by Gigi Birtie
I’m not sure how to respond to her blatant honesty. There is nothing I can say that will comfort her. I give her the space she’s running for.
“Where are you going Sloane?” I ask so I can at least not worry in knowing where she’ll be.
“Home.” Is all she says as she finishes tying up her boots.
“Do you want a ride?”
“No, my bike is in your garage. Thanks for tonight.”
I let out a huff of air frustration coursing through me. I swing my legs over the bed and I pull on a pair of sweatpants and jog to catch up to her.
Sloane is already outside in the garage with the door open and starting her bike.
I don’t say anything, I can only watch her put on her helmet and gloves. She hops on her bike and turns to me. Her bright blue eyes surrounded by red. I remain in my spot though. I can’t keep chasing her. She has to learn on her own how to get past this pain she holds. She turns back to the open garage door and I see her body shiver, but she kicks the bike into first gear anyway and rides out of my garage leaving me wondering if she’ll ever be okay. Or if she’ll never be able to get over the loss of her brother and end up doing something that can only hurt her later
Sloane didn’t contact me at all that night and I would be worried right now if she wasn’t sitting here in class wearing the same clothes as last night. She looks like a beautiful mess who is possibly starting to spin out of control. All I can do for her now is sit back as it happens and be there when I need to pick up the pieces. At least Sloane is still making it to class.
“Have you not heard of a thing called a shower Sloane?” Lottie never lets up on Sloane, but Sloane takes it all without a response.
“Fine ignore me, but...” Lottie leans in to Sloane to say something only she can hear and that’s when Sloane’s face softens and her eyes well with tears.
Sloane gathers her things quietly and exits the class.
“What did you say to her?” I grit out.
“All I said was would Reese like seeing her give up like this when she promised to live life for him.” Lottie looks at me innocently, but I grab my backpack and race off for Sloane this time.
Once I hit the hallway, she’s nowhere to be found. I run in the direction she usually goes after class but she’s nowhere to be seen.
Again.
Her disappearing is becoming a very good skill.
I turn around and head back to our class, but I see her sitting right outside the door in the opposite direction in which I ran. With her knees pulled up and her arms wrapped around her legs with her faced buried.
“You alright?” I ask cautiously as I approach closer.
“Yeah I’ll be fine...” She answers, but keeps her head tucked into her legs.
With that I leave her alone and go back into class. This leaving her to live her own life and wait till she’s better is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. My constant hope for Sloane to come back to her usual self is a tough wait to do.
Once again, I’m turning my back on my girl for her own good. I hope in the long run this doesn’t destroy our relationship or what we’re trying to start.
I glance back one last time and see her get up from where she was sitting and walk away with her head hung low.
Damn that Lottie for opening her big mouth. I walk back to my group in class and stare Lottie down.
“Hey, don’t be pissed at me, that girl needs help. If you haven’t noticed she’s lost way too much weight, she always looks tired- which I don’t think she’s sleeping and she’s close to a major break down.” Lottie tries to tell me, like I don’t already have a clue.
“Listen here it’s not your place to say anything. You’re not her friend and all you’re doing is making this worse.” I squint my eyes at her showing I mean business. “So leave her the fuck alone.” I ground out while holding my temper in check as I grind my teeth together.
Lottie holds her ground and sits straighter in her chair.
“Listen, this isn’t my place to get involved, but Reese was a good guy and he wouldn’t want to see his sister like this.” Rush says. “But you all can stop making Sloane feel like shit,” He looks to Lottie then me. “She’ll sort this out in her own time and for now you just have to relax and let her find her way. You all need to back the hell off the girl.” Rush stares at us both for a moment before looking back in his book to work on our group assignment.
Rush liked Sloane from the beginning, so I can see why he would say what he did. He’s right though.
No matter how hard it will be, no matter how much I struggle, I’ll have to just go on as if everything is fine. Let Sloane come to me. No more chasing, no more asking what’s wrong. I want her to know I care but I can’t do it the way I have been. Lottie and I exchange a knowing look that Rush is right and nodded to one another in a silent truce. For the rest of class we worked on our assignment without another word.
“Hey man did you remind Sloane that the dedication game is this weekend?” Riv asked as we were in the showers after today’s practice.
“Yeah she’s going with her dad.” I inform Riv. His face looks shocked. Riv knows her dad hasn’t been back home since the funeral.
“Shit.” Riv says under the streaming water from his shower head. “Is she aware about the video that the school made of Reese?”
Now it’s my turn to look shocked but for all different reasons.
“The school made a video?”
“Yeah it’s going to be played on the Jumbotron before the game.” Riv says.
“Don’t tell her. She won’t go if she knows.” I ask of Riv. “Make sure Mona doesn’t say anything either.” Riv looks at me sideways while he soaps up his pits.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea? If it were me, I would want Sloane to know, so she’s prepared. If she sees Reese again like that, it could destroy her and having her dad there to be the one to try to comfort her probably won’t happen.”
