I leaned back on my palms and contemplated. “You said you had a boyfriend in Cali, right?” He nodded. “How long were you guys together?”
“A couple months. He was a senior on the football team, and I was the poor foster kid. I figured I was some charity case, but, uh, he ended up being a pretty good friend.”
“How’d you break up?” He arched a brow and pointed to my hoodie, and I huffed as I ripped the sweatshirt from my body. “There, happy? How’d you break up?”
Worrying his bottom lip, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, he was already accepted to a college near San Francisco, and I was coming here for a year before, hopefully, attending MIT. I didn’t want long distance, so we broke up. Figured it was better to do it sooner rather than later, before one of us got hurt.”
My heart sank, my insecurity flaring to life. “Well, shit. I was hoping he was a prick. Then it would make me look better.”
Ben shook his head with a condescending smile and approached my perch at the edge of the bed. “We broke up in March. You don’t need to worry about him.”
“Yeah, well, I’m a hick loser.”
“Shut up.” He framed my face and kissed me thoroughly. “I like you, remember?”
When I nodded, his lopsided grin slid over his face as he helped me out of my shirt. “My turn. How did you come out?”
Well, shit, that wasn’t a story I liked rehashing. I pursed my lips sourly and shook my head. “What happens if I don’t answer?”
“I put my shirt back on.”
“Damn!” Playfully, he lifted the hem of his undershirt, revealing his dark blond happy trail, and I growled. “Fine. But this is incredibly embarrassing, so I expect you to lose two articles of clothing.”
“I can work with that,” he agreed, and I pouted for a moment before sighing heavily.
I scratched my scalp and tugged on my hair, then slipped my fingers under his shirt to warm them on his flesh. “My brother kinda outed me on accident, I guess.”
“What?”
I frowned sternly, and his mouth shut with an annoyed clack. “It was an accident. He caught me…” I waved my hand superfluously. “And then told a friend who told another friend. Eventually, someone who didn’t give a shit about me found out, and then everyone knew.”
“Your brother’s an asshole! How do you accidentally out your younger brother?” His anger on my behalf was sweet, but I forgave Will a long time ago and didn’t share the resentment.
“He caught me, Ben, and apparently, it was rather scarring for him. He wasn’t thinking straight.”
His wrath faltered. “He caught you with a dude?”
Embarrassed, I ducked my head. “Um, not exactly. He, well, he, uh…” I gave him a meaningful look, and his eyes widened.
“Oh my God, for real?”
“Shut up!”
As I sulked, he roared with laughter, and I reached under his shirt and twisted his nipple.
He yelped, jumping back. “I imagine it wasn’t the jerking off but what you were jerking off to that gave it away?”
“You would assume correct, Sir. You owe me three articles of clothing now. Payment for humiliating me.”
Snickering under his breath, he stripped out of his undershirt and peeled both socks from his feet. How many layers was this boy wearing? Jesus!
“I’ll throw in the belt for free.” He waggled his tongue childishly as he tossed the leather aside. “Your turn.”
“I want a story of equal humiliation. Go.” I took my socks off before he answered, but I knew he wouldn’t leave me hanging.
As he nudged my knees open, he knelt before me, and I enjoyed the change of view. It was nice being taller than him as I sat on the bed. His hands massaged my calves over my jeans as I fastened my hands behind his neck.
“Equal humiliation, huh?” I nodded. “I guess I can share my first sexual experience. It’s pretty embarrassing.” I nodded again with a Cheshire grin, and he rested his forehead on my knee, his ears coloring coral. “Okay, I was fifteen the first time I kissed someone, my neighbor, Jackson. He, uh, wasn’t really into guys, but he liked me for some reason.”
I ran my fingers through his hair as he raised his head, smiling through his shyness. “When he didn’t have a girlfriend, sometimes we’d make out and stuff. Um, and the one and only time I jerked him off, he, uh, offered to return the favor, you know?” I nodded, knowing already where this was going. “But I said he didn’t have to. I played it off like it was no big deal, like I’d only wanted to take care of him. I didn’t want him touching me because I, uh, I’d already come in my jeans.”
