by Janet Albert
"Will you have dinner with me tonight?"
"Thanks, but I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not? Do you have a girlfriend waiting for you back home? Or someone else?" Jamie reached out and touched Miranda's sun-baked forearm lightly with her fingertips, letting them hang back a moment before slowly tracing an imaginary line down to her hand. When she reached Miranda's hand where it rested on the arm of the lounge chair, she gently covered it with her own.
"It would be a girlfriend, if that's what you really want to know. I thought you would have figured that out by now." Miranda looked at their hands but did not pull hers away.
"I thought so but I wasn't absolutely sure."
"To answer the other part of your question, there's no one waiting for me."
"That's hard to believe."
"Is it? Why?"
"Because you're so attractive and interesting and because women like you always have a partner or a lover." Jamie leaned forward, her voice low and intimate. "Don't you want to be with someone?"
"Jamie, please. I don't want you to think I don't like you and I don't want you to think for one minute that I don't find you attractive, because I do. I'm made of flesh and blood and I'm not blind either, but we're working on a cruise ship and we won't be together that much longer. I'll be going home soon and you'll be staying on and even if we let something happen between us, nothing good could come of it, don't you see that?"
"In a way I do, but I'm not sure that's how it has to be. Why can't we enjoy each other while we can and see where it takes us? We can worry about the rest later. What have you got to lose?"
"Honestly? I can't afford to lose anything." Miranda spoke frankly, knowing that what she'd just said couldn't have been any closer to the truth. She had lost so much already and she didn't know what she had left to give to anyone or if she was willing to take that kind of risk again. In her eyes, getting involved with someone like Jamie seemed like an enormous risk.
"I don't want you to lose anything." Jamie said quietly. "I'd love it if you'd go to Venice with me while we're docked there. We could see the sights, do some shopping and have some more seafood."
"I can't. I promised Toni and Lynn that I'd go with them."
"I'm disappointed to hear that. There's a staff party this evening. Want to go with me? It might be fun to watch the others make fools of themselves. It would be strictly casual, no strings, I promise. All I want to do is buy you a drink and talk."
"Wow, that's a tempting offer, seeing that the drinks only cost a dollar." Miranda tried to make light of Jamie's invitation. She really couldn't afford to be seen at a staff party with the woman Lynn called one of the hottest topics on the ship. The rumor mill would spin itself right out of control.
"Okay, I'll buy you two drinks," Jamie offered. "Come on, please? I find you attractive and I like you a whole lot. I just want to spend time with you. If you don't want to go to the staff party, we could find something else to do. What do you say?"
"Look, I told you it's not a good idea. I've heard what they say about you and I don't want to be a part of any rumors or malicious gossip. You look like a heartache waiting to happen and I don't need any more heartaches in my life. What happens if I end up caring about you and you dump me and move on to the next woman who catches your eye?"
"Dump you? Move on to the next woman?" Jamie jumped to her feet, her face tight with tension, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. "A simple no would have been sufficient." She took a deep breath. "You know something, Doctor Ross? You talk to me like I'm some kind of superficial slut. Don't you think I'm capable of caring deeply about anyone? I don't know where you get your information, but it's wrong."
"I..." Miranda stammered. She quickly sat up on the edge of her lounge chair.
Jamie held her hand up. "I'm not finished. A lot of people don't take me seriously and a lot of people treat me like I have no feelings, but they're sadly mistaken. I just might feel a lot more than you give me credit for. Aside from that, do you know what bothers me the most? I admired you, I thought you were different, but I can see now that you're just like everyone else. My looks and this body of mine, they're not everything I am and they're not all I have to offer."
"I know that. I..."
Jamie held her hand up, again. "Don't bother. You've said more than enough already. It's time for me to leave. Someone might see you talking to me and we wouldn't want that now would we?" Jamie snatched her towel from the lounge chair.
"Jamie, I..."
