dante thought you needed. Let you gets to know us, but the only thing that did was push you closer to them.”
“Milo, I’ve already told you I wanted that with you. That I wanted to get to know you better.” My voice is calm, even, compared to his. All I want is for him to let me in, but he’s the one always pushing me away.
“That’s what you say, but that’s not what you do. You practically run into Dante’s arms when you see him. And forget about Ollie and Ares.” Milo says their names with an eye roll.
Suddenly feeling very defensive again, I counter, “I try to get close to you, talk to you, but you’re always putting someone between us. Ollie asks to take me to work alone so we have a few minutes together, Ares never hides his affection for me. You don’t do that.”
“I don’t want to push you!” Milo’s eyes go round, and his chin juts forward. He’s yelling at me.
I narrow my eyes at him. “You’re standing here furious with me because what, I kiss Ares more than you? News flash Milo, he and the others have made it clear they want that.” I raise my brow at him. I’m not at his level of yelling, but I’m not backing down either.
“But I’m not included?”
“How am I supposed to know you’d want that from me?” I throw my hands up in the air,
they fall back to the side of my thighs with a slap.
“How could you not know I’d want that?” Milo looks down at the ground, his voice much lower, almost like he’s talking to himself.
“I don’t know what you want Milo, because you’ve never told me, never showed me. Ares is so open about his affection. He makes me feel like I could walk up to him at any time and kiss him and he would accept it. Hell, want it.” I grab my right wrist with my left, holding my arms in front of my body.
“You don’t make me feel like that. There’s a small piece of me that thinks if I were to ever go to you, especially if someone was around, you would push me away, reject me.” Releasing my hands, I rub them over my face. “So I don’t open myself up to you like that, because I’m afraid you don’t really want me to.” The confession comes from me with a hint of exhaustion. I walk over to the bed, the only real place to sit, and drop onto the low mattress.
Milo stands in place, not moving and barely breathing, as he stares out into space. After a few moments of his stunned silence he moves. It begins with a slight shaking of his head in denial. His eyes settle on mine, and the tight line of his jaw and the way his lips are pulled into a flat line, make me think he wants to refuse my claim. He surprises me by saying, “I don’t want you to feel that way. I want you to know you can come to me, just like you can go to the others.” Milo rolls his neck back and forth a few times, and his body relaxes as he does.
It seems he used the time he spent thinking about what I said to calm himself, since he’s no longer yelling, and doesn’t seem nearly as agitated. After the quick stretches he comes and sits next to me on the bed, leaving enough space between us where we could reach out and still not touch.
“You kinda have a funny way of showing it,” I comment with a little chuckle, hoping to further alleviate the tension in the room. My words fall a little flat as he continues to stare at me.
“Do you really think that I would push you away?” He sounds vulnerable, almost like he doesn’t want to hear my answer, but asked the question anyway.
I shrug, looking down at my fingernails. “I don’t know Milo, kinda. You’re always so distant. You never ask to sleep next to me.” My cheeks flush, but I continue anyway. “Never ask or try to spend any time alone with me. Most of the time I feel like you’re being forced into an arrangement you don’t want to be in, but don’t really have a choice in, either.” I look up, watching him to see his reaction. Will he be mad?
Anger is the last thing I’d guess he’s feeling, because Milo looks almost wounded by my words. His lips are turned down in a frown, and the corners of his eyes have even fallen. “Laura…” He shakes his head again, this time in disbelief. “I really was trying to give you space and time to adjust. Ares never even really gave you a choice to accept him or not, and I get it. He’d given up hope he would ever have a synergist, so I don’t blame him for it or anything,” Milo rushes, defending his words like I might take offense. “And Ollie,” Milo actually rolls his eyes, “don’t even get me started on him. He was almost as bad as Ares, but sneakier about it.” I can hear the affection he has in his voice, for his friend? I still feel like there’s more to their relationship. Milo turns, angling his knee on the bed so he’s facing me more.
“I know it might seem strange, but the way Ares just pushed right past any boundaries I might have set up was kinda comforting. It was like from the beginning I knew he would always be there, like we were already an inevitable conclusion.” I bite my lip, it’s weird voicing my thoughts out loud. I’ve never really had to analyze these things.
“Maybe that’s where I made the mistake then? I didn’t give you the reassurance that I wasn’t going anywhere either.”
