by A. Lynn
“Can I help you?”
“Could you send my nurse, please?”
“Absolutely. She will be right there.”
“Thank you.”
While I wait for Nicole to come, I get up to go to the bathroom. This time I avoid looking at my reflection completely. I’m not going to act like it doesn’t hurt, it hurts like a motherfucker, but it definitely looks worse than it feels. I'm just climbing on the bed when Nicole knocks on the door.
“I’m surprised you’re awake,” she says.
“I got sucked into a book I’ve been waiting for.”
“What are you reading?”
“Meagan Brandy’s Break Me. It’s the conclusion to the Brayshaw series.”
“I know the feeling! I had the same issue with it last week. I don’t know what I am going to do now that it’s over.”
“Girl, same." I sigh.
She pushed some buttons on the IV pump and it stopped beeping. “Let me run and get that unit for you.”
“Can I get some pain medicine, too, please?"
“Absolutely, I’ll run and get those right now,” she says walking out the door.
I pick up the envelope from Ryan and begin the debate again—but before I can make a decision or not—Nicole walks in again.
“I’ll push your morphine first, so your pain will start to fade quicker,” she says as she scans my ID and the syringe again.
“Okay,” as I feel the warmth spreading up my arm.
She hangs the unit of blood and turns to me. "Anything else I can get you?"
“Not that I can think of.”
“You didn’t touch your drink, do you want a cup of ice or a different drink?”
“A cup of ice is fine.”
“Okay,” she says and walks out again. The ice machine must be super close because she was only gone a minute. “Here you go, hun. Just call if you need anything.”
“Thank you, Nicole.”
She just smiles and walks out of the room, leaving me to obsess about whether I should look at what Ryan left for me or not.
Fuck it, it's going to haunt me until I do it.
I rip the top open and look inside. Pulling out the stack of papers, and the first thing to greet me is court papers. I scan the papers and my heart breaks for Jordan. Why would she sign her rights away like this? I don't understand, Jordan is such an amazing little boy, how can she just cast him aside? The first of the tears begin to roll down my cheeks.
As pissed as I am on behalf of my son, I'm a little relieved, too. I feel like shit for feeling that way, but it is what it is. Not everyone is meant to be a mother, I just never put Ryan in that category. She was so excited when she was pregnant, I don't remember when she became indifferent about it. But we made it work, I loved him enough for the both of us. I sob knowing that he loves her.
This fucking junkie bitch better hope she never sees my face again, because I’m going to beat the brakes off her selfish fucking ass.
I flip through the rest of the papers and the last page is a handwritten letter from her to me.
Reagan,
Where do I even start? I am so sorry for what has brought us to this point, but I am even sorrier for what I am doing right now. I suppose I need to start at the beginning, with a truth you have been asking of me for years.
Cooper is Jordan’s father. I fell in love with him many years ago, and I just… never stopped. He is my great love. That once-in-a-lifetime shit you read about in books.
When I got pregnant, I thought he would be happy and that we would be a family. Be together forever, but that wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted me to get it taken care of. He was furious when I refused to get an abortion. He disappeared for a little while.
I just figured he would be back for us and we would be ready, you know what I mean? Jokes on me though, because when he came back he only wanted me. And that makes this a little easier. I imagine you looked at the court papers on top first, right? So, you know that I signed my rights away.
You’re probably so deep in your head wondering what the hell is wrong with me or some shit. So I will answer the question that I know is plaguing you. Why, right?
The truth is really simple actually, I was never meant to be a parent. How can I expect to have a healthy adult life after the way my parents fucked me up. I am not mother material in the least, that is all you, babe.
I actually regret having him, Rea, and I know that is shitty to say, but it was a mistake that should have been handled differently. Cooper and I could have been together all this time. Don’t you see it, Rea? I resent him. I tried, I really did, but nothing changed. I told myself to love him, but it just didn’t happen.
He is solely yours now. Give him the love I never could. You always were the better mother, anyway.
Please don’t hate me.
I won't be back, and that is the saddest part for me. I never thought I would live a life that you weren't a part of. How fucked is that? It's been you and me for so long, I'm not sure I know how to live without you by my side.
I need for this to be a clean break, so I am not going to take my phone or anything else. Please don't look for me. He is better off with you. I'm sorry, Rea. I hope you both find a new normal.
--Ryan
I get up and bring the landline over to the bed and sit back down on the bed with the receiver to my ear. Thank the lord I memorized Crow’s phone number.
It rings one time before he answers. "Yeah?"
I exhale a sob and whisper, "Kane, I need you."
"I'll be right there, baby." No sooner does he hang up than he is busting through the door and to my side.
“Have you been here this whole time?”
“Where would I go? I want to be where you are, even if you don’t want me there.”
“I always want you around, my love. I was just being a bitch.”
“Baby, we fight more often than we don’t. It’s kind of our thing,” he says with a cocky smile.
"Yeah, I know." I motion between the two of us. "Toxic."
“Fierce,” he amends.
“Will you hold me, honey?”