His statement makes me rethink not telling Sloane is the right thing to do. I stand there for a few minutes as I let the hot water wash over me.
This could be the thing she needs to let out all her remaining anguish, or this is what breaks her and helps her to continue to spiral out of control. Either way she needs to be there and if she knows there is a video that’s a guarantee no-show.
I turn off the water to my shower and turn to Riv who has a mess of shampoo in his hair as he tries to make a Mohawk.
I shake my head at his shower time rituals.
“Yeah don’t tell her, she needs to see it. I just hope it helps her and not hurts her.”
“Well you’ll find out in a couple of days what effect it has on her.” Riv adds with an expression of disapproval as he turns and continues his shampoo styling.
As I walk to my locker, I’m deep in thought if I’m doing the right thing and don’t notice Dane waiting for me.
“What’s up man?” I ask him as I spin my combination into the lock.
“Hey, I wanted to let you know that Taze has resurfaced.” He waits a moment as I let his words sink in.
“Yeah, what have you heard?” This isn’t good. I thought that asshole would be long gone at this point.
“Well, word on the street is he’s planning on finishing what he started. He’s coming after Sloane again.” I turn to Dane in disbelief.
“You’ve got to be kidding me?” Taze must have found out about Reese and has to realize this would be a perfect time to snatch Sloane when she’s deep in mourning the loss of her brother.
“I’ve got some of my father’s higher ups working on finding him, but it seems he’s being more cautious this time around.” Dane runs his hand over his wet hair and his look of concern only makes me feel more on edge.
“Shit,” I say as I stand there thinking of what I need to do. “I have to tell Sloane so she’s not caught off guard. Keep an eye out and if you’re around Sloane watch out for her- for me.” I ask him. He doesn’t owe me, but he still c
ares for Sloane and would be a standup guy helping her stay safe.
“Not a problem man. I’ll do what I can. Lux will have my balls if I let anything happen to Sloane.”
“You and Lux?” My mouth drops at Danes’ subtle hint.
“Yeah we’ve been hanging out since the funeral. It started out as just being friends, but it’s more than that now and this time I’m not going to fuck it up.” Dane turns and finishes getting dressed as a wide smile spreads across his face.
Yeah, he’s got it good for Lux. You can tell just by his smile. I couldn’t be happier that Dane is with Lux. They found each other when they needed someone the most and for that I’m pretty happy for them, but for now I need to deal with that piece of shit Taze once and for all. I can only hope I find him first before he strikes.
Chapter Twenty-Three
SLOANE
Things have been so tense lately. Every time I go out, I cry. Just when I thought I had my shit together, I come to realize I don’t. So, instead of going to a study group or to Ashers’ house, I’m at home laying on my couch watching a movie that doesn’t require much of an attention span.
My dad is supposed to be coming home tonight anyway and wants to talk when he gets here. It is something I’m dreading since this can’t be good.
I’ve turned off my phone not wanting to talk to anyone, but I do wonder what Asher is up to. We haven’t really spoke since that one day in class when Lottie laid it out there that I’m basically letting Reese down by the way I’ve been carrying on. I wasn’t upset by what she said, I was only upset that she was right. What she doesn’t realize, is that it’s easy to tell someone else what they’re doing wrong, but for me to try to correct the situation is harder than it looks.
Fuck. I try, but it’s like the saying that I take three steps forward only to take eighteen steps back. To be fair everyone wants you to act a certain way too. I can’t live up to anyone’s standards, only my own and live the best way that I see fit for myself, breakdowns included.
I notice the rumble of the garage door opening and a car pulling in. It sounds like his truck, so I don’t bother getting up to see who it is.
A few moments pass and my dad walks in with his suitcase in hand. He looks older with more gray hair. He’s gotten thinner as well and doesn’t seem to be the big towering man he once was.
“Hey kid.” Is how he greets me now. My name no longer exists in his vocabulary.
“Yeah, hey dad, have a nice trip?” I stay where I am and put my movie on pause.
“It was alright, same as they all are.” He says as he sets his bag down by the couch and takes a seat opposite of me. “Can you turn that off so we can talk?” He points to the tv and I do as he says, putting the remote on the coffee table.
“Alright what’s up?” I implore ready to get his dreaded news over and done with.
“Well I’ve been giving a lot of thought of what’s happened and also how I’ve never been home. This house has always been more for you and Reese than anyone else.” He pauses, so I nod so he can continue on.
“So, now that it’s just you I feel it’s not healthy for you to be here anymore. You can take anything you want and I’ll put you up in a nice apartment or we can buy a smaller home for you to live in, but I’m selling the house and I will be permanently relocating to the east coast.”
My mouth drops open, I think I may have unhinged my jaw. Talk about getting as far away from here as you can.
Thanks dad.
I hate knowing that I won’t be in this house anymore, but I wasn’t going to be living here forever. My head drops as a few tears slide down my cheeks. I wipe at them angrily, betrayed by tears yet again...
