by Megan Ryder
Matthew stared at him for a long moment then laughed. “I never thought of you as a snob. Brigid is as middle-class as you are. She’s worked hard to get where she is and she respects hard work. I’m just saying you should consider talking to her again, seeing it from her perspective.”
“I’ve been seeing it from her perspective all along. I think I’ve been pretty goddamn accommodating, Matt. Maybe too accommodating. I just can’t be second anymore. You forget, Dad and I were second-class citizens to Mom and her new life. We were completely ignored, forgotten, while she went on to a new life with her wealthy husband and you. I won’t be tossed aside, not a second time.”
A sound made him turn. A woman stood at the corner of the stone patio, her hand on her mouth, eyes wide and filled with tears. She was about five foot six, barely up to Grady’s shoulders, her salt and pepper hair neatly coiffed into a short, stylish cut. He’d spent enough time around Caroline and Brigid to know the dress cost more than his truck was worth, of course it was a piece of shit and more than a decade old. And her jewelry could probably fund his payroll for a month or more.
“Grady? It’s been so long. I had no idea you felt that way.”
He took a step back but Matthew neatly blocked his retreat, forcing him into the confrontation. “What did you expect? You left when I was eight and I’ve only seen you a handful of times. You’re not my mother. You’re a stranger.”
“I know. I made a mistake back then. Your father agreed to it.”
Grady suppressed the flare of anger that burned in him. “That’s convenient. Blame the man with Alzheimer’s. Well, I’ve been over eighteen for ten years and have had Matthew in my life since then. Where were you?”
An older man stepped up next to his mother and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close to him, offering her his support. “Janey, is everything okay?”
She patted him on the chest lightly. “Richard, you remember Grady, my younger son. Matthew’s brother.”
He sucked in a breath and nodded with a cool glance at Grady. “Of course. Jane has missed you.”
“Really?” Grady couldn’t help the tone of sarcasm in his voice.
“Relationships go two ways, Grady. Just talk to her,” Matthew nudged him towards the couple and walked a few steps away, leaving Grady alone with the woman whom he hadn’t seen in years.
He walked a few yards over to the patio and buried in his hands in his pockets. “So, how do we do this? Pretend the past didn’t happen and put on a happy face for Matthew and Caroline because, honestly, I think I’m all out of smiles right now. It’s been a pretty lousy week.”
She reached out to him, paused, and pulled her hand back, as if unsure of her welcome. “We could always talk and figure this out as we go. I don’t expect you to forgive me and fall into my arms as if the past never happened. Although you never called me either or came with Matthew when he offered to bring you to dinner. I didn’t want to push in where I wasn’t wanted.”
He could hear the pain in her voice and he winced at the truth in her statement. Matthew had often tried to bring them together but Grady had refused, stubborn pride and pain from past history erecting a wall between him and his mother. Loyalty to his father and guilt over the occasional accidental meetings also added to the barriers that kept them apart.
He sighed. “I really don’t think this is the time for this family drama. This is Matthew’s day, not a family reunion or whatever the fuck this is. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about this, about you, about reconnecting. And, right now, I just can’t deal with it.”
Her shoulders slumped and she nodded dejectedly. “I understand. I blindsided you with this but I really didn’t know when else we could talk.”
“We had eighteen years to reconnect, eighteen years since you left. Matthew knew where I was. You could have found me. It’s not like I was on some deserted island and you never knew where I was. You left me and never came back.” He stumbled backwards, holding up his hands. “This just isn’t the time. I won’t avoid you but I’m not going to have this discussion now. If you decide you want to talk to me after the wedding, you know how to get in touch with me.”
He turned and stumbled out of the garden, old anger and betrayal riding him hard. He had thought he had outgrown those feelings of abandonment and resentment but, clearly, they were alive and well, and he was not ready to let them go, no matter what he said to Matthew. He only was sorry that he couldn’t make Matthew happy.
A hand on his shoulder spun him around and he almost swung.
“Whoa, easy there, Grady. It’s just me.” Matthew stood there, holding up one hand to make sure Grady’s fist didn’t connect with his face.