"Honestly, you must think I'm stupid or something. Well, doctor, you're wrong again. This time I finally got the message, loud and clear. I'll leave you alone." Jamie started to walk away, but after she'd gone only a short distance, she spun around. "Just for the record, I am perfectly capable of being hurt." This time she kept on going.
Feeling shriveled and mean and as frigid as an arctic wind, Miranda groaned out loud and covered her head with her towel. And, obviously, I'm more than capable of hurting you.
Chapter Nine
THE NEXT AFTERNOON, the ship dropped anchor outside of Venice, where it would remain for two days between cruises. It would be the last port of call for the current passengers, who were scheduled to disembark the next morning. Many of them would stay on in Venice for an extra two or three days, some would travel to other places in Italy and others would simply fly home, their vacation having come to an end. Once they were gone and the ship was empty, most of the staff and crew would remain on board to prepare for the upcoming cruise while some, like Miranda and her staff, would be free to enjoy a rare day off before the next set of passengers began to board the ship the day after that.
Toni had been to Venice more than once, so she'd volunteered to take Lynn and Miranda to as many of the best tourist sites as one day would allow. And because they didn't have to report to the ship until later that evening, they decided to take advantage of a rare treat and stay ashore for dinner.
"From now on, we'll use the water buses," Toni announced, as soon as they stepped off the boat that had transported them from the ship to Piazza San Marco. "The gondolas are a tourist rip-off and the water taxis cost a fortune. The water buses are the cheapest way to get around and they go nice and slow, so we can enjoy the sights as we ride along the canals. If we each buy a twenty-four hour ticket, we can ride all day."
"Whatever you say," Miranda said. "You're the boss today."
"Why on earth did they build Venice here?" Lynn asked. "Seems like a bad idea to me. It's sinking into the sea, isn't it?"
"I can answer that." Toni opened her guide book to a page she'd flagged and read a passage aloud, explaining how Attila the Hun's rampage through the Italian mainland had pushed the Venetians toward the sea, forcing them to build their city on the islands and mud flats of the lagoon. At the end of the section, she raised her head and said, "I guess this was as far as they could go. And yes, Lynn, it is sinking, at an alarming rate."
"Sinking or not, it's absolutely glorious," Miranda said. "It's magical and I've never seen anything quite like it--the intricate architecture, the muted colors of the buildings, all the pinks, reds and shades of gold, and the way it looks like it's actually floating on the water. I'm so happy to be here. I've always wanted to come here." An image of Jamie jumped into her mind and she wondered whether Jamie had come ashore today. Perhaps she'd stood in this very spot. She pictured herself standing in the Piazza San Marco with Jamie by her side, talking to her and laughing with her like they had in Athens. The very next images to enter her mind were flashbacks of the awful things she'd said to Jamie at the pool and it made her heart hurt. She'd made the right decision, hadn't she? Convinced that she had, she shook off any further thoughts and images and tried to focus on what Toni and Lynn were talking about.
"It's one of the most fascinating cities on earth, that's for sure," Toni said. "So, let's get going. If it's okay with you guys, I thought we'd go to St. Mark's Basilica first. The inside is covered with four thousand
square yards of golden mosaics and there's a great museum upstairs."
"Wait a minute. I read something about that." Lynn wrestled a fat little guide book out of her pocket and opened it to a page she'd marked by turning down the corner. "It says here, and I quote, 'the golden mosaics inside the basilica are a testament to the Venetian links with Byzantium', whatever that means. I don't know squat about ancient history." Lynn checked something else in the book and then put it away. "I'd like to go to the top of the bell tower of St. Mark's."
"Then this is your lucky day because we're going to do just that," Toni said. "And, I can't explain that Byzantium thing either. There's a museum at the other end of the piazza dedicated to the history of the Venetian Republic. Maybe we can find some answers there." Both Toni and Lynn looked at Miranda.
Miranda soon figured out why. "Don't look at me. I studied medicine, not history."
"We thought you knew everything," Lynn teased.
"All right girls," Toni said. "We've only got one day and we have a lot to see."
