“What were you thinking?” he scolds. “Beda has the strength to kill you. There's no way you would come out of that fight alive. And she would be justified among my people since you attacked her.”
I slowly look up at him, embarrassed for my behavior. I've never been in a fight in my life. The most experience I've had is watching ancient karate movies with Mom when we both couldn't sleep. And I have a strong suspicion the lessons in those movies would provide little help in this instance.
“I'm sorry. I have no idea why I did that.” But the memory of the strange look in Dad’s eyes gives me a clue. One I won’t share with Javen. At least, not yet.
My own Starfire still glows, the necklace hanging down my chest, but Dad’s Starfire is no longer in my hand. My heart jumps. I pat my pocket and breathe a sigh of relief. It’s still here. Vibrating. I move my hand to Javen’s chest, and an instant calm rolls over me. “Did you locate your father?” Javen asks.
“Yes.”
“Why didn't you bring him back then?” Yaletha asks. “That's why we’re here.”
“I . . . I couldn't.” But the confession perplexes me. I have no idea if I could bring Dad over to this side of the Intersection or not. He only told me the transfer wouldn't work. My head swims as information swirls around in a whirlpool of thoughts. I have no idea what is real or true anymore. I look up to Javen for an answer, but even he puzzles me. A sigh loosens from my tightened chest. Dad told me not to give the Alku too much information yet. Information he didn’t fully qualify. Does this mean I shouldn't tell them how a whole other planet exists inside the Intersection?
Javen turns to Beda and Yaletha as he snakes his arm around my waist in a protective move. “Cassi needs more time.”
“Fine,” Beda says. “She can have plenty of time to think on the way back to town.”
I wiggle from Javen's hold. “Before we leave, I need a few minutes.”
He reaches for me again. “I'll go with you.”
My back tenses and I back away as confusion clouds his eyes.
“Alone, Javen. I need to be alone.”
Chapter 4
Without looking back, I walk away from Javen, Yaletha, and Beda. But the disappointed and hurt look on Javen's face burns into my mind as I make my way off the path and through the knee-high grasses. As I trudge across the field, the blade tips sparkle with what looks like electricity, creating a marked trail behind me.
Whatever. I don't care if Javen knows where I am. And if I'm honest, I probably prefer it. I have no idea where I'm going.
I look up at the craggy mountain range, and at the base, a large section of the earth glows. Swirling mist moves its way over the piece of land as the sun descends behind the mountains. The scene is surreal. Something you'd only see in a fantastical sci-fi movie—not real life. But nothing about this seems like real life anyway.
When I'm far enough away, I take in a long draw of air and settle down in a spot where the grass clears slightly. I bring my legs up and wrap my arms around them, clasping my hands. I touch Mom's gold ring on my finger.
“Mom,” I whisper. “I need you to tell me what to do. All of this is way too much.”
Most of me only misses her, but a tiny part deep inside is angry. At her. Angry that she left. Angry that she died. It's not right . . . not fair. But with a settling breath, I push the ridiculousness over how Mom could somehow control her death back to the far corners of my soul, where it belongs.
What am I going to do? There's no way I can leave Dad inside the Intersection. Something there is very wrong and changing him into a person he's not. Why couldn't we just try to cross over together? A part of me fears the answer. Maybe he actually wants to stay.
I sink my fingers into the earth beside where I sit. The soil is silky, and I run my fingers through the dirt and close my eyes.
Dad didn't want me to reveal too much about the Intersection to the Alku. All this information about the Intersection falls on me now, but I don't feel qualified to make a choice that could not only affect Dad's life but who knows how many other people—Alku and human.
The soil trickles through my fingers and back to the earth. I scoop the grains up again and allow them to slip through, over and over. I stare at the glowing mist in the distance, letting the flow hold my thoughts steady.
