by Robin Hobb
He walked me up to my room himself, dragged my tunic off over my head as I stood unsteadily beside my bed, and then casually tumbled me into the bed and tossed a blanket over me. "Now you'll sleep," he informed me in a thick voice. "And tomorrow we'll do the same again. And again. Until one day you get up and find out that whatever it was didn't kill you after all."
He blew out my candle and left. My head reeled and my body ached from the day's work. But I still didn't sleep. What I found myself doing was crying. The drink had loosened whatever knot held my control, and I wept. Not quietly. I sobbed, and hiccuped and then wailed with my jaw shaking. My throat closed up, my nose ran, and I cried so hard I felt I couldn't breathe. I think I cried every tear I had never shed since the day my grandfather forced my mother to abandon me. "Mere!" I heard myself call out, and suddenly there were arms around me, holding me tight.
Chade held me and rocked me as if I were a much younger child. Even in the darkness I knew those bony arms and the herb-and-dust smell of him. Disbelieving, I clung to him and cried until I was hoarse, and my mouth so dry no sound would come at all. "You were right," he said into my hair, quietly, calmingly. "You were right. I was asking you to do something wrong, and you were right to refuse it. You won't be tested that way again. Not by me." And when I was finally still, he left me for a time, and then brought back to me a drink, lukewarm and almost tasteless but not water. He held the mug to my mouth and I drank it down without questions. Then I lay back so suddenly sleepy that I don't even remember Chade leaving my room.
I awoke near dawn and reported to Burrich after a hearty breakfast. I was quick at my chores and attentive to my charges and could not at all understand why he had awakened so headachy and grumpy. He muttered something once about "his father's head for spirits" and then dismissed me early, telling me to take my whistling elsewhere.
Three days later King Shrewd summoned me in the dawn. He was already dressed, and there was a tray and food for more than one person set out on it. As soon as I arrived, he sent away his man and told me to sit. I took a chair at the small table in his room, and without asking me if I were hungry, he served me food with his own hand and sat down across from me to eat himself. The gesture was not lost on me, but even so I could not bring myself to eat much. He spoke only of the food, and said nothing of bargains or loyalty or keeping one's word. When he saw I had finished eating, he pushed his own plate away. He shifted uncomfortably.
"It was my idea," he said suddenly, almost harshly. "Not his. He never approved of it. I insisted. When you're older, you'll understand. I can take no chances, not on anyone. But I promised him that you'd know this right from me. It was all my own idea, never his. And I will never ask him to try your mettle in such a way again. On that you have a king's word."
He made a motion that dismissed me. And I rose, but as I did so I took from his tray a little silver knife, all engraved, that he had been using to cut fruit with. I looked him in the eyes as I did so, and quite openly slipped it up my sleeve. King Shrewd's eyes widened, but he said not a word.
Two nights later, when Chade summoned me, our lessons resumed as if there had never been a pause. He talked, I listened, I played his stone game and never made an error. He gave me an assignment, and we made small jokes together. He showed me how Slink the weasel would dance for a sausage. All was well between us again. But before I left his chambers that night, I walked to his hearth. Without a word, I placed the knife on the center of his mantel shelf. Actually, I drove it, blade first, into the wood of the shelf. Then I left without speaking of it or meeting his eyes. In fact, we never spoke of it.
I believe that the knife is still there.
CHAPTER SIX
Chivalry's Shadow
THERE ARE TWO TRADITIONS about the custom of giving royal offspring names suggestive of virtues or abilities. The one that is most commonly held is that somehow these names are binding; that when such a name is attached to a child who will be trained in the Skill, somehow the Skill melds the name to the child, and the child cannot help but grow up to practice the virtue ascribed to him or her by name. This first tradition is most doggedly believed by those same ones most prone to doff their caps in the presence of minor nobility.