"Before we go anywhere, could we sit outside and get a cappuccino?" Lynn asked. "I need a lot more caffeine if I'm going to look at art and I'd like to enjoy the view of the square for a while. I might have some kind of gooey Italian pastry too."
"I guess we have time," Toni said. "Okay with you, Miranda?"
"Sure, I love cappuccino," Miranda said.
HOURS LATER, AFTER a whirlwind day of sightseeing, a hostess led them to a table at one of the more popular restaurants near the Piazza San Marco.
"What a wonderful day. Thank you for showing us around," Lynn said to Toni, once they were seated. "I'll tell you, though, I've had it. I'm exhausted from all that walking and talking and sightseeing. I couldn't look at another thing, or read about it."
"I agree with Lynn, but I loved everything we did," Miranda said. "It's so much easier when someone knows where to go and what to do, especially when your time is limited." She picked up the menu and started to read. "You know what? That double dip gelato we had for lunch is long gone and I'm starving to death. Good, they have lots of seafood."
"It's hard to find anything other than seafood in Venice. A lot of restaurants serve nothing but," Toni informed them. "God, I still sound like a tour guide, don't I?"
"As of this very minute, we pronounce you officially off duty, don't we Miranda?" Lynn looked to Miranda for confirmation.
"You're fired, Toni." Miranda looked at both of them and smiled. "Nothing left for you to do but eat, drink and be merry for the rest of the day."
"Hey guys..." Lynn pointed her finger toward the door. "Look who's over there. It's Alicia from the fitness center. She's with a couple of other women. They just walked in." Lynn shoved her chair back and stood up. "I'm going to say hello. Don't order without me, okay? I'll be right back." She disappeared before either Toni or Miranda could react.
"Knowing Lynn, she'll invite them to join us," Toni said.
"I wish she wouldn't. I'm not in the mood for a crowd. Maybe they'll say...oops, no such luck, here they all come." Miranda tried to determine who was with Alicia, but they walked between the tables in a straight line, so only Lynn was visible until they reached the table and spread out. In a split second, Miranda's heart threatened to burst through her ribs when she saw Jamie standing directly in front of her. I had no idea she'd be here. I can't go anywhere without running into her, not even Venice.
Momentarily, their eyes met, long enough for the encounter to register with Jamie who promptly pulled her eyes away. The swift stab of pain that distorted her adorable features and the hurt that bruised her eyes told Miranda exactly how Jamie felt about running into her.
Lynn introduced everyone before they took a seat. Maureen, another fitness trainer, sat beside Lynn and before Miranda could do anything to prevent it, Alicia took the seat next to Maureen, leaving Jamie the only remaining seat, directly across from Miranda.
If it weren't for the presence of the others, Miranda might have said something to Jamie, anything that might have helped to relieve some of the tension. As it turned out, those unforgettable blue eyes never held hers again, not even for one second.
Thanks to the lively dinner conversation, no one seemed to notice that Miranda and Jamie never spoke directly to each other and no one mentioned that Jamie wasn't her usual talkative and friendly self. In fact, Jamie barely spoke a word throughout the entire dinner unless one of the others asked her something.
The second she'd consumed her last bite, Jamie stood up and addressed Alicia. "Can we go? I'm tired. I want to get back to the ship." She tossed a generous amount of money on the table and said to the others, "That should more than cover my share of the bill and there's plenty extra there for the tip. I'm sorry to run out on all of you, but I've had a bad headache all day and it's not getting any better." She looked at Alicia. "Are you coming?"
"I don't want to leave yet, Jamie." Alicia pleaded. "We're going to have another drink and I want to try one of their desserts."
Jamie's face softened. "I'm sorry. Stay if you want. I'll get back on my own."
Maureen stood up and put some money on the table. "I'll go back with you, Jamie. I'm tired and I've got some things I need to do."
"Okay, if you're both sure," Alicia said. "I'll go back with these guys."
"I'll wait for you outside." Jamie told Maureen an instant before she darted for the door without another word or so much as a backward glance.
"What the hell's going on?" Maureen whispered to Alicia.