What would happen if Dad comes back, anyway? Would Hammond and her side of the World Senate attempt to kill him? Maybe he's safer in the Intersection for now. I release a soft groan and fist a clump of soil. Just when my thoughts start to make sense, they fall through the mist and swirl back into anguish once more. No matter what I do, he could die—whether I leave him in that strange dimension or bring him back. And I can't lose him again.
Light footsteps shuffle behind me and interrupt my thoughts. I clench the soil in my hand and squeeze as I twist my neck. Javen approaches where I sit, his arms crossed over his chest and a sad smile on his lips. A wave of dark hair falls across his forehead. My fingers relax their grip on the soil, wanting to touch his hair instead.
Dropping my eyes, I turn away from him and stare at the mountains again. Dirt falls through my open fingers, and I wipe the excess on my pants when the last loose grain sifts through.
Javen lowers himself next to me, and though I didn’t want him there, an overwhelming desire to be with him tugs at my heart. As if he can sense my disorientation, he keeps a few inches between us and doesn't touch me.
“I'm not ready to go yet.”
“I know, but I was hoping you might change your mind about not wanting my company.”
I turn to him and, unable to resist, bring my hand up to his jaw. The feeling of the light stubble under my fingers sends electricity through my body, settling in my chest.
Javen touches the tips of his fingers to my hand and closes his eyes.
Real feelings or not, I want to be with this boy. Everything about him makes me feel safe—grounded.
“See that cluster of light at the base of the mountain?” he asks as he lowers his hand from mine and slowly opens his eyes.
I lean from him and return my hand to rest atop the soil and grass. “I was noticing the glow a few moments ago.”
“It's a new growth of Starfire that began developing several months ago.”
“So, the crystals just pop up at random?”
“After a while, old fields tend to lose their effectiveness. When that happens, a new field will begin to develop. This process isn’t common, though.”
The Starfire’s glow is beautiful, almost haunting with how the ribbons of mist move through the crystals.
Javen looks to me. “Why didn't you bring your father back?”
I sigh. “He wouldn't let me. He told me doing so might trap us both there.”
“Then what can be done?” Javen asks. “If I could go, I might be able to help. But something stopped me from entering. Whatever it was kicked me back to this side.”
I touch the Starfire in my pocket. The crystal is different than the one Wirrin gave me and might cross Javen and me over easily. But do I want to? The memory of the strange look in Dad's eyes sends a shiver down my spine. If I tell Javen about the new crystal, he’ll probably insist we do cross, no matter the risk. He knows how desperate I am to have my dad back.
“I don't know yet. Dad did give me some information to check into. I need to speak with a man from his terraforming team when I get back.” I feel bad for not telling Javen everything. First, he deserves to know, and second, I need someone to confide in. But the fear icing its way up my spine holds me back.
“When you find out anything, you must tell me,” he says.
More confusion stirs in my thoughts, and my legs twitch with the same restless energy running through me. “I will.” I start to push off the ground. “We should g—”
“There's still time.” Javen catches my hand and keeps me from standing.
“But it's going to be completely dark soon,” I protest.
A soft smile plays across
his lips. “The Alku have sensitive night vision, an ability that has developed over time among my people. And Beda already told you we don't sleep much. So traveling after dark is no issue.”
I lower myself to the ground again and stare at the glowing Starfire in the distance.
“What was it like inside the Intersection?” Javen asks.
Dad's warning crashes against my nerves like a bitter, cold wave. Restlessness builds inside my chest and demands an outlet, demands to be set free. Every beat of time seems so uncertain. But right now, sitting here beside Javen, feels right.
I move to sit on my knees and brush a dark strand from Javen’s eyes before cupping his face. I stare into his eyes and let everything I know about him flood every sparking nerve ending in my body. I’ve seen his past in my mind. I’ve seen his soul. My heart races as I lean into him and let my mouth crash into his. This is the only answer I want to give right now. I let go of all my questions and doubts. Any feelings that Javen and I are a mere manipulation of the Starfire and nothing more are shoved aside. My fingers trail down along his jaw and down his neck to rest on his chest, just above his heart. Every craving for him I set free to dance with my pulse in the grass. At least for a while.
