Hugo made a deep choking sound that rumbled through his chest, vibrating into her bones.
“Diamond. No. Don’t. I—gods…. I need to go before I do something we both regret,” he murmured with a husky and raw voice. She felt it, the moment his magic withdrew. Her stomach lurched with resentment.
“I understand, Hugo. What was it Attion said? Hmm? Oh, that’s right. You can bed a whore but you can only belong to your Queen. How nice for you. But I am not a whore. No matter what your men think.” She pulled away, her eyes burning. “I just need some help to undo this dress. I’m not asking you to bed me,” she whispered, her face aflame. But she still held on to him, unwilling to let him go. “I’m not a whore, Hugo,” she repeated in a whisper. But that did not stop her wanting him.
“Diamond, I know that. But—you don’t understand—I-I can’t undress you,” Hugo whispered hoarsely, his throat bobbing as he swallowed and he curled his hands over her shoulders as if to push her away. But nothing happened. He just held her. Motionless, his eyes fixed on hers. She couldn’t breathe. Then she felt his magic slide over her in a warm caress.
“Please, Hugo,” she urged, not really knowing what she was asking for, help with her clothes or something far more dangerous.
His fingers tightened on her shoulders.
“Or I’ll have to ruin this lovely dress and sleep in it,” she added, before resting her cheek back against his chest, listening to the solid drum of his heartbeat. There was a long tense pause.
“Fine,” he muttered eventually. Big hands found the fastenings and laces at the back of her dress and she leaned forward compliantly, absorbing the feel of his body against her. Guilt fought with want. He was a guard—her enemy. Quickly she shoved those thoughts away and slid her arms around his waist as he deftly worked at undoing her dress.
Warm fingers grazed her skin, tickling her. A delightful shiver rippled through her whole body and she smiled, squeezing her arms around him. Instinctively she pushed herself closer.
“Diamond….” he groaned. ‘Stop…please.”
But his actions belied his words as he slid his warm hands into the small of her back and held her to him. Their hips met and her bones turned to water. It didn’t matter that he was her enemy or that he belonged to another woman, she wanted him. This was not the tentative attraction that she had felt for other boys, but the full blown desire of a female fae. Her body flared to life. He had just lit the furnace of her lust and she knew he would sense it. Heat pooled between her thighs, rippling through her core.
Heart pounding, she pulled back enough to see his face. Raw need burned through those stunning fae eyes, his nostrils flaring as he scented her reaction to his touch. Her eyes widened at the same time his did. She snarled, her finger nails digging deep into his clothes, trying to reach the skin beneath. But before she could yank him closer, he slid his thumbs over the curve of her waist and gripped her, pushing her firmly from him.
“No. I cannot take you, no matter how much I want to. I am not free to offer any more than my body.”
Diamond opened her mouth to speak.
“No,” he interrupted. “You deserve far more than I can give you. And things are complicated enough for us. Now go and get into bed,” he instructed firmly, pulling his hands away.
At that small movement her dress slid from her shoulders, whispering softly as it landed at her feet. For a moment Hugo seemed too stunned to move, then he swore viciously and swung her up in his arms. The leather of his jerkin was cool and tough against her exposed skin. Refusing to feel guilt for wanting this, for wanting him, Diamond clutched at him, groaning with disappointment and frustration when he laid her gently on the soft bed and pulled away. Before he could straighten up she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close, her cheek against his.
“I know we can’t be together, Hugo. I know you are my enemy, but I don’t care; I still want you.” She kissed his cheek softly. “Thank you—for being so honourable, but right now I wish you weren’t,” she whispered in his ear.
Swallowing, Hugo swiftly pulled away and threw the soft blankets over her.
“Diamond?” His eyes glittered in the light of the dying fire.
“Yes?” she muttered, sleep dragging at her, despite the fading heat of desire.
“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, tonight or any night, queen or no queen,” he said quietly before he strode away, clicking the door shut behind him.