"I would love to." He kicks off his boots and carefully climbs in bed with me.
“Did Gunner talk to you?”
"He did."
"Please, Kane, don't let this "message" push us apart."
“I won’t, baby.”
“Pinky promise?” I ask and extend my finger in his direction.
“What the hell is a pinky promise?”
"It's essentially a blood oath for girls. You never break a pinky promise or you run the risk of loss of a limb and/or life."
“Sounds serious,” he mocks.
“Laugh all you want, but break a pinky promise and see what happens,” I threaten.
“I won’t break it,” he says, wrapping his pinky around mine. “I love you, baby. Get some rest.”
“I love you, Kane,” I yawn.
Chapter 13
Reagan
“How's our girl doing this morning?" I hear mumbled.
“She’s in pain. She has been whimpering in her sleep,” Crow answers.
“That’s why you shouldn’t be in the bed with her, Crow.”
“You think I don’t know that Skylar?” Crow snaps. “Every time I go to get up, she wraps herself tighter around me.”
“That’s because you are right where you are supposed to be," I say and tilt my head back so he can lay his lips on mine.
“Damn right, I am.”
“Ew,” Skylar says with a smile. “You okay, Rea?”
“No, but I will be.”
She nods. "I just wanted to stop and check on you before my shift. I'll come to see you soon."
“Sounds good,” I say. “Have a good shift?”
“Something like that.” She giggles on the way out the door and says, “See you later, bro.”
“Later, Sky.”
“Did you sleep?”
He shakes. “No. I got caugh
t up looking at this,” he says holding up the court papers from Ryan. “Is it saying what I think it is? Is that bitch just throwing that boy away?”
“It appears so,” I say as tears run down my cheeks. “Did you not read the letter that was with it?”
“No, I didn’t see a letter.”
“It must have fallen when I got up to get the phone to call you.”
He gets up from the bed to look around. “Here it is,” he says climbing back in the bed with me.
While he is reading that, I push the call button.
“Can I help you?”
“Will you send my nurse, please.”
“Of Course.”
I look at Crow, “Can we wait to talk about it until the nurse leaves, please?”
“Sure, baby,” Crow says as the door opens.
“Hey, Reagan. Did you need something, hun?”
“Some pain medicine? Please?”
“Absolutely. I’ll be right back,” Nicole says and walks out the door.
When she comes strutting back in, she has a gleam in her eye that I don’t think I like very much. “So, Reagan, who’s the hottie?” Nicole asks making Crow cough to cover a laugh.
“This is Crow, my—”
"Fiance," Crow cuts me off. I swing my head to him but he presses a kiss to my lips, shushing me. "And you are?"
“I’m Nicole Bennett,” she replies. “Nice to meet you, Crow.”
“Likewise.”
She grabs the scanner off her cart and goes about scanning my ID and the syringe. She reaches into a pocket on her scrub top and slides a piece of scrap paper to me.
I pick it up, confused. "What's this?"
“My phone number,” she answers.
My brow furrows. “I don’t understand.”
“How can our friendship flourish without having each other’s contact information?” She pauses then says, “There is strength in numbers, girl. It seems like you may need a friend as much as I do.”
I nod as a tear runs down my cheek. "I would like that."
"Me, too," she says with a smile. "My shift is over in an hour, so I will be busy doing end-of-shift reports, but I expect to hear from you soon."
I smile. "You definitely will."
When she closes the door, Crow turns to me and says, “What do you want to do?”
“I want to use the bathroom.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he sighs.
“I’ll be right back and then we can talk.” I kiss his lips and get off the bed.
“You need some help, baby?”
I shake my head and grab the IV pole to drag with me. I will be so glad when I can go home. I hate hospitals. After I flush the toilet and go to the sink to wash my hands, my day gets a little brighter when I see a disposable toothbrush on the sink. “Score!”
“You say something?”
“Uh, no,” I say as I dry my hands off and open the toothbrush. I squeeze some of the deliciously minty toothpaste on the brush and moan when I make the first pass over my fuzzy teeth.
The door jerks open and Crow is scowling around the room as I continue to brush. “What the hell are you in here moaning about?”
I giggle through the suds, only serving to make him scowl harder. I hold up a finger then spit so I can scrub my tongue also. “My mouth has felt so nasty since I woke up,” I shrug. “I kept tasting blood and the IV medicines have been leaving a bad taste in my mouth, too. Kind of tinny. You want to use it, too?"
“I thought… never mind. I would love to,” he whispers. I hand it over and go sit on the bed to wait for him.
There is a knock on the door just before Stella and Colt come in.
Stella gives a small smile and asks, “How are you feeling, Novia?”
“A little better. Well better than I did when I woke up last night,” I amend.
“That probably has something to do with the pain meds they are giving you, darlin’,” Colt reasons with a sad smile.
“You’re probably right. Nicole said the blood loss wasn’t helping any, either.”
“Nicole?” Stella asks.
“My nurse from last night,” I answer as Crow walks out of the bathroom. “On your way to the salon?”