He doesn't seem to mind.
And for the moment, neither do I.
Chapter 5
“You two coming?” Beda's flat voice comes from the darkness.
My arms fly off Javen's chest, and I'm on my feet in about one second flat, scanning the terrain for Beda. Javen isn’t as hasty, slowly standing beside me.
I shouldn’t care, but quick, nervous breaths rise and fall in my chest. I wrap my arms around myself and swallow back the coursing adrenaline.
“How did you not hear her coming?” I whisper, remembering Javen's sensitive hearing.
“I was paying attention to you.” He shrugs. “Of course we're coming,” Javen says to Beda.
The light of the moons illuminates Beda's face as she walks closer, enough that the scowl on her beautiful face is clear. A scowl that is deeper than usual.
Great, just what I needed, another reason for Beda to hate me.
I walk past her toward the Intersection point, not because I really know where I'm going but to distance myself as reality grasps me again. No more avoiding the inevitable by making out with Javen.
“Cassi,” Javen calls from behind.
“She's right, Javen,” I say without turning. “We've been out here too long. We need to get back to Irilee.”
I keep my arms wrapped around myself to maintain a personal sense of security while I stalk through the sparkling grass.
I'd move faster if I thought I wouldn’t trip over a rock or wild animal along the way. Unfortunately, I can still hear Beda's whispers behind me.
“You are being completely ridiculous and throwing away our traditions,” she says. “Yaletha is a perfect intention, and you know it. A few weeks ago, that was your plan.”
I peer over my shoulder slightly. Beda flicks her gaze my way and then switches to her native language to give Javen what must be a few more verbal lashings.
Their footsteps stop, and I twist around again, not wishing to get too far ahead.
Javen stands, planted, inches from Beda's face. “Speak English, Beda. Your father gave orders to you and everyone else that we are to speak in a way the Earthlings can understand if we are in their presence. This includes Earthlings you don't care for. I have nothing to hide from Cassi, and you may not either.”
My stomach wrenches painfully at his words. Are they true? There are too many feelings I'm hiding from Javen.
“You are making a huge mistake, Javen,” Beda says. “Most of the Alku have. We can't trust these humans. They will take everything from us.”
Beda spins from him, but he grasps her arm to stop her. She makes an almost hissing sound when he does it, causing a shiver to tingle in my chest.
“The Starfire is changing, and you know it,” he said. “The humans are a part of the process. There’s no way for us to stop this momentum. If the crystals want us to make a connection with the Earthlings, then that is what we must do. And a connection is what I want, too.”
Surprisingly, Beda says nothing to this. Maybe she knows it's true.
“We need to move,” I call out, hoping to break their tension.
Javen leaves Beda's side and strides toward me, his eyes swirling cyan in the darkness.
“You need to make amends with Yaletha,” she yells after him.
Javen ignores her and comes to my side. He takes my hand and pilots me forward.
None of us speaks until we reach the Intersection point, and even after, the conversation is pretty sparse. Yaletha and Beda rush ahead, as if to make a point or something. I'm sure the women would only claim that leading the pack was their protective duty.
Javen squeezes my hand, and I gaze up at him.
“Beda is at least partially right,” I say. “You do have duties to your people. Please don't let me cloud your focus or who you are as a person.”
He stops us. “Cassi, I have never been clearer than I am now about my duties to my people. Why do you think I joined Wirrin’s clan?”
“To be with me?”
He tips his head. “That's only part of it. I want the Alku to live—thrive. I truly believe this will be through a bond with the people of Earth. I have little say in the leadership of the Alku yet. Decisions are still up to my father and the Council, and now Wirrin with his clan. But I plan to set the example of the bond first.”