Caroline would be real pissed if Matthew sported a shiner on his wedding day.
The anger flowed out of Grady as quick as it had ignited and he lower his arm. “Sorry, man. I didn’t know it was you.”
Matthew cautiously relaxed. “I’m not sure I want to know why your first relax was to throw a punch but I’m guessing the conversation didn’t go well.”
Grady closed his eyes for a moment. “Look, man. I know you want us all to be one big happy family but I just can’t do that. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I’m still too damn angry. You don’t know what dad was like when she left. He pulled inside, barely able to get through the day. Yes, he drank a lot but it was more than that. He was depressed and so fucking sad. I lost both my parents that day. Dad eventually pulled himself out of it but I never forgot.”
Matthew had tears in his eyes. “I had no idea, Grady. I knew it had been rough but I didn’t know it was that bad. If I had known…”
Grady gave a rough sound that resembled a laugh, without the mirth. “You could have done nothing. You were barely twelve years old yourself. What could you have done? No, we were pawns and innocent in the whole mess. I know she’s our mother but, honestly, she stopped being my mother the day she walked out of my life. She gave up that right. And no amount of apology will ever get that back. I won’t cause a scene or leave the room if she’s in it, but please, don’t make me try to pretend we’re one big happy family because we’re not. I can’t do it, not even for you.”
Matthew grabbed him and gave him a big, bear hug. “I’m so sorry that I forced the issue. With dad being so sick, I just wanted you to have a family so you wouldn’t be alone.”
Grady pulled back. “I’m not alone. I have you and Caroline. I’m fine.”
“What about Brigid?” Matthew asked the question softly, his gaze laser-focused on Grady.
“She’s made her choice,” Grady stated. “Now, let’s get you married.”
It was time to let go of the past. Time to move on to a future that he wanted. Whatever that was. If only Brigid was a part of his future. But that future was gone now and it was time he figured out what he wanted.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The girls stood in the small room just inside the hotel, sequestered from the rest of the wedding guests, as everyone gathered for the ceremony in the gardens overlooking the Gulf of Mexico. Delaney fiddled with the dress, making minute adjustments to the fit-to-flared wedding dress and the Chantilly and Alencon lace, more to pass the time and cover up nerves than out of necessity. Caroline was a glowing bride, the silver accents gleaming like moonlight shining off the water on a clear night. Brigid handed her a fluted glass of champagne and they all raised their glasses for a final toast.
“To the lovely bride who has been remarkably patient and tolerant of us this entire week. We love you and forgive you for your matchmaking ways.” Brigid saluted her. “Thank you for caring about us so much that you tried to help us during a time when it should have been all about you. I’m sorry I was so self-absorbed. I won’t lose sight of what’s important again.”
She tipped the glass back and drained the glass. Caroline stared at her, a gleam of tears in her eyes. “Damn it, Brigid. You’re supposed to be the calm, reserved one. Not making me cry right before I walk down the aisle. If
I ruin my makeup and delay the wedding, I’ll kill you.”
Anna waved her hand. “I’ve repaired a lot of makeup in my time. Cry all you want. This is your last day to do and get whatever you want.”
Caroline grabbed Brigid in a hug, careful not to wrinkle the dress. She whispered in Brigid’s ear, “Are you ready to see Grady?”
Brigid pulled back and nodded. “I’m all in. Go big, or go home.”
Caroline nodded, a broad smile growing on her face. “Then let’s get this show on the road.”
*
Anna emerged from the hotel and stepped down the path, carefully timing her steps to the music and pacing. Brigid took a deep breath and tried to remember the hasty instructions Anna had tried to impart. Wait twenty seconds before starting and count slow. Take one slow step and then another.
Slow was not in her vocabulary. She always raced wherever she was going, always having somewhere she needed to be – a class, a meeting, an appointment. Only now, after this weekend, her life was somewhat an open book, no appointments on her calendar book. No job. No boyfriend. No life. She had her notice to work out but meetings there would fizzle quickly until, by her last day, her presence would be a formality. No one would even remember she had worked there. Another lawyer would be waiting for her to leave to move in, if they weren’t already measuring for their own furniture.