Leaning over enough so I can wrap my fingers over Milo’s arm, I tell him, “It wasn’t a mistake Milo. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I pull back and place my hand behind me on the bed. “I think I was trying to do the same for you. I didn’t want to be the one to force you into being with me. This thing, this relationship, is far from what I ever imagined for myself.” I look at the wall since I can’t look at him while I’m talking about this, but we need to talk about it.
“I never even really had friends Milo, and then these three beautiful boys came along and told me I’m who they’ve been waiting for—me. It was almost more than I could ever even hope for, and then I find out there’s another one of you.” I shake my head thinking back to how confused I felt in the beginning.
“I hadn’t ever really imagined what life would be like for me once I finished school. I figured I’d keep working, keep taking care of my mom, and maybe, maybe at some point, I’d find someone. But I’d never really given it more than a fleeting thought. I’ve never even had a crush on a boy.”
I look over at him; he’s been quiet while I’ve been talking. I know he’s listening since his eyes are locked on me. “Then you guys came along, and I could barely think straight when you were in the same room with me. Being with you guys was more than I ever dreamed of, but being with all of you…” I pause, trying to come up with the words that can actually convey how I’m feeling.
“In here, it feels so right.” I cross my arm over my chest and gather the material over my heart. “But up here,” I use my other hand to point up at my head, “it feels like I’m taking advantage of you guys. My brain tells me it’s not fair, that there’s nothing I’ve ever done to deserve all of you, while the only thing you get in return is me.”
Milo closes the distance between us in an instant. It happens so fast, my elbow bumps into his chest. Using his right arm, he pulls me into him, my head nestling under his chin. I feel his chest expand as Milo takes a deep breath. “I will have to politely disagree with your head on this one, sweetheart.” I feel his morning stubble pull through my hair as he turns his head.
“None of us would change it, I want you to know that, even if there was some way to do it. Not one of us would. There could never be a better match for us, and I’m lucky to be part of your Infinity,” Milo tells me, his voice soft, calm. I wrap my arm around his back and accept the nearness he’s offering. Holding onto Milo is different than the others. He’s bulkier than even Ares, not quite as tall but bigger, sturdier. There’s no softness to him as I lean my head against his chest.
Milo clears his th
roat and pulls back from me, so I tilt my head to look up at his angled jaw. “I uh… I, you’re right about me keeping my distance too. And it wasn’t just because I wanted to give you time to adjust,” he admits reluctantly.
I scrunch my brows together. “Oh?” I don’t really know what else to say. I sit up a little more and my hand trails over the curve of his back as I do.
“I don’t have a lot of experience with,” Milo pauses, seeming to think of what to say next, “relationships either.” He doesn’t meet my eyes.
“So, you didn’t date much?” I can’t filter out the hopeful note in my voice.
Milo runs a hand over his hair. This close to him I can see all the blond highlights that run through his ashy brown locks.
“Well, I’m best friends with Ollie and Dante so…” The sentence hangs, but I think I know what he’s getting at.
“So, you have dated a lot?”
“Dated, I guess you could say I dated, or hung out with a few people. But I’ve never. I haven’t. You know… because my ability. I was afraid I would hurt someone. Lose control and hurt someone.” Milo’s face flashes bright red, and heat rushes to mine.
“I see,” I say awkwardly and wince. How do I respond to that? He’s telling me he’s a virgin.
Milo rocks his head on his neck again. “I mean, I’m telling you because I’ve been afraid of being alone with you.” He sounds defensive, but I think he’s more embarrassed than anything. His shoulders go up as his chin drops closer to his chest.
Reaching over to grab one of his hands, I lace my fingers with his. “Just so you know, me neither, not because I was worried about abilities or anything. I never wanted to before.” I bump my shoulder against Milo’s. I’ve never asked the others, I’d actually assumed all of them had… done stuff before. Knowing Milo hasn’t causes a gleeful smile to quirk my lips, and I don’t even try to hide it.
Chapter 6
“Both of you guys are staying?” I look between Milo and Ollie.
“Nothing better to do,” Ollie offers, snagging my hand as he tows me through the door to the diner. I glance at Milo over my shoulder, making sure he’s following. After our talk this morning I feel a new closeness to him that I can’t deny I was missing. He’s right behind us, only a step or two away.
Infinity Chronicles Book Three Page 5