Alicia shrugged her shoulders. "Beats me. Tell her I'll talk to her later."
"Okay, I'll see you guys tomorrow." Maureen hurried to catch up to Jamie.
"What's Jamie's problem?" Lynn asked Alicia.
"I don't know. She wasn't acting like that earlier and that's the first time today she said a word about having a headache," Alicia answered, shaking her head. "That's so not like her. She's always so friendly and pleasant." She turned to Miranda for corroboration. "You ought to know that, Miranda."
Miranda's face changed. "Yes, I do know how nice she is." When she's not sitting across from someone who treated her like shit. "Maybe she really doesn't feel well."
"Come to think of it, she has been acting funny the last couple of days, like something was bothering her, but when I asked her, she said nothing was wrong."
"She's one hot number, I'll tell you that," Lynn stated, apropos of nothing.
"She's hot all right. No question about it," Alicia said. "But, she hates being thought of that way. People hit on her a lot, but she turns them down most of the time. She told me she hates being treated like a sex object. The whole time I've known her, she's only gone out with one or two women and I'm not even sure she considered them a date."
"Boy, that's not what I heard," Lynn said. "I heard she was sleeping around and going out with lots of women. Word has it she drops them like hot potatoes, too."
"Well, who wouldn't want to go out with her?" Toni put in her two cents. "I'm not a lesbian, but she'd make me entertain the poss--"
"Excuse me." Alicia held her arm out and waved it around at Toni to silence her. "Wait just a minute, Lynn, Those things you heard about her are not true. I think I know what makes people say those things about her. What I don't know is why. Are they jealous or just plain mean? I don't care what you've heard, she's nothing like that."
"Okay, well, I'm sorry. I'm just telling you what I heard. I don't know her personally. You can't blame people for talking about her. She's very sexy."
"That's true, but she's also a very special person. I know her and I think the world of her. She just happens to be wrapped up in a beautiful package. Believe me, she's every bit as beautiful inside as she is outside."
Stewing in her own shame, Miranda listened as Alicia told them how much she liked and admired Jamie. I should have known better than to listen to malicious rumors. She knew in her heart that Alicia was telling the truth, because in her heart she knew Jamie's true nature, she had ever s
ince that day in Athens, but instead of believing what she saw with her own keen eyes and listening to the wisdom of her own heart, she'd listened to a pack of lies.
Recalling the awful things she'd said to Jamie made her feel sick inside. She searched within herself, trying to come up with a way to make it up to Jamie, to make things right between them, but she came up empty. It hardly mattered at this point because she knew she had no reason to believe she'd ever be given the chance.
Chapter Ten
THE NEXT AFTERNOON, Miranda draped her towel over the handle bar and stepped onto the treadmill. The magic of Venice had long since vanished into the horizon and she'd had very little time since then to dwell on the embarrassing encounter with Jamie. By coming to the gym, she knew she ran the risk of running into her, but she needed to exercise and if she happened to see Jamie, she'd just have to deal with it. The morning clinic session had been exceptionally busy and irritating and it had left her feeling like a bundle of jangled nerves.
Thirty minutes later, she stepped off the treadmill and walked to the weight machines to begin her strength training routine. In the middle of a set of reps on the chest press, she spotted Jamie standing near the free weights. With her heart wedged firmly in her throat, she met Jamie's eyes for a second, but before another second had passed Jamie hurried off in another direction, leaving Miranda unsure of whether Jamie had even seen her.
Another thirty minutes went by before Miranda finished her routine and prepared to leave. She still had plenty of time to return to her cabin, take a shower and relax for a while before getting back into her uniform for the rest of the day.
As she reached the door, something made her turn and when she did, she saw Jamie at the reception desk. This time, Jamie's eyes held on to hers, called out to her, waited to be acknowledged. Miranda looked away and gripped the door handle. She told herself to keep on walking, but she froze, unable to push the door open. When she turned again, she got a good look at Jamie's back. I can't leave. Not like this. At last, she surrendered and walked over to where Jamie stood.