A more ancient tradition attributes such names to accident, at least initially. It is said that King Taker and King Ruler, the first two of the Outislanders to rule what would become the Six Duchies, had no such names at all. Rather that their names in their own foreign tongue were very similar to the sounds of such words in the Duchies' tongue, and thus came to be known by their homonyms rather than by their true names. But for the purposes of royalty, it is better to have the common folk believe that a boy given a noble name must grow to have a noble nature.
"Boy!"
I lifted my head. Of the half dozen or so other lads lounging about before the fire, no one else even flinched.
The girls took even less notice as I moved up to take my place at the opposite side of the low table where Master Fedwren knelt. He had mastered some trick of inflection that let all know when boy meant "boy" and when it meant "the bastard."
I tucked my knees under the low table and sat on my feet, then presented Fedwren with my sheet of pith paper. As he ran his eyes down my careful columns of letters, I let my attention wander.
Winter had harvested us and stored us here in the Great Hall. Outside, a sea storm lashed the walls of the keep while breakers pounded the cliffs with a force that occasionally sent a tremor through the stone floor beneath us. The heavy overcast had stolen even the few hours of watery daylight that winter had left us. It seemed to me that a darkness lay over us like a fog, both outside and within. The dimness penetrated my eyes, so that I felt sleepy without feeling tired. For a brief moment I let my senses expand and felt the winter sluggishness of the hounds where they dozed and twitched in the corners. Not even there could I find a thought or image to interest me.
Fires burned in all three of the big hearths, and different groups had gathered before each. At one, fletchers busied themselves with their work, lest tomorrow be a clear enough day to allow for a hunt. I longed to be there, for Sherf's mellow voice was rising and falling in the telling of some tale, broken frequently with appreciative laughter from her listeners. At the end hearth, children's voices piped along in the chorus of a song. I recognized it as the Shepherd's Song, a counting tune. A few watchful mothers tapped toes as they tatted at their lacemaking while Jerdon's withered old fingers on the harp strings kept the young voices almost in tune.
Here, at our hearth, children old enough to sit still and learn letters did so. Fedwren saw to that. His sharp blue eyes missed nothing. "Here," he said to me, pointing. "You've forgotten to cross their tails. Remember how I showed you? Justice, open your eyes and get back to your pen work. Doze off again and I'll let you bring us another log for the fire. Charity, you can help him if you smirk again. Other than that" — and his attention was suddenly back on my work again—"your lettering is much improved, not only on these Duchian characters, but on the Outislander runes as well. Though those can't really be properly brushed onto such poor paper. The surface is too porous, and takes the ink too well. Good pounded bark sheets are what you want for runes," and he ran a finger appreciatively over the sheet he was working on. "Continue to show this type of work, and before winter's out I'll let you make me a copy of Queen Bidewell's Remedies. What do you say to that?"
I tried to smile and be properly flattered. Copy work was not usually given to students; good paper was too rare, and one careless brushstroke could ruin a sheet. I knew the Remedies was a fairly simple set of herbal properties and prophecies, but any copying was an honor to aspire to. Fedwren gave me a fresh sheet of pith paper. As I rose to return to my place he lifted a hand to stop me. "Boy?"
I paused.
Fedwren looked uncomfortable. "I don't know who to ask this of, except you. Properly, I'd ask your parents, but…" Mercifully he let the sentence die. He scratched his beard meditatively wit
h his inkstained fingers. "Winter's soon over, and I'll be on my way again. Do you know what I do in summer, boy? I wander all the Six Duchies, getting herbs and berries and roots for my inks, and making provisions for the papers I need. It's a good life, walking free on the roads in summers and guesting at the keep here all winter. There's much to be said for scribing for a living." He looked at me meditatively. I looked back, wondering what he was getting at.
"I take an apprentice, every few years. Some of them work out, and go on to do scribing for the lesser keeps. Some don't. Some don't have the patience for the detail, or the memory for the inks. I think you would. What would you think about becoming a scribe?"