A few minutes ago, those words would have terrified me, but there's something about the way he says them. Each word peals clear with beauty and sincerity. Javen really is a person I would want to be with . . . Starfire or no Starfire. He's the type of partner people dream about spending their lives with—handsome, kind, passionate, intelligent. And he cares deeply about me.
“But you do need to make amends with Yaletha,” I say.
Javen glances down. “Yes, I know. I've already made plans to speak with her in private soon. I've waited too long.”
“Tonight. You have to make amends with Yaletha tonight.”
Javen nods.
“I plan to speak with Wirrin when we get back about a way we can set my dad free from the Intersection,” I say. “I believe involving your uncle is the right choice.”
“I'll go with you.”
“No,” I say, “I need to do this alone.”
Javen opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “And you need to speak to Yaletha. She made plans for her life, and now you've suddenly changed that. Leaving her without a heart-to-heart is unfair.”
“Heart-to-heart?” Javen asks.
“An honest conversation.” My palms begin to sweat. An honest conversation with Javen is overdue as well. But I’m still not one hundred percent sure what I’m feeling toward him is real. Dad’s behavior with this other Starfire has only added to this confusion. He’s clearly changing. Maybe being manipulated. I need more time.
We walk in silence for a while. Eventually, the glow of Irilee greets us, and within a few minutes, we're at the edge. Yaletha and Beda disappear into a structure, and I squeeze Javen's fingers, not really ready to let go.
“I'm going to find Wirrin,” I say. “We'll meet up later.”
Javen brushes my cheek with the tips of his fingers, and my knees nearly melt. He gives me a gentle kiss on my forehead.
“You know where you're going?” he asks.
I look around, still a little lightheaded from the kiss, and spot Wirrin's home. A pale blue-green glow shines from the windows as shadows dance about inside. “That one, right?”
“Yes. Wirrin should be inside awaiting the news. I summoned him and told him we were on the way through the Starfire.”
“Thank you,” I say.
Javen slowly untwines our fingers with a reassuring smile and then strides toward the same structure Beda and Yaletha had entered.
When I arrive at Wirrin’s door
, I pause before knocking. What am I going to tell Wirrin? I feel stuck between my loyalty to Dad's request and the uncertainty over whether he was in full control of himself when he made it. The Starfire belongs to the Alku. Their people used the Intersection as a portal long before we built Primaro. So why shouldn't they know the truth about the crystal’s power? What right do I have to hide any information from them?
I rap on the wood and a muffled male voice says, “Come in,” from the other side.
Taking in a settling breath, I push open the large door, cringing when the hinges creak.
Wirrin sits at a small table in the corner with an empty chair across from him. Scattered over the table are two plates and several carved bowls of steaming food. The meal’s aroma meets my nose, and I close the door behind me.
“I thought you'd be hungry,” Wirrin says as he picks up a spoon, scoops from one of the bowls and places the mixture onto his plate.
My mouth waters and my stomach releases an appreciative growl.
“Take a seat.” Wirrin gestures to the empty chair opposite him.
I lower myself to the wooden chair. With each strained inch, my feet begin to sting and my muscles quiver. The walk to the Intersection point and back was far longer than I’m used to trekking. But I ignore the burn and instead reach for the spoon in one of the bowls and serve myself a vegetable dish, one that looks similar to the one Beda provided before we left. The green, savory concoction smells even better than the last time.
“So,” Wirrin begins, smoothing his white hair away from his pale face. “Did you find what you were searching for at the Intersection point?”
I stuff a spoonful of the food into my mouth to earn a few additional seconds to think through an answer. Wirrin simply leans his elbows onto the table and waits. I swallow the vegetables after a few extra chews than I'd typically do and then clear my throat.
“Well, obviously my father isn't here—so, not exactly.” I remove the Starfire necklace he gave me from around my neck and place it on the table. I don’t need it anymore.
“But was he there?” His eyes go to the necklace and then back at me.
The Starfire Wars: The Complete Series Page 20