by Maya Riley
I laughed and shoved him off. He was one of my favorite people and it was fun to check out the hot climber guys with him. Most people steered clear because of how much he wasn’t afraid to let the world know who he was, but I admired him so much for that. In a world where everyone hid who they truly were, it was refreshing to know there was someone who chose to shine. He never let anyone else’s opinions get him down. And if he did, he never let it show.
“Alright. Ready to finally do this.” My insides vibrated with excitement as I turned and headed for the trail.
We began our hike to the crag. I was impressed that Pete came prepared. He must have already been packed ahead of time for this. It made me wonder how long he’d been planning on tagging along without telling me. I opened my mouth to voice just that, when he cut off my words before they could even begin to form.
“As I’ve told you before, I’m here for you. I’ve got your back.” He smiled at me and my heart fluttered. My heart only ever fluttered around these guys, and I rarely let myself think about them in a way that I wanted to, like other than just friends, or coworkers, or climbing partners. Maybe someday, I’d work up the nerve to see if there was anything else between any of them and me.
Bugs flew around us, incessantly buzzing, determined to drive me mad. Hopefully we brought enough bug spray for this trip. It was very buggy out.
Squirrels skittered along the path and lizards ran rampant. The fresh air and critters helped to calm the excitement humming in my chest. It would be a good, long hike to our starting point, and today was just going to be spent getting there. That alone was difficult enough for some, with the distance, rocky terrain, and slight incline. The mountain had five legs. We’d spend a few days at each one to acclimatize ourselves to the new altitude before continuing up. We were aiming for it to take roughly a week. We’d climb a few thousand feet in between each one, and the first level, after camping at the base and then climbing the first leg, had small cabins and a convenience store with food and necessities. After the second leg of the mountain, we’d set up tents and camp. Then after climbing the third leg and the fourth legs, we’d sleep on portaledges hanging from the wall. Once we completed the fifth leg, we’d be standing at the top. My mouth practically salivated thinking about it. The one moment that I built my life around was so close, I could almost taste it.
We stopped for lunch along the way and found a nice spot of grass off the path. We sat down and enjoyed our prepacked peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, courtesy of Gary. He even had one for Pete, which I eyed suspiciously. While we were eating, a small group of people were walking along and stopped when they saw us. I recognized some familiar faces.
“Hey, Cam.” The new guy with dirty blond hair smiled at me. “Fancy seeing you here.”
The two guys and Carrie walked over and joined us on the ground, settling in the spaces between us. “Carrie, you already met her. Stan, this is Cam, the one I told you I met at the gas station, who was also headed here. Cam, this is Stan.” He pointed at the one who must have been Stan, and he smiled and waved. Then he turned to my group and introduced himself. “Hey, I’m Dave.”
My guys and Jenna greeted him and introduced themselves. It was a minute filled with murmurs and handshakes.
“So, you met Cam on the way here? That’s fun,” Jenna remarked with a gleam in her eyes. She found a lot of guys attractive and I had to suppress a grin at her latest interest. She was a master flirt, and no matter how hard I tried, I was never able to successfully learn her technique.
“I did indeed,” he confirmed.
We chatted during the remainder of our break, the two groups melding well together. Dave and Jenna really hit it off. She kept tucking an invisible strand of hair behind her ear, and he couldn’t tear his eyes off her. They quickly became lost in their own little bubble, ignoring the goings on of the rest of the group. Every time I looked over at them, they had scooted a little closer together.
Soon enough, it was time to get back on the trail. We packed up our belongings and continued along to our next destination. I slowly drifted to the back of the group where Jenna was, and pulled her closer to make it easier to whisper.
“So, you and Dave, eh?” I murmured, and she grinned.
“He’s really nice. Maybe I’ll hit it off with this guy and for once, he’ll stick around. He seems like a good one,” Jenna responded.
“What about, um, your guys? Carson, Ryan, and J.D.? They’re good guys.” It hurt to say that, to recommend them to her, but I didn’t want to dwell on that feeling. I had no idea why I’d even thrown their names out there. It wasn’t as though I’d ever witnessed the possibility of anything more.
She laughed melodically and strands of her blonde hair fell loose as she shook her head. “What about them, Cam?”
“What do you mean, what do I mean? Exactly what I just said.”
“I can’t go after them. They have no interest in me,” she said, linking her arm through mine. “They made me promise not to say anything to you, but I can only keep something from you for so long.”
“What do you mean? You all get along great. There’s a handful of them, we’ve all been together for years. They love you,” I argued. I didn’t want to push them on her, or vice versa, but it was coming up like word vomit. My brain wanted to stop, but my mouth wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t even figure out how to change the subject and get my mouth under control.
She shook her head and leaned in closer. “They love me as a friend and nothing more. But you don’t get it, do you? You don’t realize what’s been going on in front of you all this time.”
“Apparently not.”
“They have no interest in me, because they are all interested in someone else,” she told me, and lowered her voice even more.