The gap between her and Anna was growing shorter and she slowed her steps to not get too close. Another deep breath. That would help get her through the ceremony and what came after. Keep breathing. That’s the trick. Anna and Delaney had both advised. Deep, soothing breaths would help her remain calm and limit the freak out.
She made it halfway down the aisle and caught sight of Matthew and the three groomsmen, arranged to the left of him. Her eyes glossed over the others and settled on Grady and her feet stuttered to a stop, her brain short-circuiting at the sight. She had seen Grady in many outfits, mostly jeans and shorts, even an occasional suit, but Grady in a tuxedo was something for the eyes to truly enjoy. The groomsmen wore all black Hugo Boss tuxedos with black shirts and bow ties. The unrelieved black made his somber expression even more severe and, if it were possible, his face turned more stony when he caught sight of her. His jaw clenched and his eyes pierced right through her, glossing over her with barely a pause and over her head to the crowd, as if Brigid didn’t matter. The pain on his face was almost more than she could bear and her heart lurched in her chest. Could it be too late for them? Had she sacrificed everything only to lose him in the end, the only thing that truly mattered? Would he even listen to her?
Anna had reached the front and turned, shooting her a quizzical look. Delaney was almost upon her so Brigid sped it up and aligned herself at the front. Throughout the ceremony, she tried to catch Grady’s eye but he remained focused ahead or on the couple, a singular focus that had nothing to do with his interest in the moment, no matter how beautiful the handwritten vows were. No, he was avoiding her and she would have a devil of a time getting his attention.
As the ceremony drew to a close, Anna leaned over and whispered, “Grady is pissed. Play hard to get, at least for now. Don’t try anything until the reception. He won’t expect anything.”
Brigid stared at her. “But I have to say something now.”
Anna jerked her chin towards him. “Does he look like he’ll listen? Trust me. You don’t want to make a scene right now. Wait for the right moment. Your plan is perfect. Play it cool.”
Brigid eyed her doubtfully but Anna had always been the best with men, not that it had done her any good with Wyatt, judging by his cold attitude towards her. She stepped forward and accepted Grady’s stiff arm to walk down the aisle after the bride and groom, and Delaney and Ethan. Grady angled himself as far as he could from her and still be in the aisle with her.
“I don’t have the bubonic plague, you know.” She snarled under her breath.
“How was I to know? You left here so fast two days before the wedding, I thought you had to have had something critically important to do. Something life threatening,” he retorted.
She bared her teeth in what she hoped was a smile to the crowd as she was fairly dragged down the aisle, almost stepping on Delaney and Ethan. “Slow down. We’re not in a race. And it’s hard to run in four inch heels. But fair point. I’ve discussed it with Caroline, suitably groveled, and have been forgiven.”
“Bully for her.” He still wouldn’t look at her but he did slow down, if only to keep her from leaning on him any more than was necessary.
“Grady,” she began but they reached the hotel and the small reception area set aside for the bridal party as they waited for pictures.
He dropped her arm as if she had festering boils and headed for the wet bar across the room, ignoring her completely. She narrowed her eyes and glared at him, feeling a childish urge to stamp her foot and throw a temper tantrum, something she had never done, not even as a child. Her parents would have never tolerated it, but now the frustration clawed at her deep inside, begging for an outlet.
Anna grabbed Brigid and dragged her out a small door to the dressing room. Most of their stuff was in the room and Anna walked to the corner and pulled a sheet from something to reveal an inflatable clown doll standing up. Brigid stopped dead. “What the hell is that, Anna?”
Anna dragged it into the main part of the room. “I have some anger issues. It’s a safe way to punch something without hurting myself. Go ahead. Punch it.”
Brigid stared at her. “Seriously. I don’t understand.”
Anna huffed. “I knew today was going to be rough and I might need to let off some steam. I keep one in my dressing room. Watch.” She punched the clown and he fell over and came right back up. “See? He’s not hard like a regular punching bag and he comes back up for more. Sometimes, you just need to get rid of that rage burning inside.”