The question caught me completely off guard, and I stared at him mutely. It wasn't just the idea of becoming a scribe; it was the whole notion that Fedwren would want me to be his apprentice, to follow him about and learn the secrets of his trade. Several years had passed since I had begun my bargain with the old King. Other than the nights I spent in Chade's company or my stolen afternoons with Molly and Kerry, I had never thought of anyone finding me companionable, let alone good material for an apprentice. Fedwren's proposal left me speechless. He must have sensed my confusion, for he smiled his genial young-old smile.
"Well, think on it, boy. Scribing's a good trade, and what other prospects do you have? Between the two of us, I think that some time away from Buckkeep might do you good."
"Away from Buckkeep?" I repeated in wonder. It was like someone opening a curtain. I had never considered the idea. Suddenly the roads leading away from Buckkeep gleamed in my mind, and the weary maps I had been forced to study became places I could go. It transfixed me.
"Yes," Fedwren said softly. "Leave Buckkeep. As you grow older Chivalry's shadow will grow thinner. It will not always shelter you. Better you were your own man, with your own life and calling to content you before his protection is entirely gone. But you don't have to answer me now. Think about it. Discuss it with Burrich, perhaps."
And he handed me my pith paper and sent me back to my place. I thought about his words, but it was not Burrich I took them to. In the feeble hours of a new day, Chade and I were crouched, head to head, I picking up the red shards of a broken crock that Slink had overset while Chade salvaged the fine black seeds that had scattered in all directions. Slink clung to the top of a sagging tapestry and chirred apologetically, but I sensed his amusement.
"Come all the way from Kalibar, these seeds, you skinny little pelt!" Chade scolded him.
"Kalibar," I said, and dredged out, "a day's travel past our border with Sandsedge."
"That's right, my boy," Chade muttered approvingly. "Have you ever been there?"
"Me? Oh, no. I meant that they came from that far. I had to send to Fircrest for them. They've a large market there, one that draws trade from all Six Duchies and many of our neighbors as well."
"Oh. Fircrest. Have you ever been there?"
Chade considered. "A time or two, when I was a younger man. I remember the noise, mostly, and the heat. Inland places are like that, too dry, too hot. I was glad to return to Buckkeep."
"Was there any other place you ever went that you liked better than Buckkeep?"
Chade straightened slowly, his pale hand cupped full of fine black seed. "Why don't you just ask me your question instead of beating around the bush?"
So I told him of Fedwren's offer, and also of my sudden realization that maps were more than lines and colors. They were places and possibilities, and I could leave here and be someone else, be a scribe, or—
"No." Chade spoke softly but abruptly. "No matter where you went, you would still be Chivalry's bastard. Fedwren is more perspicacious than I believed him to be, but he still doesn't understand. Not the whole picture. He sees that here at court you must always be a bastard, must always be something of a pariah. What he doesn't realize is that here, partaking of King Shrewd's bounty, learning your lessons, under his eye, you are not a threat to him. Certainly, you are under Chivalry's shadow here. Certainly, it does protect you. But were you away from here, far from being unneedful of such protection, you would become a danger to King Shrewd, and a greater danger to his heirs after him. You would have no simple life of freedom as a wandering scribe. Rather you would be found in your inn bed with your throat cut some morning, or with an arrow through you on the high road."
A coldness shivered through me. "But why?" I asked softly.
Chade sighed. He dumped the seeds into a dish, dusted his hands lightly to shake loose those that clung to his fingers. "Because you're a royal bastard, and hostage to your own bloodlines. For now, as I say, you're no threat to Shrewd. You're too young, and besides, he has you right where he can watch you. But he's looking down the road. And you should be, too. These are restless times. The Outislanders are getting braver about their raids. The coast folk are beginning to grumble, saying we need more patrol ships, and some say warships of our own, to raid as we are raided. But the Inland Duchies want no part of paying for ships of any kind, but especially not warships that might precipitate us into a full-scale war. They complain the coast is all the King thinks of, with no care for their farming. And the mountain folk are becoming more chary about the use of their passes. The trade fees grow steeper every month. So the merchants mumble and complain to each other. To the south, in Sandsedge and beyond, there is drought, and times are hard. Everyone there curses, as if the King and Verity were to blame for that as well. Verity is a fine fellow to have a mug with, but he is neither the soldier nor the diplomat that Chivalry was. He would rather hunt winter buck, or listen to a minstrel by the fireside than travel winter roads in raw weather, just to stay in touch with the other Duchies. Sooner or later, if things do not improve, people will look about and say, 'Well, a bastard's not so large a thing to make a fuss over. Chivalry should have come to power; he'd soon put a stop to all this. He might have been a bit stiff about protocol, but at least he got things done, and didn't let foreigners trample all over us."