Chapter 37
“I don’t know who your benefactor is, but they certainly are generous,” declared Kitty wistfully, eyeing the high quality, burgundy satin gown Diamond wore.
It had arrived yesterday with the pair of low-heeled black leather boots sitting on the floor near her bed. A frown furrowed Diamond’s brow. It wasn’t right to accept so much charity from a stranger, but she couldn’t return these gifts to a phantom. Uneasily she wondered what that unidentified person would want in return. Rose immediately waved off her concerns.
“I wouldn’t worry. You can’t give it back, and I’m sure whoever it is will make themselves known when they are ready. Until then,” she shrugged, “enjoy it. There’s precious little else to enjoy in this palace at the moment.”
All three girls knew Rose was right. The Queen was an ever present shadow in Diamond’s life, an unknown who could wipe them all out in a second if she chose to.
Kitty silently picked up the silver-plated hairbrush and brushed Diamond’s hair until it shone, then fixed it neatly over one shoulder.
Before long Diamond was looking at herself in amazement. The face looking back at her was still thin but her violet eyes held a soft light, a strange inner glow that made them huge in her pale face. Turning away, Diamond swallowed her fear. Hiding her magic was only going to be possible if she kept her eyes down and avoided looking others in the face.
It had been three days since the dinner, and Rose had decided Diamond needed some fresh air and exercise. Arguing had done no good; Rose, it seemed, had a stubborn streak to match Diamond’s. Diamond gratefully gave in and let Rose begin her plan of slowly building up Diamond’s physical strength.
Diamond returned to her room an hour later to find Tom waiting for her. Squealing, she threw her arms around his neck, refusing to let go when he complained he couldn’t breathe. Eventually she gave in.
“You look handsome,” she teased, taking in the tunic that was embroidered with a dragon. It was far too big for him but he still looked good. More man than boy, she decided.
He grinned. “Do you think so? The general said I need to earn my keep…so, I’ve joined Jack’s guard. I’m to start training tomorrow,” he said quickly.
Diamond’s face dropped. “But you can’t! You might get hurt—or killed!” She grasped his arm, her anxious fingers digging in his sleeve.
Tom frowned, his voice turning sharp. “I’m not a child, Diamond. Jack is younger than me and has been fighting a war for years. Gods, he is to be crowned a king soon. And look at Hugo. He’s only twenty, and already a commander. A Queen’s guard commander! It’s not all about age!” he barked and ran shaking hands through his hair. “Damn it, Diamond, I need to do something with my miserable life! Then maybe the next time my family—or—or friends are threatened, I will be able to fight back instead of being a useless piece of shit!” he yelled. He took a shaky breath, and she dropped her hand. Tom never raised his voice.
“I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I just don’t want you to get hurt,” she said despondently and put her arms around his thin body to give him a tight hug.
He kissed her hair and held her. “Well, I’m not going anywhere yet. I’ll be down in the barracks training before they’ll let me join the guard. Jack said he will keep an eye on my progress himself. Diamond? Why haven’t you left the palace yet? Is everything alright?” he asked, holding onto her shoulders and staring intently at her.
Diamond hated lying to him…but—dungeons. “Everything’s fine, Tom. Don’t worry about me.”
“Well, just in case, why don’t you ask if you can learn to fight too? You know, with that dagger Hugo gave you?” he suggested the twinkle back in his eye. “I’m sure Jack won’t mind teaching you a few tricks if you ask him,” he chuckled and winked at her.
She pulled a face and hit his arm.
“Hey! There’s no need for that!” he protested, laughing. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Yeah, you know I’m right.” He laughed as her face flushed.
“I don’t know that at all,” she denied haughtily.
He just prodded her in the ribs and grinned. “Well, if you don’t, you should. And if you don’t want Jack to teach you, how about Hugo?”
Diamond flashed him a filthy look but, rather than explain why that was a bad idea on so many different levels, she grinned. Time to get her own back. “Soo…tell me about Zane. Have you stopped playing hard to get and slept with him yet?” Then fell into peals of laughter at Tom’s cherry red cheeks.