My steps faltered and my heart fell at Jenna’s words. I hadn’t let myself consider any feelings for them, and I hadn’t noticed them having feelings for anyone else. Sure, they’d dated before, like I had, but it had never led anywhere and they wouldn’t talk to me about it. I couldn’t even think of who they could possibly be after. But hearing that they were interested in other girls hurt me a lot more than I expected. It shouldn’t have surprised me, I was always focused on one thing, and they had their own lives to live too. The world always kept turning no matter how long we stayed still ourselves.
“Cam, you’re paling.” Her voice was loud and alerted the others, who stopped in the middle of the trail.
Carson walked up to me and his gaze skittered over my face, his eyes filled with worry. “You don’t look so good. Let’s stop for a break, and get you some water and a snack.”
“How are you feeling? Anything feel off at all?” Ryan chimed in with his own questions as he reached us.
“Here, I got you.” J.D. took my arm and led me off the trail, and down onto a large rock leaning against a tree.
Carson handed me an open water bottle and Ryan passed me a small baggie of trail mix.
“I’m fine, you guys, I promise.” I sounded unconvincing, and they all knelt down and stared at me. It made me particularly uncomfortable to have so many eyes on me at once. “Why is everyone watching me? That’s kind of creepy you know.”
“You look like you’re about to be sick, Cam,” Carson said, not taking his eyes off of mine. “Drink some water.”
Knowing them, they weren’t going to let me up until I did. So, I lifted the bottle and took a good gulp, hoping that would be enough to satisfy them. I looked over at Jenna to see her grinning. What was she so happy about?
I took a few bites of the trail mix for good measure, making sure they saw each movement. Annoyance was quickly replacing whatever feeling I just had, a feeling I was afraid to look closer at right at this moment.
“You know better than anyone the dangers of climbing when you’re sick. You looked like death just now,” Ryan said.
“That bad, huh?” I asked.
“I think our actions can answer that for you,” J.D. counter
ed.
“One minute you were fine, the next minute you were completely white. White as a ghost,” Carson noted. “Feeling any better?”
“Yeah, I’m feeling pretty good now. We can keep walking,” I said, wanting to get out of this uncomfortable situation. The last thing I needed right now was everyone thinking I was too sick and forcing me to turn back before I even got started. The worrywarts could be extra stubborn when they wanted. I needed to talk to Jenna some more too.
“Rest a bit more. The farther we get from civilization, the longer and harder it will be to get any help if anything goes wrong,” Ryan warned. “There are medic tents on the early levels, but they’re nowhere near equipped to handle anything more than the basics.”
“Okay fine, but can you stop watching me like this? It’s kind of freaking me out,” I told them. Though really, I needed to get back to Jenna and get some more answers. “Give me some time with Jenna. She doesn’t look like she wants to dissect me and take out my innards.”
J.D.’s lip twitched. “Alright, but we won’t be far.”
“Got it,” I replied, with a poor attempt at a salute.
Jenna sat down beside me and they gave us some privacy.
“So…what was all that about?” she asked with a smile on her face, as though she knew something I didn’t. Which she very well might.
“What do you mean?” I feigned ignorance.
“You turning white as a fucking ghost on its death day when I told you the guys were interested in someone other than me, that’s what,” she stated matter-of-factly.
“I must’ve been dehydrated. The water and trail mix have helped.” I shoveled another small handful of trail mix into my mouth to make my point. I had no idea how to react to any of this, so I defaulted to avoidance. It wasn’t going well.
“Bullshit,” she said. I looked at her, completely unsure how to respond to that, and she studied my face for sincerity. “Do you have any idea who I was even talking about?”
I laughed. “I’ve been so focused on my parents’ shitshow and making sure I, and we, were ready for this climb, that relationships—let alone the relationships of my climbing partners—have been the furthest thing from my mind. They could be married to each other for all I know.”
She giggled. “Wow, you really are as unobservant as you say you are.”
I raised an eyebrow at the poor insult.
“All four of them are interested in the same girl.”
“Four?”
“Ryan, J.D., Carson, and Pete.”
“Oh?” Was all I could say in my moment of utter eloquence. If they were all with the same girl, well, then I wouldn’t judge. I’d probably tease them at times because it was just what I did. And I may simmer with silent jealousy at times. Why was it so hot outside today? The weathermen never did get the temperature right.
“You.” Her words swept through me like a fast-moving current of ice water. It froze my brain and iced my veins.
“Me?” I tried to wrap my head around the one simple word.
“They’ve been interested in you for years. Believe me, if I’d found out much sooner than a few weeks ago, you would’ve known long before now. But, ever since the day you first stepped foot in the gym and kicked some chalked-up ass. They haven’t had eyes for anyone else, only waiting until this trip was complete before trying to make a move.” Jenna’s words penetrated my ears, but I was already lost in my own internal sea of confusion. “They know how much this trip means to you, and they’re willing to wait however long it takes before coming on too strong. Their only priority has ever been you.”
My heart fluttered. Something I’d been secretly hoping for, but had tamped down in an attempt to not entertain the thought, was suddenly possible. “What do you mean all four of them though?”
“I mean each and every one of them. All four,” she clarified. “As in, you could probably have them all if you wanted. They’ve all been waiting for you and they all know about each other.”