We cracked up, and I peppered his burning face with kisses. “Aw, you sweet, pure little candy cane.”
“Shut it.”
Interrupting his growl, I kissed him and hummed happily when we abandoned our game for more pleasurable activities. With both our jeans on the floor, I scooted back on the bed as Ben crawled after me, kneeling between my thighs as we kissed hungrily. His desire battled the restraints of his boxers, and my own erection joined his in the need for freedom.
Before we got carried away, Ben pulled back and cupped my cheek. “Do you want to do what we did last week?”
I shook my head. “I want you to touch me. I’m okay, I’m not scared.” It was true. I hadn’t freaked out when we’d removed my jeans, and there was no fear as he hovered over me. “Unless, you don’t want to.”
“I want to,” he reassured, joining our lips again. “I just don’t wanna get cocky and ruin it, you know?”
“Okay, we don’t have to.”
I hoped we would anyway. I’d never wanted anyone to touch me the way I yearned for him. His hands on my skin, his weight grounding me to the mattress, his spring soap drenching my body, it was addicting. I needed him.
“We can try. I’ll just go slow.”
Honestly, I would have agreed to anything if it meant he kept kissing me.
Taking my nod as permission, he captured my lips in a searing kiss and fitted his hips between my legs. I hooked my ankles behind his back, and he chuckled against my mouth as my tongue skated past his lips. Our tongues battled for dominance, and I purred when he submitted.
I led the kiss, taking control even as he positioned himself on top of me. My body was on fire, his touch the only cure. Teeth scraped over my neck, and I moaned, dropping my head to the mattress as he settled his pubic bone to mine. Our groins met, and Ben rocked his hips. I groaned.
“Is this okay?” His breath escaped in harsh pants, and I nodded.
“Yes, yes.”
His hands cradled my hips, holding me in place as he ground against me, and I urged his tempo as the first taste of trepidation tickled the back of my throat. His hands were too close. But I’d die if he stopped. It was ecstasy.
“Si?”
“You feel so good.” I sucked on his throat, the salt of his sweat stinging my tongue, and he bucked out of rhythm with a sexy gasp. “Shit, Ben… so good.”
“Can I touch you? Baby, can I touch you?”
No one had ever called me baby before, but I liked the sound of it. I swallowed my misgivings and nodded. “Yes.”
“Look at me.”
Had I closed my eyes? I blinked them open again, arrested by the crashing waves of his irises. He pressed our foreheads together as his hand inched to the front of my boxers, and my body solidified to stone against my will. Panic teased my brain, but I fought it.
“It’s okay. Who’s touching you?”
I gritted my teeth as his index finger traced the band of my boxers. “You are, Ben.”
“That’s right. You’re safe. I’m not gonna hurt you.”
“I know.” His palm covered me, and I jerked. “Wait, wait a sec. Oh, God.”
He didn’t move over me or grab me roughly. He simply allowed the weight of his palm to warm me through my underwear, yet I rebelled against the touch automatically.
“Breathe. Don’t fight it, Silas. Acknowledge it, give it its pl
ace, let it work through you. And then release it. It doesn’t have to control you.” He sounded like a shrink again, and I clasped onto the advice like a lifeline. I surrendered to the fear, allowing it to wash over me like a wave, and tears stung my eyes. “Do you want me to stop?”
I shook my head as I cinched my fingers in his hair as an anchor. “Need a minute.”
“Take your time. Just breathe.”
The hysteria licked over my body, but where it normally burrowed into my brain and latched onto my rationality, I was able to direct it downward. I gave it free rein over my limbs, and it worked its way through me until it leaked out my toes completely. I heaved a shuddering breath.
“You doing okay?” He pecked my sweaty forehead, and I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“I think so. I, uh, yeah, I’m okay.”
“You did really good. You didn’t seem to lose where you were this time. That’s great.” He showered me with kisses and praise, and I heated with embarrassment.
“How does this not turn you off?” I chuckled, and he smiled.
He kissed me softly, tenderly. “Because it makes you strong.”