Two weeks later Diamond cringed as Tom took another blow on his ribs. Despite a grunt and a stumble, he did not give up. Being so gangly made him look clumsy and awkward every time he moved, but it seemed Tom was getting the hang of fighting with a staff now. He ignored her whoop of encouragement. He had made the mistake of looking over at her on his first day, but not since. His bruises were only just fading.
Diamond knew she should leave; getting Tom into trouble again was the last thing she wanted.
Glancing over her shoulder at her friend, she walked away from the patch of open training ground. It was strange not seeing Tom as often now, but they were not children anymore, and their lives were taking very different paths.
Her loneliness, constantly tinged with fear, had become a familiar feeling. Jack had gone out to the valley so she hadn’t seen him since the dinner. Unsurprisingly, General Edo had gone with him. Diamond missed Jack far more than she should and, until today, had not dared venture out of her room alone. Kitty and Rose encouraged her to walk through the grounds with them every day, and they stayed to keep her company in her room when they could. But Diamond was still listless, waiting to see what her fate would entail. Without Rose and Kitty she would have gone completely mad.
Being watched every hour of every day and night by ruthless guards had worked Diamond into a regular state of panic. Daily anxiety attacks rendered her utterly useless. Controlling them with the help of her friends in the daytime was one thing, but once Rose and Kitty left, fear pushed against Diamond’s mind, her muscles tightening until it felt like her spine might snap. With orders not to lock her door, she often sat with her back against it, petrified the elite guards might see fit to attack her again. Thankfully, Attion had never been one of her guards.
Uttering a prayer, she thanked the goddess, and Hugo, for their favour. But sitting on the floor with her back against the door all night, every night had left Diamond tired and aching. It was out of necessity she began to re-learn how to control her panic attacks alone.
Imagining Hugo’s calming heat and magic wrapped around her body seemed the only way to retain her equanimity. The guards would not attack randomly she told herself time and again, until she began to believe it. It had taken five nights to persuade herself to move away from the door, and another two until she could lay on the bed and close her eyes.
Now, when Tu Lanah lit the dark night sky, her thoughts were much calmer. Every night Diamond delved deep inside her body, grasping the flickering ember of her magic whilst fixing Hugo’s face firmly in her mind. Her magic never felt like it would break free and take control, but fear of what Hugo would do if he sensed her connecting with it stopped her from coaxing its diminished existence into more. It comforted her to know that it was not smothered completely by the shield or the Queen’s spells, that it was still able to react to her touch and her thoughts.
Diamond had only seen Hugo four times since that night she had thrown herself at him; each time only at a distance, but she knew the guards reported to him about her comings and goings with Rose and Kitty. Occasionally his deep voice would resonate through her bedroom door; she would wait, hoping he would come in, only to curse him hatefully when he walked away.
Turning left, Diamond joined a gravel track. It meandered back towards the rear of the palace. Avoiding the front part of the palace grounds and the entrance to the Queen’s tower had seemed the wisest course of action since she had been venturing outside.
Her dark green tunic—another gift from her benefactor—flapped open. Sliding it off revealed a sheer silk blouse. She glanced around but, other than her silent guards, no one paid her any attention so she did not worry. The chill from the early morning air had evaporated and glorious sunshine warmed her skin.
Her body felt stronger again. Along with increasing her exercise, she had forced herself to eat properly. There was no room in her plan for physical weakness. Diamond walked briskly, her feet crunching on the gravel as her stomach grumbled loudly. She would eat breakfast before going to the library to research.
Her guards always stayed near the doors of the massive library, convinced she might try and escape. It made her life a lot easier, not having to explain her reading choices, so she didn’t care. Working towards her escape was the only thing keeping Diamond sane, and if the idiots wanted to believe she would actually try and run out of the front doors, then so be it.
A shadow fell across her path, blocking out the light from the sun. Instantly her steps faltered.