“Yeah. I wanted to stop by and check on you before I went in. Has the doctor been by yet?”
“Not yet. But hopefully soon, I am so ready to go home.”
“I bet you are,” Stella replies. “I would, too, I hate hospitals.”
“Me, too.”
“Hey, what are you and Jordan doing for Thanksgiving?" Stella asks changing the subject.
“Shit, that’s next week isn’t it?” They all nod. “Since I have no—”
“Had.” Crow interrupts, making my heart soar.
“Since I had no family apart from Ryan and Jordan, we would just go to Sasha’s.”
“Fucking Ryan,” Crow says with hatred.
“Something happen I should know about?" Colt directs towards Crow.
“Just this bullshit." He hands the court papers to his dad.
Stella gasps when she sees what he is holding. “She terminated her rights? Why?”
I don’t say anything, I just hand the letter to her.
“Good, he’s better off without her anyway,” Colt growls.
“I agree, he is, but he still loves her," I reason. "I don't mind doing it without her, I always have, but it's going to hurt him and I can't stop it."
“I don’t understand how she could do this to him,” Stella says with fire in her eyes. “I have only met him the one time and can’t imagine not seeing him ever again.”
“So, what do we do?” Colt asks.
“Nothing as of yet, Pop. Reagan and I need to discuss some things before we make any decisions.”
Colt nods. "Let us know if you need anything."
“We will,” Crow says as Colt grabs Stella’s hand after she hands the letter back.
“Oh, I still want to invite you to Thanksgiving. Please bring Sasha, too. Jordan needs all the love he can get. That junkie’s shitty choices shouldn’t impact Jordan’s relationship with his MiMi.”
“That would be lovely. Thanks for including her.”
“No worries. Get better, yeah? I miss seeing you at the salon.”
“Just as soon as the bruises are cleared up and I don't have to wrap my head, I will be there."
“Looking forward to it,” she says walking out the door behind Colt.
“So,” Crow starts just as there is another knock on the door, making him growl under his breath.
“Hi, Reagan, I'm Dr. Riggs from orthopedics. I set your nose and put your jaw back in place," he says shaking my hand then Crow's. "How are you feeling this morning?"
“Not too bad."
He puts gloves on and says, “Do you mind if I feel around on your face a bit? We had x-rays, but there was so much swelling that I want to make sure everything is positioned as perfectly as possible.”
“That’s fine.”
He is running his fingertips across my jaw the way you do when you rap them on a table—one at a time. “Your jaw was dislocated but it wasn’t the worst I have dealt with. it should heal pretty quick.”
“How quick is pretty quick?” Crow asks.
“It’s usually longer because we are dealing with bones, but she didn’t have the fracture that we see with injuries of this nature. My best estimate would be between four and six weeks.”
“Do I need to keep it wrapped up like this the whole time?”
“That is completely up to you. We like to wrap them to the limit that you should open your mouth because you can pop it back out really easily for a while. If you think that you can control it, then maybe just give it a week or so to allow for some internal mending."
“I can do that,” I say.
He nods and reaches for my nose. I flinch as he pinches the bridge of my nose moving toward the tip. Crow grabs my hand in both of his and starts to give me small kisses on my shoulder. "Just a littl
e bit longer, baby."
When Dr. Riggs reaches the tip he gives a small smile. "I know that hurts, I'm sorry. Your nose was worse than your jaw was. The impact to your nose was head-on and did more damage to the surface of your upper cartilage," he says pointing it out on himself. "Luckily, the nasal bone did not show any fractures, but there was a gray area on the films that indicate a blood clot between your upper cartilage and your nasal bone.”
“Should we be worried?” Crow asks before I can.
“I wouldn't worry too much, it's very small and she will likely pass it through her nose without even knowing."
“Will my nose go back to normal?”
“I don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t. I know it looks different now than what you are used to, but you are still experiencing a substantial amount of swelling. That will take about three weeks to heal. There isn't a lot that I can do for your ribs but give you pain relievers and muscle relaxers. I recommend you keep them wrapped. Some patients have said that a heating pad helps some, too, so maybe try that as well. The same goes for the orbital fracture. Maybe think about those masks that you put in the freezer. I cannot stress enough that you shouldn’t blow your nose. And once the swelling recedes enough that you can open your eye more, if you struggle at all with your vision, come back and I will set you up with someone who can help you.”
“Okay, Dr. Riggs, I will.”
“Do you have any questions for me?”
“What about the sutures and staples?” I ask.
“The sutures will dissolve, so no need to worry about them. But you will need to see a physician to have the staples removed. You can go to your regular physician for that or come back here.”
“Anything else?” I shake my head. “Good, then I see no need to keep you here any longer. I will leave discharge papers with the nurse and some meds to be filled.”
“Thank you."
“You okay, baby?”
“I will be. I don't have another choice in the matter. I have just become a single mother to a three-year-old who doesn't even know that I am his mother. I need to find some explanation for when he gets home tomorrow. Oh, and find a way to explain why his Moma is a piece of shit who couldn’t even be bothered to love him," I rant as tears run down my face.