“I don’t feel all that strong.”
My muscles trembled as I gathered my thoughts, banishing the last of the fright, and he nuzzled my cheek. “That’s okay. You are anyway.”
As I returned to the moment, I was relieved to find my cock still hard. At least my fear didn’t render me impotent. Being a eunuch at eighteen would really put a damper on my prospects.
With gentle fingers, Ben traced the outline of my erection over my boxers, and though I shook at the touch, it was fueled by more than anxiety. I wanted him to touch me, to take me in his mouth, to move inside me. I wanted all of him.
“Is this okay, baby?”
“Please,” I whimpered against his lips and swallowed his responding moan.
His palm burned me, but in the best possible way, and I begged him for more. He didn’t disappoint.
Holding me close, he took me to the edge of euphoria, backing off like a total tease only to bring me right to the brink again. With both our cocks in his grasp, he worked us until I reached the peak, and he muffled my cry of release with his lips as we spilled onto my stomach. He was quieter than I was, his moan of pleasure vibrating down my throat.
Together, we fell, and I clung to his shoulders, praying he never let me go.
Nineteen
When the sweat cooled, causing an attack of goose bumps and shivers, Ben reluctantly pulled away.
I whined as the little warmth he offered followed him.
He chuckled, pecking my mouth for good measure before sitting back on his heels. His fingers glistened, and we both blushed awkwardly at the mess pooled on my stomach.
“You can use my shower, if you want,” he offered, and I rose to a sitting position carefully, so as not to spill semen all over his comforter.
Using his discarded undershirt, he wiped his fingers then my stomach clear of the excess liquid.
“I think I might take you up on the shower. I’m sticky.”
Embarrassed, he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, okay. Sorry.”
“It honestly doesn’t bother me.” I sighed in exasperation as I captured his face in my hands and planted a wet kiss to his mouth. “Please, don’t apologize.”
“Okay.”
Smiling, we kissed, and I nipped playfully at his full lower lip. “I’m gonna shower. You can come with, share the water. I mean, gotta do our part to save the planet and all.”
His eyes widened at the offer, my joke falling flat. “I already showered before dinner.”
I banished the slight sting of his rejection, unable to truly begrudge his hesitance. I had never showered with someone or been naked with anyone but Eli. Even then, we’d only been naked long enough to fuck before dressing again. There was a strange vulnerability in sharing such things, baring myself to another when it wasn’t for the sole purpose of physical gratification. Yet, I wanted to share it with Ben.
If it made him uncomfortable, I would never push the issue, but I hoped he changed his mind. I wanted him to join me.
“Okay, that’s fine. Up to you.” I smiled to ensure he didn’t misinterpret my disappointment as irritation and stood. He watched me, conflicted, and I winked at him before spontaneously dropping my boxers to the floor. “But you can join if you want.”
I sauntered toward the bathroom, adding an extra swagger to my step, and he inhaled sharply at my sudden nudity. I wasn’t shy about my body, but I wasn’t delusional, either. I was perfectly aware I wasn’t bulky or intricately muscled like he was. Yet, as his gaze burned into my back, I couldn’t stop the smug grin spreading over my face. I’d never felt sexier than when Ben’s eyes were on me, devouring every inch of bare flesh with his stare.
As I entered the bathroom, I avoided the mirror, afraid to witness the hot mess I must look after coming apart beneath Ben’s body. I headed straight for the shower and turned it on, jerking my hand out of the frigid spray with a hiss. I spun the knob toward the H, only for the water to change drastically to boiling. Cursing, I played with the temperature gauge, trying to find the happy warm temperature with which to wash the remaining sweat slicking my body, but the shower was not having it.
Ben appeared in the doorway, his boxers hanging low on his hips, his blond happy trail merging with the darker hairs of his pubic zone above the waistband. He watched in amusement as I alternated between gritting my teeth from the icy water and yelping in pain at the scalding liquid fire.
“What the fuck is wrong with your shower?”