"So Chivalry might yet become King?" The question sent a queer thrill to me. Instantly I was imagining his triumphant return to Buckkeep, our eventual meeting, and… What then?
Chade seemed to be reading my face. "No, boy. Not likely at all. Even if the folk all wanted him to, I doubt that he'd go against what he set upon himself, or against the King's wishes. But it would cause mumblings and grumblings, and those could lead to riots and skirmishes, oh, and a generally bad climate for a bastard to be running around free in. You'd have to be settled one way or another. Either as a corpse, or as the King's tool."
"The King's tool. I see." An oppression settled over me. My brief glimpse of blue skies arching over yellow roads and me traveling down them astride Sooty suddenly vanished. I thought of the hounds in their kennels instead, or of the hawk, hooded and strapped, that rode on the King's wrist and was loosed only to do the King's will.
"It doesn't have to be that bad," Chade said quietly. "Most prisons are of our own making. A man makes his own freedom, too."
"I'm never going to get to go anywhere, am I?" Despite the newness of the idea, traveling suddenly seemed immensely important to me.
"I wouldn't say that." Chade was rummaging about for something to use as a stopper on the dish full of seeds. He finally contented himself with putting a saucer atop it. "You'll get to go many places. Quietly, and when the family interests require you to go there. But that's not all that different for any prince of the blood. Do you think Chivalry got to choose where he would go to work his diplomacy? Do you think Verity likes being sent off to view towns raided by Outislanders, to hear the complaints of folks who insist that if only they'd been better fortified or better manned, none of this would have happened? A true prince has very little freedom when it comes to where he will go or how he will spend his time. Chivalry has probably more of both now than he ever had before."
"Except that he can't come back to Buckkeep?" The flash of insight made me freeze, my hands full of shards.
"Exc
ept he can't come back to Buckkeep. It doesn't do to stir folks up with visits from a former king-in-waiting. Better he faded quietly away."
I tossed the shards into the hearth. "At least he gets to go somewhere," I muttered. "I can't even go to town…"
"And it's that important to you? To go down to a grubby, greasy little port like Buckkeep Town?"
"There are other people there…" I hesitated. Not even Chade knew of my town friends. I plunged ahead. "They call me Newboy. And they don't think 'the bastard' every time they look at me." I had never put it into words before, but suddenly the attraction of town was quite clear to me.
"Ah," said Chade, and his shoulders moved as if he sighed, but he was silent. And a moment later he was telling me how one could sicken a man just by feeding him rhubarb and spinach at the same sitting, sicken him even to death if the portions were sufficient, and never set a bit of poison on the table at all. I asked him how to keep others at the same table from also being sickened, and our discussion wandered from there. Only later did it seem to me that his words regarding Chivalry had been almost prophetic.
It was two days later when I was surprised to be told that Fedwren had requested my services for a day or so. I was surprised even more when he gave me a list of supplies he required from town, and enough silver to buy them, with two extra coppers for myself. I held my breath, expecting that Burrich or one of my other masters would forbid it, but instead I was told to hurry on my way. I went out of the gates with a basket on my arm and my brain giddy with sudden freedom. I counted up the months since I had last been able to slip away from Buckkeep and was shocked to find it had been a year or better. I immediately planned to renew my old familiarity with the town. No one had told me when I had to return, and I was confident I could snatch an hour or two to myself and no one the wiser.