“Pete too?” I had trouble wrapping my mind around this information.
“Yup. It’s not even that strange if you think about it,” she mused. “There’s a hell of a lot more guy climbers than there are girl climbers. Dating as a rock climber is difficult enough when the other person is a climber as well. There’s jealousy over who you let belay you, shit like that. Then you date outside of your climbing circle, someone who’s not a climber at all, and there’s jealousy because of how much time you may or may not dedicate to the sport. The non-climber gets jealous and then you spend less and less time climbing until you just abandon it altogether.”
I’d heard of stuff like that happening. We’d lost some good climbers at our gym because of jealous significant others who refused to be a part of the climber life. Most climbers I knew were single, because it was always a choice between climbing and a relationship.
“This way,” she continued, “you get the best of both worlds.” She winked at me. “You get some amazing guys that you don’t have to choose between, you get to climb your heart out— hell, they’re even stepping back so you can do just that—and the one who doesn’t climb regularly encourages you and even jumps into this crazy world just for you. You are one lucky bitch.” She punctuated the last sentence with a shoulder bump.
“Well, when you put it that way…” I laughed. “So, if they were going to wait until the Carbolitas climb was over, why are you telling me now?”
“Because you brought it up in the first place. Me dating one of them? Ha! Yeah right. Plus, I can’t believe you’ve ignored all the unbelievably obvious signs over the years,” she chided.
I rolled my eyes. “I’ve been a little focused.”
“Yeah,” she scoffed, linking her arm through mine once again. “That’s for sure.”
We continued on without another mention of it. We all took turns falling back or moving forward to make some small talk with each other. I even had a conversation with Carrie, who I looked forward to getting to know even better. I’d have to get her and Jenna together with me for a girls’ night or something once this was all completed and we went back to civilization. Turned out, Carrie only lived two hours from us. She went to the climbing gym closer to her though, and it was a shame we hadn’t bumped into each other much sooner.
After a few more hours of hiking, we neared the base of the rock wall. This was where we’d make camp for the first night and plan out our route. It was a multi-pitch climb and if done right, could take a week or two bare minimum. While I’d scoured every inch of every route on paper, I didn’t want to fully plan it all out ahead of time. The unplanned things sometimes turned out to be the best part of any trip.
I set my pack down and knelt on the ground, then opened it up and proceeded to dig some things out.
Pete placed my rope bag on the ground next to me and dropped his pack as well. He unhooked the straps, reached in, and pulled out a tent. The guy really had come fully prepared.
“Um, Pete?” I asked, now that it has dawned on me.
“Hmm?” he replied, still rummaging around in his own pack.
“I was too stunned by you showing up here, I never did ask.”
“Yeah?” He stopped his rummaging and turned his full focus onto me. The twinkle in his eye was the brightest when he looked at me. Thanks to Jenna’s words, I was now looking at him in a different light. Well, it was the same way I’d always looked at him, but now I didn’t try to stamp down my feelings where I’d always kept them buried in the past. Maybe not right this moment, but now I could allow myself to be honest and admit internally that I liked him. That I wanted him. All of them. It wasn’t conventional, but it was a feeling I couldn’t help all this time, and now my mind was being blown wide open.
This was going to get complicated. But then again, when wasn’t life complex?
“So, there’s a good chance that this could take a while to climb. It could take a couple days. Or weeks. Who knows, we’re just winging it,” I quipped, an embarra
ssingly poor attempt at a joke. And not even a good joke at that.
“I know. I brought my own gear. I don’t want to hold you guys back, but I want to be there. I want to support you in this. I’d already talked to the guys, and I’m aware. I’ll mostly be there as a backup if any help is needed, or even just an equipment carrier, whatever you need,” he explained. “Although, realistically, you’re more likely to be backup to me.”
“You talked to the guys about this?” I couldn’t help but wonder if he meant only the trip, or if he was referring to me too. Now, I had no idea which lines I needed to read between. Dammit, I hated this whole will they won’t they thing. My life was about to turn into a reverse harem book. “Hey, thanks for coming out here with me,” I said, deciding not to dig too deep into things right this moment. “I mean it.” I gave him a smile, which he returned, his dark eyes warming my soul in the process.
“You’re welcome, Cam.”
I nodded and moved on to putting up my tent. We’d agreed on having two per tent for less items to carry, but now with Pete here, since he’d brought his own tent, I assumed he was sleeping on his own. Jenna and I had already planned to tent together. Speak of the devil, she appeared out of nowhere and grabbed the other end. Together, we got it up in no time.
We’d decided to forego the cabins on the first leg of the climb, since they were constantly booked and always near impossible to get into. I’d bought every book on the Carbolitas that I could find and used up all my monthly data to research everything I could. The tents were going to get good use tonight.
Standing up, I turned around and saw Dave, Stan, and Carrie just finishing setting up their own camp nearby.
“Hey, you guys want to join us for dinner?” Ryan called over to them.
“Sure!” Stan’s rough voice called back.
Carson was setting up the little portable propane gas stove burner when the other three walked over carrying a couple bags and a cooler.