“There are only two settings to this shower: Waters of Antarctica or Flames of Hell.” I laughed as he leaned inside and turned the knob slowly until he found the spot he was searching for. “But there’s a sweet spot right here that allows you to bathe in relative comfort.”
“And how long did it take you to find that sweet spot?” I asked, and his teeth flashed as he chuckled.
“I took Arctic Circle showers for two months before I figured it out,” he admitted ruefully.
I patted his shoulder in comfort. “At least it was summer.”
Pulling back the shower curtain, I double-checked the temperature before climbing inside. I left a small gap in the curtain to communicate an open invitation, but he remained on the other side. Unless I stood directly under the spray, I couldn’t see him, and I used the cover to steal his Irish Spring shampoo.
“So, everyone’s good with bowling on New Year’s Eve,” Ben spoke above the echo of the shower. “Did you still want to?”
I lathered the spring suds over my torso, scrubbing the stickiness from my stomach. “Yeah, that sounds fun. I suck at bowling, but I’m game.”
“Really?” The curtain quivered as his voice sounded behind me. “I figured you were good at everything.”
With a silent roll of my eyes, I bit my lip to keep from laughing at his not-so-subtle act of peeking at me. “Well, I’m good at all the important things.” I glanced over my shoulder with a saucy wink, and his gaze jumped from my ass to my face, his cheeks rosy. “But I’m not too gifted at bowling.”
“I can give you some pointers.” His cheeky, lopsided grin warmed my blood until it hummed with contented happiness.
“Sure, sure.” I faced the shower again, rinsing the soap from my torso, and less than ten seconds later, Ben clambered into the tub behind me.
My stomach somersaulted, and I tried to quell the nerves buzzing through my chest like a host of bumblebees. The hairs along my arms and neck stood on end as the air pressure changed. I gasped softly as his cool fingers trailed down my spine, stopping just above my ass. The very tip of his finger circled my tailbone.
“You have dimples on your back.” His breath ghosted over my ear, and I visibly shivered as his hands circled my hips, his thumbs pressing into two spots on either side of my spine.
“Really?” Sure, I had seen my naked body in the mirror before, but I neve
r noticed having back dimples.
“Yeah.” His lips pressed to my moist shoulder, smiling against my skin. “It’s, um, it’s really sexy.”
My entire body lit at the timid compliment, and I craned my neck to meet his intense gaze over my shoulder. “Thanks.”
Taking my time so he could create distance if he wanted, I turned in his hold, pleased when he didn’t back away. My eyes remained fixed on his face. There was a significance to this moment, and I didn’t want to miss it. Whether he felt the heaviness in the air or not, I couldn’t tell, but our eyes held as his hands slid to my waist.
Ben smiled through the shy insecurity swirling in his eyes, and I wondered if I was the first person to see him naked. Well, not counting the drunk girls he’d slept with, at least. I didn’t know how far he’d gone with his ex, but now that we were here, I really hoped I was the first boy he’d chosen to share this with.
It was hypocritical, of course, seeing as I was the farthest thing from a virgin, but I wanted to be his first. I wanted to be the first boy to truly touch him, the first to ever be inside him. I wanted to be the first boy he fucked. If I was lucky, there were a lot of firsts I could give him, share with him.
After a never-ending moment of eye contact, his gaze lowered, and he scanned my body from head to toe. I blushed as I allowed him his perusal, praying he wouldn’t be disappointed in what he saw. He took his time studying every inch of me, and by the time he made it back to my eyes, my breathing was labored, choppy.
“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”
I barely heard the hushed question over the sound of the water pounding against my back and the plastic of the tub, but the sentiment speared my heart.
I swallowed the fat frog in my throat as I tentatively stretched my hand to his chest, my fingers dancing over his collarbone. “I’ve got nothing on you, love.”
The endearment slipped out, and I covered the possible faux pas by closing the distance between us and wrapping my arms around his neck. I guided his head down, popping onto my toes, and we shared a sweet, yet weighty kiss. We gasped as our bodies met, mine drenched and warm from the shower, his dry and cool.
Every Hidden Truth (Far From Ruined Book 2) Page 20