“I know this is hard and my timing isn’t perfect, but I was actually planning to do this before Reese was killed.” His emphasis on the word killed only proves to me that she still blames me for Resse’s death.
I swallow over the lump in my throat and nod as he continues.
“Where would you like to live? What city? House or an apartment?” I shake my head no. He just sprung this on me how am I supposed to have a clue.
“This will be your place, not mine. Everything will be put in your name and you will be responsible for the taxes once you graduate from college.” He adds letting me know I’ll have responsibilities once I’m done with school.
“Alright.” Is all I can say, my face holds no emotion.
“Are we still going to the game together tomorrow?” My dad inquires.
“Yeah, we’ll be sitting on the bench with the team.” I inform him.
“What time?”
“It’s a morning game, so we have to be there by 8 am and I have our passes to the field.”
“I’ll be ready, we can take my truck. Did you want to discuss anything before I head upstairs?” There are a million things to talk about, but I couldn’t think of one thing that I wanted to discuss right now, so I shook my head no and leaned up to grab the remote.
My dad gets up from the couch and picks up his bag but stares at me for a moment with sad eyes before he walks off without another word.
I sit here for a minute letting everything sink in before I get up and go to Reese’s room.
Opening his door, I walk over to his bed and lay down. Staring at his wall where his concert posters hang, along with some hot babes on bikes with their asses in the air. I sigh wishing Reese would tell me to get the fuck out of his room.
“Dads selling the house.” I say to no one but the room.
I flop back on Reese’s bed so the ladies on the wall could stop staring at me.
“What am I going to do when I can’t come in here anymore?” I say aloud to no one yet again.
What am I going to do? I’ll miss my solace of coming in here. Will I still feel close to Reese without his room to come to? Will my memories fade in a new house? I don’t know these answers, I do know that I will find out soon enough though.
The next morning, I wake up in time to shower and get ready for today’s game. I’m not looking forward to this or the dedication at all.
Dane was actually nice enough to tell me there will be a video of Reese right before the game started. I’m glad he told me, so I would be prepared. Why Asher didn’t mention it is still baffling, but we will be having a conversation about all this at a later time.
I just finished getting dressed, wearing some dark wash skinny jeans, ankle boots and a tight Cal T-shirt that has a golden bear on the front. I pair it with my typical blue and yellow flannel and a black denim jacket. My long ombré brown and blonde hair is styled for once in loose curls that wave down my back. My makeup is minimal just in case I do cry. I went with water proof mascara and eyeliner to be safe.
I finish my makeup off with a deep red lipstick for a pop of color just as a knock on my bedroom door comes.
“Come in.” I yell from my bathroom as I do one last survey of myself in the mirror.
“Hey kid, are you ready to go?” My dad just stares at me with no emotion gracing his features. I sigh, damn this is going to be a long day.
“Yep, all ready...” I grab my small cross body purse which houses my wallet, lipstick, and keys to what won’t be my house much longer.
We walk to the garage and I see a new truck sitting in our garage.
“Nice truck dad.” Is all I say because it is a nice truck and who wouldn’t want to cruise around in a new GMC. He doesn’t respond just nods and unlocks the door so we can get in. As we’re pulling out, I notice Reese’s restored Porsche is missing.
“Stop the truck!” I yell as I try to unbuckle myself, but my dad continues backing down our driveway.
“I sold his car last night.” My mouth drops in complete astonishment.
“I also sold his motorcycle this morning, someone will be by to pick it up tonight.” I want to scream. How could he do that? Why would he do that is the better question.
“Why would you do that?” I ask trying not to scream my question.
“Yo
u don’t need his vehicles and you don’t need the 442 either. I’ll be selling that as well, along with your motorcycle.”
“You can’t sell my car or my bike!” Now I’m screaming. I worked hard restoring that car, and I used all my photography money to buy and restore my motorcycle, he can’t.
“Yes, I can. They’re both registered under my name.” I can’t believe my ears. I’m in complete shock.
“How am I supposed to get around town?”
“You can have a sensible vehicle, like a Prius. That should keep you out of the side show circuit.”
There it was.
I was being punished in the only way he could, by taking away the things I loved that I shared with Reese. Take everything I ever had with Reese away to where I have nothing.
I hang my head, but I refuse to cry.
My dad turns on the radio to listen to one of his favorite podcasts. I decide to tune it all out and just get lost in the sight of the landscape breezing by.
If I want to keep anything else of Reese’s I’ll need to grab what I want tonight and stash it at Mona’s or Asher’s.
All I want of my brothers, I already have. Which I’m wearing right now tucked in my shirt. It’s a silver necklace that he always wore that I bought for him five years ago, when things were rough with our parents and life seemed impossible. A talisman that has a heart with wings which means to reach for the stars and in French it said Jamais Arriere which means Never Look Back. The saying is what I need to start living by myself, reach for the stars like I planned. The time has come to let my father do what he needs to do to move on and I won’t stop him.