Brigid studied her, awe combined with a little fear. “So, this is you when you’re not angry? I’d hate to see you when you’re really pissed.”
“Hang around me and Wyatt today and you might see it. Now, show me what you got, Anderson.”
Brigid tentatively punched at the clown and he barely rocked back. Anna laughed. “Pathetic. Channel your inner bitch and let all that anger go. Remember being asked to work this week when you’re supposed to be on vacation? Remember having to go back and how pissed everyone was with you? Remember Grady’s face as he walked away without even looking at you just now?”
Her words were insidious, snaking deep inside the facade Brigid had built to keep herself calm and reserved, the model lawyer and even-tempered person. Without thinking, her fist flew out and knocked the clown on its ass. It hit the floor and bounced back up, rebounding almost all the way over into her and Anna. Both girls laughed and Brigid hit it again, then again, the movement freeing her from the tension that had built up over the months and years, until it seemed the clown spent more time on the ground than standing up.
Finally, the door flew open and Grady stood there glaring in the room. “What the hell is going on in here? Caroline sent me to find you two for pictures. What the fuck is that?”
Brigid exchanged a laughing glance with Anna. “Stress relief. I’m feeling much better now.”
She and Anna slid past Grady, giggling while he stared into the room, a bemused look on his face. Finally, shaking his head, he followed them out to the lawn for pictures.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Later, after the bridal couple had been announced, the dinner had been served, and the toasts delivered, the dancing began. Caroline and Matthew slow danced to “Thinking Out Loud” by Ed Sheeran, completely absorbed in each other. Grady gritted his teeth and barely touched Brigid for the bridal party portion of the dance, staring at a spot over her shoulder. When the song ended, he stalked away towards the bar, which had become his haven, along with Wyatt.
Brigid caught Caroline’s eye and made her way to the stage and took the microphone. She tapped the end a couple of t
imes to get the attention of the crowd and slowly everyone quieted, expecting another toast to the bridal couple. Her palms were sweaty and she twisted them nervously in her dress, not caring about stains or wrinkles. She was laying her whole life on the line in this one moment, in front of a crowd of people. This was the ultimate in public displays of affection when she would barely hold hands. Nothing like jumping in the deep end. Hopefully she wouldn’t drown.
She cleared her throat. “Excuse me. Thank you for coming today. I know we’ve had all of the toasts and announcements but I hope you’ll indulge me for one more. I’ve known Caroline and Matthew since freshman year of college. You all know how welcoming and warm she is and she pulled me right into her circle on day one when I would have buried myself in the library for the next four years, oblivious the world around me. Through her and Matthew, I met my wonderful best friends, who I reconnected with this week and am so grateful to have in my life. But the most important thing I learned from Caroline and Matthew is how to love and how to have a relationship.”
She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I thought my life was all about work and career and where I was going. I thought there was no way to have it all. But Caroline, being the good friend that she is, saw that there was something missing in my life, something I didn’t even see myself. So, she took it upon herself to teach me a lesson about love and life. And I failed. Miserably.”
She focused her eyes on Caroline, who leaned against Matthew at the bridal table, eyes shining with love. “You see, I was blinded by my own ambition and beliefs about what I wanted, who I was, and what I needed in life. I left my best friend two days before her wedding for a job.” An audible gasp went up from the room, the female half at least, many of whom understood the unforgivable sin for what it was.
“But that wasn’t the worst part.” Her eyes focused on the bar and Grady whom she could just make out leaning against the wood railing. “No, I betrayed someone even more important to me at the same time, relegating the best thing that ever happened to me to the sidelines because he didn’t fit into my plan, my vision for the future. You see, I fell in love, somewhere along the way in this journey. With the most wonderful, kind, and perfect man around. He’s proud, talented, sensitive, and amazingly patient with me. When he told me he wanted more with me, I ran in the opposite direction, scared to death. I told him that my career was my life and I had nothing left for him, yet he was still willing to give us a try. Until I walked away.”