“Good morning, Hugo,” she said tightly, sounding anything but welcoming as he landed in front of her.
Metal disappeared in a shimmer of blue and silver as he tucked his wings in behind his back. “Good morning, Diamond,” he answered, equally guarded.
Diamond tried to stop her traitorous pulse racing as he ran his eyes over her, his gaze lingering on the soft contours of her breasts. She looked away and began walking again.
Hugo frowned. With one look—a silent command—the guards dropped back. He fell in step beside her before, without warning, spinning in front of her.
Unprepared for such an abrupt halt, Diamond banged into his massive body, momentarily stunned. Immediately irritated with him, she clicked her tongue against her front teeth. Her boots scuffed the gravel as she shuffled back—and gaped.
Garbed in his official dress uniform, Hugo stole her ability to speak. Blackened Silverbore armour gleamed against tough black leather. The outfit’s whole upper body seemed moulded around his defined muscles, accentuating his broad shoulders, large arms and trim waist. Emblazoned across his chest was the fierce jade green sea serpent of the Queen’s sigil.
Diamond wrinkled her nose in disgust at the sign of his servitude to the immortal Queen.
Hugo, in turn, cocked his head slightly to one side, studying her before taking one hesitant step forward. Diamond’s feet did not obey her command to step away; instead she inhaled deeply, cursing the fae blood and instincts that made her do so. His musky scent rushed her senses, making her head swim. Angrily she stamped on her racing heart, trying her best to calm her unsteady breathing.
A curse slipped out under her breath as her legs actually wobbled. Ridiculous! She couldn’t let herself be so affected by him. She still felt that familiar tug in her chest. How absurd to miss that magical touch so much. At his nearness, her magic flickered from an ember into a flame that licked along her bones. Diamond slowly raised her eyes to his face, her magic surging towards him.
He seemed taller than ever and twice as…well, everything: intimidating, handsome, imposing. She gritted her teeth. He was muddling her mind, that was all. She quickly pulled back her magic lest he feel it. Hugo’s eyes widened, his fists clenching as his nostrils flared.
Too late. Damn! Diamond struggled to curb her thoughts and her magic. But no matter how hard she tried she could not command it to withdraw. Wild and heady, it danced with his, sending shivers through her whole body.
Avoiding that beautiful sapphire gaze, Diamond coughed and shudd
ered, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. Taking a deep breath she opened her eyes and resolutely distracted herself by studying his weapons, her own fists mirroring his.
They were both fighting whatever was going on between them. Forcing herself to step back Diamond took in the daggers sheathed on his waist and the knife hilts glinting in his vambraces. As always, his crossed swords sat snugly on his back. A few deep breaths and she again had control of her voice…if not her feelings.
“So? To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?” she asked coolly, hurt that he had ignored her for over two weeks.
“The Queen has ordered your attendance at court this afternoon,” he answered bluntly.
“What? Why?” she sputtered, her stomach lurching sickeningly. She folded her arms across her chest in an unconsciously protective gesture. Breathe, she told herself.
Hugo’s eyes flickered at her stance, his body stiffening minutely. Diamond dropped her arms, her hands slapping loudly against her thighs. Sunlight glinted off his weapons as he stared intently. Hating herself for her weakness and hating him for her predicament, she wrapped a finger in her hair and began twisting it as her eyes darted about the gardens, looking anywhere but at the fae warrior who was both her friend and her enemy.
“I don’t know. But my orders are to make sure you are there,” he answered stiffly.
“Please, Hugo. I can’t. Those guards—they’ll hurt me again…you will…you’ll….” She could not do this, she could not go with him—she gulped air. Her breathing was wrong—this was all wrong. They were going to kill her or hurt her. She wobbled sideways. Her mind wasn’t prepared…she wasn’t prepared…oh gods…she couldn’t do it.
The Goddess and The Guardians Boxset: The Complete Romantic Fantasy Quartet Page 23